sigurpol Posted November 25, 2011 Posted November 25, 2011 The past few months, an ex of mine and I had a talk. We agreed, even though we are as close as we are, that we should NOT date. Neither of us want the stress and responsibility right now and it just seems best. However, we still remained extremely close, and I was always held responsible when I wasn't ACTING like a boyfriend... even thought we agreed to different terms. I called her today, to wish a Happy Thanksgiving, and said I would get a hold of her later. Later tonight, plans changed, and instead of being home I ended up meeting with some old highschool friends for a drink and then to hang out. She called once, and I didn't answer. I was gonna call back and give a heads up, but I was caught up with the friends I was with and didn't get a chance to call back until almost 2:30 AM. At that point, I said I would call her tomorrow. EVEN THOUGH WE ARE NOT DATING. I'm about to go to bed, and I receive a text: "Do not attepmt to contact me ever again." I'm just so.. tired at this point. Every time we talk, I feel as if there's this underlying emotion of hers trying to call me out on something. But, there's nothing to say. We agreed not to date, yet... its like I'm breaking rules as if we are dating . I plan not to say a word at this point. Thoughts?
DearAbby Posted November 25, 2011 Posted November 25, 2011 I understand why you would not even want to deal with this drama or reply, but she is an ex a person you once had feelings for and I am sure you care not to hurt her. I would wait a few days and then just tell her how you feel. You are my ex girlfriend not my girlfriend. We were very clear that we were not going to date. You are making me feel uncomfortable by acting like you are my girlfriend and putting pressures on me a regular friend would not put there. And then, after the explanation, I would barely speak to her and put distance between you two. Kind of ween her off you, so to speak. I think you owe her the explanation and then keep her far from you so you don't need to deal with her.
Emilia Posted November 25, 2011 Posted November 25, 2011 The past few months, an ex of mine and I had a talk. We agreed, even though we are as close as we are, that we should NOT date. Neither of us want the stress and responsibility right now and it just seems best. However, we still remained extremely close, and I was always held responsible when I wasn't ACTING like a boyfriend... even thought we agreed to different terms. I called her today, to wish a Happy Thanksgiving, and said I would get a hold of her later. Later tonight, plans changed, and instead of being home I ended up meeting with some old highschool friends for a drink and then to hang out. She called once, and I didn't answer. I was gonna call back and give a heads up, but I was caught up with the friends I was with and didn't get a chance to call back until almost 2:30 AM. At that point, I said I would call her tomorrow. EVEN THOUGH WE ARE NOT DATING. I'm about to go to bed, and I receive a text: "Do not attepmt to contact me ever again." I'm just so.. tired at this point. Every time we talk, I feel as if there's this underlying emotion of hers trying to call me out on something. But, there's nothing to say. We agreed not to date, yet... its like I'm breaking rules as if we are dating . I plan not to say a word at this point. Thoughts? It takes time to transition from caring to not caring. Maybe the two of you should have a break for each other for a while at least.
insertnamehere Posted November 25, 2011 Posted November 25, 2011 (edited) Ahh . . . The games that women play. Here's the thing you must understand before engaging any woman in a conversation that extends past "Is it still raining?": Women will agree to these "not relationship" arrangements when in fact they think it's a relationship. You want a thread on here that will blow your mind? http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t306591/ TLDR version: Girl tells guy they not in relationship. They do a lot of heavy petting. She comes unhinged when she sees him with another girl. All the women in the thread basically state that he should have been sensitive to a potential future relationship. Women hold men accountable for all kinds of **** we didn't agree to. The problem arises because women are scared to demand a relationship. If they like a guy, they will half-ass their way through a "not a relationship" scenario as a means of being with him without scaring him off. You as a guy think, "Oh, OK, this is cool." She as a girl is on pins and needles waiting for you to come around to her view of things. Women always believe that if they spend enough time with a guy that he will fall in love. If a woman is spending time with you -- no matter what she claims about it not being a relationship -- her objective is to make you come around to a relationship. There are no half relationships with women. There are no casual relationships with women. There are no "we're not ready" relationships with women. If she's putting in the time with you, she expects a relationship at some point. Edited November 25, 2011 by insertnamehere
Author sigurpol Posted November 25, 2011 Author Posted November 25, 2011 It takes time to transition from caring to not caring. Maybe the two of you should have a break for each other for a while at least. Very true, it's really hard to shift from one thing to another. Especially in this department. Ahh . . . The games that women play. Here's the thing you must understand before engaging any woman in a conversation that extends past "Is it still raining?": Women will agree to these "not relationship" arrangements when in fact they think it's a relationship. You want a thread on here that will blow your mind? Women always believe that if they spend enough time with a guy that he will fall in love. If a woman is spending time with you -- no matter what she claims about it not being a relationship -- her objective is to make you come around to a relationship. Haha, I'll be reading that thread in a moment. But what you said is how I feel. She even was the one who SAID she didn't want a relationship, but enjoyed how things were right now. We both agreed that we, as individuals, are "up for grabs". I know it sounds silly, but since that text, she has defriended me from our social networking site. I'm clueless as to why she is so worked up like this. You are my ex girlfriend not my girlfriend. We were very clear that we were not going to date. You are making me feel uncomfortable by acting like you are my girlfriend and putting pressures on me a regular friend would not put there. And then, after the explanation, I would barely speak to her and put distance between you two. Kind of ween her off you, so to speak. I think you owe her the explanation and then keep her far from you so you don't need to deal with her. Agree 100%. I'm not saying a damn word to her until she says anything, though. If it does come up, or if I come around and get in touch with her, I'll have to remind her of the agreement we had. Whatever it is that we are, it wasn't even a FWB deal. We rarely hooked up. Every now and again, but that was it. Ugh, this is driving me insane.
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