ShannonMI Posted November 25, 2011 Posted November 25, 2011 I don't know about that...women can be just as pervy as men, sometimes even more so. And from my experience, the perviest ones are the shy/quiet/good girl types who work very hard at maintaining a respectable image in their daily lives:laugh: Yes perhaps. If the stripper allowed it she may have been rubbing his parts. The strippers I saw would not allow it.
Feelsgoodman Posted November 25, 2011 Posted November 25, 2011 Yes perhaps. If the stripper allowed it she may have been rubbing his parts. The strippers I saw would not allow it. Meaning that some have tried, right?
ShannonMI Posted November 25, 2011 Posted November 25, 2011 Meaning that some have tried, right? Oh of course. Like I said the women were like wild hyenas around the men. But they pushed their hands away. Some don't allow touching.
oaks Posted November 25, 2011 Posted November 25, 2011 And how can you be sure that the OP wasn't stroking salami at the bachelorette party she went to? Fair point. Ok, add "so long as it wouldn't be hypocritical based on your own actions at the bachelorette party" to my previous post.
Forever Learning Posted November 25, 2011 Posted November 25, 2011 (edited) Hi everyone - So i am a bit confused here and was looking for people to share some thoughts with me on this. My fiance and I (we have been together for about 4.5 yrs now)went to Vegas this past weekend for a bachelor/bachelorette party. As expected, my fiance and the bachelor went to strip club there. Now, I am not naive and I partly know what goes on in there so when he came back and told me he got a lap dance where touching was allowed - it didn't bother me much. But when he told me that he went a step further and got him and his buddy a private dance for an hour or so while he got to touch the girl everywhere - but touching is all that it went to. He says he had absolutely no intention of doing anything further and he even told the stripper that he was engaged. But it still bothers me a LOT that he took that extra step to splurge not only on HUGE amount of money but that he also consciously went for that extra hour with the stripper. Am I just being too insecure or is it okay to feel so down about this whole situation It's ok to feel so down about this whole situation. He disappointed you. He did something you were not expecting. He spent a huge amount of money. He spent an hour privately with a stripper. It all sucks. I feel for you. I would feel exactly the same way as you do, most women would, and many men too, were the situation reversed. Allow yourself time to feel the full range of emotions you are feeling - shock, disbelief, outrage, jealousy, sadness. Then once you have reached a more peaceful place, try to look at this rationally and reasonably, and talk it over with him. This doesn't seem like actual cheating to me. It does seem like he took liberties that you weren't expecting him to indulge in. It was a 'Scout's Honor" thing, and he failed. He made a mistake, he crossed boundaries that were in your mind. The problem is, you two hadn't communicated OUT LOUD what those boundaries were. You just assumed he was on the same page as you. Yes, it really sucks. The best way to spin this into a positive experience is to talk it out with him and see if you feel that he understands your point of view and why you feel the way you do. You are experiencing a normal range of human emotions in this situation. The next thing to ponder is whether this was a one time incidence of poor judgment on his part, or an indication of a larger problem within his character. You may not know the answer to this question within yourself at this point, or maybe you do. You have been with him 4.5 years or longer. Did he have an error in judgment, or is he prone to impulsive, overboard behavior involving spending money and/or sexual impulses? If he generally is not prone to this behavior, then perhaps you can reason out that this was indeed poor judgment on his part, but not an indication of a larger problem that may crop up down the road. Take you time in figuring this all out. All the best to you and God bless. Edited November 25, 2011 by Forever Learning
Feelin Frisky Posted November 25, 2011 Posted November 25, 2011 my god, and i thought up until this point that you were one of the cool, really level-headed, rational ppl on this board... you do realize that with your very same argument a man fffing a prostitute can be justified as well? it's just based on transactions of funds and then it's over and done in a place where this is the nature of things (brothel).... i mean what the F... You've taken it out of context. The real distinction I make is whether the guy initiates for no other reason than a.) he's bored with his partner or b.) becomes involved with someone else. The OP knows that this was a one-time thing which should not be taken as a guy initiating to go out to a prostitute. Keep it in the context of the story. She can either go berserk and call it quits with him over this or also put it in context and live it down. Bad behavior at a bachelor party does not a life-time loser make. Again, this would never be me. I don't like mob scenes one bit and watching other people dare each other or dare themselves to be exhibitionist. It's classless.
ShannonMI Posted November 25, 2011 Posted November 25, 2011 You've taken it out of context. The real distinction I make is whether the guy initiates for no other reason than a.) he's bored with his partner or b.) becomes involved with someone else. The OP knows that this was a one-time thing which should not be taken as a guy initiating to go out to a prostitute. Keep it in the context of the story. She can either go berserk and call it quits with him over this or also put it in context and live it down. Bad behavior at a bachelor party does not a life-time loser make. Again, this would never be me. I don't like mob scenes one bit and watching other people dare each other or dare themselves to be exhibitionist. It's classless. I guess chalk it up to lack of judgement and too much alcohol. Also boys will be boys at bachelor parties. It's just the way it is. I'd still be livid if my boyfriend groped a stripper though. I'd stay with him, but he'd probably never live it down.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted November 25, 2011 Posted November 25, 2011 he probably got head too while he was at it. I'm sure he just omitted that part of the hour long private dance. That's usually what happens. This is so naive that I don't know whether to laugh or cry. You should actually go to such a place in order to have a clear understanding.
ShannonMI Posted November 25, 2011 Posted November 25, 2011 (edited) This is so naive that I don't know whether to laugh or cry. You should actually go to such a place in order to have a clear understanding. I think YOU are a bit naive. Head happens in strip joints. Yeah YOU go and see what happens in a derelict titty bar and then report back please. Edited November 25, 2011 by ShannonMI
SincereOnlineGuy Posted November 25, 2011 Posted November 25, 2011 Very few strip clubs allow their patrons to touch the girls. Not only do you have no clue as to what you're talking about, but you're making opposing statements on top of it all. So we now have both "very few strip clubs allow their patrons to touch the girls" AND yet "head... usually happens" (at strip clubs) Which is it gonna be?? If you don't know what you're talking about, fine, but at least show enough sense to stay on one side or the other, without proving to everyone that you know nothing about either side.
OnyxSnowfall Posted November 25, 2011 Posted November 25, 2011 Not only do you have no clue as to what you're talking about, but you're making opposing statements on top of it all. So we now have both "very few strip clubs allow their patrons to touch the girls" AND yet "head... usually happens" (at strip clubs) Which is it gonna be?? If you don't know what you're talking about, fine, but at least show enough sense to stay on one side or the other, without proving to everyone that you know nothing about either side. It "happens" as far as receiving a long PRIVATE lap dance goes... Or perhaps she was alluding to that it's common for people to "omit" details, heh.
melodymatters Posted November 26, 2011 Posted November 26, 2011 This is fascinating to me, as a victim of the Florida ( read:US, but it's MUCH worse here) economy, I tried a friends proposition to manage his strip club. I had managed theater troupes, bands, recording studio's and restaurant/bars, so I felt this wouldn't be much different. Let me state for the record, as a long time poster, once a man goes into a private room/area, FOR MONEY: It is between him and the dancer what financial/sexual transaction THEY decide upon. Yeah, It happens kids...all the DAMN time. I trust my husband and would have no problem if he WENT to one, with friends, but spending ANY of OUR money on touching a strange chick is......completely....unacceptable !!! End Note: I need a job, but not THAT badly, so after a few night of feeling like a "madam" I respectfully declined the position.
Imageiko Posted November 26, 2011 Posted November 26, 2011 Some small amount of jealousy is natural, you will get over it. But unlike some of the more reactive posters here, let's look at the facts and circumstances. 1. You were in Vegas, where adult entertainment is a staple industry. You both went to Vegas parties as part of this wedding. You both agreed to let each other participate in Vegas adult entertainment. I'm assuming there were others involved in these parties, and that your SO didn't set this situation up specifically to touch strange women. Try to keep that context in mind, together with the context of bachelor parties. I have been to bachelor parties where real cheating goes on, where the hired prostitutes blow or f-ck everyone there including the groom, and what you are describing is Disneyland by comparison. Be thankful it wasn't that kind of party because rest assured, you would never ever know it. Be thankful that you do in fact know what he did. 2. Not realizing that touching could take place in a Vegas strip bar is atrociously naive for either sex. It's on YOU to educate yourself about what goes on in a certain place before giving your SO permission to go there and then define the lines you expect ahead of time. Since you didn't do this, making a big deal of it retroactively, unless he tricked you or was dishonest, is not fair or reasonable. 3. Merely touching a stripper in a strip club where you have permission to be from your SO is NEVER cheating. Had he committed sex acts with her? Sure. Kissing? likely mild cheating. Merely touching through his clothes and him touching her that didn't amount to a handjob? No way. These women are touched by men every day as part of their job, and the pros (ie Vegas strippers) are masters of letting men touch without really groping. What you envision when he say he touched her is very likely much different than the reality of it. 4. He told you everything that happened, was forthcoming. That should be rewarded, not penalized, or next time he is away from you he will be trained to be dishonest and not tell the whole truth. If you are intent on treating him as a pariah/cheater over this, he may figure, "since I'm suffering the consequences, may as well have the fun," and that's not the kind of attitude you want to engender. In the future, look into things you might find questionable and establish ground rules before allowing your SO to do things you might regret later. I think dasein has been pretty much bang on this entire thread. For me personally I think it would be disrespectful to get that type of lapdance based on MY boundries. But the fact is the op basically gave permission to do the strip club thing based on her naive thoughts on vegas strip clubs. It doesn't seem like her fiance was intentionally crossing any lines and the fact that he admitted what he did seems to me like he thought he had permission. Also I'd bet he was pretty naive as well about how the clubs operate and probably got taken advantage of as well in an inebriated state. To get oral at a popular vegas strip club would cost an obscene amount of money and it wouldn't be from the most attractive of strippers because if they get caught they are never dancing in that club again. They can make so much money from just dances that it's really not worth it in most cases. They have bouncers standing in all the private dance areas who would also have to be paid off for this to go down. The dances that he probably got are very controlled. Their job is basically to make it appear that you are getting more than you are while emptying you of every dollar in your pocket. They are very very good at this, trust me. Also anybody who claims to have gone further than some groping of breast and ass and having a chick grind on him is very likely exaggerating. I'd give him a pass on the touching aspect since both of you should have talked about boundaries before hand but as others have said bitch him out on wasting all that money!
dasein Posted November 26, 2011 Posted November 26, 2011 Let me state for the record, as a long time poster, There's a HUGE difference between what goes on in strip clubs in FLA, where prostitution is illegal, and what goes on in Vegas, in Nevada, where prostitution is legal. There may be a few exceptions, but by and large, strippers in Vegas are not prostitutes. Vegas strip clubs are well-oiled, polished money vacuums, not the same as FLA hoochie parlors. Or as Chris Rock said so eloquently in his Vonnegut parody:
Imageiko Posted November 26, 2011 Posted November 26, 2011 This is fascinating to me, as a victim of the Florida ( read:US, but it's MUCH worse here) economy, I tried a friends proposition to manage his strip club. I had managed theater troupes, bands, recording studio's and restaurant/bars, so I felt this wouldn't be much different. Let me state for the record, as a long time poster, once a man goes into a private room/area, FOR MONEY: It is between him and the dancer what financial/sexual transaction THEY decide upon. Yeah, It happens kids...all the DAMN time. This is not true in vegas as prostitution is much more readily acceptable and available. There are very few if any strip clubs or strippers in north america that are making the same amount of money as the rhyno and safires in vegas. They don't need to jeopardize their lucrative job to blow some random customer. I'm sure it does happen but no way as often as people in this thread are assuming.
Jynxx Posted November 26, 2011 Posted November 26, 2011 I think YOU are a bit naive. Head happens in strip joints. Yeah YOU go and see what happens in a derelict titty bar and then report back please. Of course there's strip clubs where you can get a bj. Sleazy, cheap, ran down places that is. But I know for a fact that a girl will get fired if she gives head in most strip clubs on the Strip in Vegas. A good running club that generates a big profit doesn't want to get closed for selling sex to clients, and they will do everything in their power to make sure that doesn't happen.
Disenchantedly Yours Posted November 26, 2011 Posted November 26, 2011 I know girl, believe me. It's all a bunch of bullsh*t, but that's how they justify it. "Well I'm going to have a ball and chain for the rest of my life and she'll be the only chick I bone, so I gotta have one last hoorah." That's it in a nutshell. They have to get their last philandering moment in. Most groomsmen don't grope and get head from strippers though. I'm sure a fair amount do, but it's not common. It's just more about looking at some naked hos one last time. It makes sense, but I don't completely agree with it. Looking is one thing. Touching and allowing someone to touch you is quite another. Shannon I like your personality on the board but with all do respect, how do you know what most groomsmen do or don't do? Come on, lets get real. We aren't talking about men going to a bar and hanging out, drinking beer, celebrating a friends marriage and maybe looking at pretty women. We are talking about men that are purposely putting themselves in obviously sexual situations with other women as a means to celebrate their commitment to their partner. Further, calling the women "naked hos" is typical stuff women do when they want to put down the women doing their job instead of being hoenst about what their boyfriends and husbands are doing to activiely disrespect their female partners. The joke is that it’s never their last philandering moment because guys that like going to strip joints will make other excuses to go and it's not going to stop when all their friends are married. So while she’s at home taking care of his little brats, he’s going to be gyrating with some girl who is working her way through medical school *snicker*. Now you think touching is different from looking and I think that putting yourself in a sexual situation with other women with intent makes all the difference from the get go. A man either respects his bond and his relationship with his woman or he doesn't. Men that want to visit strip clubs don't respect their partners.
Disenchantedly Yours Posted November 26, 2011 Posted November 26, 2011 (edited) dasein Some small amount of jealousy is natural, you will get over it. But unlike some of the more reactive posters here, let's look at the facts and circumstances. I will have to keep this in mind next time you take issue with something involving women. That you're feelings are natural but you'll get over it. 1. You were in Vegas, where adult entertainment is a staple industry. You both went to Vegas parties as part of this wedding. You both agreed to let each other participate in Vegas adult entertainment. I'm assuming there were others involved in these parties, and that your SO didn't set this situation up specifically to touch strange women. Try to keep that context in mind, together with the context of bachelor parties. Yes Dasein, lets look at the facts. Agreeing to be envolved in a Vegas trip doesn't automatically authorize behavior a man or woman knows their partner wouldn't be comfortable with. Clearly this man knew his partner wouldn't be completely comfortable with what happened which is why he approached it the way he did. And yet, he still did things for his own personal pleasure despite thinking about his partner. I have been to bachelor parties where real cheating goes on, where the hired prostitutes blow or f-ck everyone there including the groom, and what you are describing is Disneyland by comparison. Be thankful it wasn't that kind of party because rest assured, you would never ever know it. Be thankful that you do in fact know what he did. Sorry but just because you have friends that cheat on their partners doesn't give logic that what happened to the OP is less significant or important or negates what happens. Your personal experience with men that you keep company with that don't treat their partners well is not "fact" so much as it is your personal life experience. 2. Not realizing that touching could take place in a Vegas strip bar is atrociously naive for either sex. It's on YOU to educate yourself about what goes on in a certain place before giving your SO permission to go there and then define the lines you expect ahead of time. Since you didn't do this, making a big deal of it retroactively, unless he tricked you or was dishonest, is not fair or reasonable. Lets be honest, it might not have been trickery or deceit but he was only honest about it after the fact. Despite the fact that he is a grown adult man and clearly knew that this possibly wasn't the best choice to make. Even when trickery or deceit aren't envolved, and in all honesty, we don't even know if her boyfriend was compeltely honest about everything that happened, a man or woman can naturally and fairly run into issues with their relationship that are still worth problem solving. What is unfair and unreasonable is to manipulate a person into believing that the only right they have in feeling concerned about their partner's actions is if they are lied to outright when relationships are never that cut and dry. If we were to use real logic and reason, then this would also apply to the male in the situation and since he didn't talk about such actions with his partner before hand and knew somewhere in his mind that his partner might not be fully comfortable with them, he should have negated any of this actoins from the get go if he was really acting on logic and reason. Which we know he wasn't because he was very titilated by his surroundings to the point of disrespecting his own partner. At that time and place, it was more important for him to have some touching and sexual titilation from the stripper then it was to think about the affect it would have on his partner. 3. Merely touching a stripper in a strip club where you have permission to be from your SO is NEVER cheating. Had he committed sex acts with her? Sure. Kissing? likely mild cheating. Merely touching through his clothes and him touching her that didn't amount to a handjob? No way. These women are touched by men every day as part of their job, and the pros (ie Vegas strippers) are masters of letting men touch without really groping. What you envision when he say he touched her is very likely much different than the reality of it. You talked about looking at the facts but the OP never said that she said touching was okay. Now she did agree to the visual titilation and yes, when partners agree that is an acceptable act in a relationship, then it's not cheating. But if a partner doesn't talk about touching, then it very well might be cheating if the other partner feels that it is. Maybe a handjob isn't cheating to you but it would be to most logical people in a relationship. Further,you talk a lot about logic but play a guessing game about the seriousness of the touching. Please, if you are going to start your post by talking about how your going to address the "facts", please be consistant in that and not use that word as a back drop to play guessing games about how you think the OP's boyfriend behaved or how you think the stripper behaved. That isn't fact or logic. 4. He told you everything that happened, was forthcoming. That should be rewarded, not penalized, or next time he is away from you he will be trained to be dishonest and not tell the whole truth. If you are intent on treating him as a pariah/cheater over this, he may figure, "since I'm suffering the consequences, may as well have the fun," and that's not the kind of attitude you want to engender. This is the worse argument of all. And shows a completely gross lack of expectations toward male accountability for how they behave. Men are not little boys that deserve rewards for their honesty in order to maintain honesty between a couple. Men are adults yes? It's great that he was hoenst with her (assuming he was completely honest with her which is still up for debate) but that doesn't give him a free card to walk away smiling dusting his hands with his chest puffed out pretending he is a stand up guy respecting his partner when he engaged in actions that hurt his partner. If a man is going to be honest, then he needs to step up and accept and respect his partners response and feelings toward his actions and be willing to work it out with her instead of manipulating her into childish ideals about how many rewards he deserves for his honesty alone while he goes to bed with a big ole smile on his face from his lap dance and she is left swallowing her tongue feeling hurt and desrespected. If you are intent for men to be treated liek children with no accountabilty for themselves, then pray continue to advocate that a man's honesty (if he was even honest) is enough alone to not have him deal with the reprocussions of where *his* actions and *his* choices lead him. It is cruel and unfair to expect a woman to smile and be happy enough alone with his honesty when grown adult men aren't children but men that should be capable of dealing with the situation in entirely. And men that use their partners feelings or response to his actoins, actions he knew where unfair, as a reason to lie to her next time, aren't doing it because they care about their partner or the health of the relationship but because they want to behave like little boys with their toys. Own up to what you did, be prepared to be adult enough deal with how you treated your partner, accept their own response and work with them on it and don't use your honesty as a means to an end to get away with behavior that hurt them or that the fact that someone is honest is enough reason alone to negate the situation they are being honest about. Edited November 26, 2011 by Disenchantedly Yours
Disenchantedly Yours Posted November 26, 2011 Posted November 26, 2011 Put yourself in his shoes: He's drinking, causing him to lose his inhibitions. He's being offered dances by strippers. I don't know if you know, but even at "no-touch" stripclubs, women will sensually rub against you and even sit on your lap when they ask for a dance. The women are scantily-clad or not wearing anything at all. They are dancing seductively. He is being peer pressured by your friends. They say, "Come on, dude. Live a little. Yer fiancee isn't here. Besides, she said it was okay for you to come here, right? How often do you get to vacation in Vegas? Pretty soon you won't have time for fun like this with so many hot chicks around. Why sit around in the corner while the rest of us are having fun?" How much self-control do you expect this guy to have? Having self-control is good. But it is smarter to avoid situations where your self-control is severely tested. You shouldn't approve of your significant other getting into situations where their self-control is tested like that. It is her fault for approving such a thing. That's really unfair. Men aren't children Oxy. They are able to formulate intelligent choices based on respect for their relationships. You're blaming her for the choices *he* made. And you are blaming her for not treating him like a child an telling him not to go. When do men have accountability for how they act? When do men take responsibility for how they conduct themselves in their relationships? While it's good to talk about these things, it's not fair to give a man a free pass because *she* didn't lay out every little tiny ground rule she didn't know she has to be worried about. This is where a man uses descretion and common sense and thinks about what is most important to him. Clearly in this case, this man's actions relay what was most important to him at the time. YOu ask for us to put ourselves in his shoes..the shoes of a man that had a good time with a stripper and wasted money on another woman while his partner was else where? When do men put themselves in this woman's shoes and see how hurtfult that is? When do we stop allowing men to justfy their beahvior because of their friends, their libido and then turn around and blame his partner and say it was really her fault because she didn't lay out all the little details of how he should behave like he was a child..not a grown man? Come on. Lets have a little more integrity then that. Lets give men more credit for being able to make better choices then that. I know a man that one day was going out on a business meeting and his boss wanted to go to a strip joint. The man, being a family man and married didn't feel comfortable with this. He refused to go in. He was fired for it. But he made his own choice. He stood up for his family, his wife and himself. And he didn't need his wife there holding his hand laying down his options and he wasn't going to blame her for not thinking about every little situation he could get himself into and her not advising him how to behave. Luckily he later found another job but here is a good man..a good man that showed respect for his wife beyond what I see many men do in these types of situations. Men are capable of making choices without their partners holding their hands and men are capable of refusing their friends peer pressure. Men are also capable of rational reasoning and emotional well being and respect for their relationships and realizing what choices harm that respect and which don't.
Negative Nancy Posted November 26, 2011 Posted November 26, 2011 I wonder if dasein's tune would have been the same had it been the OP giving a handjob to a stripper at her bachelorette party. men are always verrry understanding when it comes to the old boys will be boys mentality, but give them a taste of their own medicine and all hell breaks loose. dasein's arguments are illogical and anything but "facts"anyway. going by his logic, a woman going to a dance club ending up cheating should get a free pass as well because her partner did not make clear enough beforehand what the "boundaries" are.
Jynxx Posted November 26, 2011 Posted November 26, 2011 I wonder if dasein's tune would have been the same had it been the OP giving a handjob to a stripper at her bachelorette party. I don't speak for anyone else, but touching a strippers tits and giving someone a handjob are not even close to the same thing. The equivalent would be either touching a male strippers chest or a guy fingering a stripper. dasein's arguments are illogical and anything but "facts"anyway. going by his logic, a woman going to a dance club ending up cheating should get a free pass as well because her partner did not make clear enough beforehand what the "boundaries" are. By definition, cheating is going outside of the boundaries of a relationship. For me, boundaries are no kissing, no sex. If my gf went dancing and had a guy grind on her all night long it wouldn't be cheating, but obviously unpleasant for me, if she ended up with a part of someone in one of her cavities, touching someones genitalia or kissing someone it would be cheating.
ChessPieceFace Posted November 26, 2011 Posted November 26, 2011 Wow, so much bad advice on this forum. Staggering. You let him go to a bachelor party, which you know most of the time involves strippers. Take that as a given. Beyond that, he did some feeling-up which was inappropriate. In context, it's only a few steps over the line, that line (watching strippers) which you were supposed to have accepted. He didn't go out and romance some woman and do that with her, it was done with a professional woman who sells her body to men. It certainly meant nothing to her beyond the currency she was paid. I'm sure she needed alcohol later in her day to try to numb her total lack of moral values and terrible career choice. It's not cheating. There's no romance. There's no equivalence to a relationship. I'd call it sleazy, crude, inappropriate and insensitive, but not cheating. As a comparison, I would end any relationship for cheating. I probably wouldn't end it for one instance of my girl going and feeling up a stripper at a bachelor party. I would just question whether our moral values were compatible.
OnyxSnowfall Posted November 26, 2011 Posted November 26, 2011 Wow, so much bad advice on this forum. Staggering. You let him go to a bachelor party, which you know most of the time involves strippers. Take that as a given. Beyond that, he did some feeling-up which was inappropriate. In context, it's only a few steps over the line, that line (watching strippers) which you were supposed to have accepted. He didn't go out and romance some woman and do that with her, it was done with a professional woman who sells her body to men. It certainly meant nothing to her beyond the currency she was paid. I'm sure she needed alcohol later in her day to try to numb her total lack of moral values and terrible career choice. It's not cheating. There's no romance. There's no equivalence to a relationship. I'd call it sleazy, crude, inappropriate and insensitive, but not cheating. As a comparison, I would end any relationship for cheating. I probably wouldn't end it for one instance of my girl going and feeling up a stripper at a bachelor party. I would just question whether our moral values were compatible. I just adore your double-standards......
Woggle Posted November 26, 2011 Posted November 26, 2011 I would certainly have a problem with my wife giving a handjob to a stripper but I am not a hypocrite about it. Like I said before I hope women would have the same stance if the genders were reversed but I know I am just getting angry over a hypothetical again.
Disenchantedly Yours Posted November 26, 2011 Posted November 26, 2011 I wonder if dasein's tune would have been the same had it been the OP giving a handjob to a stripper at her bachelorette party. men are always verrry understanding when it comes to the old boys will be boys mentality, but give them a taste of their own medicine and all hell breaks loose. dasein's arguments are illogical and anything but "facts"anyway. going by his logic, a woman going to a dance club ending up cheating should get a free pass as well because her partner did not make clear enough beforehand what the "boundaries" are. Yes..I find it troublesome that so many men in this thread are holding the OP accountable to be the adult and set boundries as if her man wasn't an adult capable of responsibility and reasoning. This goes back to the other thread where a lot of men here acted as if women were the only gender to fall to unaccountability for their actions and here we are not even a couple days off that thread and most of the guys (with exception to Woggle in this case) are running in pushing each other to basically tell the OP she got what she deserved and her adult minded boyfriend, who knew enough about the situation to know that it wasn't the right choice, shouldn't be held responsible for what he decided to do. If I had to get my boyfriends permission on everything that was allowed inside our relationship and never made choices myself as situations came up, we would be in deep crap. I am pretty much disgusted with so many of the guys in this thread. It's really rather disheartening. Anything to defend titty clubs and strippers over the partners they claim they care about so much.
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