damsel Posted November 25, 2011 Posted November 25, 2011 Hi everyone - So i am a bit confused here and was looking for people to share some thoughts with me on this. My fiance and I (we have been together for about 4.5 yrs now)went to Vegas this past weekend for a bachelor/bachelorette party. As expected, my fiance and the bachelor went to strip club there. Now, I am not naive and I partly know what goes on in there so when he came back and told me he got a lap dance where touching was allowed - it didn't bother me much. But when he told me that he went a step further and got him and his buddy a private dance for an hour or so while he got to touch the girl everywhere - but touching is all that it went to. He says he had absolutely no intention of doing anything further and he even told the stripper that he was engaged. But it still bothers me a LOT that he took that extra step to splurge not only on HUGE amount of money but that he also consciously went for that extra hour with the stripper. Am I just being too insecure or is it okay to feel so down about this whole situation
Ginger Beer Posted November 25, 2011 Posted November 25, 2011 Hi everyone - So i am a bit confused here and was looking for people to share some thoughts with me on this. My fiance and I (we have been together for about 4.5 yrs now)went to Vegas this past weekend for a bachelor/bachelorette party. As expected, my fiance and the bachelor went to strip club there. Now, I am not naive and I partly know what goes on in there so when he came back and told me he got a lap dance where touching was allowed - it didn't bother me much. But when he told me that he went a step further and got him and his buddy a private dance for an hour or so while he got to touch the girl everywhere - but touching is all that it went to. He says he had absolutely no intention of doing anything further and he even told the stripper that he was engaged. But it still bothers me a LOT that he took that extra step to splurge not only on HUGE amount of money but that he also consciously went for that extra hour with the stripper. Am I just being too insecure or is it okay to feel so down about this whole situation It's unacceptable behaviour and you're right to be upset over it. Allowing him to go there was a mistake IMO. You have to ask yourself how seriously he considers your relationship if he wants to go to a strip club with his friend. Just wanting to go there is a bad sign.
Citizen Erased Posted November 25, 2011 Posted November 25, 2011 He touched her? I would consider that, in my relationship, to be cheating. Looking at tits and arse on a platform is one thing, an hour alone and touching another woman I would NEVER tolerate. He'd be out on his arse in the cold. And damn right you have every right to be down about this.
Ginger Beer Posted November 25, 2011 Posted November 25, 2011 Yeah I forgot to say, it's definitely cheating.
grkBoy Posted November 25, 2011 Posted November 25, 2011 I'm in agreement. I think if you're the fiance and it's your SO going to the club for his/her bachelor/bachelorette party, then you have to accept a few things as long as it's not full on sex or sexual acts. However, if the person is NOT the fiance, then he/she has no excuse. Not even "well he would not have gone if I didn't go with him". Fine then, he doesn't go and the two of you go to the casino and play Texas Hold'em.
LittleTiger Posted November 25, 2011 Posted November 25, 2011 I wouldn't stay engaged to a man who put his hands on another woman
ShannonMI Posted November 25, 2011 Posted November 25, 2011 Hi everyone - So i am a bit confused here and was looking for people to share some thoughts with me on this. My fiance and I (we have been together for about 4.5 yrs now)went to Vegas this past weekend for a bachelor/bachelorette party. As expected, my fiance and the bachelor went to strip club there. Now, I am not naive and I partly know what goes on in there so when he came back and told me he got a lap dance where touching was allowed - it didn't bother me much. But when he told me that he went a step further and got him and his buddy a private dance for an hour or so while he got to touch the girl everywhere - but touching is all that it went to. He says he had absolutely no intention of doing anything further and he even told the stripper that he was engaged. But it still bothers me a LOT that he took that extra step to splurge not only on HUGE amount of money but that he also consciously went for that extra hour with the stripper. Am I just being too insecure or is it okay to feel so down about this whole situation Yeah I'd be bothered by this. It's one thing to get a lap dance without touching, but it's quite another to get a lap dance with touching AND a private hour on top of it. God only knows what went down. I'd be completely disgusted. Some strippers will give blow jobs and all sorts of sh*t.
Feelin Frisky Posted November 25, 2011 Posted November 25, 2011 I dissent. You gave him permission to go to a bachelor party in a strip club in Vegas no less. You were OK with stuff up to a point. It may be disappointing that he indulged more than you wanted, but what's done is done and if you were that sensitive about it, you probably shouldn't have accommodated so much of it. It's just a guy being a guy with some sense of license from his g/f and it's NOT CHEATING. There's nothing personal going on with him and this professional cock teaser.
ShannonMI Posted November 25, 2011 Posted November 25, 2011 I dissent. You gave him permission to go to a bachelor party in a strip club in Vegas no less. You were OK with stuff up to a point. It may be disappointing that he indulged more than you wanted, but what's done is done and if you were that sensitive about it, you probably shouldn't have accommodated so much of it. It's just a guy being a guy with some sense of license from his g/f and it's NOT CHEATING. There's nothing personal going on with him and this professional cock teaser. Oh Frisky.....but it is. Touching a woman's tits and her nether regions is cheating. And he probably got head too while he was at it. I'm sure he just omitted that part of the hour long private dance. That's usually what happens. OP wasn't wrong in allowing him to go to a strip club. He just went too far with it. He could have just gotten a lap dance and called it a night. Instead he took it further and got what he got. He's a dog. I would not be happy. I will give him credit though for admitting what he did. Most men would not even do that.
norajane Posted November 25, 2011 Posted November 25, 2011 I'm in agreement. I think if you're the fiance and it's your SO going to the club for his/her bachelor/bachelorette party, then you have to accept a few things as long as it's not full on sex or sexual acts. However, if the person is NOT the fiance, then he/she has no excuse. Not even "well he would not have gone if I didn't go with him". Fine then, he doesn't go and the two of you go to the casino and play Texas Hold'em. That's an interesting perspective. Why is it ok for the guy who is about to get married (the fiance for whom the bachelor party is held) to get lap dances and touch strippers and whatnot, but it's not ok for another guy who is engaged to be married (a bachelor party guest) to do the same. That makes no sense to me. They're both engaged. Why does the guy who will get married in a week get a pass while the guy who will get married in a year is not allowed to touch? For the record, I don't believe physical, sexual contact with a stripper is ok for anyone who is engaged or married or dating someone.
ShannonMI Posted November 25, 2011 Posted November 25, 2011 That's an interesting perspective. Why is it ok for the guy who is about to get married (the fiancé for whom the bachelor party is held) to get lap dances and touch strippers and whatnot, but it's not ok for another guy who is engaged to be married (a bachelor party guest) to do the same. That makes no sense to me. They're both engaged. Why does the guy who will get married in a week get a pass while the guy who will get married in a year is not allowed to touch? For the record, I don't believe physical, sexual contact with a stripper is ok for anyone who is engaged or married or dating someone. Yeah that made no sense. It's wrong either way. And OP's soon to be husband would be none to pleased if his fiancé was groping some male strippers dick and balls. You can best believe that.
Wolf18 Posted November 25, 2011 Posted November 25, 2011 Yeah that made no sense. It's wrong either way. And OP's soon to be husband would be none to pleased if his fiancé was groping some male strippers dick and balls. You can best believe that.[/Quote] Actually, that's a pretty common staple in male strip joints. The stories I hear about "Hunk-A-Mania" make even degenerates like me blush.
ShannonMI Posted November 25, 2011 Posted November 25, 2011 Actually, that's a pretty common staple in male strip joints. The stories I hear about "Hunk-A-Mania" make even degenerates like me blush. Oh Wolfie I love your new avatar. I've been to the Thunder From Down Under show and none of that happened. They let you touch their asses, but that was about it. Of course that wasn't an actual male strip club, but still. And where are these male strip joints you speak of? I'd love to go to one. I didn't think they existed to be honest.
Wolf18 Posted November 25, 2011 Posted November 25, 2011 Oh Wolfie I love your new avatar. I've been to the Thunder From Down Under show and none of that happened. They let you touch their asses, but that was about it. Of course that wasn't an actual male strip club, but still. And where are these male strip joints you speak of? I'd love to go to one. I didn't think they existed to be honest. I don't want to get into too much detail but the dudes put whip cream on their schlong and women lick it off, there is almost always some kind of sexual contact available, although many times the males working at these places are homosexuals. It's overlooked and unregulated, because, you know, only men are perverts, women are empowered . All I know, is that if you want extras at a titty bar you better be a smooth talker or have a bag of cocaine Most places have obnoxious "no touching" rules, while male strip clubs are usually full blown orgies. A lot of times women will get paranoid of they're significant other if they've been to male strip clubs, thinking that the female ones are the same. They're not, strip clubs for men are pretty lame unless you're a filthy rich Arab oil shiek who plops 1000 bucks on his table (like the last time I went Attention whore) .
Disenchantedly Yours Posted November 25, 2011 Posted November 25, 2011 Hi everyone - So i am a bit confused here and was looking for people to share some thoughts with me on this. My fiance and I (we have been together for about 4.5 yrs now)went to Vegas this past weekend for a bachelor/bachelorette party. As expected, my fiance and the bachelor went to strip club there. Now, I am not naive and I partly know what goes on in there so when he came back and told me he got a lap dance where touching was allowed - it didn't bother me much. But when he told me that he went a step further and got him and his buddy a private dance for an hour or so while he got to touch the girl everywhere - but touching is all that it went to. He says he had absolutely no intention of doing anything further and he even told the stripper that he was engaged. But it still bothers me a LOT that he took that extra step to splurge not only on HUGE amount of money but that he also consciously went for that extra hour with the stripper. Am I just being too insecure or is it okay to feel so down about this whole situation No, you are not being insecure. He took advantage of a situation and abused it. More went on then he is probably telling you. But with what he told you alone, he disrespected you and the relationship. You need to reconsider this relationship and his respect toward you in it. Ask him how he would feel if you let another man put his hands all over you in a sexy dance with you wearing nearly nothing. Further, he tried to make it sound like he was being stand up guy because he "told the stripper that he was engaged" but he is just using that as a ploy to soften the blow of disrespected toward you and the relationship. Further, if you do not want strip clubs in your relationship, that is not an insecurity. You are fully allowed to not think this is acceptable behavior in your relationship.
Disenchantedly Yours Posted November 25, 2011 Posted November 25, 2011 Wolf18 I don't want to get into too much detail but the dudes put whip cream on their schlong and women lick it off, there is almost always some kind of sexual contact available, although many times the males working at these places are homosexuals. It's overlooked and unregulated, because, you know, only men are perverts, women are empowered . Save it wolf. Those kind of places are far and few inbeween compared to strip joints for men. Much less married/engaged/committed girlfriends are off licking things from other men's penises vs how many men are treating their partners like crap looking for a thrill with other women. That's the reality. For every one joint for woman..if even that..there are about 15 more strip joints for men. Don't act like all things are equal in this regard when the simply aren't. Further, there are some websites that are created for men (porn) that show men engaging with "male strippers" and it's all pretty much staged. All I know, is that if you want extras at a titty bar you better be a smooth talker or have a bag of cocaine Most places have obnoxious "no touching" rules, while male strip clubs are usually full blown orgies. Yeah..titty bars are so innocent..all the men there treat women with respect, love their wives and things never go to far...right....Show us where all these male strip clubs are by the way. I live in the NJ area. There is only one male strip joint I know of and it's in Philly. Meanwhile, when I drive to Philly, there are about 10 billboards for "Gentlmen club". A lot of times women will get paranoid of they're significant other if they've been to male strip clubs, thinking that the female ones are the same. They're not, strip clubs for men are pretty lame unless you're a filthy rich Arab oil shiek who plops 1000 bucks on his table (like the last time I went Attention whore). Right..men go to strip clubs because of it's clean wholesome fun and "tameness". Men must thing women are stupid. The truth is that men aren't honest about what goes on in strip clubs because at a strip club, men can cheat on their partner sand other men will cheer him on while they are doing the same. The fact is more men are spending time at strip clubs then anything most women are doing. Most women aren't even turned on by gyrating grease monkies.
ShannonMI Posted November 25, 2011 Posted November 25, 2011 I don't want to get into too much detail but the dudes put whip cream on their schlong and women lick it off, there is almost always some kind of sexual contact available, although many times the males working at these places are homosexuals. It's overlooked and unregulated, because, you know, only men are perverts, women are empowered . All I know, is that if you want extras at a titty bar you better be a smooth talker or have a bag of cocaine Most places have obnoxious "no touching" rules, while male strip clubs are usually full blown orgies. A lot of times women will get paranoid of they're significant other if they've been to male strip clubs, thinking that the female ones are the same. They're not, strip clubs for men are pretty lame unless you're a filthy rich Arab oil shiek who plops 1000 bucks on his table (like the last time I went Attention whore) . Yes I've heard a lot of male strippers are of the gay variety. They have such clubs in Canada though right? I would love to go to one. Don't know about the whip cream BJ. Not too keen on blowing a dude I don't know. Especially a gay stripper who has had men and women sucking on his knob. And who knows where else that knob has been!! Up a rear or two I'm sure!!! Kind of gross, but looking would be fun.
the wizard Posted November 25, 2011 Posted November 25, 2011 I don't think you should leave him OP. He was celebrating the occasion with his buddy, he was honest about it and even told the stripper he was engaged. He went in with good intentions, to celebrate his buddy's new life ahead of him with his soon to be wife. I never really understood why women get so offended over this. Its not about the stripper, they're just caught in the moment of celebrating his friend's marriage and happiness.
Disenchantedly Yours Posted November 25, 2011 Posted November 25, 2011 I don't think you should leave him OP. He was celebrating the occasion with his buddy, he was honest about it and even told the stripper he was engaged. He went in with good intentions, to celebrate his buddy's new life ahead of him with his soon to be wife. I never really understood why women get so offended over this. Its not about the stripper, they're just caught in the moment of celebrating his friend's marriage and happiness. Because as a woman it hurts that your man wants to celebrate his committment to you by being with other nearly naked women who are there for sexual titilation. Even if it's for a night. Which in reality it never is because their friends are bound to get married to and use the same justification. And if you were honest with yourself, you could understand it.Why it's hurtful when men want to actively seek other women to entertain themselves outside of a relationship. If it was really about celebraing a friend's mariage and happiness with the marriage, there wouldn't be nearly naked women involved from the get go.There are so many other positive things men can do together that exclude strip joints as celebrations for marriage. It doesn't make any sense why men that are happy to get married or are excited about their marriage celebrate it by spending their time with other barely dressed young women. It actually would seem to be the opposite. I think men that feel it important to go to strip clubs before their own marriage, or in light of a buddies marriage aren't doing it for the excitment of his own marriage or friend's marriage. If you really think they are, then give me one good reason why a strip joint is used as celebration for a marriage.
the wizard Posted November 25, 2011 Posted November 25, 2011 Because as a woman it hurts that your man wants to celebrate his committment to you by being with other nearly naked women who are there for sexual titilation. Even if it's for a night. Which in reality it never is because their friends are bound to get married to and use the same justification. And if you were honest with yourself, you could understand it.Why it's hurtful when men want to actively seek other women to entertain themselves outside of a relationship. If it was really about celebraing a friend's mariage and happiness with the marriage, there wouldn't be nearly naked women involved from the get go.There are so many other positive things men can do together that exclude strip joints as celebrations for marriage. It doesn't make any sense why men that are happy to get married or are excited about their marriage celebrate it by spending their time with other barely dressed young women. It actually would seem to be the opposite. I think men that feel it important to go to strip clubs before their own marriage, or in light of a buddies marriage aren't doing it for the excitment of his own marriage or friend's marriage. If you really think they are, then give me one good reason why a strip joint is used as celebration for a marriage. You don't quite understand the male psyche and why they celebrate the way they do at a Bachelor's Party, and what it is they are celebrating. Your response made that much clear.
musemaj11 Posted November 25, 2011 Posted November 25, 2011 A man has the right to spend his money on as many women as he can afford.
Negative Nancy Posted November 25, 2011 Posted November 25, 2011 that's why i'd never allow my bf to go to a stripclub. i would tell him "choose between me or the strippers" cos that's what it basically comes down to. i mean, it's not like he can't see his friend on any other occasion. since i am a strong person, i'd have no problem telling my friends at a bachelorette party that i would leave in case a stripper showed up and in case we went to a club, cos i am not a hypocrite. if they don't understand that, they're not true friends anyway and good riddance. and i'd expect the same from my boyfriend. if he ever wanted to go there for a bachelor party, he'd find himself single the next day, this is one of my absolute dealbreakers and stories like yours reinforcy my zero tolerance policy over and over again. sorry to say, but your bf is a scumbag, doesn't love or respect you (or at least doesn't see you as THE ONE) and you should dump the loser. touching a stripper is CHEATING. even a lapdance is cheating already. hell, even going to a stripclub is cheating to me. i'll never understand why women put up with that stuff.
ShannonMI Posted November 25, 2011 Posted November 25, 2011 Save it wolf. Those kind of places are far and few inbeween compared to strip joints for men. Much less married/engaged/committed girlfriends are off licking things from other men's penises vs how many men are treating their partners like crap looking for a thrill with other women. That's the reality. For every one joint for woman..if even that..there are about 15 more strip joints for men. Don't act like all things are equal in this regard when the simply aren't. Further, there are some websites that are created for men (porn) that show men engaging with "male strippers" and it's all pretty much staged. Yeah..titty bars are so innocent..all the men there treat women with respect, love their wives and things never go to far...right....Show us where all these male strip clubs are by the way. I live in the NJ area. There is only one male strip joint I know of and it's in Philly. Meanwhile, when I drive to Philly, there are about 10 billboards for "Gentlmen club". Right..men go to strip clubs because of it's clean wholesome fun and "tameness". Men must thing women are stupid. The truth is that men aren't honest about what goes on in strip clubs because at a strip club, men can cheat on their partner sand other men will cheer him on while they are doing the same. The fact is more men are spending time at strip clubs then anything most women are doing. Most women aren't even turned on by gyrating grease monkies. Have you ever been to a male strip show? The women act like ANIMALS!! Far from how men act at titty bars. Most men just throw their dollars and whistle a bit. I've been to one strip show and while I found it entertaining, the men that is. The women there acted like complete idiots though. I just sat in my seat with a big grin on my face.:D Most of the ladies were screaming and hollering and acting a fool. And when they made it up on stage, forget about it. They were all over the men. Grabbing them and screaming. It was pathetic. I was brought up on stage and I was so embarrassed that I had my head in my hands the whole time. The guy was gorgeous but I was mortified to say the least. I don't like being the center of attention on a stage with a spot light on me. At the end of the dance he kissed me on the lips which I thought was a little forward. I wonder if I had been one of those screaming horny women if he would have kissed me the way he did. At the end of the show two of the men came and talked to me. Probably because I was one of the nicer girls. I was cracking up. They were very nice gentlemen I might add.
the wizard Posted November 25, 2011 Posted November 25, 2011 that's why i'd never allow my bf to go to a stripclub. i would tell him "choose between me or the strippers" cos that's what it basically comes down to. i mean, it's not like he can't see his friend on any other occasion. since i am a strong person, i'd have no problem telling my friends at a bachelorette party that i would leave in case a stripper showed up and in case we went to a club, cos i am not a hypocrite. if they don't understand that, they're not true friends anyway and good riddance. and i'd expect the same from my boyfriend. if he ever wanted to go there for a bachelor party, he'd find himself single the next day, this is one of my absolute dealbreakers and stories like yours reinforcy my zero tolerance policy over and over again. sorry to say, but your bf is a scumbag, doesn't love or respect you (or at least doesn't see you as THE ONE) and you should dump the loser. touching a stripper is CHEATING. even a lapdance is cheating already. hell, even going to a stripclub is cheating to me. i'll never understand why women put up with that stuff. *rolls eyes* Oh brother.
KathyM Posted November 25, 2011 Posted November 25, 2011 Hi everyone - So i am a bit confused here and was looking for people to share some thoughts with me on this. My fiance and I (we have been together for about 4.5 yrs now)went to Vegas this past weekend for a bachelor/bachelorette party. As expected, my fiance and the bachelor went to strip club there. Now, I am not naive and I partly know what goes on in there so when he came back and told me he got a lap dance where touching was allowed - it didn't bother me much. But when he told me that he went a step further and got him and his buddy a private dance for an hour or so while he got to touch the girl everywhere - but touching is all that it went to. He says he had absolutely no intention of doing anything further and he even told the stripper that he was engaged. But it still bothers me a LOT that he took that extra step to splurge not only on HUGE amount of money but that he also consciously went for that extra hour with the stripper. Am I just being too insecure or is it okay to feel so down about this whole situation That would be a dealbreaker for me. I don't think you're overreacting at all. It's one thing to go to a strip club for a bachelor's party, but to pay for lap dances and feel up other women while engaged is a level of disrespect for your relationship that I would be livid about. I think I'd tell my fiance that he is obviously not mature enough to be getting married at this point, and that we need a break to rethink our relationship.
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