Barriers to a relationship

[ThsAmericanLife]

I dream of a lady that can go awhile without rup exes. There aren't enough. When asked a question point blank I answer honestly.

 

There are some questions, that when asked, I do put off for a later time.

 

There are some questions, when asked too early, I feel are intrusive or even mean. Noone has a right to rip my scabs off just for their personal enjoyment.

 

I've learned to tell the difference between people who ask because they legitimately want to get to know you... and those who just need some dirt on you.

 

Perfect example:

 

Question: "Why are you divorced?"

 

Answer: "If I knew the answer to that question, I wouldn't be divorced. I worked very hard to save my marriage."

 

If someone asked me that on a first date, I wouldn't lie. I'm actually telling the truth with my answer. I also (probably) wouldn't go on a second date with them. It seems like they are looking for a cookbook answer. There is no cookbook answer to many of life's challenges.

 

I might ask then them: "Why do you ask? Have you had a negative experience?"

 

Based on their response, they may or may not get another date. If all they want to do is dwell on the past and trash their exes... or dig for crap (whatever their definition of crap is), I'm not interested.

[ThsAmericanLife]

Update on the colleague...

 

I've invited him to join me and a handful of friends at my house for a repeat of Thanksgiving. These are for my friends who had other plans on Thanksgiving or were stranded here without plans... and are still itchin' for some Turkey Day grub

 

I love cooking a big meal for friends (especially when it is not expected)!!

 

Given everything else (that we work together, our age difference, the fact he's never been married/divorced, etc), having a get together among friends seems like the least pressure way to get to know him a little better.

 

We'll both get a better sense of each other, without committing to full on like/date. The initial attraction was just that... just a crush. Nothing to get excited about just yet. And vice versa.

 

Thanks for your help everyone!