D86 Posted November 25, 2011 Posted November 25, 2011 People going way overboard. Getting a lapdance at your bachelor's party is not cheating and not a big deal. That's kind of the whole point of a bachelor's party. There was no sex involved, just touching and grinding. Its not like your boyfriend is going to a strip club every weekend to get lapdance, this was a one time thing at a bachelor's party. And not only that, your boyfriend actually told you everything - most guys would probably keep their must shut at what goes on at bachelor's parties lol
Negative Nancy Posted November 25, 2011 Posted November 25, 2011 let's turn this around: your fiancee tells you that for her bachelorette party, before she is tied down to you, as a last act before loss of freedom (insert other metaphors men use for what the bachelor party symbolizes to them) she'd like to strip for some strange males because she'd like to feel for one last time what it feels like to be sexy for and desired by other men. would you be cool with that?
ShannonMI Posted November 25, 2011 Posted November 25, 2011 let's turn this around: your fiancee tells you that for her bachelorette party, before she is tied down to you, as a last act before loss of freedom (insert other metaphors men use for what the bachelor party symbolizes to them) she'd like to strip for some strange males because she'd like to feel for one last time what it feels like to be sexy for and desired by other men. would you be cool with that? And don't forget that the men get to touch her. Most men wouldn't care if strange men looked at their woman, but I'm sure they would throw punches if the men touched her.
dasein Posted November 25, 2011 Posted November 25, 2011 Some small amount of jealousy is natural, you will get over it. But unlike some of the more reactive posters here, let's look at the facts and circumstances. 1. You were in Vegas, where adult entertainment is a staple industry. You both went to Vegas parties as part of this wedding. You both agreed to let each other participate in Vegas adult entertainment. I'm assuming there were others involved in these parties, and that your SO didn't set this situation up specifically to touch strange women. Try to keep that context in mind, together with the context of bachelor parties. I have been to bachelor parties where real cheating goes on, where the hired prostitutes blow or f-ck everyone there including the groom, and what you are describing is Disneyland by comparison. Be thankful it wasn't that kind of party because rest assured, you would never ever know it. Be thankful that you do in fact know what he did. 2. Not realizing that touching could take place in a Vegas strip bar is atrociously naive for either sex. It's on YOU to educate yourself about what goes on in a certain place before giving your SO permission to go there and then define the lines you expect ahead of time. Since you didn't do this, making a big deal of it retroactively, unless he tricked you or was dishonest, is not fair or reasonable. 3. Merely touching a stripper in a strip club where you have permission to be from your SO is NEVER cheating. Had he committed sex acts with her? Sure. Kissing? likely mild cheating. Merely touching through his clothes and him touching her that didn't amount to a handjob? No way. These women are touched by men every day as part of their job, and the pros (ie Vegas strippers) are masters of letting men touch without really groping. What you envision when he say he touched her is very likely much different than the reality of it. 4. He told you everything that happened, was forthcoming. That should be rewarded, not penalized, or next time he is away from you he will be trained to be dishonest and not tell the whole truth. If you are intent on treating him as a pariah/cheater over this, he may figure, "since I'm suffering the consequences, may as well have the fun," and that's not the kind of attitude you want to engender. In the future, look into things you might find questionable and establish ground rules before allowing your SO to do things you might regret later.
Woggle Posted November 25, 2011 Posted November 25, 2011 I am going to sound completely whipped which I am certainly not but I must agree with the women. Nobody should be cheating with another person when they are about to get married. You shouldn't be doing sexual things with another person when you are in a committed relationship. If you look at it as being tied down then maybe you should not be getting married. Guys here can feel free to flame me but I believe strongly faithfulness and honesty. I just hope the women here would feel the same if the genders were reversed.
ShannonMI Posted November 25, 2011 Posted November 25, 2011 I am going to sound completely whipped which I am certainly not but I must agree with the women. Nobody should be cheating with another person when they are about to get married. You shouldn't be doing sexual things with another person when you are in a committed relationship. If you look at it as being tied down then maybe you should not be getting married. Guys here can feel free to flame me but I believe strongly faithfulness and honesty. I just hope the women here would feel the same if the genders were reversed. Thanks. Yes I would expect any man I was with to be upset if I was groping a male stripper. In fact the guy I was dating when I went to the Thunder From Down Under show was pissed beyond belief. I was one of the tamer ladies there too. Probably the only one actually. He didn't care. He was just pissed I went and LOOKED at other men. He had also never frequented a titty bar before. If he had, then maybe he would have been more understanding.
norajane Posted November 25, 2011 Posted November 25, 2011 I am going to sound completely whipped which I am certainly not but I must agree with the women. Nobody should be cheating with another person when they are about to get married. You shouldn't be doing sexual things with another person when you are in a committed relationship. If you look at it as being tied down then maybe you should not be getting married. Guys here can feel free to flame me but I believe strongly faithfulness and honesty. I just hope the women here would feel the same if the genders were reversed. Absolutely Woggle! Respect is a two-way street. Both genders should respect their partners, and be faithful to them.
Negative Nancy Posted November 25, 2011 Posted November 25, 2011 I am going to sound completely whipped which I am certainly not but I must agree with the women. Nobody should be cheating with another person when they are about to get married. You shouldn't be doing sexual things with another person when you are in a committed relationship. If you look at it as being tied down then maybe you should not be getting married. Guys here can feel free to flame me but I believe strongly faithfulness and honesty. I just hope the women here would feel the same if the genders were reversed. woggle the voice of reason, restoring faith in men...we you
Elysian Powder Posted November 25, 2011 Posted November 25, 2011 let's turn this around: your fiancee tells you that for her bachelorette party, before she is tied down to you, as a last act before loss of freedom (insert other metaphors men use for what the bachelor party symbolizes to them) she'd like to strip for some strange males because she'd like to feel for one last time what it feels like to be sexy for and desired by other men. would you be cool with that? I'd be fine with it. I do not own anyone, and monogamy is soooo 12th Century-like .
ShannonMI Posted November 25, 2011 Posted November 25, 2011 I'd be fine with it. I do not own anyone, and monogamy is soooo 12th Century-like . Ugh you can't be serious? Are you the type that would be ok with an open relationship? Or watching some guy screw your girl? I will never understand that sh*t.
Woggle Posted November 25, 2011 Posted November 25, 2011 If people want to practice monogamy just be honest about it. Don't agree to get married in the first place. Why is that so hard for some people.
Elysian Powder Posted November 25, 2011 Posted November 25, 2011 Most men wouldn't care if strange men looked at their woman, but I'm sure they would throw punches if the men touched her. I encourage the women I sleep with to do it with other men. Women aren't property.
Feelsgoodman Posted November 25, 2011 Posted November 25, 2011 Oh Frisky.....but it is. Touching a woman's tits and her nether regions is cheating. And he probably got head too while he was at it. I'm sure he just omitted that part of the hour long private dance. That's usually what happens. OP wasn't wrong in allowing him to go to a strip club. He just went too far with it. He could have just gotten a lap dance and called it a night. Instead he took it further and got what he got. He's a dog. I would not be happy. I will give him credit though for admitting what he did. Most men would not even do that. Men, alcohol, naked chicks and a rowdy party are not a good combination (from a girlfriend's standpoint that is). You put a man in an environment like that and you're surprised that he gropes the stripper? Really?? It's pretty hard to have self-control when you are drunk, have boobs in your face and your buddies are saying "what's the matter? are you gay or something?" In fact, only an idiot would have expected a different result. The bottom line is this. If you are the jealous type, you should talk to your bf and explain that the idea of him going to a bachelor party bothers you. But if you are cool with him going, then you have to be prepared to live by the adage "what happens in vegas stays in vegas". On a side note, I wonder what the OP and the rest of the female party were doing at the bachlorette party? Talking about the weather I'm sure...
Elysian Powder Posted November 25, 2011 Posted November 25, 2011 Ugh you can't be serious? Are you the type that would be ok with an open relationship? Or watching some guy screw your girl? I will never understand that sh*t. to me, relationships prevent women from being free, so I am against doing it.
ShannonMI Posted November 25, 2011 Posted November 25, 2011 Men, alcohol, naked chicks and a rowdy party are not a good combination (from a girlfriend's standpoint that is). You put a man in an environment like that and you're surprised that he gropes the stripper? Really?? It's pretty hard to have self-control when you are drunk, have boobs in your face and your buddies are saying "what's the matter? are you gay or something?" In fact, only an idiot would have expected a different result. The bottom line is this. If you are the jealous type, you should talk to your bf and explain that the idea of him going to a bachelor party bothers you. But if you are cool with him going, then you have to be prepared to live by the adage "what happens in vegas stays in vegas". On a side note, I wonder what the OP and the rest of the female party were doing at the bachlorette party? Talking about the weather I'm sure... Usually touching is strictly prohibited in titty bars. Men have to practice self control or they get thrown out on their asses. So the excuse of being drunk and not being able to control oneself is utter bullsh*t. Very few strip clubs allow their patrons to touch the girls. Maybe the ones in Vegas do, but not the ones I'm familiar with.
ShannonMI Posted November 25, 2011 Posted November 25, 2011 That is why you are single, ugly and living with your dirty ass dog. You are a future crazy dog lady. ugly females, make us hot ones, look bad. I bet you got cold sores ( which men really hate ), i like to call them slut sores. Fits you like a dirty condom. Still stalking me? Why don't you harass someone else on this forum? I'm over hearing about cold sores and how much you want to f*ck my dog.
ShannonMI Posted November 25, 2011 Posted November 25, 2011 to me, relationships prevent women from being free, so I am against doing it. Ahhhhh I see. I'm sure you've had quite a few "quality" relationships.
Feelsgoodman Posted November 25, 2011 Posted November 25, 2011 Yes I've heard a lot of male strippers are of the gay variety. They have such clubs in Canada though right? I would love to go to one. Don't know about the whip cream BJ. Not too keen on blowing a dude I don't know. Especially a gay stripper who has had men and women sucking on his knob. And who knows where else that knob has been!! Up a rear or two I'm sure!!! Kind of gross, but looking would be fun. Yup, there's one on Yonge Street in Toronto.
ShannonMI Posted November 25, 2011 Posted November 25, 2011 Yup, there's one on Yonge Street in Toronto. Sweet. I would love to go to one. I wouldn't be groping though. Looking is about all I'd do.
taiko Posted November 25, 2011 Posted November 25, 2011 And you know the guy got his dick sucked too while he was at it. He just failed to mention that to his girlfriend. That's what happens with the "private champagne room" bulls*t. It's disgusting. Actually it depends upon the jurisdiction. There is so much money in legal grinding why would dancers or actually their clubs allow that for a few extra dollars in the dancers hands? Now if you are the Saudi Prince, rock star, all star ballplayer then it might happen. If you are the hardcore PL who visits the club weekly it might happen. On a one and out party there is too much risk of you being a vice cop.
Oxy Moronovich Posted November 25, 2011 Posted November 25, 2011 Hi everyone - So i am a bit confused here and was looking for people to share some thoughts with me on this. My fiance and I (we have been together for about 4.5 yrs now)went to Vegas this past weekend for a bachelor/bachelorette party. As expected, my fiance and the bachelor went to strip club there. Now, I am not naive and I partly know what goes on in there so when he came back and told me he got a lap dance where touching was allowed - it didn't bother me much. But when he told me that he went a step further and got him and his buddy a private dance for an hour or so while he got to touch the girl everywhere - but touching is all that it went to. He says he had absolutely no intention of doing anything further and he even told the stripper that he was engaged. But it still bothers me a LOT that he took that extra step to splurge not only on HUGE amount of money but that he also consciously went for that extra hour with the stripper. Am I just being too insecure or is it okay to feel so down about this whole situation Wow. The majority of the posts are waaaay off. It's her fault for letting this happen. How many people would let their significant other go to a stripclub? If you knowingly let your significant other go to a stripclub, whatever happens as a result the blame is on you.
dasein Posted November 25, 2011 Posted November 25, 2011 Usually touching is strictly prohibited in titty bars. This is not generally true in most of these places I've been to, and laughably untrue in others. It's a matter of money, men can touch if they pay extra. Guys who toss $1 bills or pay for a few table dances aren't allowed to of course. Those who spend a pattern, are regulars, or who pay for the lounge areas are allowed to touch pretty freely, but the dancers are expert at limiting this. I've had a few who get me in a corner and attack me, but those tend to be young women with some types of problem, pros don't do that. Dancers are free to rub themselves all over the johns, anything to raise the cash take. Men have to practice self control or they get thrown out on their asses. This is true, and supports OP's BF's case. Despite what a vivid imagination might come up with, the reality of it just isn't that bad. Those private areas are constantly camera monitored in the big clubs. They aren't a great big grope session, more a wallet vacuuming out session for desperate or very very rich men.
ShannonMI Posted November 25, 2011 Posted November 25, 2011 Actually it depends upon the jurisdiction. There is so much money in legal grinding why would dancers or actually their clubs allow that for a few extra dollars in the dancers hands? Now if you are the Saudi Prince, rock star, all star ballplayer then it might happen. If you are the hardcore PL who visits the club weekly it might happen. On a one and out party there is too much risk of you being a vice cop. But don't they go in private rooms and give head to the patrons? I knew a guy that went to a bachelor party here in NY and he got head from a stripper. She used a condom of course just like a hooker. I think it's pretty normal if you pay the right price.
ShannonMI Posted November 25, 2011 Posted November 25, 2011 This is not generally true in most of these places I've been to, and laughably untrue in others. It's a matter of money, men can touch if they pay extra. Guys who toss $1 bills or pay for a few table dances aren't allowed to of course. Those who spend a pattern, are regulars, or who pay for the lounge areas are allowed to touch pretty freely, but the dancers are expert at limiting this. I've had a few who get me in a corner and attack me, but those tend to be young women with some types of problem, pros don't do that. Dancers are free to rub themselves all over the johns, anything to raise the cash take. Wow ok didn't know this. Thought it was a no no usually to touch a stripper. But I guess I wouldn't know since I don't ever go to them:p This is true, and supports OP's BF's case. Despite what a vivid imagination might come up with, the reality of it just isn't that bad. Those private areas are constantly camera monitored in the big clubs. They aren't a great big grope session, more a wallet vacuuming out session for desperate or very very rich men. And the one poster saying his friends egged him on is so dumb. What is he in grade school? Peer pressure anyone? He wasn't sitting there with a sad sack face and I'm sure his buddies didn't have to say one word to him. I bet the guy loved touching the girls and had a hard on the whole time.
Nexus One Posted November 25, 2011 Posted November 25, 2011 Hi everyone - So i am a bit confused here and was looking for people to share some thoughts with me on this. My fiance and I (we have been together for about 4.5 yrs now)went to Vegas this past weekend for a bachelor/bachelorette party. As expected, my fiance and the bachelor went to strip club there. Now, I am not naive and I partly know what goes on in there so when he came back and told me he got a lap dance where touching was allowed - it didn't bother me much. But when he told me that he went a step further and got him and his buddy a private dance for an hour or so while he got to touch the girl everywhere - but touching is all that it went to. He says he had absolutely no intention of doing anything further and he even told the stripper that he was engaged. But it still bothers me a LOT that he took that extra step to splurge not only on HUGE amount of money but that he also consciously went for that extra hour with the stripper. Am I just being too insecure or is it okay to feel so down about this whole situation It's disrespectful, and with I mean disrespectful towards you Damsel, he should have realized that. Any man that does not realize that demonstrates that he is not relationship material.
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