AThoughtfulMan Posted November 26, 2011 Posted November 26, 2011 Hello, all! Got myself in a bit of a pickle, here. So I was looking for some insight… My girlfriend and I (adults, well out of high school) have been together for just over a year now. I’ve made it a point to try to be a good listener but there are times where I have to gently “call her out” so to speak. Anyway, my girl just got back from Thanksgiving with the family, where she just found out that her oldest sister and niece have chosen not to be back for X-mas. Why? Because her oldest sister wants to spend X-mas with her girlfriend, (who the parents don’t approve of) thus making it an uncomfortable situation. There has always been a “she’s selfish and gets away with everything” grudge that my girl has had toward her older sister. For some reason it hit the fan this time. She calls me on the phone and is basically ranting about how her sister is choosing another girl over their family and how their family won’t get to see her niece and she’s being selfish again, blah blah blah. I listened for a bit and then after I opened my mouth... Accurate excerpts from the phone conversation: “She’s choosing [blank] over our family! That’s just like her to be selfish and do what she wants to do.” “I get where you’re coming from, babe, and it does suck that she’s doing that. But at the same time, it's her life and there isn’t anything anyone else can do about it. All other people can do is get to a point where they accept her choices and take her for who she is, ya know?” “What’re you saying I should do? Let her get away with it again like she always does!??!! She always does things like this to the family!!” “Get away with what? Sweetheart, it’s her life, and her choices to make…” “Yeah but it’s always the rest of us that suffers for her choices!” Anyway, I suggested that the best way to move on from this, while still loving her sister, was to learn to accept her but not expect much out of her. Was that wrong of me? Or maybe I just should’ve let her vent a bit more before chiming in? Our conversation was cut short by her having to go to work, so... I don't to be in a fight with her but at the same time if I don't agree with the way she's thinking of the situation. Ughh...
Cee Posted November 26, 2011 Posted November 26, 2011 What you said sounded perfectly reasonable. You were suggesting that she accept that she can't do anything about her sister's behavior. Your girlfriend's reaction shows that she needs to be angry and hurt. That she isn't ready to let go of the resentment. Sounds like she's enmeshed with her family. I don't know what to tell you except follow the advice you gave her. Your girlfriend won't let go of her anger and ranting, so it's best that you try not let it get to you. This sucks for you, but it doesn't look like it will change anytime soon.
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