Thatonelover Posted November 26, 2011 Posted November 26, 2011 This is my story, I want advice for whats best for my relationship My girlfriend recently broke up with me unexpectedly and left me broken hearted, confused, hurt and just plain horrible. Part of the reason I felt so horrible was because of multiple things; the breakup wasnt all in one sitting, she texted the day before and we agreed to talk about it the next day and then we talked about it in the morning during lunch and afterschool and of course I never got a clear explanation, she says she still loves me but not in love with me as she was before and that we weren't compatible, also she says that she wants to be my friend. I'm still in love with her and I love her dearly. She's told me that she would think about it but for right now, she's already made her desicion. To tell you guys the truth, my girlfriend is 17 and I'm 16 and she's very mature person. I on the other hand was/ am extremely childish and immature. She's taught me alot and I dont think she's aware of this and that the fact that I just need some time to mature and be the man I know she wants and needs. Our love was true and real and it hurt alot that she let it all go and quit like it didn't mean anything, I know because I'm not stupid and infatuated by feelings like other young teens.What's best for right now?
KathyM Posted November 26, 2011 Posted November 26, 2011 I'm sorry you're hurting, but what's best is to let it go. Most relationships at that age do not last. Most people at that age are not mature enough to get into any LTR. Maybe you were not compatible, as she said, so she's cutting you loose so you can both find someone who is compatible. I know it hurts, but it's part of life. You will be able to get past this in time.
Author Thatonelover Posted November 26, 2011 Author Posted November 26, 2011 I want her back, I can try to get over it over time but I'm telling you, if I didn't love her as much as I do I wouldn't come on this website and try to find answers. Thank you though, I know I need to get over it now.
iPhone Posted November 26, 2011 Posted November 26, 2011 I see people question whether or not No Contact is the most effective method of getting back an ex. From personal experience, at least, I'd say it is the most effective. If I were you, I'd tell her what you said. Say she helped you mature and grow in so many ways, and you are in love with her, but it is too difficult to talk as friends. Say she should contact you when and if she would like to try again. Then do not ever contact her again unless she contacts you... and by contacts you, I don't mean her popping up saying "Hi" or "How are you" etc. It has to be along the lines of "I want to try again". Women respect guys who are confident and not clingy. It will of course tear you up inside to have to cut off someone you're in love with. I know how that feels... feels like you drank a glass of sulfuric acid and its eating you away slowly for a long period of time. But it is, in my opinion, your only chance of ever reconciling anything. The pain is now inevitable. Accept that. All that is left is whether you want the best shot at getting her back or not. ...However, I will say one technique for helping with pain, stress, anxiety, headaches, etc. Do this. Close your eyes Focus on where the pain is (emotional, etc) Accept it instead of trying to run from it Ask yourself, what shape is it? What color do you see it in your mind? How much does it weigh? Where is it located? Then ask yourself, while focused on it: Can you let it go? Will you let it go? When will you let it go? And then repeat the process. It is not a guaranteed cure, at least not at first. But you can't run from the pain, you have to run towards it. This will help.
KathyM Posted November 26, 2011 Posted November 26, 2011 I want her back, I can try to get over it over time but I'm telling you, if I didn't love her as much as I do I wouldn't come on this website and try to find answers. Thank you though, I know I need to get over it now. I know you love her, but it takes two to have a relationship, and if one of the partners wants out, then you really have no choice but to accept that. Dating is a trial period to find out if two people are compatible for the long term. At your age, most people are not mature enough to enter into a LTR. If people are married, then I always try to encourage them to stay together and to reconcile, unless there was infidelity, but dating is very different in that there is no promise of long term commitment. You are only in a dating relationship until one of the partners wants out. I know it feels pretty helpless to be at the mercy of someone else's decisions, but that's what dating is. It's full of heartbreak when it ends if you've developed strong feelings for the person. You take the good with the bad. Most people go into dating knowing that it may not last, but they enjoy the ride while it lasts. It's a good feeling while it lasts. One that you will experience again with someone new.
Author Thatonelover Posted November 26, 2011 Author Posted November 26, 2011 Thank you sooo much iPhone, I really appreciate your advice. I also see where your coming from Kathy so trust me I'm hearing you out, I've heard everyone whose told me the same things. iPhone however has helped me. NC would be part of getting over her, but that wont change my feelings. Truth is I didnt treat her as good as I could, then we started arguing alot and things went, downhill untill she decided to end it and give me the cliche "its not you, its me." iPhone, I agree with your NC thought but does that me aboslutely no contanct at all. I texted her on thanksgiving after only 3 days of NC. I do go to school with her and although we have no classes together except lunch I do see her once or twice.
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