Veryconfused12345 Posted November 23, 2011 Posted November 23, 2011 Hi Everyone, So I'm struggling a bit recently and after driving friends and family absolutely insane for the last few days, I thought I'd turn to the good people of Loveshack to keep me focused. To be really honest, I'm not doing so great since my long term boyfriend freaked out and dumped me about 6 weeks ago. His explanation to me (and to the several friends he emailed when he couldn't get through to me) was that he was ready to propose to me but that he didn't think I loved him "enough".... To add to the stress, I'm scrambling to find a job once my contract ends and am going to have to set up in a new city. Basically, everythings changing and I'm absolutely terrified! I guess as sad as this sounds, one of the things that grounded me the most right now was having my boyfriend and best friend there to support me during this difficult time. I range from complete panic to really low points. I know we're all going through something similar but I wonder how everyone else is dealing with the loss of so much stability in their lives? I'm convinced I won't ever love anyone as much as I love my ex and it feels like I'm stepping into a massive unknown right now. How in the world will I ever move past this? I never thought I'd be at this point in my life.... Help!
Lowib Posted November 23, 2011 Posted November 23, 2011 hey, I know the fear and pain your facing. It feels strange not having that person by your side to support you like they used to. But, there isn't much you can do but move on and keep putting one foot in front of the other. I like to think the unknown is exciting and present new opportunities. Try to get a positive outlook that you'll be doing this on your own and therefore, stronger for it. And when your next relationship starts, you'll be able to love him in a different way because you will have learned to be alone. Keep strong and I guarantee things will improve for you soon.
ChelseaLS Posted November 23, 2011 Posted November 23, 2011 I too was kind of in the same boat as you when **** hit the fan for me. My ex broke up with me, and my contract was coming to an end, and I was moving out. How the hell was I going to pay rent and survive?... I know the fear you are feeling, it is scary when it's everything at once. As for him grounding you, that doesn't sound pathetic at all. We all lean on people in tough times and usually it's our partners... so when the partner is gone, it is a panic. It may sound cheesy, but positive thinking and affrimations really helped me move forward. Telling myself that everything was going to work out, I was going to be just fine... better then fine. It feels like you are stepping into the unknown right now, but soon that unknown will start to become familiar. I promise you will if you try and work at it, you will be just fine.
Author Veryconfused12345 Posted November 23, 2011 Author Posted November 23, 2011 Thanks so much to both of you, I'm actually a bit teary eyed after reading your messages. I just feel like everything was finally lining up for me and I had found someone I loved more than I thought was possible. To have that and then see it all collapse is sort of sickening. The real world is really scary and intimidating and now it's not just the breakup but the notion of drifting through life without an end goal. Having that person there to hold your hand made me feel so much more emboldened. I know it's a case of one foot infront of the other, but I don't know how to combat the voice in my head that is constantly (and i mean aaaaaaallll the time) saying: you won't ever find anyone better, he was the love of your life, you're going to spend your adult life lost and lonely... I worry that even if I set up a job and a flat and a friend network in this new city, the biggest piece of the puzzle will never come back....
ChelseaLS Posted November 23, 2011 Posted November 23, 2011 Thanks so much to both of you, I'm actually a bit teary eyed after reading your messages. I just feel like everything was finally lining up for me and I had found someone I loved more than I thought was possible. To have that and then see it all collapse is sort of sickening. The real world is really scary and intimidating and now it's not just the breakup but the notion of drifting through life without an end goal. Having that person there to hold your hand made me feel so much more emboldened. I know it's a case of one foot infront of the other, but I don't know how to combat the voice in my head that is constantly (and i mean aaaaaaallll the time) saying: you won't ever find anyone better, he was the love of your life, you're going to spend your adult life lost and lonely... I worry that even if I set up a job and a flat and a friend network in this new city, the biggest piece of the puzzle will never come back.... Push out those negative thoughts.. or that voice and replace it with positive ones. You will find a new puzzle piece and it will be the best piece ever. This is a good time to regain your independence and know that yeah "I am strong, I am very capable of doing this on my own. I will love again, and it will be amazing." I totally get where you are coming from. I was 100% sure I was going to be with my ex forever. Woops. And it does make you sick and nervous to see it all crumble. Now you build back up, removing the damaged pieces, replacing them with fresh positive pieces.
mike588 Posted November 23, 2011 Posted November 23, 2011 Thanks so much to both of you, I'm actually a bit teary eyed after reading your messages. I just feel like everything was finally lining up for me and I had found someone I loved more than I thought was possible. To have that and then see it all collapse is sort of sickening. The real world is really scary and intimidating and now it's not just the breakup but the notion of drifting through life without an end goal. Having that person there to hold your hand made me feel so much more emboldened. I know it's a case of one foot infront of the other, but I don't know how to combat the voice in my head that is constantly (and i mean aaaaaaallll the time) saying: you won't ever find anyone better, he was the love of your life, you're going to spend your adult life lost and lonely... I worry that even if I set up a job and a flat and a friend network in this new city, the biggest piece of the puzzle will never come back.... We all feel that way: He/she was the love of my life,, I'll never find anyone better,, I'll be lost and alone. Let me tell you from experience,,, YOU WILL!! You will feel lost and alone but that will only be for a short time. Take this time to heal and better yourself. One day when you find someone else,, you will,, you will look back on this and say, what was I thinking.
Author Veryconfused12345 Posted November 23, 2011 Author Posted November 23, 2011 Thank you so much everyone, this really is a massive comfort. I'm so grateful for everyone on this site, I really hope I can repay the support.
mike588 Posted November 23, 2011 Posted November 23, 2011 Thank you so much everyone, this really is a massive comfort. I'm so grateful for everyone on this site, I really hope I can repay the support. Hang in there man. Keep posting if you feel you need to, were here for you. Remember your not alone,, there are over 1,000 pages on this site and 95% of the threads/posts here are people hurting. Time is your friend.
mike588 Posted November 23, 2011 Posted November 23, 2011 We all feel that way: He/she was the love of my life,, I'll never find anyone better,, I'll be lost and alone. Let me tell you from experience,,, YOU WILL!! You will feel lost and alone but that will only be for a short time. Take this time to heal and better yourself. One day when you find someone else,, you will,, you will look back on this and say, what was I thinking. OOPS, What I meant to say is you will find someone else,you will find someone better and it's ok to feel lost and alone but that won't be forever. Its a growing and learning experience that we ALL have to go thru,, sucks though I know!!
forlackof Posted November 23, 2011 Posted November 23, 2011 hey, I registered just to respond to your thread. 2 months ago my then bf ended it with me after 5 years. he moved for his job and then ended it with me after telling me he found someone else. i had plans to quit my job and follow him. in my mind, our futures were aligned. we had been together since our late teens. he was my best friend and bf rolled into one and I leaned on him and trusted him. for the last two 2 months, I have had all your typical breakup pains in addition to confusion about my future. i decided to use that pain and temporary strength to my advantage. i too am moving to a new city not knowing anyone. i also feel scared and unsure of myself at times, but then I think of all the other people that have been in my shoes and are the stronger for it, and i tell myself that i can do it too. you will be fine. in a years time, when you look back, you'll realize how much you've grown..
Author Veryconfused12345 Posted November 24, 2011 Author Posted November 24, 2011 Thank you everyone for there words of advice and support, it really helps (especially on Thanksgiving when I'm being reminded of not having him in my life anymore). I really hate how obsessive I've become and how fixated I've become on the idea that if I don't have him, I'll be completely lost. I know that's not the case and I'll look back at some point in the future and be proud and grateful that I was able to get through it. And the same goes for everyone else on this site. For everyone experiencing the panic and deep grief over losing a big emotional part of your life, the fact that everyone's willing to support eachother through this gives me a lot of faith in people. You all seem like wonderfully kind people.
mike588 Posted November 24, 2011 Posted November 24, 2011 Thank you everyone for there words of advice and support, it really helps (especially on Thanksgiving when I'm being reminded of not having him in my life anymore). I really hate how obsessive I've become and how fixated I've become on the idea that if I don't have him, I'll be completely lost. I know that's not the case and I'll look back at some point in the future and be proud and grateful that I was able to get through it. And the same goes for everyone else on this site. For everyone experiencing the panic and deep grief over losing a big emotional part of your life, the fact that everyone's willing to support eachother through this gives me a lot of faith in people. You all seem like wonderfully kind people. Thanks,, Keep posting when you feel you need to. Always remember your not alone in this struggle.
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