How to act like a ''lady'' and what exactly are the qualities?

[samsungxoxo]

I'm aware some guys are with the mentality ''I'll treat her like a lady if she acts like one, but once she stops that's it she's like another man to me''. I can take it the wrong way and think he wants an old-fashioned super feminine woman.

 

Personally I would be bother by that type of individual and probably the date wouldn't last for more than a couple hrs (or minutes) because he's putting conditions and it feels like a threat to me. Plus it seems like an very old term.

 

Historically a lady was really a rich woman with a nobility title.

 

Have a couple of questions?

 

1) What exactly does she have to do to be considered a ''lady''?

2) What would be all the listed qualities that would fit that ''lady'' category?

3) What about the tomboys?

4) Why should I bother trying if a condition is being put from the start?

[Els]

I'm sure it depends entirely on the man. In the first place, your premise is slightly false - some men genuinely don't care for traditional gender roles such as the 'lady' and gentleman'. Others do care about the woman being the 'lady' but themselves are not interested in being a 'gentleman' - those are evident cake-eaters and should be avoided. Also, every person's definition varies, I am sure.

 

To some, a lady is defined by her poise and attitude, kindness and a soft heart.

To others, she is defined by the way she dresses and carries herself.

To others, she is defined by the way she treats a man.

[LittleTiger]

This quiz gives a fair idea of what's generally thought of as 'ladylike' behaviour (in polite society ) but I think you'd be considered pretty old fashioned if you can tick all the boxes!

 

http://blogthings.com/areyoualadyquiz/

[samsungxoxo]

This quiz gives a fair idea of what's generally thought of as 'ladylike' behaviour (in polite society ) but I think you'd be considered pretty old fashioned if you can tick all the boxes!

 

http://blogthings.com/areyoualadyquiz/

That's a good idea. I'm going to take the quiz now. Will get you the results in just a moment.

[samsungxoxo]

The following results for me on the ladylike quiz is:

 

You Are 56% Lady

You're part lady, part modern woman.

Etiquette is important to you, but you brush aside rules that are outdated or silly.

[samsungxoxo]

someone yells at you, you don't raise your voice in return.

In this case, it would depend on the reason, who is yelling, I'm I at fault at something and why.

 

If I'm being yelled at for doing something wrong in my job and it was a huge mistake then iit's understandable.

 

If it's because I'm not helping my mother at all and she find all the house dirty then it's deserved.

 

If it's for no good reason, I might well send them to hell. I will not allow someone to disrespect or raise their voice at me whenever they want to.

 

Very hard to walked away from getting yelled at. I don't like being screamed in my face. If someone wants to talk to me, yelling ain't gonna make me listen.

[mammamia1]

my result: You Are 80% Lady

Overall, you are a refined lady with excellent manners.

But you also know when to relax and not get too serious about etiquette

 

I'm 20-something years old and not that old-fashioned, so it's possible for someone young to follow those behaviors. Just saying.

[dasein]

Traditional largesse shown to women has always been conditional. Categorizing courtship conditions as "threats" is silly as they have always been there, running both ways, and in fact are less stringent now than in the past. In the past, largesse was conditioned fairly strictly on chastity, consistency, and a socially varied division of labor that included women raising children and keeping house, among other things.

 

Few if any men would ever "court" women who has the same sexual history or behavior as the average man, who behaved one way with one group of men and a different way with another, who were out on the town partying at night as opposed to at home receiving suitors, who engaged in "vices" such as frequent use of alcohol, whose choice of mate did not involve family scrutiny, who did not adhere to traditional family based concepts of division of labor.

 

There are subjective elements running both ways also, there were no hard and fast rules, just general standards in a particular community. For example, in one community, women who didn't come with a dowry weren't courted, but in another community dowries might not be the standard, or may even run the opposite way, towards the female's family. The point is that courtship and marriage used to contain communal elements which they don't usually today.

 

That said, here are some of the qualities of a modern "lady" IMO

 

1. Sexual self control and lack of impulsivity - Women have far greater control of their sexual behavior than men. Impulsive sexual behavior in a woman is often a sign of other prospective impulsivity problems including substance abuse, overspending, risk taking, even rising to emotional or personality disorders, let alone the increased chance of STDs and the impact of those on bearing healthy young. A normal number of sexual partners is hard to pin down, and depends on cultural standards somewhat, but the problem women to definitely avoid are relatively easy to spot. Sexually impulsive women don't deserve courtship largesse.

 

2. Consistency - Many women today, buying the "you can have it all" lies, change their behavior and stated life goals like clothing, depending on pure emotion, what she wants in the moment. This includes behaving in one way with one group of men (fun, bad boy, hot, FWB) while simultaneously or near simultaneously behaving in a completely different, even dishonest way with other men (provider, good father, stable). Accepting courtship largesse from one group of men while "having one's fun" with a different group of men is a form of lying. Liars don't deserve courtship. That is only one major example, there are others involving all aspects of life, not just sexual. People who have never had to make choices in life and condition their behavior in accordance with those choices are bad bets for marriage partners. Inconsistent women don't deserve courtship largesse.

 

3. Privilege - Women of quality are capable of showing gratitude and gratefulness, not having extremely high expectations of "what I deserve simply because I am a woman and Daddy told me I am perfect." Privileged women are the first to call a man "cheap" if he expects her to pay for part of an early date. Privileged women expect the man to pay for an undue part of all courtship and even after, even if she makes more money. Privileged women have long lists of "must haves" in a man and immediately start a rather rude evaluation process of any man they meet. Privileged women expect lavish gifts, trips, treats, favors from men while never giving any themselves. The most privileged women tend to be outspoken feminists. These are bad bets because they tend to be the most irrational selfish, drama laden ones also. Privileged women don't deserve courtship largesse.

 

4. Social life - Ladies aren't out constantly partying or getting drunk AT ANY AGE. If you were a drunken party whore last year, you are right this minute also. The best predictor of future human behavior is past behavior. Because of intelligence deficits on this forum, need to clarify this for the straw man crowd, that doesn't mean ladies have no social life. Ladies are out a couple nights a week, and one of those nights does not involve bars or clubs at all, but may be something cultural or charitable. Ladies have no problem staying home for a solid week, and aren't running around drunk and shrieking. Women who have to be constantly "out" and whose social life revolves around partying and boozing don't deserve courtship largesse.

 

5. Accountability and Responsibility - Ladies accept accountability for their own behavior and have an innate sense that they bear the responsibility for their actions. If they do something wrong they admit it and learn from it instead of going into a sobbing fit and starting fingerpointing. Women who are constantly trying to shift blame to others, rationalizing their own bad behavior, full of excuses, are terrible bets for marriage and relationships and so don't deserve courtship largesse.

 

So to summarize a lady is:

 

Prudent in her sexual behavior

Consistent

Possessed of a grateful as opposed to a privileged attitude

Moderate in her nighttime social life

Accepts accountability for her behavior

 

I don't have any problem showing courtship favors to women who possess all of the above, the others are just the same as men but with a vagina, and more importantly are a dime a dozen today, why pay for them or treat them special?

[samsungxoxo]

You can do whatever you like. Let others control your behavior. Despite your use of 'not allow' you are doing the opposite. You are allowing them to control your behavior by pressing buttons that get a reaction from you.

That's an interesting point and it reminds me of reverse psychology... doing the opposite of what they are expecting (meaning they don't get the reaction they were expecting).

[samsungxoxo]

So to summarize a lady is:

 

Prudent in her sexual behavior

Consistent

Possessed of a grateful as opposed to a privileged attitude

Moderate in her nighttime social life

Accepts accountability for her behavior

Much better explained and seems fair to me. I also think those women that party all day long just to get drunk and act like a fool or have tons of sex male partners don't deserve meaningful relationships or aren't really marriage material.

 

With the privilege example it's ok and I wouldn't mind paying my part on the date but there is only one problem. Some guys (not all but certain) are now going to the extreme of not even putting an impression or going as cheap as possible, for example to McDonalds or something worth $3. They are just doing it to test us, not because it comes out natural with them. I want to avoid bumping into ones of those. And if we give out our opinion about this, even one single suggestion he starts jumping to conclusion that it's another materialist woman when she's not. There is always a balance to everything.

 

In this case, why bother trying if he isn't trying either?

[the wizard]

my result: You Are 80% Lady

Overall, you are a refined lady with excellent manners.

But you also know when to relax and not get too serious about etiquette

 

I'm 20-something years old and not that old-fashioned, so it's possible for someone young to follow those behaviors. Just saying.

 

Can't be accurate. You slept with a guy within the first date. A lady doesn't do that.

[samsungxoxo]

Can't be accurate. You slept with a guy within the first date. A lady doesn't do that.

Yeah while I'm on the other extreme. I only had 1 sex partner (my now ex bf) and haven't slept with a guy since May 2007.

[the wizard]

A lady doesn't:

 

-swear excessively or in public

-dresses tastefully

-doesn't sleep with men on the first date nor the second or third, has self respect isn't easy or slutty

-isn't a club/bar native or a boozewhore

[smokey bear]

Hey Hey, great post, im 88% lady, cheered me up

[the wizard]

Yeah while I'm on the other extreme. I only had 1 sex partner (my now ex bf) and haven't slept with a guy since May 2007.

 

That sucks! But it is refreshing to know that there are some women out there who aren't easy sluts.

[samsungxoxo]

That sucks! But it is refreshing to know that there are some women out there who aren't easy sluts.

I know and classes (University research works are harder here in Peru than in the US and it's taking me pages to write these articles but I got good grades on the mid-term exams so far) are making it difficult for me to hang out with my friends and possibly go on a date.

 

I guess I'll one day be free (available).

[samsungxoxo]

Hey Hey, great post, im 88% lady, cheered me up

Congrats you did better than me.

[dasein]

In this case, why bother trying if he isn't trying either?

 

Wait a minute, "trying" for a man is approaching and making contact, asking women out to do things that are interesting and fun, maybe travelling to her area, maybe picking her up and doing the driving, making themselves physically attractive via attention to grooming and clothing in the same way women do, being pleasant and fun on a date, offering interesting conversation.

 

None of those things other than transportation costs has anything to do with buying food, drink or tickets for the woman. Men do lots of "trying" in the above steps. Equating "trying" to "paying" is just another form of a privileged attitude.

[Negative Nancy]

Traditional largesse shown to women has always been conditional. Categorizing courtship conditions as "threats" is silly as they have always been there, running both ways, and in fact are less stringent now than in the past. In the past, largesse was conditioned fairly strictly on chastity, consistency, and a socially varied division of labor that included women raising children and keeping house, among other things.

 

Few if any men would ever "court" women who has the same sexual history or behavior as the average man, who behaved one way with one group of men and a different way with another, who were out on the town partying at night as opposed to at home receiving suitors, who engaged in "vices" such as frequent use of alcohol, whose choice of mate did not involve family scrutiny, who did not adhere to traditional family based concepts of division of labor.

 

There are subjective elements running both ways also, there were no hard and fast rules, just general standards in a particular community. For example, in one community, women who didn't come with a dowry weren't courted, but in another community dowries might not be the standard, or may even run the opposite way, towards the female's family. The point is that courtship and marriage used to contain communal elements which they don't usually today.

 

That said, here are some of the qualities of a modern "lady" IMO

 

1. Sexual self control and lack of impulsivity - Women have far greater control of their sexual behavior than men. Impulsive sexual behavior in a woman is often a sign of other prospective impulsivity problems including substance abuse, overspending, risk taking, even rising to emotional or personality disorders, let alone the increased chance of STDs and the impact of those on bearing healthy young. A normal number of sexual partners is hard to pin down, and depends on cultural standards somewhat, but the problem women to definitely avoid are relatively easy to spot. Sexually impulsive women don't deserve courtship largesse.

 

2. Consistency - Many women today, buying the "you can have it all" lies, change their behavior and stated life goals like clothing, depending on pure emotion, what she wants in the moment. This includes behaving in one way with one group of men (fun, bad boy, hot, FWB) while simultaneously or near simultaneously behaving in a completely different, even dishonest way with other men (provider, good father, stable). Accepting courtship largesse from one group of men while "having one's fun" with a different group of men is a form of lying. Liars don't deserve courtship. That is only one major example, there are others involving all aspects of life, not just sexual. People who have never had to make choices in life and condition their behavior in accordance with those choices are bad bets for marriage partners. Inconsistent women don't deserve courtship largesse.

 

3. Privilege - Women of quality are capable of showing gratitude and gratefulness, not having extremely high expectations of "what I deserve simply because I am a woman and Daddy told me I am perfect." Privileged women are the first to call a man "cheap" if he expects her to pay for part of an early date. Privileged women expect the man to pay for an undue part of all courtship and even after, even if she makes more money. Privileged women have long lists of "must haves" in a man and immediately start a rather rude evaluation process of any man they meet. Privileged women expect lavish gifts, trips, treats, favors from men while never giving any themselves. The most privileged women tend to be outspoken feminists. These are bad bets because they tend to be the most irrational selfish, drama laden ones also. Privileged women don't deserve courtship largesse.

 

4. Social life - Ladies aren't out constantly partying or getting drunk AT ANY AGE. If you were a drunken party whore last year, you are right this minute also. The best predictor of future human behavior is past behavior. Because of intelligence deficits on this forum, need to clarify this for the straw man crowd, that doesn't mean ladies have no social life. Ladies are out a couple nights a week, and one of those nights does not involve bars or clubs at all, but may be something cultural or charitable. Ladies have no problem staying home for a solid week, and aren't running around drunk and shrieking. Women who have to be constantly "out" and whose social life revolves around partying and boozing don't deserve courtship largesse.

 

5. Accountability and Responsibility - Ladies accept accountability for their own behavior and have an innate sense that they bear the responsibility for their actions. If they do something wrong they admit it and learn from it instead of going into a sobbing fit and starting fingerpointing. Women who are constantly trying to shift blame to others, rationalizing their own bad behavior, full of excuses, are terrible bets for marriage and relationships and so don't deserve courtship largesse.

 

So to summarize a lady is:

 

Prudent in her sexual behavior

Consistent

Possessed of a grateful as opposed to a privileged attitude

Moderate in her nighttime social life

Accepts accountability for her behavior

 

I don't have any problem showing courtship favors to women who possess all of the above, the others are just the same as men but with a vagina, and more importantly are a dime a dozen today, why pay for them or treat them special?

 

so much bs in one paragraph....

 

first off, no, women do not have greater control of their sexual behavior nor should they constantly be held to the "moral gatekeeper" standard cos THAT just gives men a free pass. that's pretty much saying "if a woman offers herself to me, i just can't help it, i just have to ffff her cos i'm a man". if women are expected to have self-control, so should men. self-control in a man to me is if he's able (and most of: willing) to walk away even if a playboy model would spread herself in front of him and offer herself to him. THAT is self-control. that is what a real man is about, not one that is indulging in every sexual whim.

 

just like you guys don't want us to be emotional trainwrecks, we don't want you to be sexual trainwrecks that ffff anything that moves. so your "self-control" speech actually applies even more to men than to women, cos women are not as easily swayed by sex to begin with.

 

basically it would be like us women saying "oh well, we know you men expect us to exercise self-control when indulging in sweets, cakes and candy for the sake of maintaining our figures, but we just can't help it. if a delicious piece of caking is laying there, we just gotta eat it. the food industry should be the moral gatekeeper and not offer it to us in the first place." you catch my drift....so be a friggin man and own your decision of wanting to bang that piece of ass instead of laying all responsibility and guilt on her by saying she should've been the "gatekeeper"

 

as for the rest of your post, it easily applies to men as well.

[musemaj11]

Personally I would be bother by that type of individual and probably the date wouldn't last for more than a couple hrs (or minutes) because he's putting conditions and it feels like a threat to me. Plus it seems like an very old term.

Arent you the same woman who thinks that a man should pay on dates and be a gentleman? Oh the irony ...

[the wizard]

so much bs in one paragraph....

 

first off, no, women do not have greater control of their sexual behavior nor should they constantly be held to the "moral gatekeeper" standard cos THAT just gives men a free pass. that's pretty much saying "if a woman offers herself to me, i just can't help it, i just have to ffff her cos i'm a man". if women are expected to have self-control, so should men. self-control in a man to me is if he's able (and most of: willing) to walk away even if a playboy model would spread herself in front of him and offer herself to him. THAT is self-control. that is what a real man is about, not one that is indulging in every sexual whim.

 

just like you guys don't want us to be emotional trainwrecks, we don't want you to be sexual trainwrecks that ffff anything that moves. so your "self-control" speech actually applies even more to men than to women, cos women are not as easily swayed by sex to begin with.

 

basically it would be like us women saying "oh well, we know you men expect us to exercise self-control when indulging in sweets, cakes and candy for the sake of maintaining our figures, but we just can't help it. if a delicious piece of caking is laying there, we just gotta eat it. the food industry should be the moral gatekeeper and not offer it to us in the first place." you catch my drift....so be a friggin man and own your decision of wanting to bang that piece of ass instead of laying all responsibility and guilt on her by saying she should've been the "gatekeeper"

 

as for the rest of your post, it easily applies to men as well.

 

No it actually is pretty tough for men to turn down sex with an attractive woman. Women aren't as hungry/readily available for sex which could only mean that women have better self control. Why do you think women are held to a higher level of self control? If a guy tells me he slept with two hot women at the same time I'm going to congratulate him. If a woman tells me she slept with two hot men at once I'm going to be disgusted.

[samsungxoxo]

Wait a minute, "trying" for a man is approaching and making contact, asking women out to do things that are interesting and fun, maybe travelling to her area, maybe picking her up and doing the driving, making themselves physically attractive via attention to grooming and clothing in the same way women do, being pleasant and fun on a date, offering interesting conversation.

Anyone can groom themselves and off course this is important. Same as you wouldn't go in old, smelly pants to an job interview. Regarding driving, sure but my female friend and mother can drive too so just because he has a car to take the woman out doesn't mean he's the one. I had an ex bf that didn't have a car and we had fun on the first couple dates. In this case the man is only doing the basic things..... big deal. This doesn't gives him an A. He can have a car but the date can suck too.

None of those things other than transportation costs has anything to do with buying food, drink or tickets for the woman. Men do lots of "trying" in the above steps. Equating "trying" to "paying" is just another form of a privileged attitude.

No where in the thread did I said about tickets so don't see where you getting this from. Again you're assuming she's a materialist. No... I wouldn't mind paying too if I see he's trying and it's coming naturally... not just to test me.

[samsungxoxo]

Arent you the same woman who thinks that a man should pay on dates and be a gentleman? Oh the irony ...

I was responding to another member long ago and it was stated as a suggestion (optional if he wants to) but I wouldn't mind paying my part too.

[samsungxoxo]

No it actually is pretty tough for men to turn down sex with an attractive woman.

Not if he were in a relationship/marriage. That statement is like saying men will cheat if given the chance because they can't help it.

[dasein]

first off, no, women do not have greater control of their sexual behavior

 

Yes, they absolutely do, no debate possible. An average woman can lay in bed and call random men from the phone book over to sex her if she wants. An average man cannot do this. Sick of women rationalizing and out and out lying about this plain fact here on LS. It's apparently -that- important today for women to have the "men do it too" lie to justify and escape all accountability for their whorish behavior despite the fact that they know full well men and women aren't the same where seeking and obtaining sex is concerned.

 

if women are expected to have self-control, so should men.

 

Women are certainly free to exclude men who are sexually indiscriminate, but dur-de-dur-dur-dur, this thread isn't about that, is it? This thread is about what standards of female behavior warrant women being treated in a -special- way, as a lady, paid for, courted. If a woman can't act better than the average man sexually, she doesn't deserve special treatment as a "lady."

 

But sure, feel free not to pay for men on early dates, send us flowers, buy us courtship gifts, drive us around, pull out our chairs, open doors for us based on any criteria you like. That's just fine. It's not like you or any other women were doing that anyway.