PlumPrincess Posted November 26, 2011 Posted November 26, 2011 I'm really, really into my co-worker and I think he likes me, too. He has a girlfriend though. I'm not really sure how their relationship is, but I didn't get the impression that there was lots of passion or lovey-dovey feelings. And it doesn't look like he wants to marry her soon (he went on vacation recently and another co-worker jokingly asked if he was going to propose to her and he laughed and said, "Yeah, sure... lol"). Since it doesn't look like it's something very, very serious, I'd like to give it a shot. I do not want to seduce him or start obvious flirting with him (there are also way too many people around us in the office), I would just want him to realize that I like him and am interested in him and would love to date him if he wasn't in a relationship. I came up with: - Next time he does something nice for me, like holding the door open for me and letting me walk through first, I will tell him that he is very sweet and that his girlfriend must be very lucky to have him as her boyfriend. Any other ideas? And is there a chance he might end his relationship and start something with me?
Author PlumPrincess Posted November 26, 2011 Author Posted November 26, 2011 I could mention casually that life is too short for mediocre relationships.
Fondue Posted November 26, 2011 Posted November 26, 2011 I may not be the most moral person in the world... And in fact, I'm far from it, but trying to pry someone out of a relationship just doesn't seem right. I mean, let's turn the tables for a minute. If you were dating a dude, gone on vacations with him, and then out of no where, some other lady comes and tries to take your man, how would you feel? Oh wait, you don't consider other people, right?
Ruby Slippers Posted November 26, 2011 Posted November 26, 2011 Light flirting is good, I think. One of my boyfriends hit on me while I was with someone else. He said he didn't want to intrude on my relationship, but he wanted me to know that he was interested, in case things didn't work out. He didn't come between us, but he was my next boyfriend.
Ruby Slippers Posted November 26, 2011 Posted November 26, 2011 I mean, let's turn the tables for a minute. If you were dating a dude, gone on vacations with him, and then out of no where, some other lady comes and tries to take your man, how would you feel? I see nothing wrong with this. If the relationship is solid, an outsider is not going to come between them.
Ninjainpajamas Posted November 26, 2011 Posted November 26, 2011 I don't know why women go for men in relationships and expect to get much out of it other than sex but hey whatever. If you want him to know just do the normal flirtatious, sexual innuendos and advances that most guys will respond to regardless of being in a relationship or not. That will likely suck him in, and the fact that he laughed at his friends joke about getting married has nothing to do with you or other women but the fact that he probably doesn't want to get married period..It was why I laughed at the question not because it was an open contest. A man who will cheat in a relationship is a man that will cheat and disrespect the woman he is cheating with as well. i mean why would a man settle down with a new woman when the way he go to her was through cheating in the first place? that just pretty much means it was open season and you happened to be the on that helped him pull the trigger. Do what you would like, it's easy to get most mens attention eventually they will notice, however if you expect him to leave her and be with you in a trusting, and dedicated relationship...i think the ultimate joke is on you. But this seems to be what women do, you reap what you sow.
MrNate 2.0 Posted November 26, 2011 Posted November 26, 2011 I could mention casually that life is too short for mediocre relationships. I'm not sure how you know the one between you two will be so amazing, but I wouldn't use this line. Ruby's advice was pretty spot on. Be respectful and tread lightly, lest you wind up as that woman who is currently with that guy you want.
Author PlumPrincess Posted November 26, 2011 Author Posted November 26, 2011 Light flirting is good, I think. One of my boyfriends hit on me while I was with someone else. He said he didn't want to intrude on my relationship, but he wanted me to know that he was interested, in case things didn't work out. He didn't come between us, but he was my next boyfriend. That's what I mean (I don't want to hit on him too openly though). @everybody else: I didn't say I wanted to seduce him. I do not want him to want me because I represent sex with someone new. I'm also aware that he would feel quite guilty if he cheated with me on his ex and he would surely resent me sooner or later for that. I would like him to know that I like him and I would like him to think about his current relationship and whether it is what he wants. And he's my co-worker, he's sitting opposite of me. If I do a very obvious approach and he's not interested, things will be very, very awkward! I need something subtle.
Author PlumPrincess Posted November 26, 2011 Author Posted November 26, 2011 I'm not sure how you know the one between you two will be so amazing, but I wouldn't use this line. Ruby's advice was pretty spot on. Be respectful and tread lightly, lest you wind up as that woman who is currently with that guy you want. No, I would mention it in a general context, like, "Life should be lived with passion. Too many people spend a lot of time with jobs they hate and in mediocre relationships while they could go out and find someone they really like." Talking about his relationship in whatever way is a really bad idea. I'd rather go around and spread my little ideas like little seeds here and there and watch them grow.
twinkles Posted November 26, 2011 Posted November 26, 2011 How about you just be yourself.. fun and courteous but leave out the flirting. If a man wants you he will persue you. If he persues you and catches you, you will always know that he persued you because he wanted you. You are a girl worth being persued don't lower your standards.
Author PlumPrincess Posted November 26, 2011 Author Posted November 26, 2011 How about you just be yourself.. fun and courteous but leave out the flirting. If a man wants you he will persue you. If he persues you and catches you, you will always know that he persued you because he wanted you. You are a girl worth being persued don't lower your standards. You didn't like my ideas?
MrNate 2.0 Posted November 26, 2011 Posted November 26, 2011 You didn't like my ideas? They're fine. Twinkle is probably the more passive type, so you don't have to worry about that. Being assertive and making yourself known is a great idea, because that creates momentum much, much quicker. A man would still want a woman even if she was a bit assertive. It's not like a little assertiveness will make her boobs fall off.
ThsAmericanLife Posted November 26, 2011 Posted November 26, 2011 Well, I think doing anything beyond being friendly since you know he has a girlfriend would not be good... and might even backfire. If he is like me (and doesn't appreciate people who leave the impression of pilfering) you could ruin any future chances. For instance, the minute I found out my co-worker had a GF (that *I* had to dig to find out after what I felt was excessive flirting on his part) I was instantly not attracted. I immediately ended any non-work associations or discussions. So, now that he is available, his early flirting while he had a GF makes me wary of him. I'd say he hasn't upped his cache with me at all. If anything, he's built himself a hurdle with me. Would have been much better if he'd resisted the urge to overly flirt to begin with. That's just how I swing though. Other people have different standards. Anyway... you don't really know what his relationship is like with his GF. I say treat him like you'd treat any other co-worker. Your physical attraction to him you probably can't hide... and if he comes available then find a way to seize the opportunity.
twinkles Posted November 26, 2011 Posted November 26, 2011 By showing respect for his relationship you will show respect for yourself. There is nothing passive about this.
Author PlumPrincess Posted November 26, 2011 Author Posted November 26, 2011 They're fine. Twinkle is probably the more passive type, so you don't have to worry about that. Being assertive and making yourself known is a great idea, because that creates momentum much, much quicker. A man would still want a woman even if she was a bit assertive. It's not like a little assertiveness will make her boobs fall off. Any more ideas?
Author PlumPrincess Posted November 26, 2011 Author Posted November 26, 2011 Well, I think doing anything beyond being friendly since you know he has a girlfriend would not be good... and might even backfire. If he is like me (and doesn't appreciate people who leave the impression of pilfering) you could ruin any future chances. For instance, the minute I found out my co-worker had a GF (that *I* had to dig to find out after what I felt was excessive flirting on his part) I was instantly not attracted. I immediately ended any non-work associations or discussions. So, now that he is available, his early flirting while he had a GF makes me wary of him. I'd say he hasn't upped his cache with me at all. If anything, he's built himself a hurdle with me. Would have been much better if he'd resisted the urge to overly flirt to begin with. That's just how I swing though. Other people have different standards. Anyway... you don't really know what his relationship is like with his GF. I say treat him like you'd treat any other co-worker. Your physical attraction to him you probably can't hide... and if he comes available then find a way to seize the opportunity. I don't really see anything bad about the things I'm suggesting. I'm letting him know pretty subtly that I like him and that's it. If his girlfriend is not able to let him know that she thinks he is an awesome guy, then it's not my business. I think he's a really sweet person and he deserves to be with someone who appreciates that about him.
dispatch3d Posted November 26, 2011 Posted November 26, 2011 I've been accused of "hitting on" girls in a relationship, although I definitely don't go there. I think this is a better question if he has a girlfriend and is hitting on you. Anyways, no I don't think this is a good idea and it isn't something I would do.
ThsAmericanLife Posted November 26, 2011 Posted November 26, 2011 I don't really see anything bad about the things I'm suggesting. I'm letting him know pretty subtly that I like him and that's it. If his girlfriend is not able to let him know that she thinks he is an awesome guy, then it's not my business. I think he's a really sweet person and he deserves to be with someone who appreciates that about him. ah, plum, be honest with yourself... you are trying to insert yourself, are you not? I'm sure he can see you are attracted to him. You can tell him he's an awesome person regardless of the GF situation. Just don't create any expectations or do it in a 'suggestive', sexual way. I have male friends and mentors that I absolutely love. I'll even admit to having an ongoing crush on one of my married mentors. He's probably one of the most stand-up men I've ever met. And I also know he's been attracted to me at some point in our friendship. The fact that he backed away from anything romantic makes me MORE attracted to him... not less. If I heard he was on the market... you betcha I'd be speed dialing him. No wasted time there whatsoever. Although, I doubt he will be.
ptp Posted November 26, 2011 Posted November 26, 2011 I can't help thinking the tenor of this thread would be completely different if it was a male poster asking how he can breakup his female co-worker's relationship. Just an example of the hypocrisy on LS.
ThsAmericanLife Posted November 26, 2011 Posted November 26, 2011 I can't help thinking the tenor of this thread would be completely different if it was a male poster asking how he can breakup his female co-worker's relationship. Just an example of the hypocrisy on LS. I've seen more than one where the guy has inserted himself into a relationship... or is trying... usually the reaction goes along the lines of - dude, that's wrong OR - high fives! If she can be 'stolen', she's a slut and 'low quality'. f her until you get bored, then kick 'er to the curb.
whichwayisup Posted November 26, 2011 Posted November 26, 2011 I'm really, really into my co-worker and I think he likes me, too. He has a girlfriend though. I'm not really sure how their relationship is, but I didn't get the impression that there was lots of passion or lovey-dovey feelings. And it doesn't look like he wants to marry her soon (he went on vacation recently and another co-worker jokingly asked if he was going to propose to her and he laughed and said, "Yeah, sure... lol"). Since it doesn't look like it's something very, very serious, I'd like to give it a shot. I do not want to seduce him or start obvious flirting with him (there are also way too many people around us in the office), I would just want him to realize that I like him and am interested in him and would love to date him if he wasn't in a relationship. I came up with: - Next time he does something nice for me, like holding the door open for me and letting me walk through first, I will tell him that he is very sweet and that his girlfriend must be very lucky to have him as her boyfriend. Any other ideas? And is there a chance he might end his relationship and start something with me? There are other fish in the sea .. let this go and move on. You are in a fog, hoping and reaching! You're on the outside looking in, making assumptions about his relationship and also listening to office gossip. If he was single and available, i'd say go for it, but he ISN'T. You will be wasting energy on someone, chasing someone who has a girlfriend.
whichwayisup Posted November 26, 2011 Posted November 26, 2011 If his girlfriend is not able to let him know that she thinks he is an awesome guy, How do you know? Are you spying on them? Listening to their conversations? All I see is alot of assumptions and wishful thinking. Others will have disrespect for you (coworkers) if you chase after this guy knowing FULL well he has a girlfriend. Go ahead, chase him, tell him how feel. Ruin your work reputation and also lose respect from him. Tell him and my guess is, it won't be long before he starts avoiding and ignoring you at work.
Author PlumPrincess Posted November 26, 2011 Author Posted November 26, 2011 How do you know? Are you spying on them? Listening to their conversations? All I see is alot of assumptions and wishful thinking. Others will have disrespect for you (coworkers) if you chase after this guy knowing FULL well he has a girlfriend. Go ahead, chase him, tell him how feel. Ruin your work reputation and also lose respect from him. Tell him and my guess is, it won't be long before he starts avoiding and ignoring you at work. Yeah, right. I'm going to give him a full-blown confession of all my mushy feelings for him. Right in front of my other co-workers and my boss. In the middle of a meeting. Dressed in the most slutty dress I could find in my wardrobe. And then I'll have a nervous breakdown when he rejects and laughs at me. Right. I really don't see anything wrong with what I'm doing. I have neither touched him in any inappropriate way nor have I tried to instigate an emotional affair and I am not going to.
Half-Moon Posted November 26, 2011 Posted November 26, 2011 Yeah, right. I'm going to give him a full-blown confession of all my mushy feelings for him. Right in front of my other co-workers and my boss. In the middle of a meeting. Dressed in the most slutty dress I could find in my wardrobe. And then I'll have a nervous breakdown when he rejects and laughs at me. Right. I really don't see anything wrong with what I'm doing. I have neither touched him in any inappropriate way nor have I tried to instigate an emotional affair and I am not going to. If you're so determined, tell me what you like about him, besides the obvious care and concern he has for others.
Ruby Slippers Posted November 26, 2011 Posted November 26, 2011 I can't help thinking the tenor of this thread would be completely different if it was a male poster asking how he can breakup his female co-worker's relationship. Just an example of the hypocrisy on LS. Actually, a guy posted something similar a few weeks ago, and I playfully suggested he go for it. What makes you think it is all right to go after those in relationships? How about going after single people. I said I think "lightly flirting" is a good idea. All that does is let him know you're open to something if he's free in the future. PlumPrincess makes a good point. Maybe his girlfriend is a bitch and he's not happy with her. Nothing wrong with letting a guy know he has other options. If he really loves his current girlfriend, it should be no problem for him to enjoy the flirtation but not cross any lines and step out on his woman. If he doesn't love her and is just spinning his wheels, the flirtation from PlumPrincess will be a great reminder that it's a waste of time to stay in going-nowhere relationships that aren't fulfilling you. If my man left me for some other woman who was flirting with him at work, I'd know he didn't care that much about me, and I'd consider myself lucky to be rid of dead weight. And if I was in a good relationship and another guy was flirting with me, I'd make it very clear to him that I was happily taken.
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