to all the DUMPERS

[tomm]

to all the DUMPERS who have lied,cheatted,used,led on etc. AND just left someone for no reason [ well no reason unto us dumpees] your nothing but spineless pieces of garbage not even giving a dumpee an explination / a reason just something [ if we wanted to hear it or not ] seems verry selfish

and u dumpers just SUCK

 

i really hope KARMA exsists

[ladyravenloft]

Bless you for posting this. I just found the reason my ex disappeared without a word a month ago; he has been seeing someone since August without my knowledge, then paid for her to fly to see him for a month. I found out by accident, and am stunned and hurt beyond words. We were in an LDR, and I had encouraged him to find someone locally if he couldn't wait. I guess Canada (her) and Finland (him) are close enough. I just don't understand why he couldn't have been honest about it; he knew I would have been happy for him and just wanted to stay friends. Lying, hiding it, and cutting all communication from the day before she appearently arrived until I"m betting the time she flies home is just cruel.

 

To you dumpers that pull this crap; stop and think before you do it. One day you will reap what you do. My ex will after his girlfriend reads the very polite email I sent her wishing the both of them well but wishing I'd been told sooner about their relationship; finding out about it just before she arrived wasn't pleasant for me.

[BCCA]

Here is the deal, it really doesnt matter why. People dont dump you for simple, easily fixable problems like you leave your shoes all over the house, they dump you because they cant see themselves spending their life with you. In a way, theyre doing you a favor.

 

No matter what they said, it wouldnt make sense because you dont feel the same way about it. I was dumped by my fiance of 5 years, who I lived with, and I was pissed that she didnt explain anything or tell me why, but honestly, if she did it wouldnt have changed anything. It would still suck and Id still be hurt and upset.

 

Im not saying you dont have a right to be upset, but just realize that if someone isnt in it for the long haul, its best that they leave so you can find someone who really wants to spend their life with you.

[Jono85]

Here is the deal, it really doesnt matter why. People dont dump you for simple, easily fixable problems like you leave your shoes all over the house, they dump you because they cant see themselves spending their life with you. In a way, theyre doing you a favor.

 

No matter what they said, it wouldnt make sense because you dont feel the same way about it. I was dumped by my fiance of 5 years, who I lived with, and I was pissed that she didnt explain anything or tell me why, but honestly, if she did it wouldnt have changed anything. It would still suck and Id still be hurt and upset.

 

Im not saying you dont have a right to be upset, but just realize that if someone isnt in it for the long haul, its best that they leave so you can find someone who really wants to spend their life with you.

 

+1

 

OP sounds delusional and is speaking from pain. and we've all been there, i can sympathize.

 

but if someone doesn't "give a reason" and hasn't cheated, lied, etc, they just don't want to remain with u, a reason means nothing. what if the reason was simply they were no longer attracted to you, would u want them to tell you that?? most ppl wouldn't want to say that to someone.

 

the point is that it really doesn't matter, b/c like BCCA stated, the only important point is they no longer want to be with you. there's nothing wrong with that, it is not immoral of anyone.

[tomm]

well in my case [ and i'm guessing others cases also ] we were flat out lied to and cheatted on .i was told ''by my ex ''oh i'd never cheat on you '' [she was cheated on and knows what it feels like ] then to turn around and do it .would have been a lot easier if she sat me down said look i';m not into this relationship anymore or something and break up then go with someone .

not keep telling me you love me ,i'm soo happy with you etc

you don't want to be with someone fine it happens .just have the decency to tell the person to their face and end it don't lead them on with lies only to hurt them and then go out f your way to avoid them .i beleived my ex whole heartaly when she said she loved me ,carred for me,would never cheat on me

and i've not lied to her when i told her the same things .heck she said it 2 days before to me when she stayed at my place before she just walked out on me and into some other guys life .AND telling me where ''friends'' while still lieing to me that's a selfish , cowardly act whatever her reasons are / were just fess up ,i know it would be something i probably wouldn't want to hear but that's just life .a month or so later i was getting lame excuses for the break up when we ran into each other like ''remember when you gave me money to go to the store to get something to fix for dinner,well you shorted me $4.00 i had to pay it out of my own pocket'' WELL if she would have said that when she came back with groceries i would have givin her the $4.00 dam dollars .just lame excuses , she said she felt i was taking advantage of her .over $4.00 we were together almost 5 yrs and that's what she tells me [that was just 1 lame excuses]

 

so yea i stick by what i say to dumpees who lie,cheat,lead on etc they SUCK

 

i really hope KARMA exists

[melenkurion]

I was angry with my ex for cheating for a long time.

 

In the end though, horrible things happening to him won't make me any happier. Schadenfreude is fleeting. I want to be content, I want to have a life I enjoy. The emotional state of my ex is irrelevant to that.

 

I understand, though. For months, I hated him, fixated on him. It's natural.

[melenkurion]

you don't want to be with someone fine it happens .just have the decency to tell the person to their face and end it don't lead them on with lies only to hurt them

 

I don't disagree with you for one moment there. That is a terrible way to behave, very damaging, very cowardly, very selfish.

[stunned8165]

They are something. Leave behind all that damage with no remorse? Almost six months and I'm still angery. What even sucks more, is feeling a big hole of her and the kids not being here today, together on thanksgiving. We spent the last Three together as a family with my family. But just lie, cheat, walkaway, like we were such animals is very damaging, cowardly, selfish and just down right mean. I too can't wait for Karma to kick in. I believe in it. And oh, it will... And no, it doesn't help me thinking this way right now, but the damage sends your emotions in so many directions that you just can't help it. To hell with her, I hope she chokes on a freakin olive today! : )

[tomm]

i'm right their with ya man ,and i really hope KARMA is real

i hope her and her new guy choke on a turkey bone

[Bito]

I know it hurts. Hell it still hurts sometimes to me and im almost 6 months out. What they did is awful. I pined and went over our relationship 1000 times in my head. But you know what? It was the greatest thing to ever happend to me. I am becoming the man I've always wanted to become because I took that pain and used it to better myself.

 

I am on my way to makeing my dream happen and I am more confident and motivated then I have ever been. Allow yourself to feel your emotions.don't fight them or run away from them by jumping into a new relationship. Become great and find your purpose In life.

 

Stay strong

[flitzanu]

to all the DUMPERS who have lied,cheatted,used,led on etc. AND just left someone for no reason [ well no reason unto us dumpees] your nothing but spineless pieces of garbage not even giving a dumpee an explination / a reason just something [ if we wanted to hear it or not ] seems verry selfish

and u dumpers just SUCK

 

i really hope KARMA exsists

 

oh there's a reason, especially when there "isn't a reason".

 

it means they're banging someone else, or they seriously want to bang someone else. and you're in the way.

[AlisaMarie]

oh there's a reason, especially when there "isn't a reason".

 

it means they're banging someone else, or they seriously want to bang someone else. and you're in the way.

 

Ahh touche!

[tomm]

oh there's a reason, especially when there "isn't a reason".

 

it means they're banging someone else, or they seriously want to bang someone else. and you're in the way.

 

OH that i know for a 100% fact [now] BUT hey you can be an adult and say ''hey this relationship isn't working for me , OR this isn't what i want '' something instead of being a coward and end the relationship before you start another one

 

i hope KARMA exists

[BCCA]

OH that i know for a 100% fact [now] BUT hey you can be an adult and say ''hey this relationship isn't working for me , OR this isn't what i want '' something instead of being a coward and end the relationship before you start another one

 

i hope KARMA exists

 

People arent evil because they would rather date somebody else. And truth be told, NOTHING they said would make it hurt any less. It stings pretty bad when someone would rather be with someone else than you, no doubt, but its their life and they have to be happy.

 

Im sure no one purposefully set out to hurt you, it just kind of happened. No matter what, even if they were as nice as they could possibly be, you would still be hurt that you got dumped. I dont think anyone deserves to have bad Karma because they chose someone else, they really didnt do anything horribly wrong. Sure, you dont like it, and I wouldnt either, but its their choice to make and they have to be happy with it.

 

The idea that dumpers are horrible people is pretty common around here, but you have to be realistic. There are two sides to every story, and no one owes it to you to stay in a relationship with you just so you wont be upset. Just so we're clear - I was dumped, too, so Im not here defending my actions or anything. I just dont think you should assume people are dirty rotten scoundrels because they wanted to be with someone else.

[AlisaMarie]

People arent evil because they would rather date somebody else. And truth be told, NOTHING they said would make it hurt any less. It stings pretty bad when someone would rather be with someone else than you, no doubt, but its their life and they have to be happy.

 

Im sure no one purposefully set out to hurt you, it just kind of happened. No matter what, even if they were as nice as they could possibly be, you would still be hurt that you got dumped. I dont think anyone deserves to have bad Karma because they chose someone else, they really didnt do anything horribly wrong. Sure, you dont like it, and I wouldnt either, but its their choice to make and they have to be happy with it.

 

The idea that dumpers are horrible people is pretty common around here, but you have to be realistic. There are two sides to every story, and no one owes it to you to stay in a relationship with you just so you wont be upset. Just so we're clear - I was dumped, too, so Im not here defending my actions or anything. I just dont think you should assume people are dirty rotten scoundrels because they wanted to be with someone else.

 

Well said, however- I feel as if the OP is describing a tormenting situation where they were completely wronged! Lies, cheating, manipulation, and mental abuse does describe a horrible person. Of course sometimes a relationship wears out and people want to move on... but if this person has remotely been through the ringer and back like myself then he surly has the right to wish for a little karma. Hey, I am not playing the victim... myself being well aware of what I was getting into fell for the trap over and over. So my ex and I are both equally psychos.

[Jono85]

Well said, however- I feel as if the OP is describing a tormenting situation where they were completely wronged! Lies, cheating, manipulation, and mental abuse does describe a horrible person. Of course sometimes a relationship wears out and people want to move on... but if this person has remotely been through the ringer and back like myself then he surly has the right to wish for a little karma. Hey, I am not playing the victim... myself being well aware of what I was getting into fell for the trap over and over. So my ex and I are both equally psychos.

 

i think that's what the OP means, but in his OP he mentions leaving ppl for no reason. there's nothing wrong with that b/c there's ALWAYS a reason, just not explicit.

 

 

i've been crushed by the same lies and cheating about a year ago, and it hurt me for a very long time. so i can def sympathize. but i've learned a lot from it. i actually wrote a pretty nasty email to that ex, and even guilted her more after she'd apologized and written me a long email saying how she couldn't believe what she did blah blah blah. and i DO regret doing all that. I wish i didn't guilt her and was stronger and just read her apology letter, and never respond back to her. i did save a LITTLE bit of face by turning down her friendship and going into permanent NC, but i still did it by making her feel guilty, and it was immature of me, looking back.

[Sugarkane]

i think that's what the OP means, but in his OP he mentions leaving ppl for no reason. there's nothing wrong with that b/c there's ALWAYS a reason, just not explicit.

 

 

i've been crushed by the same lies and cheating about a year ago, and it hurt me for a very long time. so i can def sympathize. but i've learned a lot from it. i actually wrote a pretty nasty email to that ex, and even guilted her more after she'd apologized and written me a long email saying how she couldn't believe what she did blah blah blah. and i DO regret doing all that. I wish i didn't guilt her and was stronger and just read her apology letter, and never respond back to her. i did save a LITTLE bit of face by turning down her friendship and going into permanent NC, but i still did it by making her feel guilty, and it was immature of me, looking back.

I disagree. Sounds like going permanent NC was the right decision to me.

[Jono85]

I disagree. Sounds like going permanent NC was the right decision to me.

 

it was, i didn't say THAT was the wrong decision. i just wish i was bigger than throwing a guilt party at her. there's no need for that. i know it doesn't matter now, but i guess i regret that b/c i KNOW she truly hated herself for what she did (she didn't physically cheat, but was talking to her ex behind my back and lying to me about it, all the while telling me she loved me, etc) and i DO believe her that she'd never done anything like that before (for starters, her ex was her only serious bf of her adulthood).

 

i've taken much more responsibility for what happened since I went NC. that's not to say i would ever want anything to do with her again after that, BUT, there were red flags BEFORE that, and i could have left much easier. in fact she broke up with me a month or so before she did that, with a very lame excuse (wanted to take a break due to high stress with school..it was her last semester of uni) but instead of just realizing that point blank period, she wanted to leave me at that time, i begged and pleaded with her telling her that was a a terrible decision, and didn't make sense, and got her back. and there was actually another time before that she broke up with me after a fight, and we later patched that up (although i didnt have to beg).

 

the point is, that doesn't excuse her from what happened. BUT, i take much more ownership than i did at the time. she gave me redflags (there were a few others) and i couldn't deal with a breakup, so i convinced her to stay with me. horrible decision. i should have walked away, and moved on.

 

she was very confused when she was talking behind my back with her ex, and i know she just didn't want to hurt me, but also didn't have the courage to put her foot down and leave me. she was crushed and was overly apologetic when i found out she was lying to me. i know she's not a terrible person. but if i was a stronger man, i would have left her long before.

 

anyway i guess i realize it was wrong of me to guilt her so badly on the way out. guilting doesn't really accomplish anything. should have just left as a strong man, and moved on without acting like a baby. it's not that big of a deal, but just something i've learned/realized in my healing process.

[shayla]

quote:People arent evil because they would rather date somebody else. And truth be told, NOTHING they said would make it hurt any less. It stings pretty bad when someone would rather be with someone else than you, no doubt, but its their life and they have to be happy.

 

Im sure no one purposefully set out to hurt you, it just kind of happened. No matter what, even if they were as nice as they could possibly be, you would still be hurt that you got dumped. I dont think anyone deserves to have bad Karma because they chose someone else, they really didnt do anything horribly wrong. Sure, you dont like it, and I wouldnt either, but its their choice to make and they have to be happy with it.

 

The idea that dumpers are horrible people is pretty common around here, but you have to be realistic. There are two sides to every story, and no one owes it to you to stay in a relationship with you just so you wont be upset. Just so we're clear - I was dumped, too, so Im not here defending my actions or anything. I just dont think you should assume people are dirty rotten scoundrels because they wanted to be with someone else. "quote

 

No one is saying that people don't have the right to do whatever they want. However as adults, we were taught the difference between right and wrong. Lying, cheating, stringing people along and hurting them is WRONG. Treating someone with respect and integrity, even when you are breaking their heart is RIGHT. People dont get to treat someone they claim to love like s*it and then say, "Well, Im still a good person, doesn't matter that I treated you like a dog, stop playing the victim!!!!"

[Casablanca]

Here is the deal, it really doesnt matter why. People dont dump you for simple, easily fixable problems like you leave your shoes all over the house, they dump you because they cant see themselves spending their life with you. In a way, theyre doing you a favor.

THIS....I am actually about to break up with the person I'm with, they're out of town for holliday at the moment, and I cant think of any good REASON, they are a normal person, attractive, has hobbies, not clingy, etc...but for what ever reason I just dont feel it after 3 months...and I cant see myself with them long term, there isnot anything wrong with them, I just dont see myself with them for what ever reason, it just isnt anything I can point to

 

oh there's a reason, especially when there "isn't a reason".

 

it means they're banging someone else, or they seriously want to bang someone else. and you're in the way.

Not necesarilty, I dont want to date the person Im with anymore, there isnt any one thing I can point to, and I'm not talking with anyone

[Jono85]

THIS....I am actually about to break up with the person I'm with, they're out of town for holliday at the moment, and I cant think of any good REASON, they are a normal person, attractive, has hobbies, not clingy, etc...but for what ever reason I just dont feel it after 3 months...and I cant see myself with them long term, there isnot anything wrong with them, I just dont see myself with them for what ever reason, it just isnt anything I can point to

 

 

Not necesarilty, I dont want to date the person Im with anymore, there isnt any one thing I can point to, and I'm not talking with anyone

 

i'm in the same boat as you with my SO.

 

however this IS always a reason. if u dug deep enough i'm sure u could find a reason why you can't see yourself with that person longterm. u don't necessarily have to figure that out, b/c all u know is u don't want to be with them anymore. but there is a reason.

[Sugarkane]

No one is saying that people don't have the right to do whatever they want. However as adults, we were taught the difference between right and wrong. Lying, cheating, stringing people along and hurting them is WRONG. Treating someone with respect and integrity, even when you are breaking their heart is RIGHT. People dont get to treat someone they claim to love like s*it and then say, "Well, Im still a good person, doesn't matter that I treated you like a dog, stop playing the victim!!!!"

I second that!

[mike588]

No one is saying that people don't have the right to do whatever they want. However as adults, we were taught the difference between right and wrong. Lying, cheating, stringing people along and hurting them is WRONG. Treating someone with respect and integrity, even when you are breaking their heart is RIGHT. People dont get to treat someone they claim to love like s*it and then say, "Well, Im still a good person, doesn't matter that I treated you like a dog, stop playing the victim!!!!"

I second that!

 

So true!!

[Sugarkane]

"Well, Im still a good person, doesn't matter that I treated you like a dog, stop playing the victim!!!!"

 

That's basically what my ex jerk said to me.

[Casablanca]

i'm in the same boat as you with my SO.

 

however this IS always a reason. if u dug deep enough i'm sure u could find a reason why you can't see yourself with that person longterm. u don't necessarily have to figure that out, b/c all u know is u don't want to be with them anymore. but there is a reason.

I would equate it to the whole is great than the sum of the parts....there isnt any one thing that is a deal breaker, but a lot of little unchangeable things that alone are nothing, but together they are just another straw on the camel's back.