Sugarkane Posted November 25, 2011 Posted November 25, 2011 Just so you get the full story of what the person's like. Not just a one sided view, which can sometimes be lies. E.g "All my exes are psychos", when it's usually the person them self that is the crazy one. There's a difference between rejecting someone with dignity [especially if you were together a long time] and being a downright as*hole about it. Especially dumping by email, text or plain out disappearing because they're a complete coward. Then refusing to even meet you face to face. If someone dumps exes like a coward and is a downright as*hole, I wouldn't even want to know them.
Emilia Posted November 25, 2011 Posted November 25, 2011 There are two sides to every story. You should be concerned with how someone is treating you and watch their actions, don't worry about their exes, most have an axe to grind. I'm sure the last one would call me an a***hole for dumping him by email but by the end I didn't feel I owed him an explanation because he repulsed me. I was never going to explain the real reason for leaving him and I didn't want another minute in his presence so it's how it went.
Andy_K Posted November 25, 2011 Posted November 25, 2011 I'm on good terms with most of my exes. Not actively in contact with as such, but no resentment if I was. I could probably give potential dates references
Emilia Posted November 25, 2011 Posted November 25, 2011 Yes strangely enough I get on with most of them too and like catching up with them sometimes. Except for the last one, he is just too weird *shudder*
RiverRunning Posted November 25, 2011 Posted November 25, 2011 I keep to a no-contact-with-exes policy. It has served me well and it helps everybody involved get over their feelings and move on with their lives. Too often, people who keep in touch with an ex or stay friends with them are simply putting up barriers to moving on and developing a close, intimate relationship with somebody else in the future. I don't think it's a requirement to "meet the exes." But if this guy really was flaming down his exes as "psychos," I think you had enough of a red flag there to realize it was him. Excessive praise or excessive tear-downs of the exes? ALWAYS a bad sign. He's either got her loving memory on his mind or he's thinking revenge because of something she did. Either way, he's not over her/them. Most people who are neutral about their exes would probably say, "We had problems and it didn't work out. She was really jealous of how I spent my time and I..." End of story. Why would they need to get into the nitty, painful gritty unless they were still feeling raw about it? The common denominator between all of those psycho exes is the guy. Why does he keep picking supposed psychos? Makes ya wonder.
counterman Posted November 25, 2011 Posted November 25, 2011 I don't know about this one. I probably wouldn't want to meet someone's exes. I have only been in one relationship and haven't spoken to my ex for almost 3 years now. The break-up was real messy. She didn't want to meet up with me to break-up and made me wait. I practically had to ask her to break up with me. Things didn't work out but I do believe that if I treat you with respect, you should treat me with respect and I don't feel my ex did that, throughout our relationship. I don't think I can ever describe her in good-terms... She's not a psycho or a completely bad person, but she's not an angel (as many people think she is) either. She would probably slam me with her view and judging by how her friends treated me after the break-up, I'm pretty sure she wasn't telling them about how I was a gentleman or how great I was.
sassysf Posted November 28, 2011 Posted November 28, 2011 Just so you get the full story of what the person's like. Not just a one sided view, which can sometimes be lies. E.g "All my exes are psychos", when it's usually the person them self that is the crazy one. There's a difference between rejecting someone with dignity [especially if you were together a long time] and being a downright as*hole about it. Especially dumping by email, text or plain out disappearing because they're a complete coward. Then refusing to even meet you face to face. If someone dumps exes like a coward and is a downright as*hole, I wouldn't even want to know them. You must have met my worst ex Sugar, lol. I think it helps to hear how potential mates describe their exes. If "all" of them are psycho, then either they don't know how to pick mates, or they take no responsibility for their role in what happened. My best ex had another ex who sooo had issues, but he also had dated regular folks and took responsibility where neccessary. My worst ex brought out the psycho in me during the breakup, lol and he called all his exes psycho. (imagine that.)
Titania22 Posted November 28, 2011 Posted November 28, 2011 It wouldn't matter. I met the women my exhusband saw after me, and in my naivete i even warned her. She assumed i secretly wanted him back. Jokes on her, she is the one he put in the hospital. There are 2 sides to every story, but there would be know way for you to know who was lying, embellishing or actually being honest.
RiverRunning Posted November 28, 2011 Posted November 28, 2011 If an ex came to me and warned me about the new guy, my immediate thought would be, "She wants him back or for some reason she wants me out of the picture," too. Unfortunately, the new girlfriend is finding out too late, but can you really blame her for questioning that? If an ex were to tell me, "He's physically abusive," AND she were willing to send police reports confirming that, then of course I would be out of there like you wouldn't believe. But if she just told me he's physically abusive and that was that - and I heard nothing from anyone else to confirm it - I would move into the relationship shakily, but I wouldn't outright leave. The ex is almost always going to get attached with the "sour grapes" label, so I could never see myself blaming a person who didn't take my advice if I were the guy's ex. I also didn't mean to say that a guy who torches any ex is showing red flags - but if ALL of them are nuts/bonkers/psycho, something is up, and it's probably with him.
shayla Posted November 28, 2011 Posted November 28, 2011 It wouldn't matter. I met the women my exhusband saw after me, and in my naivete i even warned her. She assumed i secretly wanted him back. Jokes on her, she is the one he put in the hospital. There are 2 sides to every story, but there would be know way for you to know who was lying, embellishing or actually being honest. Same thing happened with my ex husband (not this ex). I saw my ex husband with his new girlfriend. You'd have thought that the first clue was that I ducked and covered when I saw them. He tried to walk up to me and I jumped in my car, slammed the door and drove off in one motion. His girlfriend went around telling people that I ran away because I was jealous. One of the same people she told showed me the police report that was filed after being beaten nearly to death by him.
shayla Posted November 28, 2011 Posted November 28, 2011 This ex treated me like crap, dumped me and married another woman 2 months later. I was very hurt and twice as angry. But I was the one that was called a psycho. I was the one that deserved all that. History got rewritten big time, and when all was said and done, he was the victim....
azsinglegal Posted November 28, 2011 Posted November 28, 2011 I kind of wish I would've met the ex's of a few of my last boyfriends. One kept calling him a cheater and even wrote "once a cheater, always a cheater" on pictures she returned to him after I moved in. He cheated on me. The other Ex I could tell had major ego and anger issues...but I ignored them. Turned out, I was right...wish I had known that in advance would've saved me some money replacing cabinets and dry wall. A few others I had questions about...maybe I should listen more to my instincts.
D-Lish Posted November 28, 2011 Posted November 28, 2011 The bottom line is that upon meeting a new potential mate, if they tell you all their ex's were crazy, abusive, cheaters, or any other lump designation- that should be a glaring red flag. It means you've just met someone that prefers to blame rather than take any responsibility. Personally, as much as I've made some bad dating decisions, I think if I put all my ex's in the same room, the majority of them would get along with one another.
insertnamehere Posted November 29, 2011 Posted November 29, 2011 ^ ^ ^ Indeed . . . all prefacing in a relationship should be scoured for red flags.
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