ladyravenloft Posted November 24, 2011 Posted November 24, 2011 A month ago my LDR ex gave me the old "I love you but need some time" bit, then a couple hours later someone came on his skype claiming to be his gf and told me how they were sleeping together. I heard nothing back from him and all attempts to contact him were ignored. I went NC and stayed that way until last night when..... I found out he's been seeing someone since the end of August and lying to me about it. While telling her he loves her he's been telling me the same. He paid for her plane ticket to fly to him (halfway around the world), while crying to me how broke he is because his car broke down. I think he was putting me on hold until she goes back home and then planned on trying to pick up with the "I love you" bit again. I had even told him to just be honest with me if he didn't love me any more after he told me he needed time and he swore he still loved and wanted me. I managed to contact her last night and left the following message. Now that I'm clear headed I fear I might have seriously messed up, but I honestly hope they work out; I had been encouraging him to find someone if he couldn't wait for me. I just hope that he doesn't hurt her like he hurt me, and that he starts liking children since she has one and he's always told me he can't stand children. I've since closed all email accounts that he used to contact me and I've blocked myself from contacting either of them and am serious about moving on now that I know what happened. Here is the email; any comments would be appreciated. Hello (her), I wanted to congratulate both you and (him) on your relationship. I was not made aware that the two of you were dating until the end of October, during which time he was still professing feelings for me for the entire year, which I fear might have made it seem as though I was trying to cause issue you for the two of you. I honestly was not. I had been encouraging him to find someone that would make him happy, and I am grateful that he has. He is a wonderful, loving man and will do his best to make you happy and always feel loved. You both are blessed to find each other. Please send him my best wishes and know that I will not trouble either of you further; my own life will be keeping me busy and I will be moving forward. I would have loved to have said a proper farewell to him but c'est la vie. May you both be blessed with love, joy and peace. (my name)
twinkles Posted November 24, 2011 Posted November 24, 2011 What!!!! He is wonderful, loving man and will do his best to make you happy and always feeled loved. Good god girl. This guy is slime. He's keeping you on hold while he's out planning his future with someone else? Where's the respect that you deserved? Let this guy go now and don't looked back. You should have written her a thank you note for taking your garbage out. Stand proud because you are worthy of better. May you be blessed with love from someone that deserves you, joy that that love will bring you, and peace that your hero will bring to you.
sunflower11 Posted November 24, 2011 Posted November 24, 2011 (edited) I honestly..wouldn't have sent anything. When I started going out with my ex in january(K)..my previous ex(J) who I had broken up with 4 months prior to that, textd K saying how I was a wonderful woman and he was lucky to have me and wished us both happiness. You know what K did? He deleted the text thinking it was weird..and I did too. Then a week later J calls me asking why K never replied after he gave him his blessing and was so nice, why K hadnt even been man enough to reply..my answer simply was..he owes you nothing, you didn't have to give your blessing. I'm not saying that you will be waiting for a reply..I guess I'm just saying that neither of them will probably care much..but if it helped you let go then its good I guess And he's not a wonderful, loving man if he had been lying to you by having someone else in the bag already and telling her I love you and everything. Just saying.. Edited November 24, 2011 by sunflower11
Author ladyravenloft Posted November 24, 2011 Author Posted November 24, 2011 You're both right. I guess I was trying to let her know what he was up to at the beginning of the note and also to let him know that I was aware of his shenanigans while maintaining both a sense of dignity on my part and trying to not appear like some angry crazy ex. Perhaps by speaking kindly about him I was trying to trigger a sense of guilt on his part.....I don't know. Really stupid of me to do regardless and while I know I'm lucky to be free of him I also know I'll now need to start building up my self respect so I don't get drawn into another situation like this.
twinkles Posted November 24, 2011 Posted November 24, 2011 I think deep down, without you being aware of it, you actually may have thought if I tell her that he was cheating on her with me maybe she'll dump him and he will come back to me. Think on this for a while. She didn't dump him she got him but I want you to take a good long look what at what she got and be very very grateful. Don't you dare take him back. If a man ever says to you that "I need more time" or any of those other lame excuses you just tell him to take all the time he needs, say goodbye and run as fast as you can away from that person without looking back. You are looking for a loving long term relationship you are not looking to be used. OK
Recommended Posts