BigDumbFoot Posted November 26, 2011 Posted November 26, 2011 So, I'm having an incredibly hard time ever seeing myself with anyone else.. I think this is natural after a breakup, but it might be extra hard for me because my ex was the only person I was ever with. It lasted 7 years and now she's gone. I know that this is a little unusual, but I'm sure that there are other people who are in the same boat as me. I want to hear from some of these people and hear about how you are coping with your own breakups.
mike588 Posted November 26, 2011 Posted November 26, 2011 So, I'm having an incredibly hard time ever seeing myself with anyone else.. I think this is natural after a breakup, but it might be extra hard for me because my ex was the only person I was ever with. It lasted 7 years and now she's gone. I know that this is a little unusual, but I'm sure that there are other people who are in the same boat as me. I want to hear from some of these people and hear about how you are coping with your own breakups. It's perfectly normal to feel that way after a breakup. Myself and I'm sure others have all felt the same way. After you heal and become indifferent to her someone else will come along and you'll forget about her and if that relationship fails (I hope not) you'll feel the same way again.
geegirl Posted November 26, 2011 Posted November 26, 2011 So, I'm having an incredibly hard time ever seeing myself with anyone else.. I think this is natural after a breakup, but it might be extra hard for me because my ex was the only person I was ever with. It lasted 7 years and now she's gone. I know that this is a little unusual, but I'm sure that there are other people who are in the same boat as me. I want to hear from some of these people and hear about how you are coping with your own breakups. It's perfectly normal emotions Big. After my divorce, I felt I would never meet someone or emotionally connect with anyone. It's by far the biggest myth in love land! When you're emotionally healthy again and detached from your ex, you will have a different mindset. You will start to feel good about yourself, you'll want to venture out, and you'll get that itch to date again and you'll be flattered when women start to pay you attention and so on and so on. For now, you will have to grieve the loss of her. You'll feel hopeless. Most of all you will feel that life will always feel this way. It's the normal progression of healing. The bad feelings will come in waves. The only way past it is through it. I'm far past my break up. I hope you find comfort and support in those that are on the same journey. I just wanted to tell you that I was where you are. It won't always be this way.
Author BigDumbFoot Posted November 26, 2011 Author Posted November 26, 2011 How long have you been BU? About 5 months now. The thing is, the breakup was very long and complicated. It didn't feel like we were actually broken up until a month and a half after it started.. So maybe only 3 1/2 months.. It was one of those kinds :/ ..
LostJustLost Posted November 26, 2011 Posted November 26, 2011 It's good to read that feeling that was is normal. I feel the same, he was the first, he'll be the last.
M2155 Posted November 26, 2011 Posted November 26, 2011 Definitely normal. It's tough, but it's a really good feeling when you do start to get attention/feel attraction for someone new. I think a positive mindset helps too because we have to have faith about something (that there will be someone else) when we have no prospects right now. But I will never forget when I was dumped once- I pined over this guy for about 9 months post BU. I knew it was over but he was my reference and I could only think about being with him. Then one day bam, I met someone new totally out of the blue and never thought about my ex again. People always say it happens when you least expect it, now if they could only tell me how to stop expecting it.
JohnP82 Posted November 26, 2011 Posted November 26, 2011 I feel that way now too. I meet women seemingly all of the time and I just don't see or feel how I could ever feel that way again.
sweetpea16 Posted November 26, 2011 Posted November 26, 2011 I am going through a break up right now Big and is starting a new relationship. I am still greiving over my ex and trying to love a new person and it is all a mixed up situation. I miss my ex terribly and are surrounded by things that remind me of him everyday. I mean we bought our house together almost a year ago and its hard to live in it alone. I am trying to have my "boyfriend" if you want to call it around but it only helps a little. He is serious about me but i feel like he is just filling the void. Now that my boyfriend is on a 2 week vacation with his family i feel like this is the time i am going to greive over my ex. I mean as soon as i dropped him off at the airport i started bawling my eyes out over my ex. I am just as lost as you but the only thing i can think of is focus on yourself and not the relationship itself. Think of things you can improve on yourself and if someone really loved you they would love all of your imperfections too. The best relationship to have is the one with yourself so i would work on that first. Do things YOU like dont do things you and your ex did and mourn over it. Try new things and then eventually you will be content with yourself and get over them. -sweetpea16
Casablanca Posted November 28, 2011 Posted November 28, 2011 Very natural feeling, I just broke up with my ex last night, and that was one thing that went through my mind (even dumpers think about it), but I knew it wouldnt be fair to either me or my now ex if I stayed just b/c I wanted to be with someone. There is always someone, and they are typically better than the last too
sunflower11 Posted November 28, 2011 Posted November 28, 2011 I felt this way after breaking up with my "first love" However, through the years, I found that the next two guys who came along were seemingly "better" than before, maybe because I got better at choosing who I wanted to be and the qualities I liked/didnt like. It's something that I am starting to really believe, someone better always comes along. This last ex, it has been 2 months since BU and I am realizing now that there were a lot of red flags I chose to ignore and chose to stay because I thought he might change and be different with me..but I am learning the hard way that people don't change for others, they have to change for themselves and unfortunately, he doesn't want to/doesn't care to change. I know someone better will come along because it has happened before
mike588 Posted November 28, 2011 Posted November 28, 2011 I felt this way after breaking up with my "first love" However, through the years, I found that the next two guys who came along were seemingly "better" than before, maybe because I got better at choosing who I wanted to be and the qualities I liked/didnt like. It's something that I am starting to really believe, someone better always comes along. This last ex, it has been 2 months since BU and I am realizing now that there were a lot of red flags I chose to ignore and chose to stay because I thought he might change and be different with me..but I am learning the hard way that people don't change for others, they have to change for themselves and unfortunately, he doesn't want to/doesn't care to change. I know someone better will come along because it has happened before I hear ya. I also ignored many red flags hoping/thinkings would work out. It's been almost 4 months now since the breakup and I've finally realized what a disaster the so called relationship was: She lied to me She used me She betrayed me And I'll bet she cheated on me. What a lesson I've learned,, I know too that someone else will come along and I'll pay close attention to any red flags should they arise.
Glove_slap Posted November 28, 2011 Posted November 28, 2011 You don't have to convince yourself of anything, reality will slowly slip into your mind. The days are going to be long and terribly lonely, the nights are going to be filled with hopes and wishes before you close your eyes and fall into your thoughts. The next day you repeat the same thing, over and over and this goes on for a couple of months until one day you wake up and stop giving a **** about everyone and everything. You then wake up in the morning, brush your teeth, get dressed and leave your house/apartment with the same unchanged apathetic look in your eyes. You begin not to trust anyone and you stop giving a **** about what people think and say about you, this goes on for a couple of more months, sometimes years but then for some reason women begin to give you attention, maybe it's because your being such a douchebag? who knows. After a couple more months you begin to meet new people and slowly turn into a new person, for some reason your happier and less apathetic, you actually want to help people, you actually want to get up in the morning, you realize that life is too short to be moping over some chick and that's really the truth. You give yourself some space and decide you're going to focus on yourself, that you're going to make yourself top priority but then what happens? You get a new girlfriend. Repeat cycle. You'll get over it buddy at some point or another but you will get over it. There might not be anyone "BETTER" but there will be someone "DIFFERENT". Someone who you see is better in your eyes and that's what really matters in the end.
sunflower11 Posted November 28, 2011 Posted November 28, 2011 Yes I mean...I remember thinking with both my last ex's...If I hadn't gone through this with this other guy...if we hadn't broken up ..I would have never gotten to know this other person. Or I would have never experienced a night like tonight.. I would have never known how fast my heart can beat when this other guy holds my hand. Just things like that. I know with time you see them because right now I am stuck on being hurt and angry. It's been 2 months for me and...I am at the point where I think...how will I open up myself to another person? But from experience, I know everything will be alright, because i have been down this road of broken hearts before and I came out just fine
lolita jade Posted November 28, 2011 Posted November 28, 2011 you will know when you are ready. too early on will leave you with confused feelings. wait until time right and you will love again.
mike588 Posted November 28, 2011 Posted November 28, 2011 Moving on is simple, It's what we leave behind that makes it so difficult.
hellfire241 Posted November 28, 2011 Posted November 28, 2011 i know how you feel mate.. bu after 6.5 years together.. if you want to move on its actually pretty simple.. just nc - at least till you are indifferent about the whole situation.. but wanting to make things work and holding on is usually the hardest part.. neither here nor there - in btw the friend and bf zone.
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