She wants a divorce...worst pain ever.

[Heartbreak85]

Hey everyone.. So my girl of 2+ years has told me she wants a divorce, and it has caused me more pain than i've ever felt. Devastated. I can't eat, sleep, can't focus on anything, my heart feels like it's on fire, it hurts so much.. I just don't wanna feel like this anymore. We met when she was a student in London (I live there, she's from Mexico) and shared the most wonderful connection imaginable. Her student visa expired after we'd been together for about 8 months, and we didn't want it to break us, so we decided to get married in her country. I flew over there a few months later, and we got married on December 4th. It was the best day of my life. It felt so rushed, as we didn't feel we had known eachother long enough, but still went ahead with it, it felt right. 3 days later, it was my 25th birthday, we were on our honeymoon together in Cancun (which was short, just 4 days, her jealousy also ruined my birthday... no matter what I told her, she was always jealous of other women and thought I was checking them out, which wasn't true... I would never disrespect her like that.) Just 2 weeks later, I had to return home to work. I worked my ass off to improve my financial position, amongst many other things, all in order to get her a spouse visa, so that we could finally be together and live our lives. We had big dreams, dreams that I was certain would come true. We were certain that our being together, was destiny. Neither of us had a serious relationship before meeting, she always wanted an English gentlemen, I always wanted a latina princess. We waited our whole lives for eachother. Our future was all I focused my energy on. I sacrificed so much for her. After marriage, we had to endure many months apart, which was an extremely difficult time for us both. We kept communication via FB and Skype. We couldn't handle being apart anymore, so we delayed the visa process and she flew over to stay with me for 2 months. We lived together, got to know more about eachother, there were some serious fights in between, but overall we both loved our time together. When she returned (which was July 2011), we kept communication, and continued working towards our dream of being together and following our ambitions (we both have a passion for music and want to work in the industry). Everything had been going fine. We both felt comfortable with eachother now, that we knew eachother well enough to assure ourselves that getting married was right, and that we wanted stay together and pursue our destiny together. Fast forward, and Christmas is approaching, she bought gifts for me and my family, plus for my birthday, I mentioned sending her and family some too. Everything was going fine, no problems at all, both excited about the future... until last Thursday (November 17th), when I receive this message... “..I wanted to ask you not to send any gifts for me please. I must talk to you about something first... Good night xx” … Immediately, I knew something was wrong. I knew, deep down, that this would be the moment she left me. We log on to Skype... and it's all over. I react shocked and angry, she seems certain of her decision, but still clearly felt bad for what she had done to me. Her reasons?: She told me she know longer loves me, and it's because she couldn't trust me, she never felt she understood me, and I can't deny that it's all my fault... I agree with her 100%. I was never entirely myself around her. I do understand why she doesn't love me anymore. Throughout our relationship, I put her on a pedestal, treating her like a real princess. I did many wonderful things for her, and she loved all of them. I loved her so much infact, that I changed my character to the point where I wasn't entirely myself. She began noticing it after being introduced to my family. The way I speak with them, is different to how I'd speak with her. With her, I spoke more fluently, and behaved more upbeat, whereas with my family, I'd speak with my general Londoners/cockney accent, and seemed more laid back. Aside from that, she generally thought I was pretentious, false, fake... around other people too. And she's right, and after a period of inner-reflection, I realise why I behaved that way. Insecurity. Never being proud of who I was. I had a bad childhood, and as a result, found it hard to achieve big things in life, and felt a lack of pride, and disappointment, constant shame of coming from a dysfunctional family and chaotic childhood. I've always allowed that to get in the way of achieving my ambitions. The thing is... she came from a very similar background, but always kept her dignity, self-respect, and never changed who she was. Always a genuine and honest person, and that was one of many things I loved and admired about her. Aside from that, her other reason was that she didn't want to return to England. She had an image of what it was like here, and after a while, she began to realise that she just didn't want to be here. It's too cold for her, there are too many people rushing around everywhere, there's no room,

it's stressful... And again, I completely agree with those reasons. I feel the same about the place (well, London specifically..) I never have really liked it here. Another big reason, is that throughout our whole relationship, I complained about hating my job, always saying “i'll get a new job soon”, blah blah blah...and never did. “I want to make music, learn to play the drums, guitar, write lyrics, poetry, stop smoking, get fit...” always just words, and no action. I do want to achieve those things, but just never showed her that. It's no wonder she thought I was a fake, a liar... She also got a great new job in her city recently, and there are big developments happening for her there, especially with her family, and the opportunity to move away from her city (she hates it there) and be somewhere better. So...to summarise, it isn't any surprise that she did leave me, and lost all love for me. I completely agree with her decision. Immediately after she dumped me on Skype, I sent her this: “I think the reasons for you leaving me are an over reaction, yes I had been false on some occasions during our time together, and I did find it quite hard to be totally myself, I am just lying to myself, and by doing that, I have lied to the people I love. I understand that it is hard for you to be with someone like that, I would too, and for that I am truly sorry. One thing that is true, is that I really did love you, and wanted to spend my life with you. I don't wish anything bad in your life, and I don't hate you, depsite the bad things I said to you just now, you are a great young woman, and I just know that you will succeed with your life.” … I regret sending her that, because it really isn't enough, it doesn't express entirely how I really feel. Shortly after that, she replied: “Thanks, it's good to hear that. I tried to fight against my feelings, but I just couldn't stand it anymore. You know I want you to do great things in life, with or without me. Remember I always told you to do things for yourself, and not for anyone else. I don't hate you and have anything against you. I just find it hard to live like this. Unfortunately, this wasn't just going to work. I wish you all the best, please tell your family how much I am sorry about this. They are all very nice people. Take care.” ...about half an hour later: “I'll let you know about the divorce. It might not be necessary for you to come all the way here. A translated letter might be enough.”...and finally, 2 days later, the last message I received from her: Hey, I just want to know if you're alright. I know you think I don't care, but I do. This has been the thoughest decision I have made in my life. With you I experienced feelings that I never felt before, so this has been a special stage in my life. I really wish you the best, from my heart. And I hope you find someone with whom you feel comfortable with, like to be completely who you are. Please don't think I am a cold person without feelings. I vomited after I talked to you cos I was feeling really bad. You know I was always told you what I felt. I showed you my soul, I told you things I never told anyone else. But unfortunately, I never felt like I was receiving the same trust back. I still don't know what I'll do with my life. I must make a decision soon. I don't think it's fear to be with someone just to run away from my ****ty life. I must sort things out here first. The thoughts will always chase me, no matter where I go. I am sorry, I did get to love you. Take care and keep moving on with your life please. xx” Since then, I havn't replied. I havn't bothered logging on to FB or checked emails. I havn't done anything...just suffer. She's in my mind every second, of every day. She's all I can think about. Not only does it hurt so much, to know that she doesn't love me anymore, but I feel the pain of regret, and guilt for the things I did during out time together. I hurt her too, and confused her, and it's killing me. I just wish I could turn back time, and start over again. If I had just been confident enough to be myself with her from the beginning, then maybe things would have been a lot different. This regret, and pain wont go away. The only reason I havn't replied since, apart from suffering, is because I needed time to take it all in. So much has happened. I needed time to think about the situation, and what I wanted to say. I was considering writing her a letter, and sending it to her on December 4th, which would have been our anniversary, along with a bouquet of roses, and a “farewell” card... i'm not sure if I should still do it, because the response is what i'm afraid of. I couldn't handle being hurt more than I already am. I've started thinking about my plans for the future...I have 3 options to choose from, which are all realistic and achievable, and things i've always wanted to do. I have the courage, strength and determination to achieve all the things I want, and I know I will, I just wish she could still be a part of that, and I wish I could be with her too when her life starts to improve...but again, it just feels like i'm lying to myself again. The shared dreams we had, and our individual dreams, are what I have looked forward to, and worked towards since we had been together. I know that we can still both achieve our individual dreams, and we will... but those shared dreams, are just something I can't forget. They were so wonderful, but because of my stupid and negative actions, I prevented it from happening. The hearbtreak and guilt of what I have done feels like it will never disappear. Please, if anyone out there can give some kind of advise, I would be very appreciative. I don't know who to turn to, or what decisions to make. Thank you so much for reading this. Oh, and if it helps, i'm a Sagittarius, she's a Cancerian.

[CarrieT]

With all due respect, it is too tiring to read a wall of text - re-post with breaks and paragraphs and you will get more responses.

 

I got about three sentences in before I gave up.

[Heartbreak85]

I'm sorry, wrote it out then just copy/pasted it. I will repost, thank you for considering my post though. Any advice would be sincerely appreciated.