I feel like everyone around me expects to much

[Sunflower22]

I am due to have my baby in 9 short days and everyone around me has no sympathy or compassion for my needs right now. I have worked full time this entire pregnancy, taken care of my family, my daughter is 18 months old, and have been there for everyone. Now I just want a break some days!!

 

We are moving one day before I go in to have a scheduled c section. I have been doing my best to help my husband pack but some days I just feel to exhausted and ran down. I have a hard time picking myself up off the floor and carrying our 18 month old daughter. Well my husband has told me I'm being lazy! Which really upset me because at that time I was still working, doing all the housework, and caring for our daughter best I could. I am just shocked at his lack of compassion toward me!! He was much kinder when I was pregnant with my daughter. I have a lot of resentment for him right now and could honestly careless if he's in the delivery or not. I have told him I just want him to leave me alone and give me some peace for the next 9 days before I have this c section. I'm so over being pregnant, very uncomfortable!!! We barely communicate at this point which I must say doesn't bother me I just want him to help with our daughter (which he does and leave me be).

 

Then there's my job. I am in a professional setting. I worked many hours of overtime to make sure my office was in order while I'm out. I am the head of my department and unfortunately have no one who can step in for me. So in preparation for my leave I attempted to make dummy proof instructions for my group. Everyone has been aware of my leave since I was 8 weeks pregnant!!! Well, when I sat down to go over my leave with a new group member and reviewed how I had arranged everything to help make things simple he seemed dissatisfied. Asked me if I could not take leave for another 2 weeks or so to start two new projects!!!I clearly told him no. ESP. Since I don't even have two weeks before the baby comes!! I'm only asking to take one week prior to baby's schedule off and during this time I have to finalize my move.

 

Then there is my mom who complains to me about helping me once the new baby is born. She actually told me that she would do her best to come over for 3 days but that she had a lot of Xmas shopping and stuff around the house to do. This was surprising since originally she said shed help for the week. My concern is I'm having a c section and I will have 2 babies to manage and I don't know how I will feel when I get home or what I will be able to do. I feel ver unsupported. At the same time I don't want to hear her complain about helping me either. Not to mention I'm coming home to a house full of boxes and possibly a bed.

 

Then I'm told that my husbands mother at thanksgiving said the best thing that could happen to me is to loose my job because then I'd be a real mother. This is very upsetting given the fact that I love my daughter. I have done everything in my power to nurture her, make her feel secure and loved since birth. Yes, I have a job but I make decent income and I only work in the office 3days a week home with her the rest and while I'm at work I have a nanny come to the house so she doesn't have to be in daycare. My husband works from home so I felt safe knowing someone is close by. But any time she's sick or needs me I stay home with her. Its true that the last two months I haven't been able to do as much with her but I do my best. For sure she is my life and just knowing her you can tell what a happy, secure, and well rounded baby she is. I like to think that has something to do with me. I never let her see when I'm tired, frustrated, or upset. But I feel my mother in law who is hardly around has over stepped her boundaries and I did share this with my husband. My husband would be a nervous wreck if I quit my job. We simply cannot live and provide for our children the way we want to on his salary alone. His mother doesn't seem to recognize this. Children are expensive and we'd like to offer them a college education and other things. We can only do this if I work so I do my best.

 

I can barely sleep at this point and I'm just miserable. I am very independent and at this point I just feel like I want everyone in my life to stay away from me far away!! I don't want to hear anything from any of them. Not my husband, not my mom, not my mother in law, they can all just stay away from me and I'd be better off. At this point my only care is for my daughter and having this baby. Other than that I don't care if we move, where I go after hospital, who is around or anything. I just care that my daughter is safe taken care of and ok and new baby is safe the rest I could careless it's insignificant to me right now and if I have to manage my son and daughter on my own somehow I will manage but I'd like to do it in peace without the criticism from these people.

[findingnemo]

Why don't you take the opportunity to tell them where they can go? You are pregnant and it is a very good excuse to be as forthright as you need to be. It seems to me that you've been a bit too giving of yourself even at work such that they feel they can walk all over you.

 

It's time to claim back your time and energy. You should announce right now to your husband, mother and MIl that you will no longer be superwoman and shouldn't be expected to be that. You really shouldn't have scheduled a move the day before childbirth unless your H was willing to do it all himself. Since it's done, tell him exactly what you've written. Tell them all. They'll leave you in peace until after the baby is born. If your mum is not going to be available, hire some help. Pay your nanny extra to be there more hours and look after your toddler and bring the baby to you when you need to breast feed. Call your friends and ask them for help but make sure that they schedule themselves without getting overwhelmed. Do whatever you need to do but do not expect to be up immediately carrying a toddler around, bathing and feeding a new born plus unpacking in your new home.

 

You're supposed to be excited right now. Get your girlfriends to help and enjoy the next few days. Have them even come to hospital if they can. I find my friends are more than willing to help out. Don't be afraid to let them know. As for your job, when you get back you should set some boundaries. Stop smiling and being available for everybody at all times. Start leaving on time and taking leave when you should. Your workmates will notice a new tougher chick who they'll not mess with anymore. Be firm with everybody from today.