Prismpunk Posted November 26, 2011 Posted November 26, 2011 Hi everyone, I am new to these forums and like many of you I recently got dumped by my ex girlfriend. Backstory: I met her on vacation about 6 months ago and we hit it off so well that we continued a LDR after the vacation ended. I met her on a cruise for a week and ended up ditching my friends on this cruise and spent most of the time with her. Needless to say my buddies were not too pleased that I spent most of my time with her, but it was instant attraction. Normally this doesnt happen to me on vacation but we both were very attracted to each other. Over the last 2 months, however, I got a bit too needy and clingy. I would call her often and I felt a little bit insecure because she was living far away from me and she is very attractive. When she would go out to bars in her area she would attract attention from almost every guy she walked by. I blew the relationship and feel that she was pulling away from me at the end of it. I received a facebook message October 18th saying that she just wanted to be friends for the moment and she had mixed feelings about continuing to date me. I was very upset at receiving this message. I was downtrodden for days. BUT, I didn't act desperate and run after her. 3 days after I received that message I sent her a text saying I did not want to be friends with her and that we should both say "goodbye to each other and go our separate ways". I kept NC for the last 4 weeks. I did not call her, text her, or send her any emails and messages. I even got her attention by blocking her on facebook. I knew she recognized that I was blocking her because she kept popping up under the top 10 most active friends that I had on facebook. I knew she was viewing my facebook page. Fast forward to 2 hours ago. I received this facebook message: "Hi [Redacted], Hope you don't completely hate me after what has happened recently. I am in [Redacted] and went sightseeing today and passed through [Redacted] and I thought of you. Anyways, Happy Thanksgiving. Hope it was great. Sincerely, [Her Name] I have not responded to her yet. What do I do? How should I respond to her? Should I respond at all? What should I say? Thanks Prismpunk
BCCA Posted November 26, 2011 Posted November 26, 2011 She's fishing, just ignore it. She feels guilty about what happened, and in order to relieve some of her guilt, she's hoping youll respond back so she doesnt feel like a bad person. As soon as you do, she'll dissapear. And like you said, you dont want to be friends, and thats a 'friend to friend' email. Shes not saying she made a mistake and wants to get back togther, she made it clear she feels guilty with the 'I hope you dont hate me' crap. Boo hoo for her, its not of her business what youre doing or how you feel. Delete it and dont respond. And LDR's are doomed from the start, IMO, especially if you met on a cruise vacation. You were a fun distraction while she was away from home, but the chances that would actually lead to a long term, stable relationship arent very good.
Author Prismpunk Posted November 26, 2011 Author Posted November 26, 2011 Believe me, I know LDRs don't work especially when you meet on a cruise. I have external circumstances though. Earlier this year I had a really close death in the family. Very close. I have been real lonely without this person. Hence, my loneliness is encouraging me to make very bad decisions. If I were thinking clearly, I would have realized this was stupid from the beginning. But I wasn't thinking at the time and it was fun so I ran with it.
Author Prismpunk Posted November 30, 2011 Author Posted November 30, 2011 So far I have not responded at all to her message and she has not viewed my facebook page. Why would she be fishing like this? Also, do you think she will try to contact me again?
SimonMas Posted November 30, 2011 Posted November 30, 2011 So far I have not responded at all to her message and she has not viewed my facebook page. Why would she be fishing like this? Also, do you think she will try to contact me again? I re-read your initial post. It doesn't appear to me that she wanted to break up with you. What she merely said was that let's remain friends first and then see what happens. Frankly, I don't see anything wrong with that. Like you said, it was only 2 weeks that you spend some physical moments with each other, both of you need to be certain about your feelings for each other and that takes time. Get to know each other first before taking to the next level. If you think she has the chance of being the right one for you, then give her a reply and be honest. Just say along the line that you have given deep thoughts to what she had said and would like to remain friend with her and see what happens. Then this is the time when you need to woo her. Make the effort. If you get positive response from her, then you are heading the right direction. Good luck. I have read Suddendumpee's posts. There are some good tips in there. Frankly, I was very impressed with Suddendumpee's experience and it has a happy ending as well.
Author Prismpunk Posted November 30, 2011 Author Posted November 30, 2011 I re-read your initial post. It doesn't appear to me that she wanted to break up with you. What she merely said was that let's remain friends first and then see what happens. Frankly, I don't see anything wrong with that. Like you said, it was only 2 weeks that you spend some physical moments with each other, both of you need to be certain about your feelings for each other and that takes time. Get to know each other first before taking to the next level. If you think she has the chance of being the right one for you, then give her a reply and be honest. Just say along the line that you have given deep thoughts to what she had said and would like to remain friend with her and see what happens. Then this is the time when you need to woo her. Make the effort. If you get positive response from her, then you are heading the right direction. Good luck. I have read Suddendumpee's posts. There are some good tips in there. Frankly, I was very impressed with Suddendumpee's experience and it has a happy ending as well. Can you link me to his posts? I have not read his thread's and I don't know about his experience. Here is the problem though. When she broke up with me she said she would rather be friends than boyfriend and girlfriend and she had alot of mixed emotions. I was not sure if friends meant she lost her feelings of attraction and didn't want me anymore or if it meant that we could date again in the future. I have heard so many conflicting stories. Most people tell me to ignore her message and not respond. We also live pretty far away from each other right now. If I am going to visit her again. I don't want to visit someone who is just a friend. She also sent that message via facebook. I don't know why she wouldn't just call me or send me a text.
Author Prismpunk Posted November 30, 2011 Author Posted November 30, 2011 She's fishing, just ignore it. She feels guilty about what happened, and in order to relieve some of her guilt, she's hoping youll respond back so she doesnt feel like a bad person. As soon as you do, she'll dissapear. And like you said, you dont want to be friends, and thats a 'friend to friend' email. Shes not saying she made a mistake and wants to get back togther, she made it clear she feels guilty with the 'I hope you dont hate me' crap. Boo hoo for her, its not of her business what youre doing or how you feel. Delete it and dont respond. And LDR's are doomed from the start, IMO, especially if you met on a cruise vacation. You were a fun distraction while she was away from home, but the chances that would actually lead to a long term, stable relationship arent very good. Is it worth it to ask her why she is feeling guilty?
leoc1973 Posted November 30, 2011 Posted November 30, 2011 hey maybe she actually liked you and you just smothered her away. I don't think such a short relationship is enough for her to feel guilty. Talk to her it can't hurt. I guess the thing that makes a lot of us guys chase away good looking girls is that we know that every dog in the bar hits on them and we think that they are going to jump on every penis there is. Give her a shout ya never know. Clearly you liked this girl. Is there an ex in the picture for her? Maybe she was giving him another chance and it didn't work out again. If she is hot and you met her on a cruise then I am sure she must be pretty attracted to you too cause lets face it a hot girl on a cruise can pretty much have her pick.
Author Prismpunk Posted December 1, 2011 Author Posted December 1, 2011 hey maybe she actually liked you and you just smothered her away. I don't think such a short relationship is enough for her to feel guilty. Talk to her it can't hurt. I guess the thing that makes a lot of us guys chase away good looking girls is that we know that every dog in the bar hits on them and we think that they are going to jump on every penis there is. Give her a shout ya never know. Clearly you liked this girl. Is there an ex in the picture for her? Maybe she was giving him another chance and it didn't work out again. If she is hot and you met her on a cruise then I am sure she must be pretty attracted to you too cause lets face it a hot girl on a cruise can pretty much have her pick. There was an Ex in the picture. She dated a guy for 3.5 years and she claims that she broke up with him because he cheated on her and because he wouldn't propose to her. She broke up with him about 9 months ago. I may give her a quick phone call tomorrow night to re-establish a connection, but Im not going to talk to her for very long. I feel like If I continue to ignore her that I will kill any chance of getting back together with her.
Milocat Posted December 1, 2011 Posted December 1, 2011 OP: Question... Have you *truly* changed what about you she didn't like though? NC gives her the space she so desired but lets say you get her back. Will you stop being clingy this time? If not, you know you'll just keep repeating this pattern.
Author Prismpunk Posted December 2, 2011 Author Posted December 2, 2011 OP: Question... Have you *truly* changed what about you she didn't like though? NC gives her the space she so desired but lets say you get her back. Will you stop being clingy this time? If not, you know you'll just keep repeating this pattern. Well the thing is that she never told me what she didn't like, but I know she wanted more space and I may have been smothering her. I think I could change my ways and be less clingy, but is the damage already done? Right before we ended the relationship her attitude changed entirely. She was very cold and indifferent. She was a little bit upset though. She didn't seem comfortable with her decision. It was as if she wanted to break up with me even though she knew it could be a mistake and she would regret it.
Author Prismpunk Posted December 2, 2011 Author Posted December 2, 2011 Oh the other thing I forgat to mention. I believe I failed some of her **** tests. At the time I didn't know I was being **** tested. I hadn't seen her in a month and I didn't challenge her to things she said. I was too focused on having a good time and I ignored what she said. She probably perceived this as me being weak instead of me not caring. If you fail a **** test are you automatically ****ed?
SimonMas Posted December 6, 2011 Posted December 6, 2011 Can you link me to his posts? I have not read his thread's and I don't know about his experience. Here is the problem though. When she broke up with me she said she would rather be friends than boyfriend and girlfriend and she had alot of mixed emotions. I was not sure if friends meant she lost her feelings of attraction and didn't want me anymore or if it meant that we could date again in the future. I have heard so many conflicting stories. Most people tell me to ignore her message and not respond. We also live pretty far away from each other right now. If I am going to visit her again. I don't want to visit someone who is just a friend. She also sent that message via facebook. I don't know why she wouldn't just call me or send me a text. Just do a search on the username Suddendumpee and you will get all his posts. An interesting read.
SimonMas Posted December 6, 2011 Posted December 6, 2011 Is it worth it to ask her why she is feeling guilty? I don't think she is feeling guilty. To her, it may just be another one of those summer love stories. Don't read too much or too deep into her messages. Treat them at face value and continue to remain friends with her and see where it leads to. Meanwhile, continue to focus on other things. If something positive happens with her, that's wonderful. If not, so be it...by then you would have already got some other things going for you. Just remember to spend your time wisely and not get yourself too tangle into this. Good luck.
Author Prismpunk Posted December 7, 2011 Author Posted December 7, 2011 (edited) I don't think she is feeling guilty. To her, it may just be another one of those summer love stories. Don't read too much or too deep into her messages. Treat them at face value and continue to remain friends with her and see where it leads to. Meanwhile, continue to focus on other things. If something positive happens with her, that's wonderful. If not, so be it...by then you would have already got some other things going for you. Just remember to spend your time wisely and not get yourself too tangle into this. Good luck. Thanks for the advice. Its been a week and a half since I received that message and I have not responded to her yet at all actually. She has viewed my facebook profile a few times and popped up on the left hand side of my profile under the most active friends list. I think she was expecting me to respond and so far I haven't. The issue is that I know I don't want to just be friends with her. When she gave me the LJBF line she was not being very considerate. I don't know if I want to extend the same consideration to her anymore. Edit: Just Read all of SuddenDumppee's posts on LS. I am blown away by our similarities. That thread is the HOLY ****ING GRAIL! I don't plan on responding at all to this girl. I am pretty grateful for reading that thread. Thanks Guys!!!! Edited December 7, 2011 by Prismpunk
Author Prismpunk Posted December 22, 2011 Author Posted December 22, 2011 (edited) UPDATE: I have taken BCCA's advice and I decided not to respond to her because I did not know what to say. I did not want to ruin NC and look like an idiot so I did not reply to her message and I ignored her. However, I am wondering what to do after what happened today. I know she has been viewing me alot on facebook and I still have her account blocked. She always pops up in the 10 most active friends that I have on the left side of my page. About an hour ago she changed her facebook picture to a photograph of her smiling and acting happy in a pink dress with earrings. I had given her the pink dress and the earrings as a gift. I recognized them in the photograph as its now her main profile picture. Is she trying to make me jealous? Why would she post this photo? Is she just trying to get me to break NC? Thanks for any advice. Prismpunk Edit: Ive been freezing her out for 2 months. Would it be wise to send her a message on christmas or continue to ignore her? Edited December 22, 2011 by Prismpunk
Author Prismpunk Posted December 29, 2011 Author Posted December 29, 2011 New Update: She has a new boyfriend. One of her friends posted this to her facebook wall today at 10 AM: I am having a New Years Party at my house..you and your Boyfriend want to come? Most likely she had another guy lined up when she dumped me. Is this a rebound? What stage is she at in this relationship? Thanks for all of your help.
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