is it drugs?

[christina83]

Hi

Please can anyone who knows about,has been through, is going through, or has loved or been in a relationship with someone with an addiction reply to this as i dont know where to turn and i need to hear from people who KNOW what they are talking about because they have been through it.

 

Basically...today after many repeated warnings that i will leave i have said to my boyfriend (i live with him and moved accross the world to be with this guy so i really was on a path to a future together) that i am packing my stuff and flying home to my own country if he does not start by admitting the truth. the issue basically revolves around 'are you using drugs?' and his answer is'i already told u n. im not gonna be nagged and questioned'. he has offered to take a drug test when i tried to talk to him last wednesday but he hadnt been out since the sunday..in fact he had been basically coming home from work tuesday and wednesday sleeping sleeping sleeping. so last night after another dissappearing act til all hours sat night i said ok take the drug test now, as i know within 24 hours is time to do it. he said no and i asked why because it will clear it up for me and u can prove that im wrong and we can move on but he again said he wudnt go forward in life with someone questioning him so basically iv said im leaving. now of course today starts the im sorrys and il see a therapist..he tried one session and made every excuse not to return the last time. iv said unless u admit the truth ur gonna lose me for good and i promise i wont b back cos im going to fly home so i can get a clean break and not be tempted. my problem is he just will not admit it. so my gut suspects because of some things..i will detail them further down..but when someone wants u to stay but swears he is not doing drugs..should i believe him? theres that doubt in my mind that wants t believe him.

 

after i moved here and some out of the blue aggressive outbursts when we would b out for the night i raised some concerns with his family who im close with. i suspected a drink problem but they didnt really say much. well as time went on..basically we were renovating the house and i was moving stuff out of a room and packing stuff up when a folder from a rehab facility fell out and there it was..he had been in rehab seven yrs ago for alcohol and cocaine. i asked his sister she cried and said she didnt know he was in there but over the past few months it turns out he had a major coke problem and they all knew. he refuses to admit he had a problem..even with the folder in my hand he said o no i wasnt in there but eventually now says he went in cos he was partyin and depressed buthe only had to write that he used coke so his insurance would cover it or some other rubbish excuse.

his family sweep it under the carpet..i asked his dad t talk to him but he convinces everyone that im imagining it. i feel so alone. i want someone who knows to tell me am i imagining this??? also iv read on here the signs of coke use and they dont really apply so im stuck!!!

 

-he will go out and stay out or else we will go out together and have a great night. he will be drunk but when we get home he will get in his car drunk and go somewhere. he might be gone an hour or two or til next morning. then its sleep sleep sleep for days and he will prob miss a day of work.

-i dont see him hyper at that point like i see detailed here about coke. hes just abusive verbally, aggressive and mean.his eyes will look wierd and pupils dilated.

-he will erase phone calls and texts and by the way if u have tried to call or text the phone will not answer or will be off during those hours.

-he earns great wages but he basically has no money right now. he says o its cos ur living here and will come up with every excuse but im basically putting food on the table. and he has no money so i dont know he can afford to buy drugs if he is using.

-he has suffered major health issues with his digestive system and i know u guys say about losing weight but he has put on huge weight as the lying around for days means bingeing on food.he just says everyday that he feels unwell or sick with a different excuse and so he cant get up or exercise. he is now seriously overweight.

-secrecy and lies

-aggression and manipulation and blaming. turning things around on me as if its in my head or if i was cooler or whatever id let things go. i have tried all those things-saying nothing and ignoring it etc buts its the elephant in the room that is ruining the relationship.

what do u think? if its not coke what is it?

[2sunny]

Yes, it seems like enough evidence that shows he has an addiction.

 

You can't fix it for him. I'd move and cut contact with him.

[shapp]

Hi Christina, I am shapp, I come to you with much pain, and a heavy heart. I hate to say it, but i believe its cocaine. I have been wth my boyfriend for about 3 years. I have also post a couple other threads. I suspected my boyfriend doing cocaine months ago, but it was only recent i found this to be true. He stay out all nite. He blows his nose constantly I mean all the time. he uses so much tissue. there were times when the tissue has blood on it. He came home one night about 2 oclock in the morning so high, he went in the bathroom and done it. I went in after him and white powder all on the floor. another time i found an almost empty plactic bag a little coke left. I asked him about he said he sell it. He has been lying so much. It hurts so bad, the man you fell in love with is a man you do not even recognize. he so distant, quiet. without coke seem like he is numb. i dont here a word from him. but when he high he dont stop talking, he cannot stay still. when he do lay down his body just twitches. He have nightmares, he has even had chest pains and mucsle spasms. But he is still lying over and over again. I know this relationship is over, i am just looking for someone who understands the hurt and pain this drugs causes the person involved with the addict. The most difficult thing i have ever had to face. sometimes i cant even catch my breath. I know its nothing I can do for him, but let him go. I just want to feel whole again and find peace. I never knew about the drug. and one other thing before i met him, he used cocaine prior, but was on probation, and I guess that kept him under control. but now he is off, and its bad. I gave him a chance, i believed in the the person he showed me. I wouldnt do it over again. If you have left, stay gone. Its bigger than us. Its nothing me or you can do. But see about ourself, if we not will lose ourself. Good Luck. I am looking for help. anybody.