I am obviously an idiot.

[JustK]

I have been married for 16 years, I have two children and a husband who I can only say at this point, is just a jerk.

 

I'm going to tell you the story because if I don't sit down and tell someone I don't know if I will ever be strong enough to make any choices and I think it's time to think about doing that.

 

We were married for less than 3 months when I got pregnant with my daughter, this was great news for us because we had never expected to be able to have children due to an injury I received as a child. I had fallen on a pipe and punctured my abdomen, badly scarring my uterus. So this was great news for us both, although unexpected.

 

I don't know when things started to change. There were money problems right from the beginning. Always a struggle with money... and I was high risk so I couldn't work after month 6. He had been in the military and was discharged and diagnosed with depression and took a job DJing when he couldn't find anything else. He worked a couple nights and week and was content that we had to struggle, as long as we were able to pay the minimum we needed to survive.

After we had our daughter I developed a fairly severe, although short lived case of post partumn depression. I took some anti-depressants and admit that during those 3 months my sex drive suffered.

I thought everything was ok.

I rarely used our computer and was still a novice, but I was trying to find a copy of a picture that a friend had sent me to show to another friend and clicked on something on my desktop, and discovered a letter asking my husband if he was going to be able to get way for the weekend with her for her birthday.

He was working that night and I confronted him after opening his email and seeing various emails from her.

 

He denied it. He said he was friends with her, that she had acted inappropriately with him but that nothing had ever happened. A mutual friend of ours backed him up, but the blind faith I had in him was gone.

 

I thought we'd worked hard to get back where we were. We went to counseling, I tried everything I could, I worked out, I tried everything.

I ended up pregnant again and although thrilled to be having another baby, there was some trepidation. We decided to move across teh country to be near his family, change the people he was associating with and generally start over. Seemed like a great plan.

Except his family made him crazy, except when it was convenient.

I came home to visit my family shortly after our son was born and when he told me to get a copy of my flight itinearry from his email found a letter from some girl he'd been communicating with via email, and tons of porn.

I should have just stayed at my moms then, but I had been in love with him since I was 15 years old.

 

I went back home and his mom gave me grief about being upset and told me that it was something all men did, the porn, etc, and that I needed to get over it.

 

He and I talked and he agreed to stop the behavior. Eventually we moved back to our hometown about 2 years later because he had lost a succession of jobs at that point and I could get better work.

 

I made excsue after excuse after excuse.

 

I guess I can skip a whole bunch of other things because they really don't matter and this could turn into the great american novel, but some things you should know.

 

He has never held a job for more than 2 years.

During the course of our marriage he has been unemployed for more of it than he has been.

I have had a very good job for several years now.

We rarely have sex, when we do, it's like going through the motions and he doesn't even really kiss me anymore. I miss intimacy. I miss sex. I have a high sex drive and always have, and I think we've made love 8 times this year.

I took in his little sister about 2 years ago, she was a nightmare, 21 years old and a party girl, different guy every night, I didn't sleep for almost the entire year she lived here.

I take care of everyone all the time and I'm tired.

I made a friend at work, a guy. Someone I could talk to, and I realized H and I were struggling that I was beginning to want to talk to this guy at work, my friend about the things my husband couldn't be bothered to talk to me about...

and so I told on myself. I told my H that I was afraid I was going to have an affair and that I was so lonely I could cry all the time.

He got mad at me and treated me like the whore of babylon. All those things I'd said to him years ago? Thrown back in my face all the while I was thinking, I told you because I didn't WANT to betray us. I stopped talking to my friend, although I was sorry to do so. We never had any inappropriate conversation or contact, but I see it could have gone that way. My H has made me feel guilty for every text message or email, every wrong number or late night call I've gotten since. And yet, I really have never done anything wrong.

 

He's been working, again DJing... this time at a popular night club. It's the longest he's ever held a job so although I don't think that family men really SHOULD have those kind of hours, etc, it's what he has. We are about to go on a cruise in 2 weeks for his birthday. I was getting ready to do some shopping for this.

 

I looked at our checking account and there is over $700 missing. I asked him about it, he lent it to a "friend" who is apparently a stripper who's dad has a injury and she's strugging and just yadda yadda yadda excuse excuse excuse.

He stayed out til 7am the other day, came home drunk and wouldn't let me near him. I'm assuming because he smelled like someone else's perfume.

I have no proof, it's just a hunch.

At this point, I'm financially ok, not fabulous but I can support me and the kids, which is good, because I found out all of his income is off the books as of 6 months ago, he never told me.

Our sex life has decreased to almost nothing, if we do, at all, it's when I'm half asleep when he gets home in the middle of the night. I work approximatly 50 hours a week and he leaves everything else for me.

I had to go out of town on business for 2 weeks, the children stayed with my sister and he never bothered to call them til the night before I came home.

 

I don't know what to do.

I know how dumb this all makes me look... like an idiot. I feel like one, but I really thought that he'd either change, sometimes medications helped his depression and he'd be "normal" and "good" and I'd live off those times, but really the time has come and gone years ago for me to leave...

except, I just found out I'd be required to pay him support.

 

How does that even work?

Really?

 

I don't know why I've stayed til now, and now there is just so much I don't even know where to start.

Edited November 26, 2011 by JustK

[jnj express]

The support would be split tween you---after child support, is covered

 

Just get your D., and move on

 

You can go online and look at your state's family code's, and you will know exactly what an atty., knows