MJEW Posted November 23, 2011 Posted November 23, 2011 So I have been on and off this site for the last 2 years, siting to all about my turmoil and the wreck of my love life. I have started the process of leaving and backed out many times due to fear, guilt, shame and the unknown of what lies ahead. I am destroying myself everytime I come to this point in my relationship and I am making myself look like a fool in front of my kids, my family my friends. The girl who cried wolf....never takes the next step to complete my goal. Well I am done....I have walked this line too many times before and I cannot turn around. I have sat with my b/f and I have told him all, everything, all the feelings I have kept inside for so long. I wasn't mean, I was honest and it felt good to finally tell him that had he decided to stay with his wife there would have been no him and I the last few years. I told him that I am the one that carries the shame and the guilt of the affair, the fact that he cannot have kids, he takes no responsibilty for it, says that he's put it in the past and he's dealt with it all....but really he's put it on my shoulders and made me carry it all this time. And frankly I cannot carry it anymore. I have met with a real estate agent and the house is going up for sale. No more am I moving out with the kids, just to be guilted into coming back due to financials and guilt of ruining marriages, I will not be made to feel guilty for that anymore. I have lost the woman I once was, and i am now on a mission to get her back and he will not side track me any longer. I have met with my financial advisor and I am pre-approved for a mortgage on my own, I WILL and I CAN move on.. The house is being listed next week and hoping we have a buyer in the next few weeks, but I will hold fast until this house sells and I am buying a home for me and my boys. I have been down this road before and I know I can do, I refuse to listen to him any longer. Ahhh...that felt good...lol I am embarrassed, I really am, I am embarrassed of myself for letting this go on to long. I will do this for me and for my boys, because this is not me. I have realized that with loving these 2 men, it has destroyed me and I will close the door on the both of them for good. I am taking control of what should have been done years ago and I will do this... Thanks for letting me rant lol..
knitwit Posted November 23, 2011 Posted November 23, 2011 Hey there, I think you will get more traction in the Other Woman/Man section. Good luck to you.
Miky Posted November 23, 2011 Posted November 23, 2011 Best of luck to you MJEW Hope all will be good from now on
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