franci03 Posted November 23, 2011 Posted November 23, 2011 (edited) So, I just started talking to this guy...about 2 weeks ago. We have been on 2 dates...and everything has been going well. This man is amazing...he does have kids and he even itroduced me to his youngest (5 years old). Who I instanly fell in love with...he is a great dad...and how happy he gets when he talks about his kids makes me even more attracted to him. Anyways, we went out Sat. dinner...then dancing...I thought everything went perfect. Then Sunday after I got home he texted me and said he didn't think we could ever be anything more than friends because he doesn't think he can give me what I want (meaning kids of my own). Well, I can't have kids, I recently had a pregnancy that ended up in a miscarriange and Dr.'s told me the chances of me ever conceiving again is about 20%...and I wasn't up front with him about this...because I do want a family...so the only way I can have one is to find a guy who already has kids and wants to share that with me...or to adopt. Anyways, I wanted to find a man to be a lover and a friend first...if he had a family and we worked out...then great...if not...I don't want a man just for a family...I'm looking for a life partner here. Anyways...what do I do...it was a complete 180...he was texting me...non stop and telling me he couldn't wait to see me...asking me anything and everything. We really hit it off...and now he won't talk to me...I have no clue what happened...I understand he has his kids to think about...but he tells me how good of a mom I would be...and all these things...and then nothing. I'm so lost Any advice...thoughts...anything??? Edited November 23, 2011 by franci03
jstobo Posted November 23, 2011 Posted November 23, 2011 Hi franci: How long has he been apart from the kids mother?
jstobo Posted November 23, 2011 Posted November 23, 2011 (edited) Well he should definitely be over his Wife then. I asked because I have had some relationships move way too fast for me since I separated from my Wife. I've had a couple that went exactly how you described, although I would never introduce a woman to my kids that quickly. Anyway, I have changed on a dime. I thought a person could be the one and then all of a sudden, my mind would change. It usually has to do with getting physical. Once my mind changed, nothing was going to change it back. IF that is what happened with him, then it is best for you to move on. However, if he is truly scared about the kid thing, you should be honest and tell him what you wrote here. If he follows that up with another excuse then I would say my story is what happened. Edited November 23, 2011 by jstobo
writergal Posted November 24, 2011 Posted November 24, 2011 So, I just started talking to this guy...about 2 weeks ago. We have been on 2 dates...and everything has been going well. This man is amazing...he does have kids and he even itroduced me to his youngest (5 years old). Who I instanly fell in love with...he is a great dad...and how happy he gets when he talks about his kids makes me even more attracted to him. Anyways, we went out Sat. dinner...then dancing...I thought everything went perfect. Then Sunday after I got home he texted me and said he didn't think we could ever be anything more than friends because he doesn't think he can give me what I want (meaning kids of my own). Well, I can't have kids, I recently had a pregnancy that ended up in a miscarriange and Dr.'s told me the chances of me ever conceiving again is about 20%...and I wasn't up front with him about this...because I do want a family...so the only way I can have one is to find a guy who already has kids and wants to share that with me...or to adopt. Anyways, I wanted to find a man to be a lover and a friend first...if he had a family and we worked out...then great...if not...I don't want a man just for a family...I'm looking for a life partner here. Anyways...what do I do...it was a complete 180...he was texting me...non stop and telling me he couldn't wait to see me...asking me anything and everything. We really hit it off...and now he won't talk to me...I have no clue what happened...I understand he has his kids to think about...but he tells me how good of a mom I would be...and all these things...and then nothing. I'm so lost Any advice...thoughts...anything??? Well first off, texting is VERY impersonal and a convenient communication method people use to distance themselves from others. Sounds to me like he probably met another woman he feels more compatible with. If he truly liked you he wouldn't have broken up with you via text which is what he did. And let's face it, do you want to be with a man who breaks up with you via text? A real man would have ended things in person or at least with a phone call. You only had 2 dates with him. Count yourself lucky that he broke it off before you got pulled in too deep with your feelings. Right now it smarts, but your heart is still safe from being broken by this dufus who charmed you too quickly for just 2 dates. I say too quickly because he shouldn't have introduced you to his children until he was sure he wanted you in their lives longterm. I think he's probably still in post-divorce-recovery emotionally and jumps into things too quickly with women to try them on with his children, to see if you were a good fit; the way we try on different clothes. He just wasn't into you the way he broke it off. You deserve better treatment. Don't call or text him. Just go NC and forget about him and move on to date other men when the opportunity presents itself.
punkinless Posted November 24, 2011 Posted November 24, 2011 my first thought is neither of you should be worrying about kids except for his kid. its the second date! just have fun and see where it goes!
smudge21 Posted November 24, 2011 Posted November 24, 2011 I'm a bit confused as to why, after only two dates, he would address you in this way. You say you didn't tell him you can't have kids (very sorry to hear that by the way), so where has he got the idea that the thing you want from him is to have kids. That doesn't make sense to me. Plus... it's only been two dates... I think there's more going on, and yeah, he could've met someone else. Did you meet over a dating sight or is he on one (if he's been single for a while, he may have been looking - nothing wrong with that)? I guess you can either talk to him, explain your situation and see if he opens up with any more info, or you can just walk away - I can imagine that's the tough option though, as even after such a short time, it's easy to make a connection with someone.
runner Posted November 25, 2011 Posted November 25, 2011 Anyways, we went out Sat. dinner...then dancing...I thought everything went perfect. Then Sunday after I got home he texted me and said he didn't think we could ever be anything more than friends because he doesn't think he can give me what I want (meaning kids of my own). this right here strikes me as really odd which is enough reason in itself to cut him off and not speak to him again. it's just weird. and over text ?? sounds like he's got a great poker face, wasn't really into you after some particular moment, but made you believe he still was.
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