franci03 Posted November 25, 2011 Posted November 25, 2011 Ok...so I've been talking to a guy for a couple weeks...we really hit it off...text anything and everything to each other. We've been on a couple dates and then he kind of got...stand off-ish. Well he finally said he and his ex had been talking...and they are thinking about getting back together. He was sorry...didn't want to hurt me...but wanted to be honest. I really like this guy...he is amazing...he said that he and his ex had been on and off for the last year...so I told him...well if things don't work out, let me know...I really enjoy your company...anways after our last date...I forgot my jewelry at his place. I thanked him for being honest...let him know how bummed I was...but I respected him for telling me. Anways...I then told him he could just toss my jewelry (nothing of much value or meaning) or we could meet up and I could get it. His repsonse..."I'll hold on to it and give it to you if things don't work out..." Um...ok...so what does that mean? Why wouldn't he just toss it...or meet me...or even mail it....ugh...I really like him...and I want him to want me...not his ex...not sure how to make that happen though...I want to respect him and leave him alone...but I also want him to notice and think aobut me...and want me...
SincereOnlineGuy Posted November 25, 2011 Posted November 25, 2011 Those are fair desires, but if guys like this possessed no loyalty/value to/for their exes, guys would just run the streets like wild dogs mating with anything and everybody. Of course it is normal that you want his romantic attention, and you have done nothing wrong either. If the male itinerary were to merely walk around with a mental sense of, sayyyyyyyyyyyyyy, how big his partner's breasts are, while continuing to search for others until finding someone with bigger breasts, and then dropping the partner like a hot rock, then your general mating pursuits would be far more difficult. Instead, you are just pushing (through no fault of your own) against a tide that has a guy placing considerable 'value' in his own past emotional investments. You have represented yourself sufficiently and well with this guy, and now the best you can do for yourself is to keep meeting more people, and not slowing your own life on a 'hope'...
insertnamehere Posted November 25, 2011 Posted November 25, 2011 Victory goes to the bold. You can't magically finesse his attention. You need to be around him, lavish him with attention and make it known in no uncertain terms what outcome you want. There isn't a second girl at his wedding who is going to be awarded a ring for Miss Congeniality.
runner Posted November 25, 2011 Posted November 25, 2011 His repsonse..."I'll hold on to it and give it to you if things don't work out..." Um...ok...so what does that mean? it means he's a drama queen, a bit immature, and is playing with your emotions possibly without even realising what he's doing.
b_80_h Posted November 25, 2011 Posted November 25, 2011 it means he's a drama queen, a bit immature, and is playing with your emotions possibly without even realising what he's doing. Could be true... Or he's having trouble with his ex, and he doesn't want to incite trouble. I was one of those guys at one point. You really like your ex, but the reasons why are irrational. You find someone new, but you fear leaving your ex permanently, even though it would be better for you in an emotional sense. Having compassion for guys like that is the best. It may seem shallow, but you gotta appeal to him in a way that makes his ex obsolete. He may really adore you, but his head is mixed up. As a note of fairness, women are difficult too.
Author franci03 Posted November 25, 2011 Author Posted November 25, 2011 Could be true... Or he's having trouble with his ex, and he doesn't want to incite trouble. I was one of those guys at one point. You really like your ex, but the reasons why are irrational. You find someone new, but you fear leaving your ex permanently, even though it would be better for you in an emotional sense. Having compassion for guys like that is the best. It may seem shallow, but you gotta appeal to him in a way that makes his ex obsolete. He may really adore you, but his head is mixed up. As a note of fairness, women are difficult too. Oh...I know women are extremely difficult...myself being one of them...but if you have any questions...just ask...I won't sugar coat anything...just tell you straight forward! So...from a guy...how do I do that...he told me straight up they may be getting back together...but like you said...who knows if it is what he really wants or not...I understand she is his "safe" zone. And I know he adores me...but...I'm not in that "safe" zone. I just want to do whatever is best...if I should pursuit anything more...I will...if I shouldn't, I won't. Just don't know how to stay on his mind...and give him his space/distance...?!?
Feelin Frisky Posted November 25, 2011 Posted November 25, 2011 Was it necessary to disparage the entire male gender with this?
Emilia Posted November 25, 2011 Posted November 25, 2011 So...from a guy...how do I do that...he told me straight up they may be getting back together...but like you said...who knows if it is what he really wants or not...I understand she is his "safe" zone. And I know he adores me...but...I'm not in that "safe" zone. I just want to do whatever is best...if I should pursuit anything more...I will...if I shouldn't, I won't. Just don't know how to stay on his mind...and give him his space/distance...?!? Not a guy but as another human being I'd say if someone chooses another person over you or if he tells you that he is contemplating to do so, it's time to leave with your dignity intact. You should not allow yourself to be treated like something disposable. If you piece of jewelery isn't valuable, just leave it. Cut contact with him, his behaviour isn't honesty on his part but disrespect.
aj22one Posted November 25, 2011 Posted November 25, 2011 Quite frankly, he's leaving his options open. If you want to be his backup plan then play along. If not, cut ties.
DearAbby Posted November 25, 2011 Posted November 25, 2011 I agree 100%. He's just not that into you. I don't even know if he is honest or his ex is really around. People use the excuse of the ex often if they just aren't feeling it. I think you should delete him out of your phone and cut all contact and find someone who actually wants to be with you. Right now you are blinded by oxytocin the chemical that is released from sex or whatever it was you were doing at his place. Thats another thing... don't have go to their houses until you see what the true intent is and if you even really like the person in the first place.
grkBoy Posted November 25, 2011 Posted November 25, 2011 Ok...so I've been talking to a guy for a couple weeks...we really hit it off...text anything and everything to each other. We've been on a couple dates and then he kind of got...stand off-ish. Well he finally said he and his ex had been talking...and they are thinking about getting back together. He was sorry...didn't want to hurt me...but wanted to be honest. I really like this guy...he is amazing...he said that he and his ex had been on and off for the last year...so I told him...well if things don't work out, let me know...I really enjoy your company...anways after our last date...I forgot my jewelry at his place. I thanked him for being honest...let him know how bummed I was...but I respected him for telling me. Anways...I then told him he could just toss my jewelry (nothing of much value or meaning) or we could meet up and I could get it. His repsonse..."I'll hold on to it and give it to you if things don't work out..." Um...ok...so what does that mean? Why wouldn't he just toss it...or meet me...or even mail it....ugh...I really like him...and I want him to want me...not his ex...not sure how to make that happen though...I want to respect him and leave him alone...but I also want him to notice and think aobut me...and want me... This isn't uncommon. Been with several women who at first were into me but then suddenly got back with their ex. It's hard to compete with someone who has a history with the object of affection. I believe many men and women honestly wish they could "jump past" the initial meeting/getting to know you/dating period and go right into a RL. This is why the exes become appealing, because they get to jump over the awkward periods. In all honesty, I'd tell you to move on. Lord knows I and many would tell a man to move on if the girl ran back to her ex. IMHO you won't win his heart because he's willing to give it back to the ex, even if they break up/make up 100 more times.
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