Rebound Question

[wow123]

For those of you that don't know my story I broke up with my ex a few months ago. A few weeks later I went back to her, but she was already with someone new. She didn't want to end it to get back with me.

 

Recently we have been talking about our relationship. She says she's happy now, but also says she's still hurt over what happened between us. It doesn't make sense to me how she could be both. For a while I didn't think it was a rebound, but now I'm starting to think it is again if she's still hurt over what happened. She said it's not gonna be able to get passed. Thoughts?

[iPhone]

My thoughts are, why are you talking to a girl who left you for another guy?

 

A lot of people are scared of using No Contact because they're afraid that if they cut off all contact with their ex, then their ex will definitely move on, and definitely lose their feelings, etc.

 

But the reality is, you talking to them is only making it easier for them. No Contact is the only chance people have, in my opinion, of making an ex miss you and want another chance.

 

However, I have to ask what you should ask yourself: Do you REALLY want someone back who left you for another guy? Cut your losses. If she did it once she will do it again.

 

And yes, I know how hard that is to cut your losses. Feels like an immediate family member died. But perhaps the question you should ask, is whether or not this relationship was ever really alive.

[wow123]

My thoughts are, why are you talking to a girl who left you for another guy?

 

A lot of people are scared of using No Contact because they're afraid that if they cut off all contact with their ex, then their ex will definitely move on, and definitely lose their feelings, etc.

 

But the reality is, you talking to them is only making it easier for them. No Contact is the only chance people have, in my opinion, of making an ex miss you and want another chance.

 

However, I have to ask what you should ask yourself: Do you REALLY want someone back who left you for another guy? Cut your losses. If she did it once she will do it again.

 

And yes, I know how hard that is to cut your losses. Feels like an immediate family member died. But perhaps the question you should ask, is whether or not this relationship was ever really alive.

 

She didn't leave me. I ended the relationship.

[wow123]

Any thoughts? Thanks.

[pd8mxq]

Hi Wow 123,

 

Saw your post and just wan to say to you that you are not the only person who is facing the same situation if it makes you feel better.

 

I got dumped almost a year ago and I come here from time to time when I feel low. It gets less with time that I come on here.

 

But my ex of 8 years left me last year just before Christmas and he was with someone else soon afterwards. They are still together as of today.

 

Like iPone said above, why wold you want to go back with someone who slept with someone else. This is a very hard question that I cannot answer beause I think that there's a lot of strong bond and deep feelings over the 8 years that I cannot just say to my ex, 'f##k off, you slept with someone and thus I dont love you anymore'.

 

Have I been asking if his partner is a rebound when I found out? Yes, I dwell on it and I keep asking, readking about rebounds. But the thing is, they are almost 1 year together and I dont think if it is relevant rather its a rebound or not.

 

Like you ex says, and same as to what my ex told me. he says that he is still hurt and shaken about the breakup but he will always have feelings for me. He says he doesnt LOVE the new person because of what we went through.

 

I have spoken to my parents who are much older than us, and thye say feelings will always be there because we have been together for so long.

 

I have been hoping (base on he told me about he still has feelings for me) thast he will come back. But this week, he says he wants to catchup with me more often because he still would like ot see how I am doing in life.

 

But he says it is mere a friendship so he says dont hope for a START of a new chapter. and I declined the meetup and he understood.

 

I am probably a few more months than you down the process and I have not been able to let go. All I have thought was HOPE, blindly...just carry o with my life but HOPE he will come back. This is what I have done and to be honest, it does not feel great.

 

In terms of iPhone said, the only chance is NC and if this is true and this is the only way now I think. But need to bear in mind NC is for our own good, not that CHANCE. That CHANCE is just a side-product if you still feel the same by the time they come back.

[mike588]

For those of you that don't know my story I broke up with my ex a few months ago. A few weeks later I went back to her, but she was already with someone new. She didn't want to end it to get back with me.

 

Recently we have been talking about our relationship. She says she's happy now, but also says she's still hurt over what happened between us. It doesn't make sense to me how she could be both. For a while I didn't think it was a rebound, but now I'm starting to think it is again if she's still hurt over what happened. She said it's not gonna be able to get passed. Thoughts?

 

So you have broken N.C. by talking to her recently,guess you don't want the CHANCE to get her back.

 

She says she's happy,, well then leave her alone.Move on,, she knows how you feel and what you want so it's time to disappear.

 

Down the road she MAY,,,, MAY want to contact you and try it again?

 

You know me and my story,, it's been 3 1/4 months and also about the same amount of time in N.C.

 

I'm doing N.C. to heal,,, it may make her miss me? I don't know but I'm not sitting around hoping she will come back.

 

Only time will tell.

 

Today here there's an Art and Craft Show going on 1 mile from my house,, (we used to go to them ALL the time) is she there with her ex.??most likely,,I want to go there and run into her so bad,, for her to see me,, for her to think about and remember me but I'm not,, I cant,, it would hurt me so much to see them together,, I'd be physically sick.

 

I don't want that pain,, I want to move on,, move foward not backwards.

 

You need to do the same,, move on,, move foward and let time determine the future with the two of you.

[wow123]

Thanks Mike. I know I screwed up by breaking NC. Just don't understand how she can be happy and hurt at the same time.

[mike588]

Thanks Mike. I know I screwed up by breaking NC. Just don't understand how she can be happy and hurt at the same time.

 

Your a by product of her being happy,, you can't be in a relationship with two people.

 

I KNOW my ex. dreaded and was hurt by dumping me, she didn't want to hurt me but a choice had to be made.

 

Start N.C. again and let this brokeness inside you start healing. It's extremely tough I know!!

[wow123]

Your a by product of her being happy,, you can't be in a relationship with two people.

 

I KNOW my ex. dreaded and was hurt by dumping me, she didn't want to hurt me but a choice had to be made.

 

Start N.C. again and let this brokeness inside you start healing. It's extremely tough I know!!

 

You mean me talking to her is part of her happiness? Not sure I understand you.

[mike588]

You mean me talking to her is part of her happiness? Not sure I understand you.

 

No talking to you is not what's making her happy,, the relationship she's in is at this time is making her happy,most likely because it's new.

 

3 days after I got dumped she told me the same thing,She's happy. Oh that hurt!! and still does at times.

 

None of us can't wait till this living HELL is over with,, I'd rather swim across a snake infested swamp than to ever go thru this pain again.

[wow123]

Yes it's still fairly new. A few months in. Hoping it doesn't last. I know I can't/won't heal if I think like that, but it's hard not to when the R is 3-4 months in.