Shes REALLY hurt that I need space and I feel HORRIBLE.... ?

[kaylan]

Ugh. So I started seeing this girl 3 weeks ago. Weve known of each other through mutual friends for a year but only started talking a few weeks back. We clicked right away. We have a lot of common interests, the same type of humor, and the passion and chemistry is def top notch. Obv I started to really like her. And then we both opened up about our pasts(upbringing, past relationships, likes, dislikes, hurts, fears). Anyways, we ended up having sex last week, which beforehand we talked a lot and I asked her some question regarding her sexual past. One being the ole number question. We shared, and I could tell she was a lil uneasy telling, and while hers was higher than mine and bugged me a bit, I got over it and went with the flow.

 

The next day I decided to ask her whens the last time she had sex before me. We didnt use a condom and shes on the pill, so I thought it was ok to ask even though before we had sex I did ask her "is this safe?". She got defensive because she felt I didnt take her word for it that things were safe, plus Im sure she thought I was judging her, which tbh I kinda was.

 

By her getting defensive and skirting around the question it made me think she did this often and/or had recently just hooked up with someone. Whatever, I got over it but then started acting weird the two days after we had sex last week. Mainly cus I have my insecurities when I start to like a chick a lot as evidenced by my previous thread. I tend to bug and start to act weird and inadvertently mess things up. I was honest with her and told her why I asked the questions and why I got weird and I told her I freak out when I start to like someone. Its due to being hurt in the past. Anyways over those two days she was obvsiouly not happy with me and when I asked if we'd just be hooking up with each other, she said she wasnt sure. Plus she was upset about my previous question as she felt they were too personal, too quick, even though she would later open up to me about some other things.

 

I was under the impression we might be just seeing each other since shes told me in convo that when she hooks up with a guy that she only focuses on him. I was trying to hammer down that we were just dating each other so things would feel more safe and because we established an emotional connection previously. Anyways since she said she wasnt ready to focus on one dude, I started to feel she may have just wanted me for sex and that there was no connection on her side of things. So I decided to hang out with this girl I used to see from earlier this fall. Even though I know I do not get along with this other girl and our relationship is volatile. Seeing as I am super honest, I let her know about the new chick, thinking that we are gonna hang out just as friends. We end up making out friday night and almost had sex but ending up fighting as we always do. Tbh I think she was just jealous of the new chick. And weve never had sex btw.

 

The next night her(fall chick), a friend of mine, and I had a bad falling out that put me in a bad mood for two days. I did used to like this chick and my supposedly good friend broke guy code and was really horrible about it that night. Both of them were and it put me in a really off mood regarding women and friends which made the new girl concerned. Tonight I told her about what happened over the weekend and she sympathized and has been nothing but awesome considering how glum I was feeling the last two days. And she didnt even become upset that I kissed that other girl I used to see. I mean esp considering she said she didnt wanna focus on one guy before, how could she get upset?

 

Things came into perspective over the last two days, and I decided that I needed to let go of my insecurity and go after the girl I really like. Which is this chick I was seeing for 3 weeks. I decided shes worth it and was gonna flat out pursue her. So I tell her I want to take her to a movie and shes like "well have to see" And then she tells me that the way I freaked out last week with my getting scared of liking her and the questions , sort of gave her pause. She said it made her do a lot of thinking and she said she wasnt ready to see anyone because shes not over her ex yet. They dated last November thru July of this year

 

So I leveled with her and told her this normally doesnt work out well and that I needed space(go little or No Contact). She was obviously upset considering how much we clicked right away and how she says she can open up to me like a good friend shes known a while. Like shes usually the first and last person I speak to most days lately. But she maintained that she doesnt want to get involved in something if shes not over her past, then we both willl end up hurt.

 

So then I kept telling her these things dont work well because one person usually has to swallow emotions that dont go away when they are always around someone they have feelings for. And she said shes been there, but doesnt accept this and felt hurt and didnt wanna lose me. And she said how she could be a "honest to goodness true real friend" like Ive been saying I wanted, but that I am not allowing it to happen. I felt horrible, because this girl says she loves talking to me and interacting with me, but Im bailing. She didnt seem to understand what I said about needing to be able not to see her the way I do, so I can find someone who feels the same way I would about them.

 

Tbh, her reaction seems exactly like the way my last ex reacted before we started dating. My ex got super emotional that I wanted space to get over her, because it potentially meant shed lose my friendship forever. And eventually I decided to swallow my feelings and try being friends and she decided to kiss me. It just irks me that their reactions are the same given I didnt know both of them for a very long time before getting to a point like this. It doesnt make sense that it would bother them so much if they were the ones saying they didnt want to move forward with me.

 

Except my ex and I didnt have sex before formally dating like in this situation. So its weird that she says we clicked so well, that she did previously ponder about us dating and seeing where things go, but then changing her mind because of how I got scared and stuff. I mean I guess it makes sense actually, but I told her I was just scared and stupid, and she hasnt seemed to factor in my hooking up with that other girl at all. She didnt react at all to that so I am not even sure if that factors in. She seemed more upset with my questioning of her sexual past and my insecure behavior when I told her I got scared I was falling too quickly.

 

Ugh I just feel horrible. She shouldnt feel so bad if she doesnt feel the same way about me. Right? She just kept saying how she doesnt talk to anyone like she does to me and how its ridiculous that Im not even give this a shot, but ive tried swallowing my feelings before in the past and it doesnt work. It hurts

 

And not for nothing, though I do feel silly being so emotional about a girl I just met...I cried after we got done talking because I felt like I lost something and because I feel just terrible knowing shes at home feeling hurt about this. Having a girl tell me "I dont want to lose you" freaking kills me. And especially since shes told me how shes always been hurt by guys, it made me feel like a weak villain to even consider bailing. Its like im letting her down.

Edited November 23, 2011 by kaylan
spelling and detail

[phobos]

You sound like a doormat bro. Forget about this dirty whore and do something for your self. Go full NC. You did not lose anything, specially since you had nothing to lose in a first place.

 

You are way to emotionally invested in this stranger. Do you have low self esteem? Do you find value from outside sources?

[kaylan]

I dont know how Ive been a doormat with this girl i like, maybe with the other girl(the one i just kissed) but I dont see it with the girl I want.

 

And shes not just some dirty whore either. Just sayin.

 

And your right, I am too emotionally invested in someone I dont havent known for a long time. But there was just a big connection right away with us we just opened up with one another...and since I have only got the strong urge to be with someone twice in my life (my two exes) thats why I feel like ive lost something. The friendship felt strong pretty quickly.

 

And yes I do have low self esteem a lot of the time, and a lot of it is because it always takes me long periods of time to find a girl I like enough to put down my insecurities and be with. So the lonliness is what makes my self esteem low, but I wont just date anybody. I wanna date someone who gives that big spark

[ditzchic]

I used to be one of those people that asked for "space". I stopped being that person because I've come to realize that sometimes when you ask for space, you get more space than you can handle.

 

I find it best to make a decision and stick with it when you really like someone. Either you are in or you're out. Toying with people and keeping them hanging around on your whim is never conducive to a good healthy relationship.

 

Sounds like this wasn't meant to be. Honestly, it's probably for the best. You admit you're insecure. You seem a bit needy too. I'm not judging you; we all have our things. But someone like you can't be in a healthy relationship with someone like her. You need someone more open, attentive and forthcoming to fulfill your needs.

[kaylan]

So you think I did the right thing?

 

I mean I told her last night exactly what you said. That Im an "either you like me or ya dont" kind of guy. Ill admit I didnt just go with the flow and was weird at a point, but it doesnt make sense to me that that would make her reevaluate things so quickly, and bring up her not being over her ex. Either she likes me or she doesnt right? And she was very much into me before it seemed and now I just feel like I was used to scratch her naughty itch despite whatever connection we both felt.

 

I guess I wish her response was more aloof or "well if thats how you feel I understand" The responses I get that disagreed, fought the decision, and showed her feeling hurt, totally contrast with her decision to not take things further.

 

And yeah I am needy I guess. It comes with the territory of being insecure, which comes from being hurt pretty bad in the past. I wish I knew how to fix it, but ive been this way since my first relationship.

[phobos]

The way to fix it, it to find value in your self. Find some things that you think you are awesome in, may it be ideas or whatever. being alone is great. You get all the time to your self. Improve your self in all things. You don't need anyone to be happy, non the less some b*tch.

 

You should feel that people are rarely worth your time, instead of trying to get approval of people you barely know.

 

Stop being such a wuss bro. You don't need girls to be happy. Never feel lonely, because you have your self. Get a Cat if you need it. They help.

 

just tell this slut that you "want" to go f*ck her self and never call you again. You are ****ing a hot ASIAN.

[ditzchic]

So you think I did the right thing?

 

 

I guess I wish her response was more aloof or "well if thats how you feel I understand" The responses I get that disagreed, fought the decision, and showed her feeling hurt, totally contrast with her decision to not take things further.

 

 

 

She's toying with you. She has no idea what she wants but she's pretty sure it isn't you. She wants to keep you around until she decides for sure or meets someone else. You have to decide if that casual dating with no real intentions is good enough for you or if you'd rather cut your losses now and move on.

 

I've actually been this girl before. I met someone I really really liked but at that time in my life I wasn't sure what I wanted out of a relationship so I toyed with him. I feel horrible about it now but I was emotionally immature at the time and really knew no better. I "almost dumped" him on like a bi-weekly basis. I would get defensive when he would ask me personal questions. I accused him of suffocating me over and over again. I got really drunk one night and almost cheated on him and told him all about it. He was a nice guy. He didn't deserve it but I had no clue what I wanted from him so freaking out seemed like the best option in my messed up immature little head.

 

If you decide that casual dating with no intentions isn't enough for you, I would suggest going No Contact with this girl. She could realize that she does a piss poor job at treating people the way they deserve to be treated and try and contact you at some point in the future. That's what happened for me. Or she could continue into her dating oblivion of jerking people around but, hey, then it's not your problem anymore.

[kaylan]

The way to fix it, it to find value in your self. Find some things that you think you are awesome in, may it be ideas or whatever. being alone is great. You get all the time to your self. Improve your self in all things. You don't need anyone to be happy, non the less some b*tch.

 

You should feel that people are rarely worth your time, instead of trying to get approval of people you barely know.

 

Stop being such a wuss bro. You don't need girls to be happy. Never feel lonely, because you have your self. Get a Cat if you need it. They help.

 

just tell this slut that you "want" to go f*ck her self and never call you again. You are ****ing a hot ASIAN.

I do have things I like to do alone. Writing music, lyrics, playing bass, dribbling the football around the grass....etc But something has always felt missing and I know its finding "her". I have never been completely happy when Ive been alone, I may have been content, but never completely happy and I doubt thats changing. Im a person who enjoys the feeling of love and passion too much.

 

And I cant be so negative as to say people are rarely worth my time. I am very social and love having friends and such. And I have 3 cats, but they are more like children than an adult companion.

 

And I am not gonna tell this girl to f*ck off. I am not angry with her, just disappointed.

 

Either way thanks for the advice.

 

 

 

She's toying with you. She has no idea what she wants but she's pretty sure it isn't you. She wants to keep you around until she decides for sure or meets someone else. You have to decide if that casual dating with no real intentions is good enough for you or if you'd rather cut your losses now and move on.

See I got the feeling that she didnt know what she wants because my ex was just like this before we got together. She wasnt sure how she felt about me and felt all down about my needing space to get over her even though we were not friends for super long. Again, the feelings just came quickly and a bond was there.

 

After a while my ex ended up liking someone new and we had a small break up period that cause a lot of drama. However the big part to her and I growing apart is that we fought so much, but this new girl I get along with great. I dont want casual dating, but I want to just understand where shes coming from and why shes blocking feelings for me. If I have to cut bait and move on, I will.

 

And I told her, despite her reservations, if she wanted me, shed have me...you either like someone or you dont. Then again I havent lived by this rule myself because initially there were some things I didnt like about her that gave me pause and made me wonder if I could date just her, which is why I started acting weird and insecure. Sabotage I guess.

 

 

I've actually been this girl before. I met someone I really really liked but at that time in my life I wasn't sure what I wanted out of a relationship so I toyed with him. I feel horrible about it now but I was emotionally immature at the time and really knew no better. I "almost dumped" him on like a bi-weekly basis. I would get defensive when he would ask me personal questions. I accused him of suffocating me over and over again. I got really drunk one night and almost cheated on him and told him all about it. He was a nice guy. He didn't deserve it but I had no clue what I wanted from him so freaking out seemed like the best option in my messed up immature little head.

 

If you decide that casual dating with no intentions isn't enough for you, I would suggest going No Contact with this girl. She could realize that she does a piss poor job at treating people the way they deserve to be treated and try and contact you at some point in the future. That's what happened for me. Or she could continue into her dating oblivion of jerking people around but, hey, then it's not your problem anymore.

I think my freaking out lead to her freaking out. There wasnt a reason for me to grill her past or start acting all figidity and go hang out with another girl. Part of me was just trying to make sure I wouldnt end up liking her as much as I do now.

 

It just have a hard time accepting what shes telling me. That she started liking me and knew shed like me even more, but wont allow her self to develop feelings while she has feelings for an ex that she doesnt even see nor want to talk to. She says itd get messy but I feel if she really liked me at all shed give it a shot.

 

And now I just feel super bad and like I was used for sex, and Id like to be more than that with a girl I actually like. Because I dealt with that from the last girl I was into. I guess I will have to just go NC.

 

Thanks for your advice.

Edited November 23, 2011 by kaylan

[ditzchic]

It just have a hard time accepting what shes telling me. That she started liking me and knew shed like me even more, but wont allow her self to develop feelings while she has feelings for an ex that she doesnt even see nor want to talk to. She says itd get messy but I feel if she really liked me at all shed give it a shot.

 

 

I understand it's hard but you MUST accept it. If you have any respect for her you have to accept it. You asked, she answered. If you tell her she is wrong you are only cementing her feeling that it's not you she wants.

 

And you're right, if she really REALLY liked you she would give it a shot. But where's she's at right now, it's more like a stab in the dark than a shot. She doesn't know what she wants. It's hard to take a good shot when you don't know where the target is.

[dasein]

She's toying with you. She has no idea what she wants but she's pretty sure it isn't you. She wants to keep you around until she decides for sure or meets someone else.

 

There it is OP, up to you if you want to hang around for that. Stop beating yourself up, I can't tell what exactly you have done wrong here. Sometimes people are incompatible, get second thoughts, etc. No reason to blame yourself for that. You also have the right to ask women on the pill about recent sexual history, as they have a right to ask about yours, before sleeping together. This girl sounds manipulative and not a good bet to me.

[kaylan]

Thanks guys. You are all right. I just cant shake the feeling that a girl I really like might of just used me for sex. Its happened in the past and given my bad luck with finding the right chick its always shaken my hope that ill find a girl who actually wants me for more.

 

I mean women arent supposed to be the ones who just sleep with someone they may have liked and cast them aside. At least thats what general thinking has always lead me to believe.

 

O wells. I need to look on the inside and figure out what it is about me that attracts the women that I always end up with.

 

EDIT: Ditzchick, mind telling me what ever happened with the guy you liked that you mentioned freaking out with.

Edited November 23, 2011 by kaylan

[Jono85]

dude don't have unprotected sex with chicks you're just dating. that's just a terrible idea. A. u don't know how strict she is with BC, or if she's even taking it...B. STDs??? ...C. why is SHE willing to have unprotected sex with someone she really doesn't know well. she probably does this quite a bit.

[ditzchic]

 

EDIT: Ditzchick, mind telling me what ever happened with the guy you liked that you mentioned freaking out with.

 

He grew a pair and kicked me to the curb. I was crushed. I practically begged for him back. He stood strong. The last time I heard from him he said maybe at some point in the future if our paths crossed we could try again but for now he's done. We haven't spoken in 4 months.

 

I realize I made a lot of mistakes. I'm taking time to work on myself, get my stuff in order and I'm finally figuring out what I really want from a relationship. I'm not sure if I will ever hear from him or see him again. Frankly, I'm too embarrassed to contact him because of the way I treated him. I left the ball in his court so it's up to him. But I really do owe him a ton. Without him sticking it to me like that, I don't know how much longer I would have continued treating guys like that. He'll always hold a special place in my heart no matter what happens in the future.

[the wizard]

Honestly, and I mean honestly, you have to wake up. This woman sounds so trashy bro. She got defensive with your questions because she knows she's been with alot of men sexually and recently, most likely even while messing with you.

 

1. Get tested

2. Stop talking to this woman

 

Yeah, "her" is missing, but you can't fill in that void with trash man. Let this girl go, she's just using you.

[Jono85]

i also want to say..

 

TRUST ME, and i do mean TRUST ME, b/c i've been in your situation only she never told me and wasn't so upfront about her lingering feelings for her ex, but take that as a red flag, and let her deal with that sh-t. u do NOT want to give her an ultimatum, it's a lose lose situation (even if she does pick u, she still hasn't resolved feelings for ex and she WILL break ur heart at some point).

 

take her honesty as a red flag, tell her u had a great time, but ur going to be moving on now.

 

i wish my ex gave me that info b/c even though i put her through hoops proving to me she was over her ex, she ultimately wasn't and it burned me later on. many months of heartache. shouldn't have ever gotten involved. u don't want that.

[kaylan]

dude don't have unprotected sex with chicks you're just dating. that's just a terrible idea. A. u don't know how strict she is with BC, or if she's even taking it...B. STDs??? ...C. why is SHE willing to have unprotected sex with someone she really doesn't know well. she probably does this quite a bit.

Your right, but the emotional connection felt there for me so I trusted her.

 

Doesnt mean I didnt ask myself if she did this a lot. I know everything moved quickly, but when I feel a big connection with a check I tend to have my guard down.

 

He grew a pair and kicked me to the curb. I was crushed. I practically begged for him back. He stood strong. The last time I heard from him he said maybe at some point in the future if our paths crossed we could try again but for now he's done. We haven't spoken in 4 months.

 

I realize I made a lot of mistakes. I'm taking time to work on myself, get my stuff in order and I'm finally figuring out what I really want from a relationship. I'm not sure if I will ever hear from him or see him again. Frankly, I'm too embarrassed to contact him because of the way I treated him. I left the ball in his court so it's up to him. But I really do owe him a ton. Without him sticking it to me like that, I don't know how much longer I would have continued treating guys like that. He'll always hold a special place in my heart no matter what happens in the future.

Could you be fully committed to him now if he came back? And is he the same guy from your first two threads on this forum?

 

Honestly, and I mean honestly, you have to wake up. This woman sounds so trashy bro. She got defensive with your questions because she knows she's been with alot of men sexually and recently, most likely even while messing with you.

 

1. Get tested

2. Stop talking to this woman

 

Yeah, "her" is missing, but you can't fill in that void with trash man. Let this girl go, she's just using you.

Ugh, see the thing is, I got the trashy vibe myself...but im no saint either. It takes two. And while I did, and still do wonder if she was sleeping with anyone recently or even after her and I started talking, I myself almost slept with that other girl two days after I was with the chick I actually liked.

 

Would have been a stupid move on my part, and I am glad I didnt do it.

 

i also want to say..

 

TRUST ME, and i do mean TRUST ME, b/c i've been in your situation only she never told me and wasn't so upfront about her lingering feelings for her ex, but take that as a red flag, and let her deal with that sh-t. u do NOT want to give her an ultimatum, it's a lose lose situation (even if she does pick u, she still hasn't resolved feelings for ex and she WILL break ur heart at some point).

 

take her honesty as a red flag, tell her u had a great time, but ur going to be moving on now.

 

i wish my ex gave me that info b/c even though i put her through hoops proving to me she was over her ex, she ultimately wasn't and it burned me later on. many months of heartache. shouldn't have ever gotten involved. u don't want that.

I have been there myself. My ex from 2 years ago did nothing but compare me to her ex, and I never seemed to measure up. She never had the proper time to get over that before dating me, and I didnt let that red flag turn me away. Hell when was getting over her I would of been stupid to date anyone, so I know how it is.

 

Shame I did not meet this girl at a different time in her life. Because I could see myself dating her since we get along so well, but I guess thats ruined now. I am glad she was honest with me at least...though part of me isnt sure if thats really the case. Still think she just wanted to "have some fun" but then got caught up since she likes talking to me and hanging out so much.

 

Oh wells. Such is life.

[spiderowl]

I'm the same as her when I start to get to know a guy. I'm not sure how I feel about him. I just coast and wait and see really, but if he starts to pressure me or to freak out and start quizzing me about my sexual past, who I've slept with, who I'm talking to, who I'm seeing, it's just too much too soon. I don't want to be a possession: I want to feel free to choose. It usually takes me a few weeks to start to feel a real attachment to a guy, by which time he's switched off because he's decided I'm not interested.

 

If she's like me, she will be put off if you start quizzing her. By asking about her sexual past and when she last had sex, you are intruding and (inadvertently maybe) suggesting she's dirty (sleeps around). Is it any wonder she'd back off from someone she feels doesn't respect her? Getting wound up about whether she's with you or not, is also disturbing. In my experience, if a guy behaves as you have done, it suggests he's out of control, unpredictable, possessive, and invasive (wants to know all my private business because he feels he owns me). None of these traits are attractive, whatever generated them.

 

She may actually like you and, given time and allowing trust to build, want to be with you. However, as you can't relax and just get to know her without becoming too insecure and acting out, she's going to be wary. Basically, your trust issues are making you act in a controlling manner. It only takes a few incidents of you freaking out for her to decide it's too stressful. In her position, I would do exactly what she has done. Decide it's best to make it clear you are friends only. That way, she figures, it will calm you down as you'll realise you don't own her. You're behaving like an all or nothing guy and she probably needs you to tolerate being in an in-between state for a while until she figures out whether she has feelings for you too.

[kaylan]

^Wait wait, so as someone she slept with without protection, and we havent known each other for too long yet, am I not allowed to ask whens the last time she was with someone? the only folks who perceive simple questions like this as invasive, are those who are not happy with what they've done and/or folks with something to hide. Obviously id rather a girl not bed anyone else if I actually like her and we are hooking up unprotected.

 

Its a health issue and a character issue at the same time. Its not about being possessive, its just wanting to establish boundaries with someone you actually have feelings for. Obviously I went out with another chick when she didnt put a label on things. So I am not a saint myself and could of made a bigger mess of things. And the only reason I ever ask personal questions or any questions regarding someones past is so I can make a character assessment of them. That way Im not surprised by things down the line and can decide if theres a fit between us as friends or otherwise.

 

Ill admit I freaked at the thought of getting close to her, but things moved a bit quickly. Feelings developed sooner than I thought they would. I wasnt sure or not myself last week if I wanted to be into just her or date other girls too. And I did not know if I could trust her yet. But the way we talked over the weekend, and how supportive she was when I got really down about some things, really made me think I could take the plunge and give it a shot.

 

I get where you are coming from though, and if she wants to bail, thats kool. I still felt it was something that could of shown promise, but its all good.

 

You call me all or nothing, but have you seen the threads here, or people in real life try and remain friends with someone they are romantically interested in? Let alone someone they have already become physical with and opened themselves up to. Its a rough road and I told myself a couple years ago that I wouldnt sacrifice my happiness just because someone did not feel ready to let me go.

 

Sure she could possibly want to be with me if trust built over time, but thats a maybe. Meanwhile I would be her friend and swallow my emotions, knowing I want to kiss her or be close to her, and obviously always being paranoid of the sucker punch that is her ending up with someone else. Why put myself through that for a maybe?

 

Its just not meant to be then. I put myself out there, she said no, and thats that I guess.

Edited November 24, 2011 by kaylan

[ditzchic]

 

Could you be fully committed to him now if he came back? And is he the same guy from your first two threads on this forum?

 

 

I would love to say yes, but no. Not yet. Emotionally I could fully commit to him right now. Life-wise I could not. My stuff isn't entirely in order yet. I'm having finance issues and planning on making a move in the (hopefully) near future. He was quite clingy so I don't have my stuff in the right place to deal with those two things and a clinger. He's not the kind of guy you can date casually while yo live your life. That's why it didn't work out the first time. He wants it all and I'm not prepared to give him that just yet.

 

Hey, if you'd like more details on what was going through my head at the time or anything like that feel free to private message me.

[kaylan]

I would PM you but since I am a new member, I am not being allowed to do so yet.

 

Its a shame that you arent ready for this guy yet, but maybe hes just not right for you. I tend to believe that when someone fits another person, they dont let that opportunity pass them.

 

Its just all very weird how strongly I felt about this girl in a short period of time. Its very rare for me that I see myself being able to date a particular girl unless she really hits something inside me, which is why Ive been so weird and confused about this. Hell normally just talking to a new girl would get me over someone, but I talked to an ex coworker last might whos always had a thing for me, and it just made me realize even more how much I like this chick. I shouldnt though.

 

Ill try and PM you when I get the privileges

[kaylan]

get some head

right away sir

[ditzchic]

I would PM you but since I am a new member, I am not being allowed to do so yet.

 

Its a shame that you arent ready for this guy yet, but maybe hes just not right for you. I tend to believe that when someone fits another person, they dont let that opportunity pass them.

 

Its just all very weird how strongly I felt about this girl in a short period of time. Its very rare for me that I see myself being able to date a particular girl unless she really hits something inside me, which is why Ive been so weird and confused about this. Hell normally just talking to a new girl would get me over someone, but I talked to an ex coworker last might whos always had a thing for me, and it just made me realize even more how much I like this chick. I shouldnt though.

 

Ill try and PM you when I get the privileges

 

I agree that when someone fits another that you shouldn't pass up on them. I also really believe that timing is everything. People change over time. I really believe it's about two people being at the right place at the right time. If both variables aren't right it won't work.

 

You could be completely right, he may just not be right for me. I take a fatalistic approach to this kind of thing. If it's meant to be our paths will cross again. If it isn't, he served his purpose in my life by teaching me the most hard hitting lesson I have ever learned. I'm not hanging onto hope of him coming back. I'm hanging onto the hope that I will one day find love with someone. No clue who that is yet.

 

I understand what you're saying about this one being different. I was the same way with this guy. I was never really a relationship type person. I'm 29 and I've only been in 3 long term relationships. One lasted a REALLY long time(7 years on and off), when we split it was nothing for me. I've always been more of a serial dater. Things wouldn't work out between a prospect and I and it was on to the next one. NBD. I've never had a broken heart up until this guy. I seriously felt crushed when he left. I never ever felt that way about anyone. Maybe that was why he was brought into my life... time will tell.

[kaylan]

hmm, before replying, and since we cant PM, would you happen to be a member on any other advice sites? Some people, including myself, are members to a couple forums.

 

I figure I can PM you there and talk.

[ditzchic]

hmm, before replying, and since we cant PM, would you happen to be a member on any other advice sites? Some people, including myself, are members to a couple forums.

 

I figure I can PM you there and talk.

 

I'm on relationship-forums.com as well but I don't think there is a PM ability through that site either...

 

I'm gonna go out on a limb here and drop you my email address in a public forum. What's the worst that can happen? lol

 

[email protected]