Need some with online dating

[Daremo_06]

So I am on match. Put a decent amount of work into my profile, have good pictures up, and I get ZERO responses. I have emailed upwards of 30 women trying all different tacks, asking specific questions about things they wrote about in their profile ect ect.

 

Instead I get emails from women totally out of my range, either geographically or age.

 

What the hell gives?

 

I mean I don't even get the "sorry not interested" which I could live with. Its so frustrating to put all this effort in and get no reaction positive or negative at all.

 

I'm at the point where I am about ready to email the last 3-4 women and say hey I can respect your not interested, but can you give me a hint as to what might have made you decide your not interested?

 

So is this purely a numbers game where I should expect to get responses maybe 1% of the time or something?

 

Or should I just quit match all together and shift to something like networking with family and friends?

[Lobouspo]

Online dating is a pure numbers game, plain and simple. As a guy you really have to be aggressive and creative. Might wanna think about E-Harmony. Supposedly they only match both women and men with their compatibility scale. My point being, women who are actually worth pursuing aren't getting bombarded by tons of guys reviewing their profiles. Would be interested to hear from people if they had more success with EH as opposed to the other sites.

[Daremo_06]

Yeah I'm considering it. I have profiles up on POF and I have made some progress there, but I'm being fairly picky about my search range (factors like distance from me, dont have children, are athletic in some significant way) and I believe POF doesnt have a large enough population in my area.

 

My point is, I have had sucess with women on POF, but with nearly the exact same profile on Match I am batting a huge .000 which is extremely frustrating.

 

I have had EH before, it was alright.

 

Maybe I should just looking into becoming asexual and falling in love with myself hehe

[Daremo_06]

and here is my profile on POF

 

POF

[FitChick]

I think you are too good for POF, which is full of bottom feeders, in my opinion. How long have you been on Match.com? Let's not forget this is holiday season from now until the end of the year, so people are busy shopping, entertaining and visiting family. They also don't want to be in the awkward position of "should I buy a gift" or not if they don't know you that well. Wait until after January 1 when many people make resolutions to find Mr or Ms Right and sign up on dating websites. Many don't want to dump their SOs at this time of year and look like the bad guy or gal. Be patient!

[Daremo_06]

Thank you!!!

 

Hehe, ummm I have been on match about 2 weeks? maybe slightly longer?

 

I'll stick it out and post here when I get annoyed at things.

[CarrieT]

Quotes from your profile which I have questions about...

 

I am looking for a classy woman who has a strong personality yet will compromise.

I'm sorry - as a woman, what the heck do I need to compromise on? This is the weirdest requirement from a guy I think I have ever read... And, with all due respect, EVERY GUY OUT THERE wants a classy woman.

 

Try to inquire about something more original. You say you are a bit of a goofball; why would a classy woman want a goofball? Don't try to pigeonhole the type of woman you want with a litany of expectations; it is a huge turn-off.

 

Instead of building on personality traits who desire or expect, why not start with the simple things; wine, cooking, dancing, etc... No girl will want to try and meet all the expectations you are outlining and it is too difficult to describe a PERSONALITY type.

 

This is just my general impression. I think you look like a great guy, but I'm not sure I would want to respond to you based on your expectations and desires. Be more at ease with yourself and your desires and I think it will go easier for you.

 

Good luck.

[oaks]

Thank you!!!

 

Hehe, ummm I have been on match about 2 weeks? maybe slightly longer?

 

I'll stick it out and post here when I get annoyed at things.

 

So you've only been there for 2 weeks and only contacted 30 women. Your problem is that you were expecting instant results, but online dating isn't like choosing a mail-order girlfriend. They don't tell you that in the adverts, of course, but it takes more time and dedication.

 

Try not to get annoyed - a low response rate is entirely typical for most men on dating sites.

 

One comment on your PoF profile - It seems that you're looking for a younger woman and that you wouldn't consider someone even 2 years older than you. Some women (including some of the younger ones who you want to attract) will judge that negatively (and I'm not saying that's fair or justified... just that it happens). Consider reviewing that.

[Daremo_06]

Quotes from your profile which I have questions about...

 

 

I'm sorry - as a woman, what the heck do I need to compromise on? This is the weirdest requirement from a guy I think I have ever read... And, with all due respect, EVERY GUY OUT THERE wants a classy woman.

 

Try to inquire about something more original. You say you are a bit of a goofball; why would a classy woman want a goofball? Don't try to pigeonhole the type of woman you want with a litany of expectations; it is a huge turn-off.

 

Instead of building on personality traits who desire or expect, why not start with the simple things; wine, cooking, dancing, etc... No girl will want to try and meet all the expectations you are outlining and it is too difficult to describe a PERSONALITY type.

 

This is just my general impression. I think you look like a great guy, but I'm not sure I would want to respond to you based on your expectations and desires. Be more at ease with yourself and your desires and I think it will go easier for you.

 

Good luck.

 

Thanks!

 

This is very helpful.

[forms]

I'm a couple years older than you so outside your age and geographic interest. But I'd respond. You are good looking, articulate and seem approachable.

 

I think it might be timing. My opinion OLD sites have a bunch of people who don't participate but their pictures are up for some reason; then then a a large group of regulars who seem to camp out but aren't really using the site to find someone, it's a hobby or a time killer or a way to get someone to write them emails, I don't know, they are there month after month year after year. I assume they have problems and are undateable.

 

On match I sort by length of membership. I look for people new to the site perhaps within 3 months. These are the most responsive and sincere. They usually try for one subscription, then disappear. Either they get discouraged or they have success. But they are there to find someone.

 

This group changes all the time. You can have a good group or a disappointing group.

 

What I do is I buy a month's subscription twice a year. The difference in response and quality of response is amazing. It's just random.

 

Also the first time I did it, I put a lot of thought and personality in my post. I put it up here and it had positive results--and I got laughable bottom feeders.

 

The next time I put up a nice picture and did the minimum on my profile. I got a far better quality of response and two matches that survived in real life. A friend told me men don't like too much profile and she seems to be right.

 

But women do like well written profiles. And yours seems fine. I especially like you make it easy to read by using paragraphs.

 

I'm guessing your not interested rate is simply because the current batch of new subscribers is just not into what you have to offer. Offer exactly the same thing again in 3 or 4 months and you might get a lot of hits.

 

Good luck.

[Daremo_06]

alrighty... here is an updated about me...

 

 

I'm a funny, sexy, thoughtful, romantic, energetic, well balanced guy. Love dressing up for the night and going out dancing just as much as I love hanging out at home, trying new recipes with someone special and watching a movie together. Also enjoy going out to wine tastings and and trying new restaurants. Travel is another favorite of mine. I was just in Italy where I saw the Vatican, the Colosseum, and Pompei along with having a ton of great food and wine. I even managed to get lost while on an early morning run in Rome which was an adventure.

 

I love staying in shape although I have one of those metabolisms women hate, but I promise that I try to eat healthy and not tempt my partner too much. I have recently picked up running and its really growing on me. Ran my first few 5Ks this year and will definitely be doing more. Which just means I can go to Wright's Dairy Farm more often....(KIDDING!).

 

I work in healthcare at a hospital in MA and its an extremely rewarding job which I love. Its not my entire life though and I do enjoy time off, especially during the summer.

 

I do have a 16yr old son that lives with his mother out of state and I have him for 8 weeks in the summer and at Xmas, along with other short visits at times. I would consider having more kids in the right relationship as well.

 

I am looking for a woman who is physically active, enjoys going out dancing, cooking with a partner, going to wine tastings and trying to find the next great restaurant. Someone that wants to plan the next trip to Europe or South America to explore more of the world. I won't mind if she has a huge shoe collection, though I will tease her a ton about it. A somewhat sarcastic sense of humor is a good perk that I have as well.

 

So if you like doing all of those things and many more, then send a wink or an email.

 

Oh one more thing.... Apparently many of my fellow men grow 2-3" magically when online, well I *AM* actually 6' tall.

 

Its ok to be posting this "help my profile" stuff in this forum right? If there is an OLD forum, i would be happy to move over to it. Either way, I appreciate the feedback from everyone. Its refreshing to hear it and keep it coming.

Edited November 26, 2011 by Daremo_06

[oaks]

Love dressing up for the night and going out dancing just as much as I love hanging out at home, trying new recipes with someone special and watching a movie together.

I think you just said "I love staying in... and going out" in the same sentence. That's banal and probably the single biggest profile cliché so re-word that.

 

Its ok to be posting this "help my profile" stuff in this forum right?

 

Yes. It's on-topic, unlike much of the other stuff.

[FitChick]

I think you just said "I love staying in... and going out" in the same sentence. That's banal and probably the single biggest profile cliché so re-word that.

 

No it isn't because he actually said what he enjoys doing when he goes out or stays in. Many men don't understand the difference.

[FitChick]

I am looking for a woman who is physically active, enjoys going out dancing, cooking with a partner, going to wine tastings and trying to find the next great restaurant.

 

Someone that wants to plan the next trip to Europe or South America to explore more of the world.

 

 

You're basically repeating what you said earlier in terms of what you like. A woman who likes the same things doesn't need to read it twice.

 

I like to travel but can't often afford it so either the boyfriend pays or we go less often. You need to specify you want a woman who can afford to travel, since I doubt you will be paying.

 

Otherwise, it sounds good. I still think you are wasting your time on POF!

[PlumPrincess]

So you've only been there for 2 weeks and only contacted 30 women. Your problem is that you were expecting instant results, but online dating isn't like choosing a mail-order girlfriend. They don't tell you that in the adverts, of course, but it takes more time and dedication.

 

Try not to get annoyed - a low response rate is entirely typical for most men on dating sites.

 

One comment on your PoF profile - It seems that you're looking for a younger woman and that you wouldn't consider someone even 2 years older than you. Some women (including some of the younger ones who you want to attract) will judge that negatively (and I'm not saying that's fair or justified... just that it happens). Consider reviewing that.

You're spilling out all the secrets...

[FitChick]

Also like to question the whole 'must not have kids' thing... A lot of women would have at least one child by the age of 33, kind of contradictive since you also have a child, and would probably cut out 80% of women 33-45 on dating websites. Maybe you should be less picky?

 

I always specify someone who does not have kids living at home and who are independent.

[Daremo_06]

I'm actually really using POF as a fine tuning for my Match profile. I have changed my settings to be a little more open as some people have suggested. When I search, I bring them in tighter to what I am looking for.

[FitChick]

I broadened my age range to go a bit younger than I normally would and I recently heard from a man who looks like he could be Gerard Butler's cousin. He is 17 years younger than I am and a widower with no kids.

 

Worst case scenario would be him thinking the age gap is too large but he'd fix me up with his cousin Gerard Butler.

[oaks]

You're spilling out all the secrets...

 

And I thought I was being quite subtle.