FitChick Posted November 25, 2011 Posted November 25, 2011 Has the OP had a vasectomy, since he doesn't want kids? Any man who doesn't want kids and who is remotely intelligent would get a vasectomy. So many foolish men get trapped into fatherhood by dating younger, fertile women. Amazingly, the thought never seems to occur to them that she might accidentally (or accidentally on purpose) get pregnant. Boggles the mind!
ThsAmericanLife Posted November 25, 2011 Posted November 25, 2011 or men who string women along by telling her that, sure, they want a family one day, just not yet...but what they fail to disclose is that they don't necessarily want a family with her. and then all of a sudden the woman finds herself dumped in her thirties and has a much harder time starting a family because finding another suitable man takes time and by the time she found him she might have no shot at having kids anymore. while the men can still relatively easy become a father by hooking up with someone younger. women get the short end of the stick so they should watch out who they're pairing themselves up with. that's why i recently told my bf that if he doesn't see us going anywhere as far as family goes he should tell me so that i'd have at least another chance at starting one some day. maybe i don't want kids, i am kinda indecisive at the moment, but i'd like to be given the option to make that decision at least. good for you to make your expectations known... and I agree that women who want a family have more at stake and need to plan their time wisely.
Negative Nancy Posted November 25, 2011 Posted November 25, 2011 good for you to make your expectations known... and I agree that women who want a family have more at stake and need to plan their time wisely. yeah, he looked at me like i was crazy and told me i seriously need to stop reading on this forum
ThsAmericanLife Posted November 25, 2011 Posted November 25, 2011 yeah, he looked at me like i was crazy and told me i seriously need to stop reading on this forum hey, learn from thems thats been there, eh? It is perfectly understandable why men feel they have more time to decide if they want kids or not... It is also perfectly understandable for a smart woman to plan accordingly... There are ways to find out what you need to know about his intentions without getting too pushy or annoying about it... I'd also argue for a timeline...
phineas Posted November 25, 2011 Posted November 25, 2011 That's very interesting. Why is that you think? I have never dated anyone with kids so I haven't experienced anything similar. Well, off-hand I noticed that when I didn't have my kids they wanted me to spend time with them & their kids but when they didn't have their kids & I had mine they would make excuses for not being able to do something. Basically they just didn't want to deal with my kids but expected me to spend time with theirs. since these were women talking about wanting a relationship & living together down the road I just ended it & saved all of us some wasted time.
Eeyore79 Posted November 25, 2011 Posted November 25, 2011 what I found is that where I live (DMV area) women prefer older men to the exclusion of younger men. When I was in my twenties I preferred older men, because men my own age tended to be immature. Now I'm in my thirties I exclusively date younger men, because men my own age tend to look old and have a lot of baggage. I'm curious to know the age group of the women you surveyed. While I agree that younger women might prefer older men, I think once women get into their thirties they're much more open to dating younger men too. Firstly because the older men are starting to show their age, and secondly because they're thinking seriously about settling down. When women are too young to think about settling down they're happy to date older men, but when they hit their thirties and want marriage and babies, older men are too old to be desirable as husbands and fathers.
phineas Posted November 25, 2011 Posted November 25, 2011 When I was in my twenties I preferred older men, because men my own age tended to be immature. Now I'm in my thirties I exclusively date younger men, because men my own age tend to look old and have a lot of baggage. I'm curious to know the age group of the women you surveyed. While I agree that younger women might prefer older men, I think once women get into their thirties they're much more open to dating younger men too. Firstly because the older men are starting to show their age, and secondly because they're thinking seriously about settling down. When women are too young to think about settling down they're happy to date older men, but when they hit their thirties and want marriage and babies, older men are too old to be desirable as husbands and fathers. Over the summer I "surveyed" a handful of women in their 20's & I agree with your theory about being happy to date older guys for fun. On a side note, my 41yr old buddy just had a baby with his 27yr old fiance. He was pulling a lot of women in their 20's also. The one he is with now is a store manager & making twice as much money as he was when they got together. She actually bought the house their living in. However he finally got his dream job & is now making a very good living.
Author irc333 Posted November 25, 2011 Author Posted November 25, 2011 Firstly because the older men are starting to show their ageWhat, and women aren't showing their age? I seriously doubt it. Funny you mentioned that, I have a female friend in her early 40's was talking about a certain nightclub she stopped going too because there's nothing but old guys there, at least most of the patrons. And I asked, "Really, how old?" and she says, "like in their 40's or older" and I said, "Um.....you realize you're 44 years old, right?" That shut 'er up. LOL
aj22one Posted November 25, 2011 Posted November 25, 2011 When I was in my twenties I preferred older men, because men my own age tended to be immature. Now I'm in my thirties I exclusively date younger men, because men my own age tend to look old and have a lot of baggage. I'm curious to know the age group of the women you surveyed. While I agree that younger women might prefer older men, I think once women get into their thirties they're much more open to dating younger men too. Firstly because the older men are starting to show their age, and secondly because they're thinking seriously about settling down. When women are too young to think about settling down they're happy to date older men, but when they hit their thirties and want marriage and babies, older men are too old to be desirable as husbands and fathers. I looked at 3 age groups: 20-25, 26-33, and 30-40. The youngest group clearly preferred older men, and as I went into older brackets they were open to younger men, but funny thing is they also expanded their acceptable older age ranges too. A more detailed analysis is available in the thread but this is the gist: -women aged 20-25: looking for men a year younger and up to seven years older. -women aged 26-33: looking for men two years younger and up to 8 years older -women aged 30-40: looking for men three years younger and up to nine years older Again though, small sample sizes, one geographic area known for having a lot of professional white collar types (lawyers, defense contractors, policy wonks, etc.) and a free dating site. But, it was telling enough. Makes sense too, because when I was trying online dating a year ago, I would send messages to women in their late 20s and 30s (I'm 24) and none were ever interested.
Eeyore79 Posted November 25, 2011 Posted November 25, 2011 On a side note, my 41yr old buddy just had a baby with his 27yr old fiance. He was pulling a lot of women in their 20's also. I was 30 before I realized that older men were actually starting to look quite old and were accumulating a lot of baggage. When I was aged 28-30 I dated guys in their late thirties and early forties, but as I slowly realized that I was getting on a bit, it became obvious that they were even older. I started to think about how old I'd be by the time our kids graduated high school, which made me think about how old he would be, and I had an OMG! moment. So I switched to exclusively dating younger men, who won't be in their sixties by the time our kids graduate. I guess the moral of the story is: If you want a younger woman, find one in her twenties who hasn't yet realised that you're getting on a bit. It's surprising how often I hear that women in their twenties will date older men, but women in their thirties just aren't interested.
ThsAmericanLife Posted November 26, 2011 Posted November 26, 2011 I looked at 3 age groups: 20-25, 26-33, and 30-40. The youngest group clearly preferred older men, and as I went into older brackets they were open to younger men, but funny thing is they also expanded their acceptable older age ranges too. A more detailed analysis is available in the thread but this is the gist: -women aged 20-25: looking for men a year younger and up to seven years older. -women aged 26-33: looking for men two years younger and up to 8 years older -women aged 30-40: looking for men three years younger and up to nine years older Again though, small sample sizes, one geographic area known for having a lot of professional white collar types (lawyers, defense contractors, policy wonks, etc.) and a free dating site. But, it was telling enough. Makes sense too, because when I was trying online dating a year ago, I would send messages to women in their late 20s and 30s (I'm 24) and none were ever interested. You can blame that on some of your fellow 20 something men who also say they'd only date older women for something temporary. I mentioned on the thread you posted that the area you surveyed (DC area) is known for having many more women than men... so more competition to get men = being ok with dating older men. That's my take on it anyway. In the areas I surveyed (Boston, Seattle, Austin), the age ranges for men were not so skewed towards the younger. These areas have more men than women (yay!! Here I come!!), which equates to men being ok dating older women... or at least women their own age. That's all I'm asking for.
aj22one Posted November 26, 2011 Posted November 26, 2011 (edited) You can blame that on some of your fellow 20 something men who also say they'd only date older women for something temporary. I mentioned on the thread you posted that the area you surveyed (DC area) is known for having many more women than men... so more competition to get men = being ok with dating older men. That's my take on it anyway. In the areas I surveyed (Boston, Seattle, Austin), the age ranges for men were not so skewed towards the younger. These areas have more men than women (yay!! Here I come!!), which equates to men being ok dating older women... or at least women their own age. That's all I'm asking for. Lou Holtz once said (about being a head coach) "we're all 'interim' in this business". I figure the same thing can be said for relationships, despite our bests efforts and intentions: we're all "temporary". And for the record, I was always interested in something long term with every woman I've dated. Seriously though, I do get what you're saying. And you're right, I probably should have put a disclaimer in my thread: dating, like real estate, is all local. Someone like me who prefers to date Indian/Pakistani/Middle Eastern women, is probably not going to be too happy in the deep south. And you seemingly wouldn't be too happy in the D.C. area. Different strokes for different folks I guess. Edited November 26, 2011 by aj22one
writergal Posted November 26, 2011 Posted November 26, 2011 I'm a 40 year old woman and I still want children and I don't see anything wrong with that. If I can't find a man to co-parent with me, I'll just adopt or do the surrogate thing. My plan of finding a partner and getting married in my mid-20s didn't work out and I didn't meet anyone in my 30s who fit marriage criteria. So I guess at this point, I'll just wait and see if I meet someone with children or someone who is open to be a new parent. Age is relative. It's all a mindset.
Art_Critic Posted November 26, 2011 Posted November 26, 2011 IRC333.. in online dating, in most cases when an older women in her 40's says she is open to kids or wants kids it isn't that she wants to get pregnant.. she is telling men that she is open to them having kids.. Most men in that age group also have children.. so a woman that says no to kids is also saying no to men who already have kids.. Age is just a number in most cases... I was 45 when my son was born and my wife was 39.. so don't let the age naysayers around here think that 45 is too old to have kids.. In my first marriage thru my 30's I wanted kids.. it didn't happen so in my late 30's/40's I had convinced myself that I was to old anymore and that I didn't want kids..till............I met my now wife.....
ScreamingTrees Posted November 26, 2011 Posted November 26, 2011 IRC333.. in online dating, in most cases when an older women in her 40's says she is open to kids or wants kids it isn't that she wants to get pregnant.. she is telling men that she is open to them having kids.. Most men in that age group also have children.. so a woman that says no to kids is also saying no to men who already have kids.. Age is just a number in most cases... I was 45 when my son was born and my wife was 39.. so don't let the age naysayers around here think that 45 is too old to have kids.. In my first marriage thru my 30's I wanted kids.. it didn't happen so in my late 30's/40's I had convinced myself that I was to old anymore and that I didn't want kids..till............I met my now wife..... http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/about-fathers/200903/more-bad-news-the-children-older-fathers Thanks, guys. It's bad enough that I worry about every other possible deficiency and mental disorder, now I have to worry about the possibilities of me being a schizo or mildly autistic? Great. According to this random google-pulled article, since my father was 47 when he had me, my chances of mental impairment is six-fold.. Even a subtle difference in intellect was noted in test subjects. So, what the ****? I wonder if my parents even considered these things.. And my father's bi-polar. Funny, I don't think I suffer from any of these conditions. I'm not the brightest bulb, but I'd say I got lucky, considering.. I appreciate the seed some of you have planted in this warped processor of mine.. lol Seriously, though.. I feel sick, now. Bah..
Art_Critic Posted November 26, 2011 Posted November 26, 2011 (edited) First of.. that article is a pile of crap..written to frighten people.. My son is absolutely perfectly healthy and so are all the people who I know or work for me that have had children late in life... You might want to click a response to that article... Furthermore, the authors of the study actually write, "it is important to note that these analyses investigated neurocognitive outcomes only until age 7 years, and it is feasible that the offspring of older fathers ‘catch up' during later childhood. How the subtle neurocognitive features associated with APA translate into later educational and mental health outcomes across the lifespan remains to be determined." (Note: This is how Paul paraphrased this statement by the researchers: "The study, in the current issue of PLOS Medicine, noted that the cognitive deficits were small, and that the children of older fathers might "catch up" to their peers as they get older. But nobody knows whether these early deficits might have implications for the children's development across their lifespans, the authors said." - Quite a difference in meaning here, I think.) I do know that it is being proven that a man's sperm isn't as free from issues later in life as believed but that article is just eff'ng bullshiot to frightening people... Edited November 26, 2011 by Art_Critic
phineas Posted November 26, 2011 Posted November 26, 2011 I was 30 before I realized that older men were actually starting to look quite old and were accumulating a lot of baggage. When I was aged 28-30 I dated guys in their late thirties and early forties, but as I slowly realized that I was getting on a bit, it became obvious that they were even older. I started to think about how old I'd be by the time our kids graduated high school, which made me think about how old he would be, and I had an OMG! moment. So I switched to exclusively dating younger men, who won't be in their sixties by the time our kids graduate. I guess the moral of the story is: If you want a younger woman, find one in her twenties who hasn't yet realised that you're getting on a bit. It's surprising how often I hear that women in their twenties will date older men, but women in their thirties just aren't interested. what's funny is my buddy divorced 5 yrs ago because his wife was a home body that never wanted to go out & socialize. He did. Last yr he and his young GF were having problems because she wanted to go out all the time & he wanted to stay in. I found that very funny.
ScreamingTrees Posted November 26, 2011 Posted November 26, 2011 First of.. that article is a pile of crap..written to frighten people.. My son is absolutely perfectly healthy and so are all the people who I know or work for me that have had children late in life... You might want to click a response to that article... I do know that it is being proven that a man's sperm isn't as free from issues later in life as believed but that article is just eff'ng bullshiot to frightening people... Well, I honestly hope that you're right.. Hope you didn't think I was assuming anything, I'd say I'm just an angst ridden, overly-analytical young hypochondriac with nothing better to do for the past several months.. Just waiting for the day when there's barely anything left speaking either physically or mentally that I could scrutinize.. Maybe then I could move on completely with no regressions.. My father and mother as of today are 65 and 55, respectively, and I'm 18. Either way, you've gotta admit, that's teering on extreme, no?:lmao:According to that article, I might as well be hallucinating right now as I'm not medicated, and/or an alien trying to communicate with "planet earth"... I'm well aware of scare tactics, I guess I just let my neurotic tendencies take hold of me for a moment there. I'm not lagging behind my peers.. I'd LIKE to think that I'm well spoken for my age, especially considering what the article is implying.. I'm just a worry wart looking for something.
writergal Posted November 26, 2011 Posted November 26, 2011 Well, I honestly hope that you're right.. Hope you didn't think I was assuming anything, I'd say I'm just an angst ridden, overly-analytical young hypochondriac with nothing better to do for the past several months.. Just waiting for the day when there's barely anything left speaking either physically or mentally that I could scrutinize.. Maybe then I could move on completely with no regressions.. My father and mother as of today are 65 and 55, respectively, and I'm 18. Either way, you've gotta admit, that's teering on extreme, no?:lmao:According to that article, I might as well be hallucinating right now as I'm not medicated, and/or an alien trying to communicate with "planet earth"... I'm well aware of scare tactics, I guess I just let my neurotic tendencies take hold of me for a moment there. I'm not lagging behind my peers.. I'd LIKE to think that I'm well spoken for my age, especially considering what the article is implying.. I'm just a worry wart looking for something. You're just 18 and your mother is 55? That means she had you when she was 37 which is definitely not too old to have children. I think if she were 65 that could qualify as "too old." You have your entire life ahead of you. Right now you shouldn't be worrying about when is too old to have children. Instead, worry about your prom, college and what color to dye your hair. You're waay to young to be worrying about the right time to have kids.
ScreamingTrees Posted November 26, 2011 Posted November 26, 2011 (edited) You're just 18 and your mother is 55? That means she had you when she was 37 which is definitely not too old to have children. I think if she were 65 that could qualify as "too old." You have your entire life ahead of you. Right now you shouldn't be worrying about when is too old to have children. Instead, worry about your prom, college and what color to dye your hair. You're waay to young to be worrying about the right time to have kids. NO, you misunderstood, I wasn't worried about when *I* should have kids, god forbid I ever even entertain the thought I was merely worrying about whether or not my social awkwardness and somewhat frequent difficulties with eye contact could be a product of high-level functioning autism inherited from my father's musty old degraded sperm. LOL My father was 47 when he had me, my mother 37. I'm trusting Art on this one, but I still wonder because my life ain't all peaches.. Then again, whose life IS.. You can tell I'm screwed up because of the fact that I'm actually worried about this ****, it's likely a non-issue and I'd feel like an ******* if I'd ever met someone who REALLY WAS autistic.. Edited November 26, 2011 by ScreamingTrees
Author irc333 Posted November 26, 2011 Author Posted November 26, 2011 Why would I do that? There are many other forms of birth control that don't involve going under the knife. Has the OP had a vasectomy, since he doesn't want kids? Any man who doesn't want kids and who is remotely intelligent would get a vasectomy. So many foolish men get trapped into fatherhood by dating younger, fertile women. Amazingly, the thought never seems to occur to them that she might accidentally (or accidentally on purpose) get pregnant. Boggles the mind!
ThsAmericanLife Posted November 26, 2011 Posted November 26, 2011 You're just 18 and your mother is 55? That means she had you when she was 37 which is definitely not too old to have children. I think if she were 65 that could qualify as "too old." You have your entire life ahead of you. Right now you shouldn't be worrying about when is too old to have children. Instead, worry about your prom, college and what color to dye your hair. You're waay to young to be worrying about the right time to have kids. I think the point being made is that men's contribution can't be ruled out. His father IS 65. It kind of reminds me of the time when people assumed that the women's physiology was solely responsible for the gender of a child. I have a male friend whose family has a long history of mental illness. He suffers from depression himself. He's actively sought out women who don't want children out of their own body and will consider adoption. I think that is a wise choice for him.
ThsAmericanLife Posted November 26, 2011 Posted November 26, 2011 Why would I do that? There are many other forms of birth control that don't involve going under the knife. No birth control is 100%. If you sincerely don't want to have children, and are firm about it, getting a vasectomy is the responsible thing to do, IMHO. It isn't a big deal. My dad got a vasectomy in his 20's after my mom had her second child. Alot of guys still think birth control is the woman's job (that's where they get themselves in trouble, right??) On the other hand, if you are still on the fence about having kids, then don't get one.
Author irc333 Posted November 26, 2011 Author Posted November 26, 2011 (edited) No birth control is 100%. I would figure that would also be not 100% effect, would it not? Edited November 26, 2011 by irc333
grkBoy Posted November 26, 2011 Posted November 26, 2011 too many men here on this board try act like that because they got rejected when they were younger, they *deserve* something when they were older. Well, I get rejected too. Does that mean I *deserve* a younger man? Of course not. This isn't just men with women or women with men, but people who were unsuccessful in something in life believing that they'll be later "rewarded" for being what they believe was "the good person". They buy into that religious scripture or ideas of karma that one day a higher power will reward them while the "bad people" are punished. I used to buy into that to some extent. I believed that because I was a good person that I'd magically land an amazing woman later in life. I did find an amazing woman, but I don't believe it was because of how I lived my life in my past. I've seen guys who did poorly in High School, were lazy slackers, and they skipped on college because it was "too much work" for them. Now they're working in crappy jobs and walking around the world thinking they got royally screwed and some "higher power" owes them big time. Older and older they get...and they find nothing. Look why the "bad men" end up with hot women, or hot women end up with rich guys or why the supposed "bad people" get rich and successful. It's not because they are or are not "evil", but because they push to get what they want. The "bad man" who worked out to look great, learned fashion and good hygiene, worked his tail off to be successful, does things, embraces the world...he's the one landing women. The "nice guy" who does nothing more than be nice to people, but really doesn't push to be someone...he's alone, underpaid, overworked, and wondering why his "good karma" isn't being rewarded. The people who "win" in this world are the people who play and fight to win. I learned especially in my career that I would not go anywhere by just being nice. I had to be "good" at what I do. With dating/love, it's the same thing. I couldn't just be "nice". I had to be "good". I had to make myself into a man women wanted...physically and intellectually. Let's get religious....The Lord helps those who help themselves. That doesn't say "the downtrodden will be richly rewarded in life" So help yourself.
Recommended Posts