Affair exposed.

[shamegame]

This is the first time I've posted on any type of forum, ever. However, I have nowhere else to turn for advise. So, please read my story and any thoughts(as long as constructive!) are welcomed.

My story begins 12 years ago (I'm 38). While out with the girls one night in the big city, I met this guy, John. John was a charmer, but also had a girlfriend,Susan (never met her). I admit, after a few drinks my judgement went out the window and John and I ended up hooking up(no sex). We hung out the entire next day and there was an UNDENIABLE chemistry between us. John wanted my phone number - and I refused to give it to him, because he had a girlfriend. I got in my car and drove back to my town (1.5 hrs away)never thinking I would see this amazing man again. Boy was I wrong! Well, he managed to track me down. He went through several investigative hoops and got my phone number. This was the summer of 1999, and I was graduating from college that December. I already had a job lined up in LA, which was across the country from my college. I'll admit, when John tracked me down - I was excited. We both knew that I was moving in a few months - So, I convinced myself that this was just a fling between us - no point of demanding him to break up with Susan when I was moving out of town anyways, right? His friends always told me that Susan and John weren't right for each other and never understood why they were together - except for the fact that Susan had a a great job and was already a millionaire at 30. John, made a decent living, but nothing like Susan!

I saw him numerous times before I moved to LA, and the connection between us always remained strong. I moved to LA, dated others and life continued. John even came out to visit me twice. On the second trip, I told him that I was uncomfortable because he was still dating Susan! He told me that they were in the process of breaking up, and that he wanted me. I was elated. A couple of months (they are officially broken up)- he flew me back to his town for a weekend. I met all of his friends and began planning my return back to the city (i hated LA). A couple of months later I had finally moved back to town, got my own place...and things between John and I started to feel odd. Basically, when Susan found out about me - she wanted John back- and I was basically a pawn used to get her jealous. At least, that's how I felt - because John begged me not to tell Susan about our past relationship. Remember, he was cheating on her? Susan even called me(out of the blue!), because she had "heard" things about John and I, and wanted to know the truth. At this point I was hurt, tired of the drama ( i had just moved to town!), and wanted nothing to do with John anymore. I lied, and protected John by not ratting him out. I would be the martyr. Big mistake!

I actually started dating one of John's friends for the next couple of years. Yes, it was awkward - John was constantly paranoid that I would spill the beans to Susan, and Susan hated me - just because she knew I had some kind of previous relationship with John. I didn't care, because I was in love with Mark. Mark and I dated a couple of years the beginning was perfect then we - broke up - and then got back together for another tumultuous 2 years. Mark took any ounce of self-esteem I had away from me. He was verbally and mentally abusive, and ended up leaving me for another girl. Yep, karma.

While I was wrapped up in Mark - John got married to Susan, and they ended up having two kids. John started to contact me again when Mark and I broke up the first time. He and Susan had moved away and he was in town for a weekend. I agreed to see him, mainly because I wanted answers to him dissing me years before. We met for drinks and he told me that he had always loved me....never actually said, "I married Susan for the money" - but, basically we both knew truth. We hooked up that night. It wasn't all that great, because this time he was married and I was riddled with guilt. He asked to see me the next night, and I declined - telling him it wasn't right. He left me alone...and then a month or so later got back together with Mark. When Mark and I broke up for the second time, John was contacting me again. We still lived in separate cities- but, he actually consoled me through his text messages - I was a mental wreck from Mark.

He came back to town several months later - and that was the beginning of many weekends spent together. Yep, a full blown affair. We did not live in the same city, so we would spend weekends together in my town, vegas, the beach, canada, even back in his town when his wife was away. I know, terrible. I never assumed he would leave Susan for me - I never asked him to. I thought I would eventually meet another man, and John would be put in the past again...a couple of years pass - and I find out he put the moves on my best friend! My best friend finally told me the truth months after the incident. I couldn't believe it. I felt so stupid and used. I felt betrayed and wanted to hurt John by telling Susan what a lying,cheating bastard she was married to(the first time I ever wanted to bust him)...- but, John calmed me down and managed to sweet talk his way back into my good graces. He had also just recently lost his mother to a disease and his best friend to an accident and couldn't handle another loss in his life, and I gave him a second chance. That was 6 months ago. Susan busted us a two days ago. I feel sick. She read an email I had sent to John. John called me the next morning, devastated. Crying that he had ruined everyone's life...and that he was so sorry. Once again, he asked me lie if Susan called and only tell her exactly what he had confessed to (which was nothing!). He was hysterical and went to see his therapist that day. I get a text saying - "dr says no more contact. Hurts bad. Please take care of yourself". Wow. What to I do? I feel ashamed, guilt, and anger. Should I tell Susan the truth? If you were his wife, would you want to know the whole truth? I want to do the right thing - I'm so hurt that I can't think clearly. Thoughts?

[LilyBart]

Susan busted us a two days ago. I feel sick. She read an email I had sent to John. John called me the next morning, devastated. Crying that he had ruined everyone's life...and that he was so sorry. Once again, he asked me lie if Susan called and only tell her exactly what he had confessed to (which was nothing!). He was hysterical and went to see his therapist that day. I get a text saying - "dr says no more contact. Hurts bad. Please take care of yourself". Wow. What to I do? I feel ashamed, guilt, and anger. Should I tell Susan the truth? If you were his wife, would you want to know the whole truth? I want to do the right thing - I'm so hurt that I can't think clearly. Thoughts?

 

You know, this is something that has gone one for many years. And my answer would be different IF you said you were completely in love with him (not "I thought I would eventually meet another man") and he was completely in love with you, if he hadn't put the moves on YOUR BEST FRIEND (!!!) and if he hadn't thrown you under the bus (seriously, ending it in a text?!) after you already covered his a** once before.

 

Screw that. Tell Susan the truth. Tell Susan EVERYTHING. Blow it out of the water and let John reap what he sowed.

[Fabian Montenegro]

If you were my girlfriend I'd say seriously WTF?

We need more details. What else would you do to shame if she was your girlfriend?

 

If you were his wife, would you want to know the whole truth?

If I was his wife, I'd want to know. However I'm not his wife. None of us are. Any answers to this question on LS wouldn't help you. You would have to talk to her personally.

 

I think that you should give yourself some time and space away from this man and clear your head. Focus on your own wellbeing and let your emotions cool off. Once you are in a more rational state of mind, decide if you want to spill the beans.

 

If you are a vengeful person than tell Susan now. Duh.

 

If you feel that honesty is in Susan's best interests than tell. You will most likely need some evidence if you do decide to tell her.

 

One more thing OP, how is Angela doing?

[shamegame]

Here's another thing. John hasn't had to work since they've been married. Like I said, she makes the money. THAT money was also used to pay for our trips and gifts he's given me. Proof? I've got plenty. I've got airline tickets purchased in his name, emails over the years, and every text message from January of this year. My computer stores the txts messages when I back my phone up.

On one hand, I don't want to break up a family. I know he adores his kids and he's afraid of losing them. Plus, I also feel sorry for him because he just lost his mother and best friend.

On the other hand - I feel so guilty and want to confess. I don't even know if Susan would leave him - he has a way of manipulating his way back into your life. He's quite the charmer! But, at least she has the knowledge to make her own choices. He has this power over me, and spilling the beans is the only way I know how to get rid of him! I know I need to move on - this is crazy.

[Fabian Montenegro]

And how is Etstaban doing, Fabian.

 

He's trying to replace me. I'll get him yet.

 

Now you have to answer my question. What would you do with OP if she was your gf? Something involving jello and blindfolds?

 

Shame, if you feel that your MM is the manipulative type and you genuinely feel some care about Susan's wellbeing, than I would recommend letting her know anonymously. Only with hard evidence however.

 

Otherwise, you wouldn't tell anyway.

 

As wiser said, what do want? Are you trying to tell us a possibly fake story here or what? It's fairly well written.

[Fabian Montenegro]

Back under the bridge little one....

 

You make me so sad.

[2sunny]

Here's another thing. John hasn't had to work since they've been married. Like I said, she makes the money. THAT money was also used to pay for our trips and gifts he's given me. Proof? I've got plenty. I've got airline tickets purchased in his name, emails over the years, and every text message from January of this year. My computer stores the txts messages when I back my phone up.

On one hand, I don't want to break up a family. I know he adores his kids and he's afraid of losing them. Plus, I also feel sorry for him because he just lost his mother and best friend.

On the other hand - I feel so guilty and want to confess. I don't even know if Susan would leave him - he has a way of manipulating his way back into your life. He's quite the charmer! But, at least she has the knowledge to make her own choices. He has this power over me, and spilling the beans is the only way I know how to get rid of him! I know I need to move on - this is crazy.

 

tell her your truth so she can makeher choice on what is real he's not giving her his truth - and she deserves to decide for herself.

 

he obviously chooses her. no matter what i wouldn't be his second choice if he begged,

 

move forward after giving her the info - never speak to him again... that way you can make room in your heart for new love.

[shamegame]

I know TELLING his wife risks him losing his marriage, possible kids, and his fancy lifestyle that his wife supports. I personally don't care if she keeps him or not - but, shouldn't she have the info to make that choice? She will also have the capability of keeping him in line, if she decides to stay.

I know that by NOT telling his wife, he will continue to cheat. He'll put up a great facade with his wife, and sneak around on the side. And, he'll come back into my life - and, like I said...I'm powerless when I'm with him. Low self-estem? You betcha. I almost feel if I tell, I'll be free.

[Fabian Montenegro]

You be okay little one.....

 

That was the nickname my wife gave my genitals.

 

If this is real, than OP is venting and ignoring everybody. If this isn't real, that's okay with me.

[2sunny]

I know TELLING his wife risks him losing his marriage, possible kids, and his fancy lifestyle that his wife supports. I personally don't care if she keeps him or not - but, shouldn't she have the info to make that choice? She will also have the capability of keeping him in line, if she decides to stay.

I know that by NOT telling his wife, he will continue to cheat. He'll put up a great facade with his wife, and sneak around on the side. And, he'll come back into my life - and, like I said...I'm powerless when I'm with him. Low self-estem? You betcha. I almost feel if I tell, I'll be free.

 

You need to find strength for yourself... Whether he decides to come back or not. IF/When he does - you need to say no! That way you can get invested in a new life of happiness knowing it won't be with him.

 

Never settle!

[LoveTKO]

No, you shouldn't tell Susan the truth. You need to move on with your life and divorce yourself from this convoluted, dysfunctional love triangle.

 

Think about it for a second; you knew going into this mess years ago that he had a serious girlfriend, and you enabled him by giving in to the games that he was playing. The real question is why do you choose to date people who lie to you, manipulate you into lying for them,drain every ounce of your self esteem, and treat you like a pawn. Nothing good is going to come out of telling Susan.

 

Just move on with your life and forget about this messy drama and try to find a more functional group of friends or significant others. If a relationship is predicated on constantly trying to figure out where you, or you partner, stands, then it's not a relationship. Dating and marriage is not quantum physics .....it shouldn't be as hard as you are describing .

 

As I'm typing this, "Games People Play" by The Spinners is playing on some oldie station....how fitting.

[PUREHEARTOM]

I won't write much because story seems too unbelievable.

 

Shamegame- your life is a precious gift and it's incredible short. Don't waste it going in circles that lead you to nothing but pain.

 

There are millions of men out there for you. John isn't one of them. Be kind to yourself, love yourself more than you do, have more self-respect, and you will meet a great person. First you need to work on yourself. This is going absolutely nowhere. John has a wife, children, a family, financial stability. You appear a little lost but that's ok. You can change your karma now if you want.

 

Do not interfere with his marriage/family. It is not your place, it will not get him back and most importantly it will not make you feel any better.

 

Good luck and love yourself more!

[Lucky_One]

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. That is as true today as it was in the late 1600's.

 

I think it's sweet that you were all gung-ho to reap the benefits of Susan's income back when it was being expended on you, but only NOW do you feel guilty. You aren't guilty; you are ticked off. Your feelings are hurt, and you want to strike back.

 

You knew what he was like 12 years ago. You were an active participant. Why the big surprise that he would cheat with another woman?

[nofool4u]

and I find out he put the moves on my best friend! My best friend finally told me the truth months after the incident. I couldn't believe it. I felt so stupid and used. I felt betrayed and wanted to hurt John by telling Susan what a lying,cheating bastard she was married to

 

And he wasn't a lying cheating bastard before you found out he put the moves on your friend? You only want to tell his wife NOW that you have been scorned?

 

Hey, whatever works I guess. As long as she knows the truth about the kind of ahole she is married to.

 

 

Susan busted us a two days ago. I feel sick. She read an email I had sent to John. John called me the next morning, devastated. Crying that he had ruined everyone's life...and that he was so sorry.

 

He's only sorry he got caught.

 

 

Once again, he asked me lie if Susan called and only tell her exactly what he had confessed to (which was nothing!). He was hysterical and went to see his therapist that day. I get a text saying - "dr says no more contact. Hurts bad. Please take care of yourself". Wow. What to I do?

 

Nothing. His wife now has the information she deserved to know. You have nothing to hold over his head. So have the decency to leave it alone if you truly feel bad for Susan. Let them sort it out now.

 

 

I feel ashamed, guilt, and anger. Should I tell Susan the truth?

 

I think she knows. But again, you only want to tell her because you are scorned. If you didn't know he was married, that would be one thing.

 

But you willingly slept with someone elses husband. It would be highly ridiculous for you to feel the need to tell the truth NOW. If she didn't already catch you two, I'd say sure, tell her. But now you should just leave it alone. Because you are only thinking of revenge now and want to give details because you should have known better.

 

 

If you were his wife, would you want to know the whole truth?

 

As someone who has been betrayed, I would want to know the truth. And that is that there was an affair. Details don't matter. If details come up upon discovery of the affair, so be it. But once I know there has been cheating, I don't need to know details. I already have enough information at that point to get rid of the cheater.

 

 

I want to do the right thing

 

No you don't, otherwise you would have done it BEFORE you found out he put the moves on your friend. You are just out for revenge now. Which would be fine if you didn't know he was married to begin with.

 

You were a willing participant that knew he had a wife that he was cheating on. His wife now knows he is cheating. Thats all she needs to know. Leave it alone.

[nofool4u]

You know, this is something that has gone one for many years. And my answer would be different IF you said you were completely in love with him (not "I thought I would eventually meet another man") and he was completely in love with you, if he hadn't put the moves on YOUR BEST FRIEND (!!!) and if he hadn't thrown you under the bus (seriously, ending it in a text?!) after you already covered his a** once before.

 

Screw that. Tell Susan the truth. Tell Susan EVERYTHING. Blow it out of the water and let John reap what he sowed.

 

If she does, then she needs to have the guts to do it to her face and give Susan the opportunity to lash out at her as well.

[nofool4u]

I know TELLING his wife risks him losing his marriage, possible kids, and his fancy lifestyle that his wife supports.

 

Even if that were true, so what. To hell with him.

 

However, he is entitled to half of the marital assets. If she is a millionaire like you say, he will come out smelling like a rose in a divorce and not only will he have money, he will be free to have sex with whomever he wants without being married any longer.

 

Looks like he wins no matter what.

 

I know that by NOT telling his wife, he will continue to cheat.

 

She already knows he cheats. Only thing allowing him to cheat from here on out will be how she decides to handle things.

[kareena]

There's one thing I don't understand,not once did you mention how deeply in love you were or anything like that..as a OW myself I find it strange that you would go on with this guy for so long if you did not personally believe that he was your one and only. Anyway,if he really is as you describe him I think that he will continue to cheat on her whether you tell her or not,and whether its with you or other girlfriends.So you telling her won't make much of a difference especially now that she knows he is cheating.

 

what do you want? if you're not in love with him and you don't really care if she takes him back or not then why are you sticking around?answer that and you will know what to do.

[LilMissMovinOn]

You know, this is something that has gone one for many years. And my answer would be different IF you said you were completely in love with him (not "I thought I would eventually meet another man") and he was completely in love with you, if he hadn't put the moves on YOUR BEST FRIEND (!!!) and if he hadn't thrown you under the bus (seriously, ending it in a text?!) after you already covered his a** once before.

 

Screw that. Tell Susan the truth. Tell Susan EVERYTHING. Blow it out of the water and let John reap what he sowed.

 

 

I'm with Lilybart for all the same reasons. He's a charmer alright. A rotton lying using one who married a woman for her money so he doesnt have to work, CREATED CHILDREN WHO WILL SUFFER THAT DYSFUNCTIONAL MARRIAGE, and put the MOVES ON YR BEST FRIEND!

 

I know that fessing up can be hard but put yourself in her shoes. I can't think of a single woman with a half a brain in her head who would not WANT to know the truth. Give her that out of respect for HER and set yourself free. This is the most loving thing you can do for yourself and it's certainly the right thing to do by her (and the kids).

[LilMissMovinOn]

I know TELLING his wife risks him losing his marriage, possible kids, and his fancy lifestyle that his wife supports. I personally don't care if she keeps him or not - but, shouldn't she have the info to make that choice? She will also have the capability of keeping him in line, if she decides to stay.

I know that by NOT telling his wife, he will continue to cheat. He'll put up a great facade with his wife, and sneak around on the side. And, he'll come back into my life - and, like I said...I'm powerless when I'm with him. Low self-estem? You betcha. I almost feel if I tell, I'll be free.

 

 

You will be free if you tell so long as you then go into permanent NC. IMO the only thing which brings true closure and heals hearts is total honesty with ourselves and others. Tell away (and out yourself in the process as a way of deterring going back there with him - although be cautious if this could impact other areas such as your employment). Be senstive and deeply apologetic. There is another woman with a heart which beats just as strongly as yours on the other of this and she deserves to know the truth. Good luck.

 

Oh and that pesky self esteem issue? Just watch that rise the minute you get this over with and commit to no longer selling yourself short by allowing this man to have a place in your life. Because my gut says you're not the only one. And frankly, guys like him make my skin crawl...

[nofool4u]

NOW I finally understand why crimes of passion happen. Maybe she'll use some of her vast wealth to insure that this using, worthless piece of crap meets with a very unfortunate accident.

 

Thats what sucks about it all. Someone can cheat, and get to take their BS to the cleaners. Also, again, if this woman is a millionaire, he could end up getting alimony. Nice huh?

[Brokenlady]

I know TELLING his wife risks him losing his marriage, possible kids, and his fancy lifestyle that his wife supports. I personally don't care if she keeps him or not - but, shouldn't she have the info to make that choice? She will also have the capability of keeping him in line, if she decides to stay.

I know that by NOT telling his wife, he will continue to cheat. He'll put up a great facade with his wife, and sneak around on the side. And, he'll come back into my life - and, like I said...I'm powerless when I'm with him. Low self-estem? You betcha. I almost feel if I tell, I'll be free.

 

 

She's not going to leave him. She got hints of his cheating while they were dating and she married him anyway. She knows he's cheating now and hasn't thrown him out. The overwhelming majority of betrayed wives don't leave. So - knowing that the truth will only give her pain and she won't change anything anyway, why do that to her?

[Hazyhead]

I know TELLING his wife risks him losing his marriage, possible kids, and his fancy lifestyle that his wife supports. I personally don't care if she keeps him or not - but, shouldn't she have the info to make that choice? She will also have the capability of keeping him in line, if she decides to stay.

I know that by NOT telling his wife, he will continue to cheat. He'll put up a great facade with his wife, and sneak around on the side. And, he'll come back into my life - and, like I said...I'm powerless when I'm with him. Low self-estem? You betcha. I almost feel if I tell, I'll be free.

 

Right now, you're reeling with anger and hurt at being rejected, which is not the best time to do anything as you will most likely regret it later. Personally, if this is the end and you hear no more from him, I think you should count yourself very lucky. It seems unlikely, given your complicated history, but having this man in your life the way he is, is only bringing drama and pain for the sake of a few thrills.

 

As for his wife, she hasn't asked, so please don't force the information on her. She may stay, she may leave, they might separate and take years at it, but whatever the outcome from what she knows already, you have to accept it. If you get involved you're at risk of getting on a rollercoaster that you might not be able to stop - one of those loopy ones that makes your stomach churn. If she asks you, sure, tell the truth with as much diplomacy as possible - don't add points purely to get at him, because she will suffer the more for it.

 

Please try to pick yourself up and make steps towards putting this behind you. It's a hard slog, but doable - rant here instead of towards them, or with friends, or exercise to release your frustration.

 

Bottom line, where your concerned, you deserve better than letting yourself be used by him. Chin up and stay posting.

 

Hazy x

[NoIDidn't]

Don't tell her a thing unless she asks. Otherwise, go permanent NC with this guy and don't look back, not even when he comes trying to slink his way back into your life (and he most definitely will).

[Avery]

This is the first time I've posted on any type of forum, ever. However, I have nowhere else to turn for advise. So, please read my story and any thoughts(as long as constructive!) are welcomed.

My story begins 12 years ago (I'm 38). While out with the girls one night in the big city, I met this guy, John. John was a charmer, but also had a girlfriend,Susan (never met her). I admit, after a few drinks my judgement went out the window and John and I ended up hooking up(no sex). We hung out the entire next day and there was an UNDENIABLE chemistry between us. John wanted my phone number - and I refused to give it to him, because he had a girlfriend. I got in my car and drove back to my town (1.5 hrs away)never thinking I would see this amazing man again. Boy was I wrong! Well, he managed to track me down. He went through several investigative hoops and got my phone number. This was the summer of 1999, and I was graduating from college that December. I already had a job lined up in LA, which was across the country from my college. I'll admit, when John tracked me down - I was excited. We both knew that I was moving in a few months - So, I convinced myself that this was just a fling between us - no point of demanding him to break up with Susan when I was moving out of town anyways, right? His friends always told me that Susan and John weren't right for each other and never understood why they were together - except for the fact that Susan had a a great job and was already a millionaire at 30. John, made a decent living, but nothing like Susan!

I saw him numerous times before I moved to LA, and the connection between us always remained strong. I moved to LA, dated others and life continued. John even came out to visit me twice. On the second trip, I told him that I was uncomfortable because he was still dating Susan! He told me that they were in the process of breaking up, and that he wanted me. I was elated. A couple of months (they are officially broken up)- he flew me back to his town for a weekend. I met all of his friends and began planning my return back to the city (i hated LA). A couple of months later I had finally moved back to town, got my own place...and things between John and I started to feel odd. Basically, when Susan found out about me - she wanted John back- and I was basically a pawn used to get her jealous. At least, that's how I felt - because John begged me not to tell Susan about our past relationship. Remember, he was cheating on her? Susan even called me(out of the blue!), because she had "heard" things about John and I, and wanted to know the truth. At this point I was hurt, tired of the drama ( i had just moved to town!), and wanted nothing to do with John anymore. I lied, and protected John by not ratting him out. I would be the martyr. Big mistake!

I actually started dating one of John's friends for the next couple of years. Yes, it was awkward - John was constantly paranoid that I would spill the beans to Susan, and Susan hated me - just because she knew I had some kind of previous relationship with John. I didn't care, because I was in love with Mark. Mark and I dated a couple of years the beginning was perfect then we - broke up - and then got back together for another tumultuous 2 years. Mark took any ounce of self-esteem I had away from me. He was verbally and mentally abusive, and ended up leaving me for another girl. Yep, karma.

While I was wrapped up in Mark - John got married to Susan, and they ended up having two kids. John started to contact me again when Mark and I broke up the first time. He and Susan had moved away and he was in town for a weekend. I agreed to see him, mainly because I wanted answers to him dissing me years before. We met for drinks and he told me that he had always loved me....never actually said, "I married Susan for the money" - but, basically we both knew truth. We hooked up that night. It wasn't all that great, because this time he was married and I was riddled with guilt. He asked to see me the next night, and I declined - telling him it wasn't right. He left me alone...and then a month or so later got back together with Mark. When Mark and I broke up for the second time, John was contacting me again. We still lived in separate cities- but, he actually consoled me through his text messages - I was a mental wreck from Mark.

He came back to town several months later - and that was the beginning of many weekends spent together. Yep, a full blown affair. We did not live in the same city, so we would spend weekends together in my town, vegas, the beach, canada, even back in his town when his wife was away. I know, terrible. I never assumed he would leave Susan for me - I never asked him to. I thought I would eventually meet another man, and John would be put in the past again...a couple of years pass - and I find out he put the moves on my best friend! My best friend finally told me the truth months after the incident. I couldn't believe it. I felt so stupid and used. I felt betrayed and wanted to hurt John by telling Susan what a lying,cheating bastard she was married to(the first time I ever wanted to bust him)...- but, John calmed me down and managed to sweet talk his way back into my good graces. He had also just recently lost his mother to a disease and his best friend to an accident and couldn't handle another loss in his life, and I gave him a second chance. That was 6 months ago. Susan busted us a two days ago. I feel sick. She read an email I had sent to John. John called me the next morning, devastated. Crying that he had ruined everyone's life...and that he was so sorry. Once again, he asked me lie if Susan called and only tell her exactly what he had confessed to (which was nothing!). He was hysterical and went to see his therapist that day. I get a text saying - "dr says no more contact. Hurts bad. Please take care of yourself". Wow. What to I do? I feel ashamed, guilt, and anger. Should I tell Susan the truth? If you were his wife, would you want to know the whole truth? I want to do the right thing - I'm so hurt that I can't think clearly. Thoughts?

 

Some women want to know, some women don't.

 

If she contacts you, then she wants to know. So tell her the truth, the whole truth.

 

It really doesn't matter your *reasons* for telling her, the important thing is to do the right thing. The right thing is telling her the truth. She has a right to know what is true in her life, so she can make decisions in her life based on truth.

 

Nothing chaffs me more than when the OWandMM cook up their little gaslighting story to f*** with the BWs head. I mean, really! Actions alone (the affair) indicate that neither really cares about the BW, so I'm not buying the "I want to protect her, I don't want to hurt her/destroy her family/etc" bullsh**. So what is the motivation to continually lie, even after the affair is over? Is it simply some innate desire to see how many lies and denials it takes to drive someone crazy?

[Severely Unamused]

Nothing chaffs me more than when the OWandMM cook up their little gaslighting story to f*** with the BWs head.

You'd be surprised by the number of people that are unaware that gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse. Or the number of people that choose to deny this for whatever reason.

 

More interesting are people that do acknowledge that gaslighting is a form of abuse, yet do it anyway. They wouldn't beat a person. They wouldn't scream at somebody's face or continuously insult them. They wouldn't even neglect their SO. But gaslighting...

 

Interesting behaviour. Well, I think so.