CaliDreamn Posted November 23, 2011 Posted November 23, 2011 Hi all, I recently moved in with my boyfriend of a year, and I love him deeply. The problem I am having is one mostly of my own making, I think. I have low self-esteem and abandonment issues (an unfortunate artifact from my childhood), but I am working on these things. I find I am constantly in fear that my boyfriend is going to leave me, and I will feel anxious and shut down emotionally. I think this has the capability of very negatively affecting our relationship. One thing that sets off my anxiety and shutting down is that he has a lot of female friends ( he is a very outgoing, friendly, social person) and I notice that he is very polite and nice to them when I see him interact with them. With me, he is loving, sweet, wonderful, but can be irritable with me. His irritably with me makes me feel unloved, and when I see him only nice to his female friends, I feel jealous and more unloved. On one hand I think I get to see all sides of him because we are close and he is comfortable with me and he knows I love him unconditionally. On the other hand, I don't know how to best deal with his irritability in a way that could nurture our relationship. Any input would be much appreciated.
YaOldBuckaroo Posted November 23, 2011 Posted November 23, 2011 Hi CaliDreamni I suggest talking to him about it. That's the best way to fix problems like that. Ask him why he's like that around you. You know. Stuff like that. Hope this helps, Max
Author CaliDreamn Posted November 23, 2011 Author Posted November 23, 2011 Hi Max, Yes, talking to him about it would be a great idea. I think I haven't yet because i've been afraid he'll think of me as a crazy, jealous girlfriend. But I can't deny reality, that I really have a concern on my mind. Also, I feel as if he himself has emotionally distanced himself to some degree. But it is hard to tell if it is my own paranoia (always looking for signs that he is going to drop me like a hot potato), or if he is having some personal reasons for seeming to be in a bad, distant mood (he has his own issues), or he is reacting to my guardedness. I know without a lot of details, it is hard for someone on the outside to really know what is going on. Also, I'm unsure how apparent my insecurities reAlly are to my boyfriend.
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