we have some issues

[oaks]

I don't want to control him, I want him to see what I'm concerned about and share my concerns.

 

You want him to share your concerns, but you don't want to control him... do you see how that might sound slightly contradictory? Okay, so what have you done to explain your concerns to him and what did he say? Does he just have a different point of view from you? Does he have to have the same point of view as you in order for your relationship to be a success?

 

I should have known how I was attacked in my last thread that I would be attacked in this one too. I come here for help and advice and everyone just attacks.

 

You have been given advice. Perhaps you don't like what you've heard. I'll try again. You asked if it's doomed. Yes, it is, because in my opinion you and he are not compatible. My advice is to politely tell him that you're incompatible with him and to leave him and find someone else with whom you can have a relationship.

 

You've also been given advice by others about similar things and various other things, such as the futility of trying to 'change' someone. Did you read those posts?

Edited November 23, 2011 by oaks
typos

[Tailspin]

I asked him if he could limit his football watching, but he said he wanted to watch his team play and maybe one other game every week, so I guess 1-2 games a week. I told him I thought it was excessive and selfish, we could do something else instead like take a walk or go to a museum.

 

I guess he doesn't have to have the exact same view as me, but I want him to be a little more understanding. All sports are competitive (which by itself can be a bad thing) but he wants to watch one of the most violent ones.

 

I just dont understand how a guy can be so perfect in other things but still have some things we disagree on.

[snowflakes88]

I asked him if he could limit his football watching, but he said he wanted to watch his team play and maybe one other game every week, so I guess 1-2 games a week. I told him I thought it was excessive and selfish, we could do something else instead like take a walk or go to a museum.

 

I guess he doesn't have to have the exact same view as me, but I want him to be a little more understanding. All sports are competitive (which by itself can be a bad thing) but he wants to watch one of the most violent ones.

 

I just dont understand how a guy can be so perfect in other things but still have some things we disagree on.

 

You are trying to control him. 1-2 games a week is more than reasonable. What if he doesn't want to take a walk or go to a museum? Do you even care, or does it not matter what he wants to do? Why can't the compromise be YOU going for a walk or to the museum while he watches the game? If you aren't able to have a relationship unless the guy is willing to spend all of his free time doing what you want to do and forsaking every interest/hobby you disagree with, you will be single for a long while.

[oaks]

I asked him if he could limit his football watching, but he said he wanted to watch his team play and maybe one other game every week, so I guess 1-2 games a week. I told him I thought it was excessive and selfish, we could do something else instead like take a walk or go to a museum.

 

Watching his team play, and maybe one other game a week, is selfish? hmm. Not sure I agree, but anyway.

 

Do you have any hobbies that you do (or could do) while he's watching his games? Or friends you could go and spend time with? That might help with that aspect of it, but of course you're also not liking the fact that he wants to watch this sport because you think it's violent.

 

I guess he doesn't have to have the exact same view as me, but I want him to be a little more understanding. All sports are competitive (which by itself can be a bad thing) but he wants to watch one of the most violent ones.

 

What do you mean when you say you want him to be a little more understanding, other than that you want him to watch it less? Do you want him to agree with you that there's violence, but still watch it? Are there some other sports that you like to watch that you could introduce him to?

 

Crown Green Bowling is pretty tame (although there is still that competitive aspect). Not sure if you're familiar with it:

 

 

I just dont understand how a guy can be so perfect in other things but still have some things we disagree on.

 

What do you do that he disagrees with, or are you perfect? Sometimes you have to accept some imperfections in life, or there's the other advice you've been given already.

[Disenchantedly Yours]

Tailspin, you got some things you need to think about because only you can answer them.

 

Okay, so he likes football, you don't. Relationships are about compromise. This is either something you can accept about him, or it's not. If you can't accept this about him, then you need to think about that long and hard.

 

I do know men that don't enjoy football at all. If this is an issue for you, and despite what other posters here have said what goes for them and their relationships, you are allowed to think football is an issue and consider the function of it within your relationship. What you don't want to do is attempt to convince/change your boyfriend into something he is not. He will resent you for it sooner or later. Think of something you really enjoy (I am sure there is something) and imagine your boyfriend telling you he didn't like that about you and wants you to change/stop/not do that thing as much as you'd like.

 

You mentioned a fear for furture children since your boyfriend enjoys a sport that you think glorifies violence. In this world today, football is actually pretty tame in it's violence compared to what your kids will see everyday from the media. From video games to cartoons to regular tv and movies they are bound to go to with their friends. They are going to absorb more messages from those facets about violence then they ever could from football. But if this is a real concern of yours, and I personally think that football should be the least of your concerns when it comes to violence, then you need to be honest with yourself about that and find a man that is more mild mannered in the process.

 

You mentioned that you thought his game watching was selfish. You suggested that instead of him watching a game, that you two could go take a walk or go to a museum. But did you suggest those alternate activities because you thought he would really enjoy them or because *you* really enjoy them? In which case, it sounds like there is some selfishness on both sides of the coin. If you really want him to trade football for something, then offer him sex during a football game.

 

Now the sexist things he watches on youtube, I would be worried if he watched it ALOT and what exactly it was he was watching. Are the clips mean spirited to women? Or are they kind of something that just makes fun of stereotypes about men and women both? This would be a little more of a concern for me because this could translate into an attitude he has about women more then anything else.

 

At the end of the day, only you can decide what you want for your relationship but you still need to consider the other person in it and be willing to make compromises. You are never going to find a man where you like everything he does so you have to decide for yourself what really matters and what doesn't. If these things you mentioned really matter to you, there isn't anything wrong with that, but you need to be hoenst about that and not try to manipulate a man into being someone he isn't.

[kevto]

you cant be serious

Edited November 23, 2011 by kevto