Upset

[JC14]

Hey guys,

 

I feel like **** right now. The last couple of days I've been missing my ex-girlfriend like crazy. It's been 4,5 moths post break-up and almost 2 months of NC. I just miss her so much right now. I can't stop crying. I want to be with her so bad. I love her so much. I just can't stand the feeling that I've lost her... Part of me wants to contact her, and see if there is a chance. The other part of me pushed me to LS, before I make any rash decisions. It wasn't a bad breakup at all, it stull hurts like hell though. I feel so lost and lonely without her...

 

What to do LS?

 

Thank you guys in advance!

 

JC

[mike588]

Hey guys,

 

I feel like **** right now. The last couple of days I've been missing my ex-girlfriend like crazy. It's been 4,5 moths post break-up and almost 2 months of NC. I just miss her so much right now. I can't stop crying. I want to be with her so bad. I love her so much. I just can't stand the feeling that I've lost her... Part of me wants to contact her, and see if there is a chance. The other part of me pushed me to LS, before I make any rash decisions. It wasn't a bad breakup at all, it stull hurts like hell though. I feel so lost and lonely without her...

 

What to do LS?

 

Thank you guys in advance!

 

I know exactly how you feel. I'm 3 months into being dumped hard and about the same amount of time in N.C.

 

If she knows how you feel,, you love her, you want her back the best thing to do is just continue with N.C. especially if the breakup wasn't bad,, there is not much else you can do,, it's up to her now.

 

What caused the breakup?

 

Give her more time, move on, better yourself,,,maybe in the near future she may start to miss you.

 

Is she seeing someone else?

[JC14]

Thank you for taking the time to reply mike588.

 

Primarily she broke up with me because she did not know what she wanted, these doubts made her unhappy. She is 20 years old, so she did not have any experience whatsoever. I was her first boyfriend and we were in a LDR. I think it is a case of G.I.G.S., on top of that, our circumstances were far from great off course.

 

As far as if she is seeing soemone else, I don't think so. I haven't talked to her in 2 months, but part of the break up for her was to stand on her own two feet again. She was unhappy with herself, maybe felt like she lost herself a bit in the relationship.

 

I just feel like she gave up wayyy too easily, just when things got hard. She never talked to me about things that we/I could work on. She just waited for things to change. I just feel like I never got a fair chance. I really really do. I know she loves and cares about me. On the day we parted ways, she couldn't get her hands of off me. Even in the aftermath we acted like we were still together. I just couldn't anymore.

 

When I told her I was going NC, she tried convince me not to (which is nothing like her, she is stubborn, proud and disciplined as hell). Telling me she didn't sleep for days, was terribly depressed and crying all night.

 

I just don't know what to do anymore, how to approach this...

[smokey bear]

im in the same boat, 4.5 months and today hut me like day 1 again, its seems almost impossible.

 

ive been great for weeks, but today, really bad. I cant explain it.

[mike588]

Thank you for taking the time to reply mike588.

 

Primarily she broke up with me because she did not know what she wanted, these doubts made her unhappy. She is 20 years old, so she did not have any experience whatsoever. I was her first boyfriend and we were in a LDR. I think it is a case of G.I.G.S., on top of that, our circumstances were far from great off course.

 

As far as if she is seeing soemone else, I don't think so. I haven't talked to her in 2 months, but part of the break up for her was to stand on her own two feet again. She was unhappy with herself, maybe felt like she lost herself a bit in the relationship.

 

I just feel like she gave up wayyy too easily, just when things got hard. She never talked to me about things that we/I could work on. She just waited for things to change. I just feel like I never got a fair chance. I really really do. I know she loves and cares about me. On the day we parted ways, she couldn't get her hands of off me. Even in the aftermath we acted like we were still together. I just couldn't anymore.

 

When I told her I was going NC, she tried convince me not to (which is nothing like her, she is stubborn, proud and disciplined as hell). Telling me she didn't sleep for days, was terribly depressed and crying all night.

 

I just don't know what to do anymore, how to approach this...

 

Since it's 4.5 months after the breakup and 2 months of N.C. and you haven't heard anything I hate to say it doesn't look good.

 

She may be seeing someone else after this amount of time. I'm a firm believer in N.C. but since it's been this amount of time and you still want her back it may not hurt to send her a very short email/text expressing your feelings and what you want,keep it very short and see what happens.

 

I personally would just let her go, I don't like or do LDRs. If you decide to contact her beware of her not responding or what she may say if she responds. If you think it may bring you some closeure do it,, but again prepare for the worst and hope for the best.

 

In the mean time try to move on,, I know it's do hard but there is not much else you can do,,, find someone you won't have to do a LDR with.

[bbronco]

So sorry you're feeling this way! I'm in the same boat It'll be almost 5 months since the break up and it still always feels like the morning after. It's hard when the other person can go NC so easily and you feel like each hour of NC is an accomplishment. So ****ty.

 

But if I've gained any insight from my cryptic confused ex...apparently they can be NC but think about you constantly and miss you but don't reach out because they're either scared of the emotions it'll evoke from us or again, there's too much hurt from our end and they don't know how to handle it.

[M2155]

I just feel like she gave up wayyy too easily, just when things got hard. She never talked to me about things that we/I could work on. She just waited for things to change.

I'm sorry you're hurt. Think about this statement, you guys are young and life's challenges only get harder and you don't want someone long-term that bails when things get tough. She's very young, some things come with experience.

 

I know she loves and cares about me. On the day we parted ways, she couldn't get her hands of off me. Even in the aftermath we acted like we were still together. I just couldn't anymore.

 

When I told her I was going NC, she tried convince me not to (which is nothing like her, she is stubborn, proud and disciplined as hell). Telling me she didn't sleep for days, was terribly depressed and crying all night.

You did the right thing. She probably wanted to keep you around to feel secure. You would have been chasing pavement for real if you continuted. She may come around when she gets lonely but you have to be stubborn, proud and diciplined right now for yourself. What can you do now to take the focus off of her and put it on things you can do to push forward? You're venting here, that's a good first step to getting it out.

 

Your feelings are understandable:(.

[smokey bear]

So sorry you're feeling this way! I'm in the same boat It'll be almost 5 months since the break up and it still always feels like the morning after. It's hard when the other person can go NC so easily and you feel like each hour of NC is an accomplishment. So ****ty.

 

But if I've gained any insight from my cryptic confused ex...apparently they can be NC but think about you constantly and miss you but don't reach out because they're either scared of the emotions it'll evoke from us or again, there's too much hurt from our end and they don't know how to handle it.

 

 

 

I agree with this, my ex is really unhappy now, still doesnt make him want to come back though.

 

 

I know he's having a tough time standing on his own two feet and i find it makes it harder, when i expected it to be harder to hear he is doing well.

 

I am disappointed at myself for still caring after all this time, still wanting to help him, i find myself still helping when i shouldnt.

 

Any other ex ive walked away from, so what makes this break up different, thats what i should be asking myself.

 

Why doesnt the love fade, why hasnt acceptance kicked in on its own yet after all this time?

[hoping2heal]

Thank you for taking the time to reply mike588.

 

Primarily she broke up with me because she did not know what she wanted, these doubts made her unhappy. She is 20 years old, so she did not have any experience whatsoever. I was her first boyfriend and we were in a LDR. I think it is a case of G.I.G.S., on top of that, our circumstances were far from great off course.

 

As far as if she is seeing soemone else, I don't think so. I haven't talked to her in 2 months, but part of the break up for her was to stand on her own two feet again. She was unhappy with herself, maybe felt like she lost herself a bit in the relationship.

 

I just feel like she gave up wayyy too easily, just when things got hard. She never talked to me about things that we/I could work on. She just waited for things to change. I just feel like I never got a fair chance. I really really do. I know she loves and cares about me. On the day we parted ways, she couldn't get her hands of off me. Even in the aftermath we acted like we were still together. I just couldn't anymore.

 

When I told her I was going NC, she tried convince me not to (which is nothing like her, she is stubborn, proud and disciplined as hell). Telling me she didn't sleep for days, was terribly depressed and crying all night.

 

I just don't know what to do anymore, how to approach this...

 

She sounds all over the place!

 

I agree a lot of it is likely due to her age and inexperience - you said she waits for things to change instead of identifying problems and creating a solution which would be the rational thing to do.

 

What is this uprising of "g.i.g.s" all of the sudden? I know what it stands for - I just don't know why so many people are labelling their breakups after that term, you have to be careful - a few years ago the majority of dumpers had NPD or BPD and now this gigs thing must be the new pop diagnosis.

 

Sorry, I strayed a little bit from the point.. Here is the thing, this girl seems to be heartily confused and that same confusion is what led to your breakup and if you were to get back together today? That same confusion would lead to even more hurt down the road. The thing is, reconciliation can and does happen in some cases but in the majority of those cases one or both partners have failed to identify and acknowledge what led to the demise of the relationship on their first go round and when nothing changes but people simply gravitate towards each other by the force of their feelings/emotions it still doesn't solve a thing and it's only a matter of time before things go wrong again.

 

Your ex right now is young, pretty immature about this subject, and really not being fair to you - I'm sure she's largely unaware of all this but to be telling you she needs to break up with you and then crying and pleading desperately to still keep you in her life? It is a common behavior - it is just not a very fair one.

 

I would believe what she says - she doesn't know what she wants - well, except that she does - she doesn't want to be committed to you, but she does seem to want you committed to her; she wants that attention from you and ego validation while not needing to return any of it. That doesn't sound like a very ideal situation for you.

 

It also sends a mass of mixed signals which lead to false hope and prevent you from moving on - again very unfair considering that she's already decided she doesn't want to be in a relationship with you but she's happy to have you fawn over her while she's feeling a bit unsure and insecure and trying to tip toe into the waters. When a new guy comes along? Your validation and presence are likely going to meet squat to her and slowly your communication will break down.

 

It's a common thing "I need to find myself" "I don't know who I am" 'I don't know what I want" its a cliche copout - and anyone who tells you they don't know what they want while ending a relationship is contradicting themselves - they understood full well they didn't want to continue dating the person they're with - they shouldn't be using that person for validation until they meet someone new either it is hurtful, unfair, and prevents people from getting on with their lives.

[JC14]

I must admit that I have never been this close to breaking NC! I even wrote an email meant for my ex, expressing how I felt. I deleted the email 5 sec ago. Why?

 

- I do think she misses me and is hurt as well.

- Though, I know she won't initiate contact herself. She knows I am hurt and respects my decision to go NC. She is a great in pushing her feelings aside and not look back too much.

- I do feel, due to reasons of the break up, chances of reconciliation are slim. 4,5 months is nothing to be realistic. But, what if...lol

- If I am realistic, take everything in consideration, I will be disappointed by breaking NC.

 

But, like I said, what if? What if she is to proud to break NC herself? What if I reach out, and she will answer my feelings? What if she feels the freaking same? Argh!!!

 

Am I being really irrational right now, or do you guys think there is some truth in what I'm saying?

 

Thanks!

[JC14]

She sounds all over the place!

 

I agree a lot of it is likely due to her age and inexperience - you said she waits for things to change instead of identifying problems and creating a solution which would be the rational thing to do.

Right?!

 

What is this uprising of "g.i.g.s" all of the sudden? I know what it stands for - I just don't know why so many people are labelling their breakups after that term, you have to be careful - a few years ago the majority of dumpers had NPD or BPD and now this gigs thing must be the new pop diagnosis.

 

haha, well I am not saying the 'GIGS' explanation is spot on. However, I do feel that I can relate certain parts of my relationship to this 'label'. It helps to realize that some things can be explained, can give some rest.

 

Sorry, I strayed a little bit from the point.. Here is the thing, this girl seems to be heartily confused and that same confusion is what led to your breakup and if you were to get back together today? That same confusion would lead to even more hurt down the road. The thing is, reconciliation can and does happen in some cases but in the majority of those cases one or both partners have failed to identify and acknowledge what led to the demise of the relationship on their first go round and when nothing changes but people simply gravitate towards each other by the force of their feelings/emotions it still doesn't solve a thing and it's only a matter of time before things go wrong again.

 

I hate the feeling/idea that she did not gave our relationship a fair chance. I hate it even more that she thinks she did, blegh...really?!

[JC14]

So sorry you're feeling this way! I'm in the same boat It'll be almost 5 months since the break up and it still always feels like the morning after. It's hard when the other person can go NC so easily and you feel like each hour of NC is an accomplishment. So ****ty.

 

This.

 

But if I've gained any insight from my cryptic confused ex...apparently they can be NC but think about you constantly and miss you but don't reach out because they're either scared of the emotions it'll evoke from us or again, there's too much hurt from our end and they don't know how to handle it.

 

I feel this way too. Though, it really sucks. What does that mean? Does is mean we have to make the first step? So confusing...

 

Hope you'll feel better soon bbronco!

[JC14]

im in the same boat, 4.5 months and today hut me like day 1 again, its seems almost impossible.

 

ive been great for weeks, but today, really bad. I cant explain it.

 

Exactely! I hate going back and forward...

 

Good luck smokey bear.

[JC14]

M2155:

 

Thank you for your response. Rational explanations like these are very helpfull.

[JC14]

I must admit that I have never been this close to breaking NC! I even wrote an email meant for my ex, expressing how I felt. I deleted the email 5 sec ago. Why?

 

- I do think she misses me and is hurt as well.

- Though, I know she won't initiate contact herself. She knows I am hurt and respects my decision to go NC. She is a great in pushing her feelings aside and not look back too much.

- I do feel, due to reasons of the break up, chances of reconciliation are slim. 4,5 months is nothing to be realistic. But, what if...lol

- If I am realistic, take everything in consideration, I will be disappointed by breaking NC.

 

But, like I said, what if? What if she is to proud to break NC herself? What if I reach out, and she will answer my feelings? What if she feels the freaking same? Argh!!!

 

Am I being really irrational right now, or do you guys think there is some truth in what I'm saying?

 

Thanks!

[M2155]

But, like I said, what if? What if she is to proud to break NC herself? What if I reach out, and she will answer my feelings? What if she feels the freaking same? Argh!!!

 

Am I being really irrational right now, or do you guys think there is some truth in what I'm saying?

 

Yes there is truth to what you are saying...

But you could also say What if she was not the one? What if there is someone better out there for you and when this storm passes you will be more happy with this person than you ever were before?

 

If your ex is too proud to come back, she doesn't want to come back.

[bbronco]

What does this all mean? And what to do next? Oh gosh, good question!

 

With my breakup right now, I can tell you what contact and NC has done for me:

 

-Initial first few weeks begging (texting every day to every other day) - lots of responsiveness from my ex because everything was so fresh but a lot of "I'm hurting, miss you too, but I need time to focus on myself and straighten my life out" from him

-Went into overdrive the next few weeks and abandoned text messages opting for a card and emails - "Thanks for the sincere and pleasant card" and no response to emails

-Got fed up at this point and did NC for 3 weeks. Asked to meet up and talk via text and got a response in 15 minutes. Had 2 dinners within the next month and a half.

-Had the 2nd dinner 2 weeks ago where I laid e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g out and haven't heard from him. I've done NC for 2 weeks.

 

From the outside my friends have been telling me to back off and give him space, but I had I done that...the dinners might not have happened! But getting the contact and face to face time that I wanted also sets you waaaay back. I don't actually know what NC from the beginning could have done but I know he was more receptive to respond having not been bombarded by me all the time lol.

 

Since I can't really follow-up with anything more over the top than the last dinner, I've settled for NC until he reaches out. Ultimately though, I think contact can be a good thing. It depends on when the other person is most vulnerable to let their guard down and open up and let you know that all the other times they ignore you or don't reach out...that it's an inner battle they're also fighting with themself not to.

[JC14]

I feel so low right now.

 

I miss my ex so much. I want her back so bad. Though, I am almost certain that does not want to get back together, otherwise she would have reached out. Right? Even if she wants to reconcile, we can't get back to the old relationship. That means that we both need to be able to see what went wrong, and willing to work on that. If she is the same person as before, I know I wouldn't be totally happy. Yet, I still want her back, because it is as close as I have ever been to happieness. I don't know what to do anymore...