qqqttt Posted November 23, 2011 Posted November 23, 2011 Okay, my ex and I were going to hang out today. He told me he might need to paint his room, though, so he would let me know. I asked late last night what he found out and here's what happened. M= me, H= him. M- "Find out about your room?" H- "Yeah. I have to do it tomorrow." M- "Ok." H- "Oookay! Why don't you just play the game?" M-"I am now, I just kind of thought it would be nice to hang out?" H-"I understand! Well I'm busy the rest of the week (he really is). We'll have to plan something!" M-"Okay, we'll I'm busy until Tuesday. We already know only Wednesdays work." H-"But you don't go to school anymore? Sooo..." M-"Okay? I still have things to do?" H-"Doing other guys?! I see!" M-"Omg..." H-"I know. I found out!" M-"Mhm. So what guy am doing?" H-"One that is not me!" M-"Of course. That's what you wanted?" H-"Lol. You don't have to keep lyin'!" Then the conversation topic changed to how our relationship had its faults. I recently got a tattoo of a symbol which he knows had something to do with the relationship. It is not FOR him, and I told him this. It's a reminder to myself to stop the behaviours I exhibited while I was with him so that the next relationship will be better whether it be with him or not... I did not, however tell him that second part for obvious reasons. I discussed my jealousy and my anger problems. I told him I have finally seen how jealousy is pointless and actually pushes the other person away. He's been happy hanging out with his friends lately and so have I. I have also been improving everything I can about myself and he knows how I've changed by this point. To these messages he tells me, "Hopefully I'll date someone cool!" By cool, he means not jealous. He's basically telling me he wants all of these qualities that I have now. For example, I tell him I haven't had any anger outbursts in a month. He says, "I hope I find someone with a cool temper!" It just goes on in that fashion. Then he attributes us ending to "it happens. I knew we'd break up sometime in college, anyway." He thought I would leave him, actually, but still. THEN, he goes right back to me trying "to do other guys." I asked him why he's so concerned. He says, "I just want to know! I'm like this with everyone I know!" He really isn't, though. He may ask a good friend about their sex life if the other person brings it up, but he has never brought it up and gone back to the subject so often with anybody that I know of. My friend just asked, "Why does he talk to you like that?! I don't see how you're so calm through it all." Truth it, I'm not calm. I know guys like to have their egos stroked, but he's over his phase of trying to get compliments from me and moved on to a nonchalant worry about losing me to someone else. That's how I feel he's acting, but I wanted some other opinions. I've always thought you shouldn't be jealous if you're over a person. That's what I've experienced. The funniest thing is I haven't given him ANY reason to be jealous. I hang out with my GIRLfriends, talk to a couple guy friends, chill at my house, work out, go to work, eat, etc. I thought he was just asking playfully before, but now it's a topic which comes up in EVERY conversation. WHY IS HE ACTING THIS WAY WHEN HE'S OVER ME? Or, quote, "I don't love you in that way." Heeelp...
hoping2heal Posted November 23, 2011 Posted November 23, 2011 Okay, my ex and I were going to hang out today. He told me he might need to paint his room, though, so he would let me know. I asked late last night what he found out and here's what happened. M= me, H= him. M- "Find out about your room?" H- "Yeah. I have to do it tomorrow." M- "Ok." H- "Oookay! Why don't you just play the game?" M-"I am now, I just kind of thought it would be nice to hang out?" H-"I understand! Well I'm busy the rest of the week (he really is). We'll have to plan something!" M-"Okay, we'll I'm busy until Tuesday. We already know only Wednesdays work." H-"But you don't go to school anymore? Sooo..." M-"Okay? I still have things to do?" H-"Doing other guys?! I see!" M-"Omg..." H-"I know. I found out!" M-"Mhm. So what guy am doing?" H-"One that is not me!" M-"Of course. That's what you wanted?" H-"Lol. You don't have to keep lyin'!" Then the conversation topic changed to how our relationship had its faults. I recently got a tattoo of a symbol which he knows had something to do with the relationship. It is not FOR him, and I told him this. It's a reminder to myself to stop the behaviours I exhibited while I was with him so that the next relationship will be better whether it be with him or not... I did not, however tell him that second part for obvious reasons. I discussed my jealousy and my anger problems. I told him I have finally seen how jealousy is pointless and actually pushes the other person away. He's been happy hanging out with his friends lately and so have I. I have also been improving everything I can about myself and he knows how I've changed by this point. To these messages he tells me, "Hopefully I'll date someone cool!" By cool, he means not jealous. He's basically telling me he wants all of these qualities that I have now. For example, I tell him I haven't had any anger outbursts in a month. He says, "I hope I find someone with a cool temper!" It just goes on in that fashion. Then he attributes us ending to "it happens. I knew we'd break up sometime in college, anyway." He thought I would leave him, actually, but still. THEN, he goes right back to me trying "to do other guys." I asked him why he's so concerned. He says, "I just want to know! I'm like this with everyone I know!" He really isn't, though. He may ask a good friend about their sex life if the other person brings it up, but he has never brought it up and gone back to the subject so often with anybody that I know of. My friend just asked, "Why does he talk to you like that?! I don't see how you're so calm through it all." Truth it, I'm not calm. I know guys like to have their egos stroked, but he's over his phase of trying to get compliments from me and moved on to a nonchalant worry about losing me to someone else. That's how I feel he's acting, but I wanted some other opinions. I've always thought you shouldn't be jealous if you're over a person. That's what I've experienced. The funniest thing is I haven't given him ANY reason to be jealous. I hang out with my GIRLfriends, talk to a couple guy friends, chill at my house, work out, go to work, eat, etc. I thought he was just asking playfully before, but now it's a topic which comes up in EVERY conversation. WHY IS HE ACTING THIS WAY WHEN HE'S OVER ME? Or, quote, "I don't love you in that way." Heeelp... TBH, it actually does sound like curiosity and not jealousy. I even though he was just teasing and giving you a hard time. If it bothered him that much that you might be "doing other guys" he wouldn't be telling you at every turn that he doesn't want to get back together. Even you said yourself he knows you have changed and even in that he still isn't interested in a dating relationship but clearly he likes your company and enjoys getting to spend platonic time with you.
ChelseaLS Posted November 23, 2011 Posted November 23, 2011 Okay, my ex and I were going to hang out today. He told me he might need to paint his room, though, so he would let me know. I asked late last night what he found out and here's what happened. M= me, H= him. M- "Find out about your room?" H- "Yeah. I have to do it tomorrow." M- "Ok." H- "Oookay! Why don't you just play the game?" M-"I am now, I just kind of thought it would be nice to hang out?" H-"I understand! Well I'm busy the rest of the week (he really is). We'll have to plan something!" M-"Okay, we'll I'm busy until Tuesday. We already know only Wednesdays work." H-"But you don't go to school anymore? Sooo..." M-"Okay? I still have things to do?" H-"Doing other guys?! I see!" M-"Omg..." H-"I know. I found out!" M-"Mhm. So what guy am doing?" H-"One that is not me!" M-"Of course. That's what you wanted?" H-"Lol. You don't have to keep lyin'!" Then the conversation topic changed to how our relationship had its faults. I recently got a tattoo of a symbol which he knows had something to do with the relationship. It is not FOR him, and I told him this. It's a reminder to myself to stop the behaviours I exhibited while I was with him so that the next relationship will be better whether it be with him or not... I did not, however tell him that second part for obvious reasons. I discussed my jealousy and my anger problems. I told him I have finally seen how jealousy is pointless and actually pushes the other person away. He's been happy hanging out with his friends lately and so have I. I have also been improving everything I can about myself and he knows how I've changed by this point. To these messages he tells me, "Hopefully I'll date someone cool!" By cool, he means not jealous. He's basically telling me he wants all of these qualities that I have now. For example, I tell him I haven't had any anger outbursts in a month. He says, "I hope I find someone with a cool temper!" It just goes on in that fashion. Then he attributes us ending to "it happens. I knew we'd break up sometime in college, anyway." He thought I would leave him, actually, but still. THEN, he goes right back to me trying "to do other guys." I asked him why he's so concerned. He says, "I just want to know! I'm like this with everyone I know!" He really isn't, though. He may ask a good friend about their sex life if the other person brings it up, but he has never brought it up and gone back to the subject so often with anybody that I know of. My friend just asked, "Why does he talk to you like that?! I don't see how you're so calm through it all." Truth it, I'm not calm. I know guys like to have their egos stroked, but he's over his phase of trying to get compliments from me and moved on to a nonchalant worry about losing me to someone else. That's how I feel he's acting, but I wanted some other opinions. I've always thought you shouldn't be jealous if you're over a person. That's what I've experienced. The funniest thing is I haven't given him ANY reason to be jealous. I hang out with my GIRLfriends, talk to a couple guy friends, chill at my house, work out, go to work, eat, etc. I thought he was just asking playfully before, but now it's a topic which comes up in EVERY conversation. WHY IS HE ACTING THIS WAY WHEN HE'S OVER ME? Or, quote, "I don't love you in that way." Heeelp... He is jealous and does not want you to see other people, hence he can't let it go and keeps asking if your with someone else. He is also trying to hurt you, because he is hurt... by saying things like "I hope I find someone cool". He is playing a childish game and acting out. Just ignore any further communication with him.
Author qqqttt Posted November 23, 2011 Author Posted November 23, 2011 He's odd in the way that he will use less severe terms to sort of show that he "doesn't care." We had a conversation before where he actually flipped out on me because he knew my friends were setting me up with people. The night we broke up, also, he said, "I can't predict the future." That. Part. Sucked. I'm going into "whatever mode." If talks to me, great. If not, whatever. We work together, so I'll obviously need to talk to him sometimes. I wish I could ask him what he's feeling, but you know that a no-no :/ I was hoping to get to a point (a long time from now) where I CAN actually ask him. If he keep this behaviour up, should I still chalk it up to curiosity? Because it's been going on for at least two weeks now. I can understand asking and dropping, but he's being frikkin' weird.
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