sugarmomma Posted November 27, 2011 Posted November 27, 2011 Been dating this guy for a few weeks and I asked him about the last relationship. It lasted 2.5 years and they lived together for a part of that. I asked if he was unfaithful in the r and he admitted toward the end that he had been with someone else. I explained that cheating was a dealbreaker for me and he agreed but I'm seriously considering not moving forward with someone who problem solves by cheating. What if we have a conflict in our r? Just makes me wonder if cheating is how he escapes or runs from real problems that naturally occur in real relationships.
Casablanca Posted November 27, 2011 Posted November 27, 2011 Been dating this guy for a few weeks and I asked him about the last relationship. It lasted 2.5 years and they lived together for a part of that. I asked if he was unfaithful in the r and he admitted toward the end that he had been with someone else. I explained that cheating was a dealbreaker for me and he agreed but I'm seriously considering not moving forward with someone who problem solves by cheating. What if we have a conflict in our r? Just makes me wonder if cheating is how he escapes or runs from real problems that naturally occur in real relationships. Did you get any other details about it? Was it them "taking a break" and him hooking up, was it physical or emotional cheating (not that either is good), was it a one time thing or a multitime thing, etc?
in_absentia Posted November 27, 2011 Posted November 27, 2011 I would never exclusively date somebody who had cheated on a partner in the past, absolute number one dealbreaker. It's not that I think 'once a cheater always a cheater', but the fact they did it in the first place and were able to disrespect their partner in such a massive way for their own gain. I try not to judge and to stay open minded regarding other people's behaviours but cheating is one thing that really gets me. (never been cheated on, nor cheated on anybody else).
Author sugarmomma Posted November 27, 2011 Author Posted November 27, 2011 I am the kind of person that despises cheating so I definitely have to take his past into consideration. I think it takes a certain kind of character to handle problems in a r by cheating as opposed to just leaving. He also seemed to be the kind of person that waited until he was completely emotionally detached from her until the day he left. That also says a lot about him. I'm not going to stay in a relationship where my heart is not in it. I don't have a fear of being alone so I don't understand this behavior.
Author sugarmomma Posted November 27, 2011 Author Posted November 27, 2011 Did you get any other details about it? Was it them "taking a break" and him hooking up, was it physical or emotional cheating (not that either is good), was it a one time thing or a multitime thing, etc? I don't understand what difference these question could make.They were living together.
Casablanca Posted November 27, 2011 Posted November 27, 2011 (edited) I don't understand what difference these question could make.They were living together. It never hurts to have context, I think it does say a lot that he admitted it, he could have lied and said things just didnt work out. Cheating is never good, but I would find it easier to over look a one time thing than a long term thing (not saying I could over look it, but even though both are bad, I find one worse than the other) Edited November 27, 2011 by Casablanca
Author sugarmomma Posted November 27, 2011 Author Posted November 27, 2011 This man is 45 years old which means that there is a possibility that resorting to cheating is how he deals with problems when they arise. I mean he's not a 20 year old that doesn't have a lot of experience under his belt. I can't do cheaters since I thinks its a cowardly way out of a situation that may be otherwise painful. Thanks for responding.
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