eleanorhurting Posted November 29, 2011 Posted November 29, 2011 Does he have any prior history of depression or mental illness? Perhaps he had a breakdown and he is in the hospital. No one would write on facebook about something like that. Sorry, I'm in the middle of my psychiatry clerkship and it could be a possibility BUT, a very slim one. I think most likely he's being a prick.
tigressA Posted November 29, 2011 Posted November 29, 2011 I went through the same thing with an ex of mine. I dumped him. Later I found out he had been cheating, which explained much of his crap behavior toward me. That's probably what's going on here.
Author sweetyboo33 Posted November 29, 2011 Author Posted November 29, 2011 Well, wouldn't you know. I got my first text in a week from him this morning. Finally. He wasn't too happy because I sent him a text that wasn't super nice last night after finally assuming the worst since it had been almost a week and I figured he'd be back at work by then so should be able to call if he left his phone...also after seeing the light on in his living room the other night, and then the pic posted on his sister's Facebook of the two of them at Thanksgiving. So, his texts to me were pretty defensive due to my prior text and he hasn't apologized once for what I had been feeling the past week. I didn't think TWO things would be the reason, but according to him they were. Here are his texts, so see what you think... "well now, that's a nice 'welcome home' if I have ever seen one. Guess you didn't remember the hundreds of times I said I could be sent on a trip with no warning." (He works for one of the secret gov. agencies, but I recall him saying to me that he knows at least a few weeks in advance when he has to go on trips. Maybe he just didn't tell me about unexpected ones or I just forgot. I did mention that was a possibility when trying to think of reasons.) "It was a nice thanksgiving followed by a not so enjoyable couple days...guess you don't watch the news either...and coward? I've been called a lot of things, but coward wasn't one...congrats on that." (I never called him a coward. I said that the disappearing act is a heartless, disrespectful, and cowardice way ever to drop a girl). "PS I left my work phone at work Wednesday and was notified via personal phone on Thursday...you think my family who came 2000 miles and only saw me 2 days wasn't irritated either? Was I on email, facebook, or the dating site in the past week? I thought you would have picked up some clue for talking about thoroughly investigating things." Needless to say, it sounds like I probably ruined things by assuming. You know what they say. However, I still think if all that was the case, he really didn't think to touch base in some way to let me know he had to leave or to email Wed or Thurs since he didn't have his phone...I dunno. Maybe he just figured he'd get his phone back in a few days and it wouldn't be a big deal and then found out that he had to leave on a trip right away. IF this is even the case. I'm not sure if I know he's being honest or not. I guess if he wasn't being honest, he probably wouldn't have even bothered to text. Does it sound like legit reasons though? My friends seem to be divided in their thinking. One said that if he works for the Gov agency he does, he wouldn't be lying. Another said, he lacks concern for my feelings both before the trip and now that he has returned to life as well as character and heart. I feel like if he is like this now, what's to come later? I told him I wanted to discuss this on the phone not via text. That was this morning and I haven't heard back yet. Not sure if he'll bother now. And the jury says...
cerridwen Posted November 29, 2011 Posted November 29, 2011 (edited) And the jury says... Juror 1 votes "Married in the First Degree." Sorry, boo. Edited November 29, 2011 by cerridwen
SingleinSouth Posted November 30, 2011 Posted November 30, 2011 Juror 1 votes "Married in the First Degree." Sorry, boo. This has my vote, too. But regardless....he didn't even acknowledge your feelings and totally put you on the defensive! He sucks!
GG3 Posted November 30, 2011 Posted November 30, 2011 Oh please. I have a secret clearance and so does my boyfriend. When we have been sent on trips we are accessible back at our hotels - even though that could be late at night sometimes. My bf leaves his phone in his car and takes breaks just to text me and say hello. Sounds like a giant wad of crap to me. You didn't ruin anything by assuming. He's turning it around on you to distract you from his crappy and suspicious behavior. That's a classic player move!!!
Author sweetyboo33 Posted November 30, 2011 Author Posted November 30, 2011 Juror 1 votes "Married in the First Degree." Sorry, boo. Eh, actually pretty sure that's not the case from what I've seen/not seen to suggest or not suggest that. I'm not in denial either. Believe me, if I have a hunch and suspicion, I'd be the first one to suggest it and worry about it.
Author sweetyboo33 Posted November 30, 2011 Author Posted November 30, 2011 Oh please. I have a secret clearance and so does my boyfriend. When we have been sent on trips we are accessible back at our hotels - even though that could be late at night sometimes. My bf leaves his phone in his car and takes breaks just to text me and say hello. Sounds like a giant wad of crap to me. You didn't ruin anything by assuming. He's turning it around on you to distract you from his crappy and suspicious behavior. That's a classic player move!!! Hmmm well, I'm not sure where he went, so he may not have had phone/email access similar to military troops when he goes international. We haven't discussed the trip yet. But he had said that his work phone was left at work from last Wed., so if he hadn't been back to the bldg until today when he returned from the trip as he said, then he wouldn't have been able to call since my number is in that phone. He doesn't take a computer on trips either from what he's told me. Before this week, he texted me when he wasn't in the secure building and whenever he had a little down time, which was 1-3 times per day typically while working. Not trying to sound in denial or naive, but pointing out possibilities IF truth.
2sunny Posted November 30, 2011 Posted November 30, 2011 This has my vote, too. But regardless....he didn't even acknowledge your feelings and totally put you on the defensive! He sucks! Absolutely!!! What a tool!!! No need for further discussion - he wants you to accept this as his normal. It's not! Too many excuses and mean, accusatory words from him. Dump him!
Author sweetyboo33 Posted November 30, 2011 Author Posted November 30, 2011 Absolutely!!! What a tool!!! No need for further discussion - he wants you to accept this as his normal. It's not! Too many excuses and mean, accusatory words from him. Dump him! I guess I felt he was justified since he was responding to my most recent text from last night which was pretty mean (basically called him a jerk and said some other things that really probably bruised his ego and put him on the defensive...I was assuming he was pulling a player, disappearing act move). So yeah, I realize that his responses weren't very nice and that he wasn't acting too concerned for how I felt over the last week, but I guess I felt so bad for the text I had sent him last night since it allegedly wasn't the case, so he was justified for coming back defensively since I basically accused him of something that wasn't the case (supposedly, anyway) and insulted his character...calling him a jerk, acting heartless and cowardice.
Fondue Posted November 30, 2011 Posted November 30, 2011 Absolutely!!! What a tool!!! No need for further discussion - he wants you to accept this as his normal. It's not! Too many excuses and mean, accusatory words from him. Dump him! You think it isn't "normal" because clearly, his job isn't normal. He doesn't seem like your average, every day Joe. You are comparing to dudes out on the street. Like the lady had posted a million times in this thread, he works in a secret government agency. You really don't know how secluded they might have to be from the rest the world. Maybe in all honesty he cannot have access to his phone, computer, etc. It is completely reasonable. Like I mentioned earlier in this thread, he is busy. He was busy. You needed to give him time, instead you had ended up blowing up on him. I think you dropped the ball on this one, not him. Everyone is defending you here, but I have to be the one to say you don't deserve their defense. Should have just waited, be patient, occupied yourself with something else.
OliveOyl Posted November 30, 2011 Posted November 30, 2011 Something seems fishy. He texts to you from his "work" phone that he left at work, even though he has a super secret clearance? He can't email you the day he leaves saying "Hope you had a Happy Thanksgiving and I'll be gone a couple of days?" Even if it's all true and valid, do you want to be with someone who could disappear like that at the drop of a hat?
GG3 Posted November 30, 2011 Posted November 30, 2011 super secret clearance LOL. Cracks me up. Makes me remember that college friend I had who was a compulsive liar. He told the professor he was involved with the FBI and his whole family was involved with the FBI and that's just the way it is and that's why he missed the first two weeks of class after 9/11 happened.
bittersweet memories Posted November 30, 2011 Posted November 30, 2011 Juror 1 votes "Married in the First Degree." Sorry, boo. This has my vote.. I call BS, he doesn't work for the Government. Careful!
amymarieca Posted November 30, 2011 Posted November 30, 2011 I was once dating a cop who told me he was divorced. I noticed a strange pattern after a few weeks where he would never text or plan to visit me on his days off. At first I didn't see this as weird because we were casually dating and he lives half an hour outside the city, so I figured it was just convienient for both of us. He would just take me out after work. After a while though, this became a little bit too routine for me and I started to suspect that he was still married. I didn't want to flat out accuse him, but I noticed he never even bothered to respond to texts on his days off and even used the excuse that his apartment doesn't have good phone signal. Bull crap! Of course I was right about him still being married. All I can say from this experience is don't invest a lot in someone emotionally that you don't know that well. This guy did the same thing as your man. He told me exactly what I wanted to hear and filled my head with all these romantic thoughts and it was all phoney!
2sunny Posted November 30, 2011 Posted November 30, 2011 It still is odd behavior. Then he doesn't consider your feelings and console you or acknowledge his disappearance. When a guy makes me hanging and wondering - there is good reason. My gut says he a flat out liar who had to entertain another gal. You even said his messages showed that he read them...so how is it that he left his phone at work but someone checked the messages? He's lying! Don't believe his BS!
Star Gazer Posted November 30, 2011 Posted November 30, 2011 something about the things he said to you is making my creepometer go off. "Our last first kiss" or "wouldn't mind a smooch". Do adults really talk like this? It just sounds a bit phoney to me. Oh, now THIS is rich! You know what sounds phoney to me? Repeated elleged declarations from a man of things like, "I feel close to you" and "I want to fall asleep inside you because I don't want our bond to end." WHO says that?!?
soulm8 Posted November 30, 2011 Posted November 30, 2011 "I feel close to you" and "I want to fall asleep inside you because I don't want our bond to end." WHO says that?!? my ex husband
Eternal Sunshine Posted November 30, 2011 Posted November 30, 2011 Oh, now THIS is rich! You know what sounds phoney to me? Repeated elleged declarations from a man of things like, "I feel close to you" and "I want to fall asleep inside you because I don't want our bond to end." WHO says that?!? Actually, that sounds pretty deep and genuine to me
Star Gazer Posted November 30, 2011 Posted November 30, 2011 Actually, that sounds pretty deep and genuine to me Of course it would, to you. Your BF miraculously says the very same words as TC's. Such an interesting........coincidence, that your BFs say the same things........
Star Gazer Posted November 30, 2011 Posted November 30, 2011 (edited) He didn't say the second thing. I asked him why he wanted to fall asleep inside me and he said it made him feel close to me. The bond not ending was my interpretation. Excuse me? You said: My boyfriend does this when we're spooning and even falls asleep inside me. I love it. He's told me it's because he feels close to me and doesn't want the bond to end. So, when you say HE SAYS something... he hasn't really said it, it's just your... interpretation? I see. Edited November 30, 2011 by Star Gazer
Star Gazer Posted November 30, 2011 Posted November 30, 2011 Of course it would be weird if he said "I feel close to you and I don't want the bond to end." Nobody speaks like that formally. Stop looking for random things to pounce on. It's lame. Why did you pounce on the OP and what her guy told her? Maybe SHE was just giving HER "interpretation." You've REPEATEDLY said he says things like this to you, including putting his words in quotation marks. I guess this is just something else to add to the list of things that you say that just....aren't true. Actually, that sounds pretty deep and genuine to me Well, apparently it wasn't genuine at all... just an... "interpretation."
eleanorhurting Posted November 30, 2011 Posted November 30, 2011 this guy sounds like a lying *******!
bittersweet memories Posted November 30, 2011 Posted November 30, 2011 He said the first part of the statement. The rest was my interpretation and it was implicit in what he told me. I never said I was quoting him verbatim. When I write things on here it's usually paraphrasing. Of course it would be weird if he said "I feel close to you and I don't want the bond to end." Nobody speaks like that formally. Stop looking for random things to pounce on. It's lame. OMG....TC you're so full of crap!!!
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