Mark1 Posted November 26, 2011 Posted November 26, 2011 I have a thread on the Sexuality forum about a bad experience with receiving oral sex. Well, part of the reason I stopped seeing her is because she was becoming very emotionally attached. -Met in Sept -I told her from Day 1 I didn't want a relationship; just friendship (she AGREED) -Hooked up -She developed feelings -Texts me crying "I miss you" "You tear me up inside" "My heart hurts" blah blah blah -Has sex with some dude a week later -Comes to me crying she may be preggers (she wasn't) -Now she texts me all the time (its died down recently) but its crap like: "How are you?" - her "Im well, busy with school, you?" - me "Im doing horrible" "get out of my life" "im a terrible person" "do u hate me?" "am i pretty?" "am i ever going to see you again?" etc etc- her Uhh okay? Wtf am I supposed to say to that? It'd be easier if she were a bitch, but she's a nice person and has good intentions. I'm afraid if I don't keep in contact with her, she will off herself. I told her she needed to see a psychiatrist, she took a lot of offense. I have no idea what to do. I want her out of my life, but care for her well being at the same time.
patience82 Posted November 26, 2011 Posted November 26, 2011 well if you dont want to see her anymore, i guess the best thing to do .. is tell the truth.. you cant blame someone if they fall for someone.. As a woman i would appreciate to know why .. and no matter how much it hurts if i ask you a question like that i would appreciate to know the truth.. Or dont reply.. it will crash her but she'll get over it..
fortyninethousand322 Posted November 26, 2011 Posted November 26, 2011 "How to get rid of a clinger?" Beats me, my question is: "how do you get a clinger in the first place"? I've never had one and I'm actually intrigued by the idea.
oaks Posted November 26, 2011 Posted November 26, 2011 -I told her from Day 1 I didn't want a relationship; just friendship (she AGREED) -Hooked up -She developed feelings Focus on these bits. Remind her that you only wanted friendship but that then other things happened and she developed feelings... and now you think it's best if you part ways because don't want a relationship. Don't tell her that she's bad at giving head. Leave that for someone who wants to teach her how to do it right.
Author Mark1 Posted November 26, 2011 Author Posted November 26, 2011 Focus on these bits. Remind her that you only wanted friendship but that then other things happened and she developed feelings... and now you think it's best if you part ways because don't want a relationship. Don't tell her that she's bad at giving head. Leave that for someone who wants to teach her how to do it right. I tried teaching her, she would have none of it. I have also tried ignoring her. Received 2 texts in 3 days saying "I miss you!! So glad you're in my life!!" I haven't initiated contact for about 6 weeks, maybe more. Really? We do nothing that normal friends do, does she realize this? She never asks to go out for dinner, or lunch or anything like that. So, I've tried cutting off contact, I think I actually need to let her know, just don't know how.
ptp Posted November 26, 2011 Posted November 26, 2011 (edited) Just tell her that it isn't working out and you don't want to see her any more. Easy, doesn't hurt her feelings and gives her a clear message. If she asks why, just tell her "I don't feel the spark" or some other BS. Edited November 26, 2011 by ptp
Author Mark1 Posted November 26, 2011 Author Posted November 26, 2011 Just tell her that it isn't working out and you don't want to see her any more. Easy, doesn't hurt her feelings and gives her a clear message. If she asks why, just tell her "I don't feel the spark" or some other BS. It is "cowardly" do not do this in person?
Art_Critic Posted November 26, 2011 Posted November 26, 2011 So, I've tried cutting off contact, I think I actually need to let her know, just don't know how. If you really are serious about ridding yourself of this woman.. then you really need to man up and verbally tell her that you just aren't feeling it and don't see a future together.. Be kind but firm when breaking up with someone
Casablanca Posted November 26, 2011 Posted November 26, 2011 It is "cowardly" do not do this in person? In most cases, but in this one he has been pretty up front with her and from the start said he didnt want a relationship. "How to get rid of a clinger?" Beats me, my question is: "how do you get a clinger in the first place"? I've never had one and I'm actually intrigued by the idea. It isnt all that great...this girl sounds like one of my ex's Id just tell her that we arent and never have been together and I told you from day one I only wanted friendship, no relationship, stop contacting me and then Id just start ignoring her. Kind of harsh, but she knew from the get go what you wanted
Author Mark1 Posted November 26, 2011 Author Posted November 26, 2011 In most cases, but in this one he has been pretty up front with her and from the start said he didnt want a relationship. It isnt all that great...this girl sounds like one of my ex's Id just tell her that we arent and never have been together and I told you from day one I only wanted friendship, no relationship, stop contacting me and then Id just start ignoring her. Kind of harsh, but she knew from the get go what you wanted Unfortunately she thinks we are "besties"
phineas Posted November 26, 2011 Posted November 26, 2011 Anal? Tell her you want a 3-way with her best friend? If those don't work tell her you want to make trolling the bars for random women to join you in 3-ways a weekly event. You need to scare HER off. Trying to dump 'em just makes them cling harder.
Author Mark1 Posted November 26, 2011 Author Posted November 26, 2011 Anal? Tell her you want a 3-way with her best friend? If those don't work tell her you want to make trolling the bars for random women to join you in 3-ways a weekly event. You need to scare HER off. Trying to dump 'em just makes them cling harder. Hmmm interesting
Author Mark1 Posted November 26, 2011 Author Posted November 26, 2011 Is it "okay" to do it over text?
Casablanca Posted November 26, 2011 Posted November 26, 2011 Is it "okay" to do it over text? For me, in this situation I think it is just because she is a little nuts and you told her up front that you didnt want a relationship....you're not breaking up with her because well, you two arent dating no matter what she thinks
oaks Posted November 26, 2011 Posted November 26, 2011 Is it "okay" to do it over text? Mark, you do ask a lot of questions! Just try it and then you'll have an experience all of your very own instead of one we've coached you in.
Author Mark1 Posted November 26, 2011 Author Posted November 26, 2011 Just texted her, "we need to talk" Thought a primer text would be better than just laying it on her.
mammamia1 Posted November 26, 2011 Posted November 26, 2011 I want her out of my life, but care for her well being at the same time. If you stop talking, she may seem devastated, but she will get over it, don't worry. It's nice that you're thoughtful, but you're not her dad or anything to be responsible for her psy issue.
Author Mark1 Posted November 26, 2011 Author Posted November 26, 2011 Got a reply: Me: We need to talk Her: About what? Me: I think you are a really sweet, intelligent person, but this isn't going in a positive direction. Good luck to you.
Art_Critic Posted November 26, 2011 Posted November 26, 2011 That wasn't talking... that was kinda cruel...
Casablanca Posted November 26, 2011 Posted November 26, 2011 That wasn't talking... that was kinda cruel... Under normal circumstances I would say cruel, but he made it clear from the get go he did not want a relationship. She wouldnt just accept no.
Art_Critic Posted November 26, 2011 Posted November 26, 2011 Under normal circumstances I would say cruel, but he made it clear from the get go he did not want a relationship. She wouldnt just accept no. Even in the text message he tells her that they need to to talk.. then he proceeds to not talk but dump her via text.. What he did IS/WAS cruel... When she said talk about what ?, he should have picked up the phone and spoke to her.. instead what he did was cowardly..IMO
Cypress25 Posted November 26, 2011 Posted November 26, 2011 -I told her from Day 1 I didn't want a relationship; just friendship (she AGREED) -Hooked up -She developed feelings So you wanted a friendship that includes blow jobs? Look, I give you credit for being honest about not wanting a relationship, but you were not honest about wanting to be friends. Friends don't give each other blow jobs. Friends don't hook up with each other. Friendship is, by definition, platonic. So unless you plan to keep your interactions strictly platonic, don't tell her you want friendship. What you really wanted was "no strings attached" oral sex. Many women get attached after hooking up with a guy. So you need to make it clear from the start that you're only interested in casual sex, and if she wants more, she needs to find someone else. What you're doing has the potential to be very hurtful, so don't act surprised when a girl gets upset. You can't go around using women for blow jobs and then claim that you're not trying to hurt anyone.
Author Mark1 Posted November 26, 2011 Author Posted November 26, 2011 So you wanted a friendship that includes blow jobs? Look, I give you credit for being honest about not wanting a relationship, but you were not honest about wanting to be friends. Friends don't give each other blow jobs. Friends don't hook up with each other. Friendship is, by definition, platonic. So unless you plan to keep your interactions strictly platonic, don't tell her you want friendship. What you really wanted was "no strings attached" oral sex. Many women get attached after hooking up with a guy. So you need to make it clear from the start that you're only interested in casual sex, and if she wants more, she needs to find someone else. What you're doing has the potential to be very hurtful, so don't act surprised when a girl gets upset. You can't go around using women for blow jobs and then claim that you're not trying to hurt anyone. It wasn't that I wanted NSA oral sex, but good lord, she was clingly. "do you like me?" "do you think im pretty?" "will i ever find the one, mark?" "tell me you think im pretty" "do you think im gorgeous?" "am i your best friend" CONSTANTLY. If she was normal, I could still be friends with her.
Author Mark1 Posted November 27, 2011 Author Posted November 27, 2011 I already feel bad about cutting ties with her.
Casablanca Posted November 27, 2011 Posted November 27, 2011 So you wanted a friendship that includes blow jobs? Look, I give you credit for being honest about not wanting a relationship, but you were not honest about wanting to be friends. Friends don't give each other blow jobs. Friends don't hook up with each other. Friendship is, by definition, platonic. So unless you plan to keep your interactions strictly platonic, don't tell her you want friendship. What you really wanted was "no strings attached" oral sex. Many women get attached after hooking up with a guy. So you need to make it clear from the start that you're only interested in casual sex, and if she wants more, she needs to find someone else. What you're doing has the potential to be very hurtful, so don't act surprised when a girl gets upset. You can't go around using women for blow jobs and then claim that you're not trying to hurt anyone. There is no telling if that is what he was even going for when he said friends...she may have just instigated it to "get him" Any update mark?
Recommended Posts