jellybelly24 Posted November 23, 2011 Posted November 23, 2011 I met my soul mate two and a half years ago. We worked together for a month in an international volunteer program. I know it sounds crazy to believe in love at first sight, and I was totally skeptical too...until this happened to me. I was totally taken with him from the moment I saw him, and my feelings only intensified as we spent more time together. It was only a month, but we lived together (in a house with a bunch of other people) worked together, traveled together and hung out together on the weekends. A few days into our stay I realized that he had a girlfriend back home whom he was very fond of. Knowing this, I intentionally pushed him away as much as I could, in hopes that I wouldn't get hurt as badly. I couldn't have been more wrong about this, because not only did I miss out on having a potentially good friendship, but it still hurt regardless. I got the sense that he felt the same way, and I saw that he was trying to drop some hints about it, but I made it very clear that I was not interested. I knew he had a serious relationship, and I had no desire to be "the other woman." He told all of us that soon, he was going to ask her to marry him. Fast forward two and a half years, and they are still together, but not married. I've only spoken with him a few times since our trip concluded, and only briefly. I've tried so hard to put it behind me and forget about him, but I cannot. Logic tells me that: A) Clearly he is already taken by the woman of his dreams, since they've been together so long now B) I only knew him for a month two and a half years ago and C)There's literally an ocean between us. On the other hand, I've had a nagging intuition for years now that I should be saying something, before its too late. Last night I had a dream about it, in which the two of them were getting married in a few weeks and I was quickly running out of time. I woke up from it in a state of panic. Obviously, I do not see this guy in my every day life and I would not have much to lose if I told him and he didn't feel the same way. So I'm not sure what is holding me back. I thought I was making the right decision two years ago when I decided not to pursue anything more than a casual friendship, but looking back, I wish I had confessed my feelings then before so much time had passed. Should I just do it? Even if he doesn't feel the same way, I would be getting the release of getting it off my chest once and for all. On the other hand, I don't want to interfere with someone's relationship. Or should I just keep trying to get over it? How does one get over this? I know, I know...it sounds totally crazy, even to me sometimes. But I have never felt about anybody the way I felt about him and I doubt I ever will again.
ShannonMI Posted November 23, 2011 Posted November 23, 2011 I met my soul mate two and a half years ago. We worked together for a month in an international volunteer program. I know it sounds crazy to believe in love at first sight, and I was totally skeptical too...until this happened to me. I was totally taken with him from the moment I saw him, and my feelings only intensified as we spent more time together. It was only a month, but we lived together (in a house with a bunch of other people) worked together, traveled together and hung out together on the weekends. A few days into our stay I realized that he had a girlfriend back home whom he was very fond of. Knowing this, I intentionally pushed him away as much as I could, in hopes that I wouldn't get hurt as badly. I couldn't have been more wrong about this, because not only did I miss out on having a potentially good friendship, but it still hurt regardless. I got the sense that he felt the same way, and I saw that he was trying to drop some hints about it, but I made it very clear that I was not interested. I knew he had a serious relationship, and I had no desire to be "the other woman." He told all of us that soon, he was going to ask her to marry him. Fast forward two and a half years, and they are still together, but not married. I've only spoken with him a few times since our trip concluded, and only briefly. I've tried so hard to put it behind me and forget about him, but I cannot. Logic tells me that: A) Clearly he is already taken by the woman of his dreams, since they've been together so long now B) I only knew him for a month two and a half years ago and C)There's literally an ocean between us. On the other hand, I've had a nagging intuition for years now that I should be saying something, before its too late. Last night I had a dream about it, in which the two of them were getting married in a few weeks and I was quickly running out of time. I woke up from it in a state of panic. Obviously, I do not see this guy in my every day life and I would not have much to lose if I told him and he didn't feel the same way. So I'm not sure what is holding me back. I thought I was making the right decision two years ago when I decided not to pursue anything more than a casual friendship, but looking back, I wish I had confessed my feelings then before so much time had passed. Should I just do it? Even if he doesn't feel the same way, I would be getting the release of getting it off my chest once and for all. On the other hand, I don't want to interfere with someone's relationship. Or should I just keep trying to get over it? How does one get over this? I know, I know...it sounds totally crazy, even to me sometimes. But I have never felt about anybody the way I felt about him and I doubt I ever will again. Just because he's been with this girl for as long as he has doesn't mean she's the girl of his dreams. If she was, he would have married her. Tell him how you feel. What's the worst that could happen. He rejects you? You live far apart from each other so there would be no chance of running into him and feeling uncomfortable. You won't have to see him ever again if you don't want to. You aren't really interfering in his current relationship per say. It's not like you are having an affair with him. You can just say that you've always liked him and can't stop thinking about him. See what happens. You may be surprised. He may say he feels the same way.
blueskyday Posted November 23, 2011 Posted November 23, 2011 Noooo, he's not available. Don't go poaching on another woman's territory. Figure out what you like so much about him. Write it down. That's what you want to look for in your next boyfriend. You made the right decision two years ago. Don't mess it up. Besides, you are projecting. You don't know him well enough to think he is perfect for you. For all you know, he could be hard to live with, have a porn problem, etc... No reason not to be friends with him, but don't go confessing any feelings. It's not fair to put that weight on him, and it will most definitely end any friendship. And if he knew how you felt and cheated on his girlfriend, you wouldn't want him, would you? So, be friends. Don't hit on him. Be respectful of another's relationship. You never know. Things might not work out for them, and then you two will be friends and can progress things from there. Don't go into it with this outcome in mind. Just do the right thing now. All I'm saying is that you never know what the future holds, but you need to act ethically in the present. But, you already know that...
blueskyday Posted November 23, 2011 Posted November 23, 2011 If you have to say anything, tell him you would love to be friends with him, and ask if he as a brother or friend who is like him because that's the kind of guy you would like to date. That's respectful, but be warned. If he comes on to you and makes a move on you while with this other girl, then he is a SNAKE. If he's not happy, he can leave. If he doesn't want to marry her, then he doesn't have to. Really, if you could stop their wedding, then they shouldn't be getting married in the first place. That crap is only for the movies. You want a guy who would leave a relationship because it's not working on its own merit, not because another girl showed interest in him.
Calutaxi484 Posted November 24, 2011 Posted November 24, 2011 Am I the only one that sees this as just a wee bit obsessive? Here you are years later still going crazy over a guy you didn't even kiss or sleep with, that apparently lives on a separate continent? Have you dated anyone since then? From a guy's perspective I'd say it's nice to sometimes get one of those "hey I had a crush on you in HS" kind of messages. But if a woman I worked with for some brief time told me that she's in love with me years later I'd probably be a bit freaked out. If it's going to make you feel better go for it. I wouldn't expect very much out of it though.
Author jellybelly24 Posted November 24, 2011 Author Posted November 24, 2011 @Calutaxi: Yes, I've dated, and had relationships with, many other guys since then. I've just never had the same feelings toward anyone else, even in the initial stages of dating. I don't know if I would go so far as to call this love. Its more the feeling of, we seemed to really connect and I felt very strongly attracted to him. Obviously, love would necessitate knowing somebody for a much longer time and knowing them recently. I know this sounds wacko to anybody who hasn't experienced this type of connection before, but its real. I can remember the exact moment I first saw him, and its like I just knew. Have you ever made eye contact with somebody across the room and known for sure they were attracted to you? It was like that, times ten. I experienced something like this again with my most recent ex, but not nearly as intensely. I guess I just hope to have this experience with somebody else again in my lifetime. It's an awesome feeling. My theory on soul mates is that we all have several (platonic and otherwise) but we're not always necessarily meant to be with them. And that is the end of my being cheesy for today. : )
dizy Posted November 24, 2011 Posted November 24, 2011 Do it if it will make you feel better. Sometimes, I ask myself the same question too, whats the purpose of telling this person that I have feelings for him when i know that we might not be together even if he feels the same way? not everything in life has a purpose. it might not give u the relationship that you want but at least you will be able to turn the page. Do it if it will release you from ur fantasy. because thats how i feel about your feelings for this guy. You didn't see him for month and you are still crazy about him despite the fact that you tried everything to get over him? that sounds like obsession to me, even if in this case the only person that you are hurting is yourself. I will say be honest with yourself and your feelings and even though I highly doubt that he will give up his longterm relationship with his gf now. at least he will know that you are interested and who knows, life always reserves surprises=)
whichwayisup Posted November 24, 2011 Posted November 24, 2011 Have you ever made eye contact with somebody across the room and known for sure they were attracted to you? Yes. But sometimes that's not love. Its animalistic lust and chemical attraction, which can easily be confused as love. Anyway, you knew him for less than 2 months, 2+ years ago... Sorry, but I say move on. Let go.. Stop remembering and bringing up old feelings that really should be put away by now. He has a girfriend whom he plans on marrying, they are serious. He is serious about her. I hope you're able to let go and move on with your life, not hold onto something that never was.
whichwayisup Posted November 24, 2011 Posted November 24, 2011 Don't tell him. It's totally inappropriate for you to do that, especially after 2 years and you two not friends. He's got a life with someone else.. You need to do the same and find someone, not compare them to what you felt for this guy in the past. How much of this do you keep alive in your head? Do you think of him daily? Fantasize and wish he was yours, even till this day?
Recommended Posts