AD1980 Posted November 23, 2011 Posted November 23, 2011 Its petty and a waste of energy that doesnt help your own cause.. Am i jealous of my good looking friends who women always flock to passing me by? or that friends try to set up instead of me knowing women will be attracted to them and mot me? i admit yeah sometimes but i dont hate them for it at all that would be pretty stupid..
Wolf18 Posted November 23, 2011 Posted November 23, 2011 There are some true blue douchebags who happen to be worshipped by women. As a heterosexual man for example, I have no reason to think someone like Ashton Kutcher is the least bit funny or talented, while women think so because they like how he looks . There is a certain personality type and style that many women find attractive which is completely counter to my ideals of masculinity, in these cases the egg comes before the chicken. However, I have good friends who are physically attractive and do well with women, and if anything I wing for them when I can. I really hate obnoxious "nice guy" yes-men who will rag on men who do well with women by calling them "ass-holes" or "jerks". Yes, they are a-holes towards women, but that's only because they can be and get picked anyway. Don't blame men for being men in a good position, blame the women who pick them then laugh at your buddy's stories about the time he gave a girl "The Houdini".
Author joystickd Posted November 23, 2011 Author Posted November 23, 2011 I remember when I was rejected all the time. I had a couple of friends that were really successful. One basically had women paying for everything. All of them were basically players. I never was jealous I was eager to figure out why. So I learned from them and I think a guy should learn from guys that are successful because a woman can't really teach a man. When it comes to a woman what they want in a man and what attracts them to a man is two totally different things.
somedude81 Posted November 23, 2011 Posted November 23, 2011 Jealousy, envy, angry that they can't do it themselves. It's basically asking why the have-nots hate the haves.
AD1980 Posted November 23, 2011 Posted November 23, 2011 I remember when I was rejected all the time. I had a couple of friends that were really successful. One basically had women paying for everything. All of them were basically players. I never was jealous I was eager to figure out why. So I learned from them and I think a guy should learn from guys that are successful because a woman can't really teach a man. When it comes to a woman what they want in a man and what attracts them to a man is two totally different things. Sometimes sure if theyres a approach problem with a guy but sometimes there is no magic potion its as simple as your friend is good looking and you're not and in that case he cant teach you to be good looking
Mrlonelyone Posted November 23, 2011 Posted November 23, 2011 Who knows. Yes there are some real jerks and loosers out there who do well with women. Someone mentioned Ashton Kutcher. The ones who come to my mind would be guys in prison who got married to women who wrote to them in prison. Then of course there are the out and out physically, verbally, and emotionally abusive men who always seem to have a girlfriend. Guys who hate men in those positions do so because they are so blue balls that they can't think straight. They don't see that those men are in their own ways really miserable human beings. Sure they get some sex, but other than that what have they got going on? They are guys who want the validation of having a girlfriend sooooo freaking bad that they can't see straight. They don't realize that relationships are in many ways just one more thing to make you miserable 49% -51% of the time that you are in them. That's not all their fault, they do get stigmatized by people who judge them for having not been in a LTR. For the kind of guys I described above we should pitty them. Then there are guys who really are just jealous competitive pricks. They may have some women but not many. They just hate that someone else got more than them.
stillafool Posted November 23, 2011 Posted November 23, 2011 People are just jealous of goodlooking people. It's the same with women also. Most of them hate a beautiful woman who doesn't have to lift a finger or say a word and men are all over them.
Wolf18 Posted November 23, 2011 Posted November 23, 2011 ^ Now that you mention prison, I have a little anecdote. A contractor friend of my family hired me to help do some renovation work at a prison in NY a few years back. When I would walk past the visitors lounge it was shocking to see jaw-droppingly beautiful women lining up to see some guy in prison for robbing an old lady at gunpoint or smuggling heroin. The worse is one of the guards (not saying prison guards are angels, btw, they are just as corrupt as the inmates a lot of times) told me some of these women were actually risking going to jail themselves by sneaking in all kinds of drugs, cell phones, etc. It's not hard to be physically attractive to women when you get all day to work out and sleep. If you want to get a girlfriend, commit a violent crime and sign up for a pen pal group. There is never a shortage of women in these.
Author joystickd Posted November 23, 2011 Author Posted November 23, 2011 ^ Now that you mention prison, I have a little anecdote. A contractor friend of my family hired me to help do some renovation work at a prison in NY a few years back. When I would walk past the visitors lounge it was shocking to see jaw-droppingly beautiful women lining up to see some guy in prison for robbing an old lady at gunpoint or smuggling heroin. The worse is one of the guards (not saying prison guards are angels, btw, they are just as corrupt as the inmates a lot of times) told me some of these women were actually risking going to jail themselves by sneaking in all kinds of drugs, cell phones, etc. It's not hard to be physically attractive to women when you get all day to work out and sleep. If you want to get a girlfriend, commit a violent crime and sign up for a pen pal group. There is never a shortage of women in these. Its just the unpredictable nature of these guys that attracts these women. Also these women are invested more in the relationship than the men. A lot of women in bad relationships are invested more emotionally than men. Nice guys fail because women like to earn their men.
Jynxx Posted November 23, 2011 Posted November 23, 2011 I noticed it on here and wonder why. Because jealousy is a very strong and very basic human emotion. That's really all there is to it. You may have heard of some movements that consist of people being jealous of people with more money than them. They have been on TV quite a lot recently. The parallels are remarkable and obvious: seeing the benefits someone else has, not seeing the effort it may have taken the party to get in the position they are in, the feeling they deserve more and the others deserve less, being extremely biased in their judgements which reinforces their believes etc.
Wolf18 Posted November 23, 2011 Posted November 23, 2011 Its just the unpredictable nature of these guys that attracts these women. Also these women are invested more in the relationship than the men. A lot of women in bad relationships are invested more emotionally than men. Nice guys fail because women like to earn their men. This is only partly true. Women are attracted to adventure and even brutality. However, a lot of times they confuse the pathetic brutes who prey on the innocent and vulnerable for noble dominant men who win the submission of other men via undying loyalty, courage, and kindness. The latter is not always flaunted, while some teen movie style jock that gives nerds wet willies is pretty obvious. A woman's biology is to be attracted to the ruler and danger, but unfortunately things nowadays are so warped that thieves, derelicts and drug dealers are romanticized more than say a Theodore Roosevelt type of figure. Not to mention the fact that guys who are in and out of prison tend be massive, they've got nothing to do but work out.
fortyninethousand322 Posted November 23, 2011 Posted November 23, 2011 I don't have a blanket resentment of successful men, only with two things. 1) Those with the "buck up" attitude of "just try, you can be just as successful as me" or "your attitude is holding you back" or something along those lines. 2) The men who see fit to attract as many women as possible. Basically they only date one woman (which is fine) but they still keep a stable of interested women at arms length just in case. Since those women are smitten, they're not open to the advances of any other guy, thereby withdrawing them from the dating pool. I can't compete with that, and I'm not going to try to either.
oaks Posted November 23, 2011 Posted November 23, 2011 I don't have a blanket resentment of successful men, only with two things. 1) Those with the "buck up" attitude of "just try, you can be just as successful as me" or "your attitude is holding you back" or something along those lines. I can see that "grow a pair" and "man up" and similar bits of advice aren't always helpful, but "your attitude is part of the problem" does seem like an accurate and relevant observation for a lot of the men in this forum who are reporting no success with getting a date. It's not exactly constructive criticism, but why do you resent someone making an observation like that?
fortyninethousand322 Posted November 23, 2011 Posted November 23, 2011 I can see that "grow a pair" and "man up" and similar bits of advice aren't always helpful, but "your attitude is part of the problem" does seem like an accurate and relevant observation for a lot of the men in this forum who are reporting no success with getting a date. It's not exactly constructive criticism, but why do you resent someone making an observation like that? Because it assumes that from the moment I became of dating age I had a negative attitude, as if it wasn't my lack of success that led to bitterness and negativity.
oaks Posted November 23, 2011 Posted November 23, 2011 (edited) Because it assumes that from the moment I became of dating age I had a negative attitude, as if it wasn't my lack of success that led to bitterness and negativity. No, it doesn't. You'll notice if you read enough threads here that when teenagers come here reporting lack of dating success they often get told something along the lines of "but you're only 18, so stop worrying about it" etc. I suspect it's ongoing failure to achieve your goals that leads to a negative attitude, rather than having that outlook from the start. If we agree that having a negative attitude (to women, or to dating, or whatever it is) is generally an unattractive trait, then I think it follows that having a negative attitude is part of the problem. No, I don't think that suddenly replacing a negative attitude with a smiley face and a positive outlook is going to make girls come running all by itself, but it's part of the problem and these negative attitudes do hold back some of the guys on this forum. Edited November 23, 2011 by oaks typos
Mrlonelyone Posted November 23, 2011 Posted November 23, 2011 No, it doesn't. You'll notice if you read enough threads here that when teenagers come here reporting lack of dating success they often get told something along the lines of "but you're only 18, so stop worrying about it" etc. I suspect it's ongoing failure to achieve your goals that leads to a negative attitude, rather than having that outlook from the start. If we agree that having a negative attitude (to women, or to dating, or whatever it is) is generally an unattractive trait, then I think it follows that having a negative attitude is part of the problem. No, I don't think that suddenly replacing a negative attitude with a smiley face and a positive outlook is going to make girls come running all by itself, but it's part of the problem and these negative attitudes do hold back some of the guys on this forum. That attitude is why I keep bringing up the idea of sex therapy. It's 100% kind of therapy in all western countries. Some men are what's called love shy. They want a relationship, but really are shy about doing what it takes to get one. It's not always honorable.
oaks Posted November 23, 2011 Posted November 23, 2011 That attitude is why I keep bringing up the idea of sex therapy. It's 100% kind of therapy in all western countries. Yes, you do. I've heard of it. Not sure how widely accepted it is or how available it is. I'm guessing most health insurance policies won't cover it. Some men are what's called love shy. They want a relationship, but really are shy about doing what it takes to get one. It's not always honorable. I'm not convinced by love shyness, but if Gilmartin is correct then it only affects ~1.5% of the US male population. I think that's a fairly extreme 'diagnosis' for lots of the guys on here who aren't having dating success.
somedude81 Posted November 23, 2011 Posted November 23, 2011 I don't have a blanket resentment of successful men, only with two things. 1) Those with the "buck up" attitude of "just try, you can be just as successful as me" or "your attitude is holding you back" or something along those lines. I hate the guys who think they are giving advice on what to do while they are 6' tall male models. They could speak to the girl in Klingon and still get her.
the wizard Posted November 23, 2011 Posted November 23, 2011 Envy. Guys at my job hate on me all the time, why? The women there are into me it seems. At least it lets you know you're doing something right. Women even hate on me. Its usually the women I hardly speak to or am not attracted to. I guess they're bitter they don't get the attention. Then what do they do? Gossip gossip gossip.
aj22one Posted November 23, 2011 Posted November 23, 2011 Yes, you do. I've heard of it. Not sure how widely accepted it is or how available it is. I'm guessing most health insurance policies won't cover it. I'm not convinced by love shyness, but if Gilmartin is correct then it only affects ~1.5% of the US male population. I think that's a fairly extreme 'diagnosis' for lots of the guys on here who aren't having dating success. Not necessarily. I mean 1% of of 75 or 80 million men between 20 and 55 is 800,000 or so, and how many unsuccessful men between those ages come on LS? It's entirely possible that all are loveshy.
Mrlonelyone Posted November 24, 2011 Posted November 24, 2011 Not necessarily. I mean 1% of of 75 or 80 million men between 20 and 55 is 800,000 or so, and how many unsuccessful men between those ages come on LS? It's entirely possible that all are loveshy. Don't forget the much larger population of the United States of America. That would mean millions of love shy men.
thehead Posted November 24, 2011 Posted November 24, 2011 I noticed it on here and wonder why. Yeah, I've noticed it too. It comes across as bitchy. I've been away for awhile but it looks like the same crew of guys hating. The same crew of guys who likely haven't tried anything new or radical, including self-improvement. Surprise.
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