Trying to get over some things that happened in the 3 months we were broke up...

[Newlife2011]

Ok...so let me say that my relationship hasn't been the biggest gem in the universe. It has had many ups and downs but I am trying something different this time so it will continue to grow and be healthy. Long story short...been with my SO for 10 years. Last July we hit a pretty rough patch and things went downhill. I made the choice to leave because it was what I thought was best. I didn't handle the breakup well at all and had a lot of regrets. 3 months after being broke up I realized I had made a terrible decision and contacted him. We have been back together for a month now and things are going very well. We have talked about the past and why we think it went wrong and how we can be in the solution to make it work this time. He now lives about an hour from here so I have been traveling on the weekends to see him. When I'm there things are so great and we have a lot of communication. I was having a hard time feeling at home in the new space so he suggested that I move something's around or organize how I would like so that I felt better which I thought was a very touching and great solution. When I was moving some things though I came across a videotape that was hidden under some things. When I asked him about it he confessed it had been a tape he had made where he was having sex with someone else while we were broke up. He immediately worried he had made a terrible mistake my not deposing of it sooner like he said he had planned and that it was just something to make himself feel better because his self esteem was so low after we broke up. He said that the person was a one night stand ( someone that he met off the Internet) and that it meant nothing. We destroyed the tape together and talked about it a lot. I feel our communication was sufficient and there is no need to further discuss this matter with him. When I was apart from him I as well had sex with someone else and know I was doing it to simply cover the pain I was in. I feel like a hypocrit for even posting this but I had to get it off my chest. I did not watch the video...and he provided no details of the encourage ter except that we kept it to get through the lonely nights and now that I was back he had no need for it. He says he regrets it and wishes he could take it back. He has been nothing but completely upfront, honest, and willing about the whole situation but for some reason it keeps popping back up in my mind. I keep seeing them together in this weird fantasy about how it must of played out and obsessing about it. I refuse to bring this topic back up with him because it is over. I want to move forward and not have this be a dark cloud over our new beginning. After all...it is his past ( which we all have ) and he did nothing wrong because we were not together when it happened. I just can't seem to shake it though. Any suggestions, strength, hope, or experience on how to overcome this for myself?? I would greatly appreciate any and all insight. Thanks again.

 

J