Nyx Posted November 25, 2011 Posted November 25, 2011 I was thinking about my ex MM - he wasn’t actually married but a long term partner. He never had a bad word to say about his partner. From what I understand there wasn’t anything actually missing from their relationship other than some sexual and emotional/fetish drives that she didn’t share. Rather than ending the relationship he chose to go behind her back, not just once but on multiple occasions. He told me that this happened constantly during their 25 year relationship. His excuse to me was that she suspected but didn’t want to ‘know’. I have no idea whether this was true or not. My relationship with him became impossible for me to maintain when it turned out he was lying to us both. Too bad you might say, once a liar and a cheat, always a liar and a cheat. And yes, I think you’d be right which leads me on to the crux of this post. Although I wanted to be with him on a permanent non-shared basis, the person who I’d fallen for was the same person who cheated on his partner and me. Once we had parted ways my thoughts became clearer and I asked myself whether that would be acceptable should by some miracle we ever get together again – and it wasn’t. But I wondered, but what if suddenly he completely lost his memory (like in the movies!) would he be happy to have a long term relationship with me only, or for that matter any other woman? I strongly suspect that he wouldn’t as I don’t think his cheating is due to circumstances but due to his innate character that I or anyone else couldn’t change at this late stage. So imagine you hit your MM over the head with a baseball bat (that might be quite appealing for some) and he lost his memory. My question is, assuming you met again once he’d lost his memory and fallen for one another, would that change the way he relates to you, and his loyalty and fidelity to you in the long term or is he hard-wired to cheat regardless of the circumstances?
TigerCub Posted November 25, 2011 Posted November 25, 2011 That's an interesting question I think my xMM cheats because he has a lot of voids within himself that he's trying to "fill". In his case, I think a lot of it stems from his childhood, but there could be a lot more to it - but that's my guess based on what I knew about his daddy/abandonment issues. So in that case, if he still had those voids, he most likely would cheat. Being cowardly and passive aggressive are things that are characteristics, and not linked to memory - so that would make him capable yet again of cheating whenever he felt empty or things weren't going his way. So...to answer your question after my long ass novel - Yes, I think he could still resort to cheating, no matter who he is with and what new memories he has. He is what he is..
kareena Posted November 26, 2011 Posted November 26, 2011 Quite interesting! I knew a woman who got into a car accident and ended up having severe amnesia,she and her husband got a divorce soon after because she simply couldn't live with a stranger although their relationship was perfectly fine before that..weird isn't it!! I think that experiencing memory loss changes a person drastically because we are who we are because of the experiences we have been through and the choices we have made..losing that means losing yourself,and in a way it's a chance for you to start over again..could be for better,and it could be for worse it all depends on the new experiences that you will go through..
findingnemo Posted November 26, 2011 Posted November 26, 2011 If your MM loses his memory, he won't remember you either. Even in the movies I'm sure that's what happens. What's the point really? Unless you are hoping that he'll forget you exist and you'll be able to move on easily. As in, the A never happened. Come to think of it, perhaps it would a good thing if APs lost some specific memories. Sure would make life a lot easier for those who still suffer the emotional consequences.
MissBee Posted November 26, 2011 Posted November 26, 2011 (edited) Interesting thread and question I think why someone has an affair is very important and like you, I questioned my ability to have a non-shared relationship with my former AP, as, I simply could not be sure that what he was doing was a one time lapse in judgment because I was so special OR was it reflective of his way of being, that has nothing to do with me, and therefore I would need to be worried about his fidelity if we were together. Those are important concerns that shouldn't be shoved aside. I do think it is possible for a cheater to stop cheating, or for it to be a one time thing....what I think is foolish is for people to simply assume that is the case and to ignore the hard questions, facing what happened and entertaining the possibility that this could be a future problem and something that has to be addressed before riding off into the sunset.To simply assume that of course it's just a special situation and with me they'd never. Don't assume that. If a non-shared relationship is on the offer, I suggest some couple's counseling to really discuss what happened, why, your new relationship and how that may play out. Edited November 26, 2011 by MissBee
LilMissMovinOn Posted November 28, 2011 Posted November 28, 2011 (edited) I was thinking about my ex MM - he wasn’t actually married but a long term partner. He never had a bad word to say about his partner. From what I understand there wasn’t anything actually missing from their relationship other than some sexual and emotional/fetish drives that she didn’t share. Rather than ending the relationship he chose to go behind her back, not just once but on multiple occasions. He told me that this happened constantly during their 25 year relationship. His excuse to me was that she suspected but didn’t want to ‘know’. I have no idea whether this was true or not. My relationship with him became impossible for me to maintain when it turned out he was lying to us both. Too bad you might say, once a liar and a cheat, always a liar and a cheat. And yes, I think you’d be right which leads me on to the crux of this post. Although I wanted to be with him on a permanent non-shared basis, the person who I’d fallen for was the same person who cheated on his partner and me. Once we had parted ways my thoughts became clearer and I asked myself whether that would be acceptable should by some miracle we ever get together again – and it wasn’t. But I wondered, but what if suddenly he completely lost his memory (like in the movies!) would he be happy to have a long term relationship with me only, or for that matter any other woman? I strongly suspect that he wouldn’t as I don’t think his cheating is due to circumstances but due to his innate character that I or anyone else couldn’t change at this late stage. So imagine you hit your MM over the head with a baseball bat (that might be quite appealing for some) and he lost his memory. My question is, assuming you met again once he’d lost his memory and fallen for one another, would that change the way he relates to you, and his loyalty and fidelity to you in the long term or is he hard-wired to cheat regardless of the circumstances? Hilarious!!! Thanks! I SOOO needed to read this today. And no, even if my cheating ex lost his memory, he would not end up in an exclusive relationship with me. Why? Because I wouldn't let his lying cheatin ass near me ever again in a flamin pink fit! LOL (My XNMBLTR ex was obviously in the innately flawed cat) The mere thought of such a thing after all I was subjected to, has me almost in tears of laughter! I feel so much better now! Get back together? (almost falls off chair) I'm sorry .... I have to go to the loo before I wet myself!!! SOO too funny...ROFLMAO :laugh: Edited November 28, 2011 by LilMissMovinOn
Hazyhead Posted November 28, 2011 Posted November 28, 2011 Can I lose my memory instead? That would suit me much more and I'd be like xMM who? Sounds blissful...
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