I want him back

[Love_sick_me]

I have some problems guys, and hope you guys can help.

 

 

A few weeks ago my boyfriend of 1 1/2 year got into a fight on Skype, and then we broke up on Skype. I thought it was quite childish, so I naturally thought we should talk about the situation in person. At that time, I thought breaking up would be a good idea too. We just started being long-distances, and we were quite unsure where either of us will end up as I am a recent grad and he is still in school. On my end, it was a practical reason. We sucked at long distances, and I felt we should break up until we both get our acts together.

 

The conclusion of the talk was we would stay broken up, but we will be talking about the situation in December. His reasons were the fact that we have been fighting a lot for awhile, and he felt our personalities don't fit. Basically the time is getting a bit tough, and he just can't deal with it anymore. I didn't agree. I know when we're together it was happy for the both of us, and we have a lot of fun. He did say that he can't bare with our fights. It gets really emotionally draining for him. At the end of the day we both agreed that we have too much pride to give into each others' needs and wants, so we needed to break up. He said he still loves me and that won't change for a long time. I felt the same. Another agreement we had is to stay friends, still talk to each other, and still have sex with each other if we ever visit each other.

 

Ever since then, I have been quite abnormal. I regretted our decision. I want to get back together with him so badly. I think about him a lot. I fantasize about having sex with him a lot. It's killing me inside. I tried talking to him, but he said nothing will change until we talk about this again in two months. He added, even in two months, we might not be back together.

 

I am going crazy over here, because I really want him back. I tried to stay friendly and diligently communicating with him. He still relies on me whenever he needed emotional support. The thing is whenever I try to communicate with him, he doesn't show any interest in replying. He just doesn't seen like he wanna talk to me. I thought to myself maybe I should stop talking to him as much. A few days later, he called me crying about something. We resumed constant texting for a bit, and then he stop texting back as much. I naturally stopped texting him as much. He then started texting me more, but when I started texting him more he stopped responding as much. He says he's busy, that's why he doesn't reply to me, or reply with one word. I understand that. It just seems like he only talks to me when he wants to talk to me. When I asked him if he wanted more space, he said he wanted more conversation. I decided to stop texting him for awhile. He sent me one text just a few days ago. I decided that I didn't want to reply.

 

I have to admit, I tried to talk to him about us a lot. I know it's a big no no, but it's the only thing I have in my mind. I'm trying hard to stop doing that for sure.

 

My problem is, I just don't know what to do? I don't wanna be in another relationship. I am relationship oriented, but I just don't wanna be a serial monogamist. I don't wanna see other people. I get so jealous by the thoughts of him being with other people. It just sucks all around.

 

Here's some background story. I am three years older than him. Looking for a job after graduation. I am his first relationship. I only dated one other guy before him. I have to say, I was quite jaded by my previous relationship as that guy cheated on me. When we first started dating, I was super jaded because of my ex-ex boyfriend (does that make sense?). He was hitting on my hardcore when I was still dating my ex-ex. I felt like perhaps, I didn't walk into the relationship with a healthy mentality.

 

I really want him back. I want to be with him. It just seems like the relationship ended where we both love each other so much. I want to know what I can do. I have decided to stop communicating with him for awhile, but I don't want him to think that I don't care. How can I respond in a way where he doesn't think that I want any less than getting back together with him. I think I have very much left the ball in his court. Did I give him too much power?

 

Right now I think I should just give us time alone so that I can work on myself, and he can sort out his stuff. Should I just start seeing other people? I really just want this to work out.

 

I'm sure I talked a lot of crazy here, but I'm clearly a bit frustrated with the situation. I need a lot of advice.

[chados]

I have some problems guys, and hope you guys can help.

 

 

A few weeks ago my boyfriend of 1 1/2 year got into a fight on Skype, and then we broke up on Skype. I thought it was quite childish, so I naturally thought we should talk about the situation in person. At that time, I thought breaking up would be a good idea too. We just started being long-distances, and we were quite unsure where either of us will end up as I am a recent grad and he is still in school. On my end, it was a practical reason. We sucked at long distances, and I felt we should break up until we both get our acts together.

 

The conclusion of the talk was we would stay broken up, but we will be talking about the situation in December. His reasons were the fact that we have been fighting a lot for awhile, and he felt our personalities don't fit. Basically the time is getting a bit tough, and he just can't deal with it anymore. I didn't agree. I know when we're together it was happy for the both of us, and we have a lot of fun. He did say that he can't bare with our fights. It gets really emotionally draining for him. At the end of the day we both agreed that we have too much pride to give into each others' needs and wants, so we needed to break up. He said he still loves me and that won't change for a long time. I felt the same. Another agreement we had is to stay friends, still talk to each other, and still have sex with each other if we ever visit each other.

 

Ever since then, I have been quite abnormal. I regretted our decision. I want to get back together with him so badly. I think about him a lot. I fantasize about having sex with him a lot. It's killing me inside. I tried talking to him, but he said nothing will change until we talk about this again in two months. He added, even in two months, we might not be back together.

 

I am going crazy over here, because I really want him back. I tried to stay friendly and diligently communicating with him. He still relies on me whenever he needed emotional support. The thing is whenever I try to communicate with him, he doesn't show any interest in replying. He just doesn't seen like he wanna talk to me. I thought to myself maybe I should stop talking to him as much. A few days later, he called me crying about something. We resumed constant texting for a bit, and then he stop texting back as much. I naturally stopped texting him as much. He then started texting me more, but when I started texting him more he stopped responding as much. He says he's busy, that's why he doesn't reply to me, or reply with one word. I understand that. It just seems like he only talks to me when he wants to talk to me. When I asked him if he wanted more space, he said he wanted more conversation. I decided to stop texting him for awhile. He sent me one text just a few days ago. I decided that I didn't want to reply.

 

I have to admit, I tried to talk to him about us a lot. I know it's a big no no, but it's the only thing I have in my mind. I'm trying hard to stop doing that for sure.

 

My problem is, I just don't know what to do? I don't wanna be in another relationship. I am relationship oriented, but I just don't wanna be a serial monogamist. I don't wanna see other people. I get so jealous by the thoughts of him being with other people. It just sucks all around.

 

Here's some background story. I am three years older than him. Looking for a job after graduation. I am his first relationship. I only dated one other guy before him. I have to say, I was quite jaded by my previous relationship as that guy cheated on me. When we first started dating, I was super jaded because of my ex-ex boyfriend (does that make sense?). He was hitting on my hardcore when I was still dating my ex-ex. I felt like perhaps, I didn't walk into the relationship with a healthy mentality.

 

I really want him back. I want to be with him. It just seems like the relationship ended where we both love each other so much. I want to know what I can do. I have decided to stop communicating with him for awhile, but I don't want him to think that I don't care. How can I respond in a way where he doesn't think that I want any less than getting back together with him. I think I have very much left the ball in his court. Did I give him too much power?

 

Right now I think I should just give us time alone so that I can work on myself, and he can sort out his stuff. Should I just start seeing other people? I really just want this to work out.

 

I'm sure I talked a lot of crazy here, but I'm clearly a bit frustrated with the situation. I need a lot of advice.

 

 

 

my story is different, and my ex would answer if i texted her. but does she wanna talk with me, i have no idea. i guess as long as we talk like friends it would be alright, but im not doing that cause of 3 reasons.

 

1. it will help her healingprocess while hurting mine 2. it will slowly start sinking into friendship, and you dont want that at this moment, because if youre always there he/she cant miss you. 3. he doesn't want you right now, for some reason he lost attraction for you, im not saying its your physical side. but for some reason he did, and in 99% of the cases you want be able to reattract it while your sad and chasing him.

 

so yes let him go.. go date other guys. you dont have to get together with someone, but it will help your healing. lets say he contacts you "in most cases he/she will". and this doesn't mean he wants to get back together even if he think he does. and you at this point aren't just going to take him back, you need to let him work for it, you need him to prove that he loves you and that he isn't just wanting you back because he's alone.

 

what if he doesn't contact you? well this could be for different reasons, hes over you, youre dating, hes afraid etc. move on, date other people, if you some day feel that your mentally strong and that youve moved on, only then will you be able to reattract him. because people want what they cant have. and right now he knows he can have you. i know its hard now, but months goes fast, and who knows if your still single half a year from now, when hopefully your over him, you might be able to give it a shot "without being hurt". wish you the best

[Ninjainpajamas]

This reminds me of a relationship I've had...

 

Lots of sex, intimacy, passion...had fun together, laughed, but on a certain level or at least once we had gotten our fill, things would always deteriorate and then we'd have to go back to our separate lives.

 

She was prideful so she never wanted to chase...and the little things she did she thought I should recognize as huge gestures and was disappointed when I didn't respond the way she wanted me to.

 

I was prideful and didn't want to "play her game" when I was what was going on or realized what she was doing or just trying to manipulate me into what I felt was being submissive to her advances then I would just pull away and detach.

 

It was basically a tug of war, neither one wanting to give in too much out of fear of appearing weak or playing the fool. Eventually we decided that it wasn't working in the big picture but we liked those little shots of excitement and craziness so we didn't want to let that go, plus we felt the emotions were real even though the relationship didn't work.

 

We were also very reliant on each other for emotional support as being two people who liked to appear to be in such control and had too much pride to appear weak as a whole, we used each other to hide that secret and vent out all of our problems to each other.

 

Problem is, everything always eventually turned in to issues and conversation about the relationship, and how If I really loved her I would be with her and want her back and keep in touch with her and show that I cared and the fact that I wasn't doing that was making me look like an *******. So the fighting over time got more and more, until finally we just burned each other out.

 

Each time we were together we fought a little more than last time, everyone was better, both people unyielding. Eventually the good times became less and less and even though we knew we didn't belong together we still tried...and she kept pulling me because she know how to push my buttons and I had always been stuck in the past memories of how great things supposedly are between us despite the walls crumbling around us.

 

Sometimes it takes an experience like that to realize how many things you did wrong. I realize how many games we were playing with each other and how childish the whole thing was. It was never going to work, but at the time being stuck in it we thought it was worth fighting for when in reality it just made our lives extremely dramatic.

 

So considering my experience in the above, I would say are you really seeing things for what they are?. Sometimes good things come to an end and the more you fight for them the longer you cause yourself to suffer and linger in those memories and moments. You have been hurt by a lot of past relationships and will naturally have a lot of residual damage and emotions that you will drag into each relationship.

 

If you want to change your life, you'll need to work on yourself, that will make a world of difference, and counseling or sharing with other people and facing your demons will help you have a more healthy relationship in the future.

 

If you jump into another relationship or date other people, that wouldn't be fair to yourself or the other person, do you want half of a person? do you want to deal with someone elses issues because instead of facing their own problems they make you pay for their own insecurities?

 

I don't blame you for continuing this with your ex, if you want a temporary solution at least agree to a timeout of 6 months or so. Let yourself deal with those emotions. If you can't let go because of how much you love him, I also understand that too, I did the same thing and I don't judge you for it...but like me, you know what in your heart you must do...and at my age at 31, I've learned to face the music...it's just easier and you move on quicker that way..I shouldn't be miserable and neither should you.

 

P.S. The closer you try and squeeze him the farther away he'll become

[Love_sick_me]

This reminds me of a relationship I've had...

 

Lots of sex, intimacy, passion...had fun together, laughed, but on a certain level or at least once we had gotten our fill, things would always deteriorate and then we'd have to go back to our separate lives.

 

She was prideful so she never wanted to chase...and the little things she did she thought I should recognize as huge gestures and was disappointed when I didn't respond the way she wanted me to.

 

I was prideful and didn't want to "play her game" when I was what was going on or realized what she was doing or just trying to manipulate me into what I felt was being submissive to her advances then I would just pull away and detach.

 

It was basically a tug of war, neither one wanting to give in too much out of fear of appearing weak or playing the fool. Eventually we decided that it wasn't working in the big picture but we liked those little shots of excitement and craziness so we didn't want to let that go, plus we felt the emotions were real even though the relationship didn't work.

 

We were also very reliant on each other for emotional support as being two people who liked to appear to be in such control and had too much pride to appear weak as a whole, we used each other to hide that secret and vent out all of our problems to each other.

 

Problem is, everything always eventually turned in to issues and conversation about the relationship, and how If I really loved her I would be with her and want her back and keep in touch with her and show that I cared and the fact that I wasn't doing that was making me look like an *******. So the fighting over time got more and more, until finally we just burned each other out.

 

Each time we were together we fought a little more than last time, everyone was better, both people unyielding. Eventually the good times became less and less and even though we knew we didn't belong together we still tried...and she kept pulling me because she know how to push my buttons and I had always been stuck in the past memories of how great things supposedly are between us despite the walls crumbling around us.

 

Sometimes it takes an experience like that to realize how many things you did wrong. I realize how many games we were playing with each other and how childish the whole thing was. It was never going to work, but at the time being stuck in it we thought it was worth fighting for when in reality it just made our lives extremely dramatic.

 

So considering my experience in the above, I would say are you really seeing things for what they are?. Sometimes good things come to an end and the more you fight for them the longer you cause yourself to suffer and linger in those memories and moments. You have been hurt by a lot of past relationships and will naturally have a lot of residual damage and emotions that you will drag into each relationship.

 

If you want to change your life, you'll need to work on yourself, that will make a world of difference, and counseling or sharing with other people and facing your demons will help you have a more healthy relationship in the future.

 

If you jump into another relationship or date other people, that wouldn't be fair to yourself or the other person, do you want half of a person? do you want to deal with someone elses issues because instead of facing their own problems they make you pay for their own insecurities?

 

I don't blame you for continuing this with your ex, if you want a temporary solution at least agree to a timeout of 6 months or so. Let yourself deal with those emotions. If you can't let go because of how much you love him, I also understand that too, I did the same thing and I don't judge you for it...but like me, you know what in your heart you must do...and at my age at 31, I've learned to face the music...it's just easier and you move on quicker that way..I shouldn't be miserable and neither should you.

 

P.S. The closer you try and squeeze him the farther away he'll become

 

 

Hey, I am happy that you're sharing this with me. It sounds just like the relationship that my ex and I had. I guess it's good that we broke up before we burned each other out. I am trying to take it one day at a time. I am still expecting to talk to him about this in December. I guess by then, I would just want some kind of closure from him. I understand nothing will change unless both of us really are willing to work on us. I have been trying work on myself. I'm working out my issues by talking to friends and posting on this forum . At this point, I am not expecting much out of our talk in late December. I want him back, but I know I should move on. It's a hard pill to swallow.

 

I have been meeting new people. Relationship or getting intimate with another person is the last thing I want, and I made sure these guys know that. I just wanna be over with this relationship, and be content with single life for awhile.

 

I have been limiting my contacts with him. I just feel like he's playing games with me. I'm gonna stop talking to him. He seems kinda pissed off about us not talking, and that's extremely hard for me right now.