Is it so hard to move on? or I just need to open up, long story

[forsakin]

hello

this is my first post in this forum,i came here just because i googled "cant move on" this is a long story

 

i'm a guy that is 22 years and 7 months old, when i just turned 18 in may 2007,i met a girl that is 15 years old,she was closed up girl never approaches guys closely for a reason i will tell u about it,when we met she was all over me.

 

after first week in our relationship she calls me once she wakes up to ask me "what should i have for breakfast" she was all over me and so was i,but she had a sexual phobia she get scared of guys,when she was 9 years old she got slightly abused by her cousin he was 12 so she didnt lose virginity,it only had psycho effects.

 

I acted as a lover with no sexuality just kissing and slightly flirting,it took me 6 months with her to make her go on sexually,we rarely fought we were fond to each other.

 

I let her drive my car in isolated places she loved it,when we cant meet we spend like 2-6 hours daily on the phone,it was hard to make her hang up the phone extremely hard, we had a deal no sex before marriage.

 

i remember i drove sometimes a long distance just because shes with her family and she doesn't feel safe cause her cousin is somewhere close around her,she never felt safe around any guy except me,she used to cry on my chest even for silly reasons.

 

we had crazy relationship,went to far places like the desert just to sit and kiss,we even invented our kiss, chocolate kiss where we exchange Guylian seashell chocolate.

 

We loved the same music had the same taste of clothing,she was extremely jealous i loved it how to piss her off by her jealousy then kiss her till she smile.

 

I loved her so much that i don't ever get turned on by any other girl,we had oral sex we had sex on the phone up to 5 times a day .

 

In October exactly 24th in 2010 things started turning bad,we agreed on marriage once i get my job,

 

The problem here is marriage is either by lovers or arranged by families,parents can mostly control it,her father was important guy so he never stayed around his family much.

 

Her mom she noticed her friend's son is looking for a women intending for a marriage and his family are rich he drives a ****ing Porsche,since her father is important her mother was greedy she did her best to make us break up,took her phone away she watched her 24/7 to make sure she doesn't contact me,she tries to contact me by every single free second,she curved the first letter of my name on her arm by a knife,the more her mom insist on her to let me go the more my girl insist.

 

it started getting worse and worse by time,she wasn't allowed to go out without her mom with her,it could reach week or two with no word.

 

Last December i had enough,i went to her house knocked the door her mom was shocked and was the meanest person i ever dealt with,i asked her about her daughter and why is she doing that,she insisted that i'm not good enough for her and she better off with that guy,i started yelling at her mom i lost my temper after seeing her eyes from the window peeking at me her eyes were red and i was way too protective about her i never let anything make her cry,I'm a man of my word i gave her a promise to never yell at my girl and i never did for years even when she does the worst things.

 

After i started yelling at her mom and lost my temper her mom said hold on a second,she went inside for a minute or so,she came back pointing a gun at my head ......

i was crazy enough to yell at her to SHOOT ME!, i said if i lose my girl nothing is worth living for, she was nervous and my girl was looking from the window,she had an important husband a former minister of Justice,she said get out or i'm calling the cops,at that moment my girl texted me from her mom's phone saying "get out your im not worth risking your life i will move on".

 

She disappeared,2 months later she called me and she cried for like an hour on the phone,i realized that she left college cause she cant study without me,and she tried to commit a suicide twice none of them were noticed,then i had to push her off.

 

i had to push her off she is gonna get engaged sometime soon and i dont want her to call me and cheat on whoever is engaged to her .

 

in march before my birthday we had video chats online and she begged me to stay till my birthday the first of April, first of April she said happy birthday i signed out of my messenger crying on my birthday i think i cried for 3 hours before i sleep.

 

the second day i emailed her my last email wished her a good luck with that "Better guy" she didn't get engaged yet even though, in may she begged me in facebook messages to talk to her i refused i think she was hinting that she is getting engaged

 

I will never forget that when she said (( u will never see a girl in ur life that will love as much as i do))

 

Since may i did my best to avoid messaging her,

let me tell u what am i:

1-i'm 22 years with a natural bodybuilder physique extremely fit.

 

2-i earn too much from my job i end up by the end of the month with 1000 dollar left of my monthly payment.

 

3- i have the car of my dreams a new Chevy Tahoe

 

4-i have everything i want

a 3000 dollars gaming PC

newest mobiles and tablet PCs

lot of friends and loved by everyone

no bills to pay i pay in time

 

5-i just returned form 20 days vacation in Thailand

 

6- I'm extremely caring person specially for girls i understand

 

Yet again i'm not happy, i have the weight of the world in my chest all the time

 

I tried to move on by meeting another girl, I met 2 girls so far first i left her after 2 weeks relationship i told her i have psychological problems i have to stay away.

the other girl is asleep in her house now she is into me,but compared to my only love she is never loving,I'm thinking of breaking up with her we haven't had much dates or times together she is lately "cold" to me.

 

i got myself busy and i cant move on,met other girls to forget her all they do,they remind me of how precious she was.

 

guys i cant see love in any other girl.

now she is with him as engaged im sure they date,i wonder does she even think about me ?

my biggest nightmare is to see her in some mall with her husband or fiance.

 

i want her back and i want to kill her mom .

 

i don't know how to think its 1:20 AM and i have work at 7:30 AM i cant sleep i only can listen to music and think about her.

 

i don't want to open her Facebook profile anything i see reminds of her tears my heart more and more .

 

i guess i will stay shallow with the girl that with me now till i see later,sometimes i fake being romantic to my new girl just to try to live the love i lived before i just cant !

 

no one knows the whole story of us except me and her, not even my closest friend since 1994 knows about the story

 

im sorry i need to let go im really broken to the ground

i love her i miss her

we were torn apart when we were crazy about each other

i wish if death was the reason to tear us apart

i dont want to see her new man i will KILL HIM !

i told her before if i see ur husband with u avoid me because i might lose my temper and beat him to the ground or even kill him