jsmith3838 Posted November 25, 2011 Posted November 25, 2011 Me and this girl started dating in high school about two years ago. We had an amazing relationship and I could see myself marrying her. Now we are in college and both attend different schools about 4 hours away. However, she was planning on transferring here in the spring. About 2 weeks ago, on a saturday night, we hung out because we were both home. Now there was no problems and everything was great she even told me I was "the perfect boyfriend" (wouldn't be a first). That next week everything remained fine as possibly could be in a long distance relationship but when it came to the weekend, I just wanted to know where she was going and if she would be drinking. This annoys her as she is always too busy to text me over the weekend but always wants texts and calls during the week. That saturday night she skypes me and tells me she wants to go back into an open relationship (backtrack: in the beginning of the school year we were in an open relationship to deal with the distance and everything was fine. But she wanted to be exclusive again so we went back into a regular long distance relationship) so I was a little bit confused and wanted to talk about it. She had to go and I guess I had a sort of mini break down and texted her and called her a lot to try and figure out why she wanted this. She didn't answer any of my texts until around 2 am with a text "sorry my phone was in my purse" I called her and she told me that she was at a club. (First time she's ever been to a club by her university) I was a little bit upset about that but she told me shed call me in the morning. So I went to bed then woke up the next day and called her around 1 pm. She wouldn't answer and said she would call later. So I started some homework and eventually she called and I could tell something was up. She dumped me and basically said that she "loves me but isn't in love with me anymore" idk what this means and I have no idea where it came from seeing as how everything was fine earlier. She also told me to give her space and we would talk about it on monday (the next day). Wednesday came and no call so I decided to call her. She was upset at thefact that I called her and said 3 days wasn't enough space. On the phone she seems like a completely different person and idk what happened. She told me to not text her or call her until thanksgiving break (in about 2 weeks) and we would talk about things in person. I ask her if there's any chance we can go out again and she's fairly sure there isn't. And she doesn't want to transfer schools anymore. I know her very well and I know that she can be a little bit bipolar but I need to know what I can do to get her back. I realize that I shouldn't be calling her but its so hard and I can't imagine not having her as my girlfriend. I feel like if I see her in person it will remind her of how much she needs me in her life as well. Does anyone have any advice about this situation? Sorry about the wall of text. Thanks
b_80_h Posted November 25, 2011 Posted November 25, 2011 Well, my first recommendation is to use paragraphs. We'll love you for it, I swear! =D Secondly, I think you need to accept the possibility that you and she are done. Now, this doesn't mean you shouldn't talk to her about things. However, by accepting that your time with her is up, you'll be able to handle whatever comes your way. This way, you can begin the healing process, in case she rips open some wounds. OR, if it turns out you can talk it out, then it gives you an appreciative perspective on your relationship. That's the "glass half full" side of the things. Now, for the "glass half empty." She's probably trying to tell you that she wants to live her life in the present. Long distance relationships are stressful, as you may already know. However, she's saying with "I love you but I'm not IN LOVE with you" that she cares about you enough to let you down easy.
YaOldBuckaroo Posted November 25, 2011 Posted November 25, 2011 Me and this girl started dating in high school about two years ago. We had an amazing relationship and I could see myself marrying her. Now we are in college and both attend different schools about 4 hours away. However, she was planning on transferring here in the spring. About 2 weeks ago, on a saturday night, we hung out because we were both home. Now there was no problems and everything was great she even told me I was "the perfect boyfriend" (wouldn't be a first). That next week everything remained fine as possibly could be in a long distance relationship but when it came to the weekend, I just wanted to know where she was going and if she would be drinking. This annoys her as she is always too busy to text me over the weekend but always wants texts and calls during the week. That saturday night she skypes me and tells me she wants to go back into an open relationship (backtrack: in the beginning of the school year we were in an open relationship to deal with the distance and everything was fine. But she wanted to be exclusive again so we went back into a regular long distance relationship) so I was a little bit confused and wanted to talk about it. She had to go and I guess I had a sort of mini break down and texted her and called her a lot to try and figure out why she wanted this. She didn't answer any of my texts until around 2 am with a text "sorry my phone was in my purse" I called her and she told me that she was at a club. (First time she's ever been to a club by her university) I was a little bit upset about that but she told me shed call me in the morning. So I went to bed then woke up the next day and called her around 1 pm. She wouldn't answer and said she would call later. So I started some homework and eventually she called and I could tell something was up. She dumped me and basically said that she "loves me but isn't in love with me anymore" idk what this means and I have no idea where it came from seeing as how everything was fine earlier. She also told me to give her space and we would talk about it on monday (the next day). Wednesday came and no call so I decided to call her. She was upset at thefact that I called her and said 3 days wasn't enough space. On the phone she seems like a completely different person and idk what happened. She told me to not text her or call her until thanksgiving break (in about 2 weeks) and we would talk about things in person. I ask her if there's any chance we can go out again and she's fairly sure there isn't. And she doesn't want to transfer schools anymore. I know her very well and I know that she can be a little bit bipolar but I need to know what I can do to get her back. I realize that I shouldn't be calling her but its so hard and I can't imagine not having her as my girlfriend. I feel like if I see her in person it will remind her of how much she needs me in her life as well. Does anyone have any advice about this situation? Sorry about the wall of text. Thanks Hey jsmith3838 Yeah I agree that long distance relationships are really stressful. It can get lonely for the both of you. If possible, you need to go over to where she is and straighten things out. A plausible reason why she's losing interest in you is because you can't be there for her, or she's starting to see other guys (not saying she actually is) that she views as better than you. You need to eliminate that thought from her mind. Take her out on a date or something. Start building repairing her attraction for you again. Here's a helpful article I've found: http://www.scribd.com/doc/4654457/Attract-Women-With-4-Routines-From-Black-Belt-Seduction Pretty helpful info in there. Check it out if you like.. Max
Author jsmith3838 Posted November 25, 2011 Author Posted November 25, 2011 So here's a bit of an update: We are both home now for Thanksgiving break, and I have talked to her on the phone. She told me that she already went on a 'blind date' that her friend set her up on but I'm assuming that it is just a rebound attempt. I dont know whats gotten into her because she would never date anyone that smokes and this guy is a smoker. Anyways, she agreed to meet up for lunch but also said many times "I dont want you to get the wrong idea." etc... So my plan from here is to meet for lunch and not to bring up anything about our past/her dating again. Thoughts?
twinkles Posted November 25, 2011 Posted November 25, 2011 j..you know what you do...just stand her up. I know you are probably a really nice guy and would never think of doing that to her but you have to. You see J there are some people who need drama in their lives. She says she loves you but that she's not in love with you. When someone says that to you it means they love you because you are a nice person but there is something missing for them...a spark or as I like to say drama. Do you see how what she is doing is messing with your head right now...those are the feelings she probably needs to feel "in love". That's all spark is, a person who is able to mess with your head. The funny thing about that is that all eventually becomes tiresome. Don't waste any more time persuing her it sounds to me like she wants to have fun go clubbing and date other guys. She is telling you to not get the wrong idea which means there is no chance of getting back together. Go find a girl who is as solid as you are don't settle for being a back up plan.
yello243 Posted November 25, 2011 Posted November 25, 2011 She seems all over the place relationship-wise meaning, she wants to be with you but she doesnt want to be with you. A person who wants a relationship who really loves someone does not want an open relationship. Someone who wants an open relationship to me seems that they don't want a full commitment of what an actual relationship is. Let her go, don't stress it focus in your school. She does not seem to want to dedicate as much in to the relationship as you are willing to commit to. Hard to say but it seems the relationship is done and she just wants a good time. No one can tell you what to do however, some word of advice, in a relationship you are either in one or not, the whole no weekend contact thing on her part is really strange to me. You are better than that you seem really great focused and know what you want out of a relationship she obviously does not. I know it is hard but you can do it, you can definitely find someone who will deserve your full attention. Otherwise she seems annoyed, try ignoring her a little and give yourself self-worth and you'll see if you really want her back she will be back, but otherwise i would recommend to just let her go because it seems she does not want something serious not now and not for a while. She is playing around with you because she knows you will be there available 24/7 all she has to do is send you a quick text or call and your there. Play hard to get do not meet up with her.
Author jsmith3838 Posted November 25, 2011 Author Posted November 25, 2011 Thanks all I appreciate it. I somehow knew that I was going to be told not to meet up with her but it's so hard to just stand her up when I'm the one that asked her to see me. I just have this little hope that if she sees me it may spark what she had felt for over 2 years. My emotions have been on a roller coaster the past 2 weeks - one day I am really missing her and the next I tell myself that I CAN live without her and I'm better off but I honestly can't drop her out of my life like that.
b_80_h Posted November 25, 2011 Posted November 25, 2011 So here's a bit of an update: We are both home now for Thanksgiving break, and I have talked to her on the phone. She told me that she already went on a 'blind date' that her friend set her up on but I'm assuming that it is just a rebound attempt. I dont know whats gotten into her because she would never date anyone that smokes and this guy is a smoker. Anyways, she agreed to meet up for lunch but also said many times "I dont want you to get the wrong idea." etc... So my plan from here is to meet for lunch and not to bring up anything about our past/her dating again. Thoughts? Well, I think she's trying to appease you, at least in my humble opinion. The signs she's giving off, at least from what you've said, indicate a chick who really wants to move on from you.
yello243 Posted November 26, 2011 Posted November 26, 2011 i have to agree with b 80, she said very clear to you " i dont want you to get the wrong idea" stop chasing her, stop looking for excuses to find her, let her go it is hard but not impossible you can do it and you will realize later the benefits from it all. She is enjoying the party phase and with that comes its drawbacks that later you will hate yourself for it. Don't waste your time with her she does not deserve you and she is not considering you one bit she seems to just be holding you there to lay back on when she is done with the party and enjoying her life. You will only get hurt and dissapointed save yourself from more pain and try to heal on your own with time.
Author jsmith3838 Posted November 26, 2011 Author Posted November 26, 2011 It's just so hard to let go of something that has been steady for 2 years in my life I can't just forget about her as simply as she can forget about me I suppose :/
Author jsmith3838 Posted November 26, 2011 Author Posted November 26, 2011 So here's another update: I just came back from lunch with her and it was actually not awkward at all. We ate at Boston Market then went to goodwill (we used to go to goodwill alot) for about half an hour. We laughed a lot and had just a very good time. I talked to her about winter break and I know I'm a sucker, but I told her I would take her to Disney World over the break if she wanted. She said "I'd never turn down Disney" and agreed to it. (I get a discount on tickets and we only live an hour away from Disney world so it's not a HUGE deal and we've been there before.) Everytime we go to Disney we have an amazing time. This is going to be the make-it or break-it point. After we go to disney, if nothing is changed and she still only sees me as a friend then I am not going to put anymore time or money into this relationship. But I will continue to see her as friends and hang out because I'm not going to say I didn't have fun today because I really did. I know what most of you will say and I appreciate the criticism because I know that I'm a sucker when it comes to doing things for her she's just that one girl that I'd do absolutely anything for to make her happy.
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