Rubi Posted November 27, 2011 Posted November 27, 2011 Hey guys, first post here and honestly, this is the first time I've had to do anything of the sort. I just need some opinions as this girl has me going nuts. Historically, I've been successful with women and have always known how to play it cool.....until this girl. I've never been interested in marriage or long-term relationships and I find myself throwing all of my old 'rules' out the window when I think about this girl. I apologize in advance for this book.... Story: My cousin, who I'm great friends with, was coming to town for Thanksgiving and texted me saying how she wanted to introduce me to her best friend. Later on, she jokingly said something like, "want her number so you can text her?" I declined because I didn't want to be weird and next thing you know, her friend texted me. So, we talked about random stuff for a few days up until meeting Wednesday night....she was flirty and I was excited. Upon meeting her, I was floored. This girl was absolutely stunning and physically, was exactly my type--5'9", 120#, brunette, wonderful eyes--everything. We went out to a few bars (college town) and had some drinks--it was my cousin, her friend, friend's brother, and myself. Great conversation, good drinks and good music. Her brother and I got along well, also which was a plus. Throughout the night, I got to know her better--great degree, good job, very similar interests. Anyway, we all went back to her house to hang out and eventually pass out. My cousin and her brother fell asleep and we were cuddled up on a couch watching a movie....she was doing everything that said, "she's interested." Holding my hand, we kissed a little....all in all, a very good night with a girl I'm genuinely interested in. The next morning the cousin and I had to leave and we kissed goodbye and ever since then (Thanksgiving morning) I haven't been able to get her out of my head. We texted back and forth a bit and since then, she just hasn't been as flirty and has barely responded back. I asked her if she wanted to go to dinner sometime next week and she said of course. I didn't text her at all yesterday until last night, when I said I hoped she had had a good day and good night. She replied back saying that she's sorry but she may be distant for a while due to some legal things going on with her divorce (college thing that she's very open about). I'm completely understanding of that and have no problem waiting, but I just feel like she's not as interested as it seemed she was. I proceeded to ask her if she still wanted to have dinner and she said that she's really sorry but she can't right now. I ended the conversation by just telling her how I felt and that if she felt the same way, to take a chance.....don't know if that was a mistake or not but it's done. I just wanted to make it very clear that I am interested in her no matter what. I haven't heard back from her and I just don't know what that means.....and I'm lost as to what I should do, if anything. Needless to say, I was and still am absolutely bummed as I feel she just doesn't feel the same, despite the signals. I've never had this problem, nor have I ever felt this way about a girl, especially one who I just met. It's an odd feeling and I feel like I just made a mistake by letting my guard down instantly. Waking up with her felt great and now it's the opposite--painful. Considering I'm usually very guarded and stable, I'm an emotional train wreck. How should I go about this? I'm set on this girl and it can't just be a coincidence that it's the first time I've ever felt this way. Thanks for any advice you can give me.
Author Rubi Posted November 28, 2011 Author Posted November 28, 2011 Nothing? Was hoping to at least have an opinion or two by now.
ScienceGal Posted November 28, 2011 Posted November 28, 2011 Hi, Rubi. So sorry you're experiencing this. In my opinion, and solely based upon what you've written, it doesn't seem that she is ready to date due to her divorce. She made it clear that it is for "legal" reasons, but I am sure there is a level of emotion involved as well. Divorce isn't easy, and it might be that she has no time, or emotions, to invest in you or anyone else right now. Don't take it personally. The fact that she warmed up to you by cuddling and kissing doesn't change anything. I am sure she was into it at the time and was enjoying it, but that doesn't change her situation. If you're as head over heels about her as you say, then back off. Send her one last final message if you want, but be supportive of her situation and wish her the best. Other than that, you can't really do anything. What you do NOT want to do is be her rebound or her doormat. Don't let yourself be used. So, if she does go out with you, just be aware and make sure her intentions are pure. I would move on and date other people. Or, at least keep yourself busy doing things that interest you. Good luck.
Author Rubi Posted November 28, 2011 Author Posted November 28, 2011 Thank you, Science.....thank you very much. That really solidifies what I was already thinking. As hard as it is to just set her on the backburner (because I just want to see her again), that's what it looks like I have to do. While I might be pretty young (25), my social life isn't awesome like it was a couple years ago--the job takes up a lot of time, I have a puppy, and I just don't have the motivation to go out and spend a big chunk of my hard earned money on overpriced drinks and covers. Hell, I wasn't even really 'looking', as I'm pretty fresh out of a long-term relationship. It just happened and hit me like a ton of bricks. I'm going to just let her go and move on. Who knows, maybe she'll change her mind in a few weeks or something. Any other replies are appreciated.
whichwayisup Posted November 28, 2011 Posted November 28, 2011 Story: My cousin, who I'm great friends with, was coming to town for Thanksgiving and texted me saying how she wanted to introduce me to her best friend. Then ask your cousin's opinion on this too. She knows her well, right? Anyway, this girl is getting a divorce and isn't ready to get involved with you or anybody else, she more or less said that (her being distant and all) due to stresses and being occupied with her finalizing the D. The timing is wrong.
Author Rubi Posted November 28, 2011 Author Posted November 28, 2011 Thanks, I've talked to the cousin about it a lot. For an extremely smart person (and being her best friend), she's not a ton of help but is obviously gonna try to help me out in a subtle way when she talks to her next. FYI, she's divorced and that's over with. As for the other legal issues, I don't know what's going on there. I snapped out of it a bit this morning. I think I was just so attracted to her that I got swept off my feet and hit my head a bit too hard on the way down. I came on too strong afterwards and it put me in this situation. I think I need to apologize to her and make it known that that just wasn't me (it's really not, never been hit like that). What's everyone's opinion on an apology? Soon or should I let the dust settle? Here's where I'm at--I screwed up and if I would've handled it a bit cooler, I think I'd still be good to go. I just hope she can forgive and forget or just let me start over. It didn't even feel like I was coming on too strong until it had already happened, which really sucks--I just took what I thought were legit signals and went with them. I still have confidence that I can eventually date this girl, which is the goal. Hopefully I can rebound and recover from this crash.
Ariadne Posted November 29, 2011 Posted November 29, 2011 We went out to a few bars (college town) and had some drinks...Great conversation, good drinks and good music...My cousin and her brother fell asleep and we were cuddled up on a couch...Holding my hand, we kissed a little Thanks for any advice you can give me. Seems like some of the indication of liking you may have been fueled by the relaxed atmosphere and the drinks. Then the next morning when she thought about it a little more lucid decided...maybe not. She also must have sensed that you had fallen for her big time and probably didn't want to go there. I guess you could try and get to talk to her more casually, show her your puppy, visit your cousin or something like that, not a dinner date. The apology doesn't sound bad if you want. At least you are being respectful and backing off. Good luck though, at least these are exciting times. Hope she comes around.
Author Rubi Posted November 29, 2011 Author Posted November 29, 2011 Well, I thought about that but it didn't add up. We laid in her bed for a few hours--we talked about all kinds of stuff and she was gladly cuddling up on me. No lack of conversation and no lack of interest from her, that's for sure. We hugged and she made the move for the kiss when I went to leave, as well. If I sensed any lack of interest at any time when I was with her, I probably wouldn't be having this issue. Oh well, I'll figure it out. She seems like an absolutely fantastic girl and I know my cousin doesn't hang out with anything but. If it's repairable, I'll figure it out. Otherwise, I'll move on.
Ariadne Posted November 29, 2011 Posted November 29, 2011 We laid in her bed for a few hours--we talked about all kinds of stuff and she was gladly cuddling up on me. No lack of conversation That sounds pretty good.. See what happens then.
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