JEP Posted November 25, 2011 Posted November 25, 2011 last week I expressed concern to my fiancee about her male coworker friend whom she texted and talked to more than she did with me. her excuse was that its because we live together. anyway after telling her it made me slightly uncomfortable. she said that she's not going to stop talking to her friends because i dont like it. which isnt what i was asking, just a little bit more attention my way was all i wanted(we hadn't been intimate for 2 months because she was always tired or stressed) I admit the next thing i did was wrong... well next few things. i began snooping her phone and discovered that she was still texting him very routinely and even at times when she said she was texting someone else. there was also a text from him saying he couldnt get the images out of his head. so i texted him and said what images, his reply "the clothespins and the pearl neckless" i did not know if it was referencing those things about my fiance or not but i flipped out and mentioned it (after coming clean about my deception) they said it was in reference to his fascination of another co-worker. i however also found two pictures in her gallery that were "teasers" standing with nothing but panties covering breasts and one of her butt that she took. pictures i never saw and i asked if she was sending pictures to him. she responded that she was shocked and offended and the pictures were just her trying to see her body better because she was self conscious about gaining a few pounds. even though i had numerous red flags, all blame goes to me for snooping and we fight all day. but we made up and were all good until she went to visit her parents over thanksgiving. now her engagement ring is back off. her mom thinks we should take a break, dad thinks we should completely end. and she's telling me she wants space. she's still texting him by the way i caught a glimpse of his name on the phone but she is using the passcode now after my snoop session. she wont talk about her texting him at all and is hiding it from me. i love her with all my heart and want to believe her but its difficult when she is hiding these things from me. and of course im the only one who has anything to be sorry for. she has also forbidden me from talking to her parents i'm sorry this post is so long. i just really want some unbiased advice on my situation. everything from my family and friends say i was right to be suspicious(but maybe not acted like such a bull). was i really just acting like a prick that night? or was i justified(if only a tiny bit)?
SincereOnlineGuy Posted November 25, 2011 Posted November 25, 2011 "D.T.M.F.A.!!!!!" (and tell her parents every little detail)
writergal Posted November 26, 2011 Posted November 26, 2011 (edited) last week I expressed concern to my fiancee about her male coworker friend whom she texted and talked to more than she did with me. her excuse was that its because we live together. anyway after telling her it made me slightly uncomfortable. she said that she's not going to stop talking to her friends because i dont like it. which isnt what i was asking, just a little bit more attention my way was all i wanted(we hadn't been intimate for 2 months because she was always tired or stressed) I admit the next thing i did was wrong... well next few things. i began snooping her phone and discovered that she was still texting him very routinely and even at times when she said she was texting someone else. there was also a text from him saying he couldnt get the images out of his head. so i texted him and said what images, his reply "the clothespins and the pearl neckless" i did not know if it was referencing those things about my fiance or not but i flipped out and mentioned it (after coming clean about my deception) they said it was in reference to his fascination of another co-worker. i however also found two pictures in her gallery that were "teasers" standing with nothing but panties covering breasts and one of her butt that she took. pictures i never saw and i asked if she was sending pictures to him. she responded that she was shocked and offended and the pictures were just her trying to see her body better because she was self conscious about gaining a few pounds. even though i had numerous red flags, all blame goes to me for snooping and we fight all day. but we made up and were all good until she went to visit her parents over thanksgiving. now her engagement ring is back off. her mom thinks we should take a break, dad thinks we should completely end. and she's telling me she wants space. she's still texting him by the way i caught a glimpse of his name on the phone but she is using the passcode now after my snoop session. she wont talk about her texting him at all and is hiding it from me. i love her with all my heart and want to believe her but its difficult when she is hiding these things from me. and of course im the only one who has anything to be sorry for. she has also forbidden me from talking to her parents i'm sorry this post is so long. i just really want some unbiased advice on my situation. everything from my family and friends say i was right to be suspicious(but maybe not acted like such a bull). was i really just acting like a prick that night? or was i justified(if only a tiny bit)? She's cheating on you. Sorry but all the red flags are there. And the EXACT same thing happened to me with my ex-boyfriend who was cheating on me with his female coworker, although we dated for only 3 months. He did the exact same things that your fiance did to you. He lied to me constantly about texting his female coworker whose flirty text messages to him were proof to me that they were involved. After three months, it came to a head on New Years Eve when he was texting during dinner with myself and a married couple. We got into a huge argument about his texting during dinner (I told him it was really rude). And when we got back to his apartment, I asked him if he had texted her during dinner and he lied and said no. Then he went to bed and I stayed awak. I snooped on his cellphone and saw that he had indeed texted her during dinner with me. Then I woke him up and we had it out. When I finally confessed to him that I'd snooped on his cellphone out of concern for his constant lying, he focused on that as the reason to break up with me rather than admit that he'd been cheating on me with his female coworker behind my back while we dated. Then about six months after that, he emailed me that he had moved to a new city with his female coworker and they were together. If only I had listened to my intuition and paid attention to all the red flags dating him, I would have left before 3 months and saved myself the heartache. I think your fiance is cheating on you with her male coworker but doesn't want to tell you. I think you're better off walking away from her now. Her defensive comments about her cellphone photos of her body are SO OBVIOUSLY lies. Those photos were for her male coworker. It's plain as day. I don't believe for a second that she took photos of herself because she has body image problems. Please acknowledge the red flags she's thrown your way as her way of showing you that she's just not that into you and get away from her as fast as possible. You deserve to be with a woman who is emotionally available and who doesn't lie to you about who she texts. Edited November 26, 2011 by writergal
Coil Posted November 26, 2011 Posted November 26, 2011 in short I say dump her. She obviously has no respect for you or the relationship and is playing games.
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