Marriage and Women over 40

[ThsAmericanLife]

For the record... I was proposed to twice after the age of 40.

 

The one I said yes to, died (yes, I know, sad. I'm fine, I really am. Just hate starting over!!!!!!!!!!!)

 

The one I said no to, was in this late 40's and never married. He married a woman who was also in her 40's and never married.

 

Happy ending for them?? Not quite. This is the same local politician that tried to get me to have an affair with him recently. He's only been married a couple of years. The first time he offered, I told him to get a divorce and I'd think about it (they were separated at the time). The second time he pushed? I don't care if he gets divorced or not... ain't happnin'. The guy seems like a cheater. TBH, I always had a sneaky suspicion that he lied just a little too well... which is why I said no to his marriage proposal.

 

Don't laugh... I did say he was a politician, right?? There are some good ones though. You'd be surprised.

[FitChick]

I got marriage proposals long after I turned 40. Sure, maybe the majority of women over 40 won't get married, but the majority of women over 40 have let themselves go. So have the majority of men.

[FitChick]

I wouldn't say most but 'many'. It depends a lot on what socio-economic circle you are in. Educated people, on average, have healthier lifestyles. Obesity, smoking, etc trend social groups.

 

I agree. In my company, the male and female middle-aged bosses are slim and sometimes very athletic compared to their middle-aged assistants. Both groups have sedentary jobs and more often the bosses do more overtime than the assistants, so there is no excuse.

[ThsAmericanLife]

I wouldn't say most but 'many'. It depends a lot on what socio-economic circle you are in. Nearly all my fellow geologists participate in fitness activities. Today a lot a soccer moms etc. are fully conscious of their appearance and make a lot of effort to maintain it.

 

Educated people, on average, have healthier lifestyles. Obesity, smoking, etc trend social groups.

 

I've observed that too...

[oldguy]

Could it have anything to do with self confidence. People with college degrees, as well as 40 years experience I would think are generally more self confident people as well as people who know more of what they want & be secure enough with themselves to not settle for less.

[Emilia]

I think people in large cities coming from certain socio-economic background look after themselves more because there is more competition. You walk into our office here in the City of London and most of us do some kind of sport, I think there are only 2 overweight persons that work here.

 

On the other hand, our administrative HQ is in rural Ireland, when they come over they look like they could be rolled in like beer barrels because they are wider than their height.

 

When I worked in a business park in a catchment area of London most people there were quite large too, they all came from small places outside the capital, I was the only one living centrally.

 

I'm pretty sure it's about competition.

[oldguy]

I think people in large cities coming from certain socio-economic background look after themselves more because there is more competition. You walk into our office here in the City of London and most of us do some kind of sport, I think there are only 2 overweight persons that work here.

 

On the other hand, our administrative HQ is in rural Ireland, when they come over they look like they could be rolled in like beer barrels because they are wider than their height.

 

When I worked in a business park in a catchment area of London most people there were quite large too, they all came from small places outside the capital, I was the only one living centrally.

 

I'm pretty sure it's about competition.

 

Competition or a bit of lifestyle influence. It's a lot easier for me to be motivated to lead a more healthy life style when I'm around like minded people... or to eat more when I'm in the company of people who enjoy their food as well

[oldguy]

I think people in large cities coming from certain socio-economic background look after themselves more because there is more competition. You walk into our office here in the City of London and most of us do some kind of sport, I think there are only 2 overweight persons that work here.

 

On the other hand, our administrative HQ is in rural Ireland, when they come over they look like they could be rolled in like beer barrels because they are wider than their height.

 

When I worked in a business park in a catchment area of London most people there were quite large too, they all came from small places outside the capital, I was the only one living centrally.

 

I'm pretty sure it's about competition.

 

duplicate msg. LS burp

[ThsAmericanLife]

I think people in large cities coming from certain socio-economic background look after themselves more because there is more competition. You walk into our office here in the City of London and most of us do some kind of sport, I think there are only 2 overweight persons that work here.

 

On the other hand, our administrative HQ is in rural Ireland, when they come over they look like they could be rolled in like beer barrels because they are wider than their height.

 

When I worked in a business park in a catchment area of London most people there were quite large too, they all came from small places outside the capital, I was the only one living centrally.

 

I'm pretty sure it's about competition.

 

I would LOVE to work in London... the economy is so *&^% slow... worldwide. Haven't been able to find work there just yet...

 

Still workin' it though!! If I ever do make it over there, I'm going to tap you to show me around

[ThsAmericanLife]

I got married this year for the first time in my 40's, to a younger man. It can happen. I think that it is sad that women are "on the shelf" once they reach a certain age.

 

I think it's a waste that our culture is so youth focused, and that people refuse to see the beauty in our older people. I also think it's funny that young people think they'll be that way forever.

 

I admit that I am an an exception to the rule, as I do have many single women friends that are unmarried. They have tons to offer the right man.

 

I know... it is sad that people get labeled that way. I do have a bit of a double standard myself... I won't date much older men but that is not because of their age, per se. There are tons of attractive older men.

 

I've already been through the death of a SO. I'm trying to avoid that experience happening again anytime soon.

 

Congrats on your marriage!!

 

Love the scooter, BTW. Is that yours? I should post my 'ride'... a yamaha Vstar 650....

[SincereOnlineGuy]

From the article:

 

In the mid-1980s, a now infamous Newsweek article declared that a single, college-educated 40-year-old woman was more likely to die in a terrorist attack than ever walk down the aisle. The claim, repeated in movies and sitcoms, convinced generations of women that if they weren’t married by 40, it probably wasn’t going to happen.

 

 

 

Does anybody know that the statement was inaccurate?

 

Surely few in 1985 could have anticipated the HUGE numbers of people who have since died in terrorist attacks, relative to related data of those times.

 

 

And I wouldn't say it is encouraging data that only 20% of 40yo never-before-married women went on to marry by age 50. (that's 80% who did not marry)

[SincereOnlineGuy]

True huge in comparison but still miniscule. Hardly a fraction of a fraction of Americans have died in terrorist atttacks. More americans die each day by noon of natural causes than died on 9/11

 

All these marriage stats are silly and usually pulled out of thin air. I have a sister who married at 42 and a brother who remarried to a woman in her 40's. My mother is 83 and engaged. My own companion and I are not married but she was 51 when I met her. The only reason we are not married is that it is just a piece of paper to us. 'If' it was important to her, I wouldn't hesitate to marry her.

 

 

None of your statements relate to the question at hand.

 

That your siblings wedded somebody past age 40 doesn't tell us anything about data relating to never-before-married women who reach age 40, and their chances for ever getting married.

 

Your mother being 83 brings exactly nothing to the subject, considering that her offspring wrote your statement, and told of multiple siblings, which would strongly suggest that she was, oh, I don't know, MARRIED before age 40.

 

Furthermore, do we know that the statement is limited to "Americans" ??

 

 

What we have so far is a set of college-educated women, all never-before-married as of their 40th birthdates, with 80% having remained unmarried by their 50th birthdates.

 

Now as I said:

 

"does anybody know that the statement was inaccurate?"

[ThsAmericanLife]

None of your statements relate to the question at hand.

 

That your siblings wedded somebody past age 40 doesn't tell us anything about data relating to never-before-married women who reach age 40, and their chances for ever getting married.

 

Your mother being 83 brings exactly nothing to the subject, considering that her offspring wrote your statement, and told of multiple siblings, which would strongly suggest that she was, oh, I don't know, MARRIED before age 40.

 

Furthermore, do we know that the statement is limited to "Americans" ??

 

 

What we have so far is a set of college-educated women, all never-before-married as of their 40th birthdates, with 80% having remained unmarried by their 50th birthdates.

 

Now as I said:

 

"does anybody know that the statement was inaccurate?"

 

If you read it a little closer, I believe they say that 86% of white college aged women marry before the age of 40. Of those remaining... 20% of them will marry by age 50.

 

So it seems to me that 80% of 14% leaves 11% of never married college educated white women unmarried after the age of 50. Pretty good odds.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

If you read it a little closer, I believe they say that 86% of white college aged women marry before the age of 40. Of those remaining... 20% of them will marry by age 50.

 

So it seems to me that 80% of 14% leaves 11% of never married college educated white women unmarried after the age of 50. Pretty good odds.

 

 

 

There is no "those remaining" in your context:

 

 

for "those remaining" ARE the complete data set.

 

 

... of which 80% remain unmarried at the age of 50.

 

Even if we give them 20% in every future decade (unlikely) it works out like this:

 

64% of women never married by a 40th birthday still never married at 60.

 

51.2% of women never married by a 40th b'day still never married at 70.

 

 

and of course it is crazy to allow a full 20% with each successive decade.

 

 

... while terrorism is on the rise.

[Wolf18]

As someone whose been part of the lower-middle class for most of my life, I can say that we do smoke and drink more. But that's only because you richie rich management types drain us of blood and make our lives miserable

[D-Lish]

the joke men tell each other is "yeah she looks like that but eventually i have to talk to the silly woman", although in less polite terms usually...

 

Whenever I enter a "new" room- people always assume I am retarded because I am thin and blonde and I have an eye for fashion (I've worked in fashion my whole life).

 

Last night I walked into a party where I didn't know anyone except for my date. By the end of the night I'd had discussions regarding politics, economics, psychology, wine, and even Super String Theory and cross dimensional travel... I have to admit, my favorite conversation of the night was about hockey...

 

I've seen that look of astonishment when I open my mouth and say something... It seems that you aren't allowed to be mildly attractive and have a brain.

[jobaba]

I think the biggest factors of being a woman over 40 and single are 1) physical attractiveness and 2) pickiness

 

I knew a few guys from childhood who are really quiet guys with very geeky, introverted personalities. Pretty socially retarded guys. Very typical closet nerdy types. They were lucky and met women through work or school with very similar personalities. Really quiet, nice girls who ended up marrying them. In most of these cases, they ended up marrying the first person they dated.

 

I know another small group of single women who are pushing 40 who are much more social and extroverted. They have interesting jobs and social lives and travel a lot, etc. They have dated their share of men yet will not settle for any of the ones who may have popped the question and probably wouldn't even go out on a date with the guys I described in the first paragraph.

 

When I see a woman in her late 30s who is still single and has dated a bunch, I think she is probably not the most attractive woman (though not necessarily ugly) and is too picky. They've had chances to date guys who would pop the question but they're too picky. And they're not physically attractive enough to draw in some of the guys who they would say yes to.

 

It's a rough analysis especially since one of those women is somebody very close to me, but then again it's a rough world.

[Untouchable_Fire]

I think there are alot less than you'd imagine. My fiancee never finished college. He was one of the most curious, intelligent men I've ever met...

The last guy I dated seriously though, who I really fell hard for, was a musician who also hadn't completed college and made less than me. We were together for a couple of months... My income came up in a joke about the mayor of the town I live in.... My BF was immediately freaked out about the income difference.

We broke up a month later. His friends told him that whomever has the money has the 'power'. I guess his friends did me a favor, because I don't look at relationships that way. I looked at my BF as a funny guy, who I loved sharing time with and playing music.

When I was married, I made more than him. Everything went into the same pot. When we divorced, I split everything 50/50. With him, he couldn't handle that I wanted a PhD. He was ok with me getting a Master's (same as him). I suppose he didn't feel obliged to tell his friends/family I made more than him (it never came up)... but the diploma difference was more obvious.

Will admit that after all this, I've become very wary of men with big gaps in education and income. Not because I think they are less than me (obviously)... but because I'm not about to deal with their insecurities about the difference... I realize that insecurity comes in all shapes and sized though... so I'm open to exploring relationships with all kinds of men...just am more wary.

 

That is a lot of unsuccessful men. Any chance you are intentionally picking guys who make you feel more powerful?

[GoodOnPaper]

I think the challenges single women over 40 face are analogous to those that young men (teens & early 20s) face. Yes, those in the top 10 or 20% in looks, charisma, extrovertism, etc. will get all the dates, relationships, and sex they want but the rest will probably experience more than their share of setbacks.

 

I don't know the reason for it, but I'm not surprised at all the accounts of these women getting together with younger, less educated men. I saw the same thing when I was in grad school working on my science PhD. The single women in the program made a concerted effort to go after opposites-attract relationships -- as if they had all the intellectual stimulation they wanted within themselves and were primarily interested in the physical when it came to dating. It really threw me for a loop to discover that the hardest thing ever -- and it ultimately proved impossible -- was to attract someone who was an intellectual like myself.

[ThsAmericanLife]

That is a lot of unsuccessful men. Any chance you are intentionally picking guys who make you feel more powerful?

 

No. I don't look at relationships like that. Should I look at men who make more than me or has more education as more 'powerful'? Because I'm not about to be owned or controlled by a guy who makes more than me or has more education anymore than I would want to own or control the man I'm with.

 

Oh, FYI... my fiancee was not 'unsuccessful', by the way.

 

When I met him, he was broke from a bad divorce, and had just started a job working for a large movie company.

 

By the time we became engaged, he was back on his feet financially and had won three Emmys... when he died, his co-workers did a tribute to him.

 

I see things in men that others sometimes don't. A college education isn't the end all to be all... I have a PhD and I can say that. If you don't love (or at least like) what you do, life will suck for you and everyone you meet.

 

My fiancee and I were a great team... He was incredibly supportive of my goals too. We worked well together.... inspite of our education differences he was never insecure about it or tried to cut off my legs... It made me love him more.

 

People who look at relationships as one-up or one-down seem destined for unhappiness... I can't imagine it being much fun always keeping score.

Edited November 30, 2011 by ThsAmericanLife

[jerbear]

So it seems to me that 80% of 14% leaves 11% of never married college educated white women unmarried after the age of 50. Pretty good odds.

This is what I've been hoping for.

 

This thread is an interesting thread. I pursued a 40+ woman and it was interesting. There were so many things "working" against me; race, age, her Ivy education, and income.

[oldguy]

Whenever I enter a "new" room- people always assume I am retarded because I am thin and blonde and I have an eye for fashion (I've worked in fashion my whole life).

 

Last night I walked into a party where I didn't know anyone except for my date. By the end of the night I'd had discussions regarding politics, economics, psychology, wine, and even Super String Theory and cross dimensional travel... I have to admit, my favorite conversation of the night was about hockey...

 

I've seen that look of astonishment when I open my mouth and say something... It seems that you aren't allowed to be mildly attractive and have a brain.

 

And there is the problem; too many times people, primarily young, attractive women live, 'down' to expectations. I've seen it time and again; an intelligent young lady will often dumb herself down because she has learned it most often is more to her advantage. While I believe most quality men are truly looking for the opposite.