Marriage and Women over 40

[ThsAmericanLife]

I came across this the other day...

 

http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/01/26/marriage-and-women-over-40/

 

Seems that the odds for women getting married for the first time before the age of 40 is quite high...

 

And not bad for those over 40 either.

 

"Among 40-year-old white women who had never married in 1990, 20 percent of the college graduates went on to marry within 10 years, compared to just 10 percent of those with a high school degree.

Educated women are also more likely to report being happy in their marriages than less educated women, the report concluded."

[thatone]

both of those numbers seem pretty low to me actually.

 

but yeah, even though i will arrogantly say that i shatter the "no college degree = no intelligence" stereotype, it is usually a valid stereotype. i won't rule women out without degrees since i assume there are other people like myself who just like to read and learn, but we are a rare bunch.

 

the joke men tell each other is "yeah she looks like that but eventually i have to talk to the silly woman", although in less polite terms usually...

[Wolf18]

Having a college degree doesn't give you any romantic intelligence. IN fact, considering college nowadays is the 13th grade and all about feeling-good rather than empirical facts, having a degree doesn't even mean you're more intelligent. I say this as someone whose only months away from my own degree.

 

Look up the statistic, women with college degrees are also far more likely to file for divorce.

 

Getting married after 40 is just sad. If you have kids, they're going to be teenagers and you're going to be too old to keep up.

[Nexus One]

Having a college degree doesn't give you any romantic intelligence. IN fact, considering college nowadays is the 13th grade and all about feeling-good rather than empirical facts, having a degree doesn't even mean you're more intelligent. I say this as someone whose only months away from my own degree.

 

Look up the statistic, women with college degrees are also far more likely to file for divorce.

 

Getting married after 40 is just sad. If you have kids, they're going to be teenagers and you're going to be too old to keep up.

 

I agree that a university/college degree isn't necessarily linked to intelligence. However, it is linked to persistence and persistence is linked to loyalty.

 

Studies also show that the relationships of higher educated people are the most stable ones. I think this has a lot to do with persistence/loyalty, but also with the ability to solve problems, which is in essence, intelligence.

[ThsAmericanLife]

Having a college degree doesn't give you any romantic intelligence. IN fact, considering college nowadays is the 13th grade and all about feeling-good rather than empirical facts, having a degree doesn't even mean you're more intelligent. I say this as someone whose only months away from my own degree.

 

Look up the statistic, women with college degrees are also far more likely to file for divorce.

 

Getting married after 40 is just sad. If you have kids, they're going to be teenagers and you're going to be too old to keep up.

 

This report indicated that educated women were less likely to divorce.

 

... and regarding the age of first marriage. Not everyone wants kids. Besides, some of those women will be marrying younger men.

 

A very good friend of mine got married at 38 to a man 9 years younger. She had her first child at 38 (got preggers the second month they were married), and she had her second at 39.

 

She just made tenure at a prestigious university... Her H is a sweetie. Also a PhD. He works at a national lab.

[ThsAmericanLife]

I agree that a university/college degree isn't necessarily linked to intelligence. However, it is linked to persistence and persistence is linked to loyalty.

 

Studies also show that the relationships of higher educated people are the most stable ones. I think this has a lot to do with persistence/loyalty, but also with the ability to solve problems, which is in essence, intelligence.

 

I also agree that a degree isn't necessarily linked to intelligence... and that there are many types of 'smarts'.

 

Artistic/creative ability, for instance. Not sure how easily that is taught.

[Woggle]

Doesn't this also disprove the myth that men do not like older women and men are also threatened by a woman's intelligence. It seems that educated and intelligent women seem to have no problem finding a man who appreciates them. Maybe men are not as bad as some women think.

[Wolf18]

This report indicated that educated women were less likely to divorce.[/Quote]

 

 

I guess we're both wrong

 

http://www.houstondivorceblog.com/2011/11/women-with-some-college-most-likely-to-divorce/

 

"

A commonly held belief is that those with more education are less likely to divorce, but that is not always the case. In fact, those with a college bachelor’s degree and those without a high school diploma were just about even in terms of divorce rates. The group that had a higher divorce rate (just shy of twice the rate of the others) was women who had some post-high school education, but who never finished their bachelor’s degree. Researchers were not why sure this group experienced a jump in the divorce rate."

 

 

... and regarding the age of first marriage. Not everyone wants kids. Besides, some of those women will be marrying younger men. [/Quote]

 

Dream on. Younger man-Older woman relationships are short term things.

 

A very good friend of mine got married at 38 to a man 9 years younger. She had her first child at 38 (got preggers the second month they were married), and she had her second at 39.

She just made tenure at a prestigious university... Her H is a sweetie. Also a PhD. He works at a national lab.

 

 

Good for her, but I wouldnt suggest putting all your eggs in that basket.

 

 

Nexus

 

I agree that a university/college degree isn't necessarily linked to intelligence. However, it is linked to persistence and persistence is linked to loyalty.[/Quote]

 

Unless you're studying the hard sciences or medicine, college doesn't require that much persistance. I'm almost done with school at a pretty good school as well known for its history program, and I can say that I do less work and feel less challenged in college than I did in junior year of high school.

 

Studies also show that the relationships of higher educated people are the most stable ones. I think this has a lot to do with persistence/loyalty, but also with the ability to solve problems, which is in essence, intelligence. [/Quote]

 

Persistance =/= loyalty.

 

And no, going to college doesn't teach you anything about solving problems or life, except how to win at beer pong. There are just as money college **** ups as there are HS drop outs.

[ThsAmericanLife]

it's ok Wolfie... the world is changing for everyone.

 

Just when you think you got all the rules figured out and the deck is stacked in your favor... some a-hole comes along and flips the deck upside down on ya...

 

That's why you make your own deck sweetie

[ThsAmericanLife]

Doesn't this also disprove the myth that men do not like older women and men are also threatened by a woman's intelligence. It seems that educated and intelligent women seem to have no problem finding a man who appreciates them. Maybe men are not as bad as some women think.

 

I haven't had many problems getting interest and having LTR's.

 

Unfortunately, it appears I've developed some kind of approach/avoidance issue though. A very surprising one.

 

I don't think most men are threatened by women's intelligence... they just aren't all that comfortable with their SO having a higher degree than them or making more money than them. Its the whole, "what do I tell the friends and family?" thing. Alot of guys feel p*ssy whipped if the woman has more outward success... no matter how nice she is.

[Woggle]

I haven't had many problems getting interest and having LTR's.

 

Unfortunately, it appears I've developed some kind of approach/avoidance issue though. A very surprising one.

 

I don't think most men are threatened by women's intelligence... they just aren't all that comfortable with their SO having a higher degree than them or making more money than them. Its the whole, "what do I tell the friends and family?" thing. Alot of guys feel p*ssy whipped if the woman has more outward success... no matter how nice she is.

 

Many women also look down on men they view as less than them so it is a two sided coin.

[El Brujo]

These types stats are often wildy inaccurate. Poor methodology and sensationalism.

 

Over 40? You can control your own odds immensely. Keep yourself physically fit....be positive...get out and circulate. All that experience you've acquired over life can be put to use.

 

Plus, if you're a man, and you stay healthy and avoid getting into debt, the ball will come closer to being in your court once your less sober and less healthy brothers start dying off.

[RiverRunning]

I've met some incredibly educated people who had the intelligence of a stack of bricks. I've met people who weren't formally educated who could beat me out in many areas of smarts any day. One does not necessarily imply the other - being educated does not necessarily make you intelligent.

 

Generally, the divorce rates tend to be higher for women who are: educated and less religious. Usually because educated women make enough money to support themselves and escape a bad marriage. And less religious people in general are less opposed to divorce than religious people (perhaps not surprisingly). And, generally the more educated a person is, the less likely they are to be religious.

 

But still, out of every 5 women over 40, only ONE will get married within 10 years. That's still 4 women who won't get married. The statistics are kind of sad - like others said, women can improve their odds, but let's be clear here. Many people pair off in their 20s and a few stragglers into their 30s. By your 40s, many potential mates have married. Marriages might surge again when a woman's in her 60s and 70s as men wind up getting widowed or divorced, but the 40s can be very difficult.

 

The average age at first marriage in the U.S. for women is 25 - 26 (it fluctuates). I think it's 27 - 28 for men now. I've looked up the stats several times in the past but I can't exactly remember right now. In any case, when you're approaching that age, it brings marriage into sharp focus. By your mid-20s, the pool of potential mates is narrowing. It's not surprising that so many women enter crisis mode in their 30s if they're unmarried. It gets a lot more difficult.

 

It's also one of the reasons, I think, why so many of us women stick out bad relationships as we start getting older (or at least relationships where we think we could do better). We know that we're older and that it's getting tougher all of the time to meet single men who are roughly in our age group. The choice becomes - do I keep going for better fish or settle for Mr. Good enough so I can have a family and children? It can be a very tough choice.

[Woggle]

This report shows that educated women divorce less and while I do not know the statistics on religion I know for a fact that the more liberal areas of the country have a lower divorce rate.

 

I think this thread shows that many men are not nearly as sexist and shallow as they are made out to be.

[Negative Nancy]

I say this as someone whose only months away from my own degree.

 

Doesn't seem like it...

[Wolf18]

Hey negativenancy do you have a hooked on phonics tattoo on your lower back?

 

If your idea of being intelligent is about perfect grammar and not making a few typos on an internet forum then you are a sad, neurotic person.

[Leegh]

I've read statistics where after about two years of marriage, the happiness level of the individual goes back to where it was before marriage. Personally, I think marriage is over-rated. I would much rather be single than be married to someone who was not a good match for me. I'm sure there are many, many people now who are married, who wish they were not married. It is a mistake to assume that just because someone is married, that they are happier than an individual who is single. Of course, marriage can be great, if you happen to find the right person.

[ThsAmericanLife]

Many women also look down on men they view as less than them so it is a two sided coin.

 

I think there are alot less than you'd imagine. My fiancee never finished college. He was one of the most curious, intelligent men I've ever met...

 

The last guy I dated seriously though, who I really fell hard for, was a musician who also hadn't completed college and made less than me. We were together for a couple of months... My income came up in a joke about the mayor of the town I live in.... My BF was immediately freaked out about the income difference.

 

We broke up a month later. His friends told him that whomever has the money has the 'power'. I guess his friends did me a favor, because I don't look at relationships that way. I looked at my BF as a funny guy, who I loved sharing time with and playing music.

 

When I was married, I made more than him. Everything went into the same pot. When we divorced, I split everything 50/50. With him, he couldn't handle that I wanted a PhD. He was ok with me getting a Master's (same as him). I suppose he didn't feel obliged to tell his friends/family I made more than him (it never came up)... but the diploma difference was more obvious.

 

Will admit that after all this, I've become very wary of men with big gaps in education and income. Not because I think they are less than me (obviously)... but because I'm not about to deal with their insecurities about the difference... I realize that insecurity comes in all shapes and sized though... so I'm open to exploring relationships with all kinds of men...just am more wary.

[ThsAmericanLife]

Plus, if you're a man, and you stay healthy and avoid getting into debt, the ball will come closer to being in your court once your less sober and less healthy brothers start dying off.

 

You got it! Survival of the 'fittest' without a doubt!

[ThsAmericanLife]

I've met some incredibly educated people who had the intelligence of a stack of bricks. I've met people who weren't formally educated who could beat me out in many areas of smarts any day. One does not necessarily imply the other - being educated does not necessarily make you intelligent.

 

Generally, the divorce rates tend to be higher for women who are: educated and less religious. Usually because educated women make enough money to support themselves and escape a bad marriage. And less religious people in general are less opposed to divorce than religious people (perhaps not surprisingly). And, generally the more educated a person is, the less likely they are to be religious.

 

But still, out of every 5 women over 40, only ONE will get married within 10 years. That's still 4 women who won't get married. The statistics are kind of sad - like others said, women can improve their odds, but let's be clear here. Many people pair off in their 20s and a few stragglers into their 30s. By your 40s, many potential mates have married. Marriages might surge again when a woman's in her 60s and 70s as men wind up getting widowed or divorced, but the 40s can be very difficult.

 

The average age at first marriage in the U.S. for women is 25 - 26 (it fluctuates). I think it's 27 - 28 for men now. I've looked up the stats several times in the past but I can't exactly remember right now. In any case, when you're approaching that age, it brings marriage into sharp focus. By your mid-20s, the pool of potential mates is narrowing. It's not surprising that so many women enter crisis mode in their 30s if they're unmarried. It gets a lot more difficult.

 

It's also one of the reasons, I think, why so many of us women stick out bad relationships as we start getting older (or at least relationships where we think we could do better). We know that we're older and that it's getting tougher all of the time to meet single men who are roughly in our age group. The choice becomes - do I keep going for better fish or settle for Mr. Good enough so I can have a family and children? It can be a very tough choice.

 

I'm actually ok with Mr. Good Enough if I'm reasonably attracted to him, he has good values, and we share similar life goals/interests.

 

I say 'reasonably'... people should see the gamut of men I've dated or had LTRs with. It really does swing quite wide.

 

Intelligence, consideration, and a good attitude go a long, long way. I realize I have alot to learn in those areas too

[ThsAmericanLife]

Hey negativenancy do you have a hooked on phonics tattoo on your lower back?

 

If your idea of being intelligent is about perfect grammar and not making a few typos on an internet forum then you are a sad, neurotic person.

 

now, now you two.. be nice...

 

I know you are stronger than this Wolfie... just let it roll, K?

 

Congrats on getting your degree soon!!

[ThsAmericanLife]

Doesn't seem like it...

 

I like your picture. My hair is almost that long. Is that you?

 

Nice bod (on the guy...)

[zicke]

I got married this year for the first time in my 40's, to a younger man. It can happen. I think that it is sad that women are "on the shelf" once they reach a certain age.

 

I think it's a waste that our culture is so youth focused, and that people refuse to see the beauty in our older people. I also think it's funny that young people think they'll be that way forever.

 

I admit that I am an an exception to the rule, as I do have many single women friends that are unmarried. They have tons to offer the right man.

[kvinna]

I also agree that a degree isn't necessarily linked to intelligence... and that there are many types of 'smarts'.

 

Artistic/creative ability, for instance. Not sure how easily that is taught.

 

It's a natural talent—and I earned my degree in an artistic field too! So did the guy I'm currently having issues with (haven't shared that story with the board yet...)

[ThsAmericanLife]

Women who were 40 in 1990 are now 60.

 

Are statistics about the then-40 age cohort in 1990, going to be valid for those women who are now 40? Does anyone think 2011 is similar to 1990 to the point that these findings can be relied on, going forward?

 

Also, if 20% went on to get married w/i 10 years, 80% did not.

 

Those are hardly promising odds, even if they are still valid.

 

I'm looking forward to a similar study for men Would answer a few questions on this board, for one.

 

Alot of the gents are feeling pressure to get married in their 20's-30's too. The ones who didn't get a good social start in life especially.