ChessPieceFace Posted November 23, 2011 Posted November 23, 2011 No, you weren't pushy sounding or needy. You asked if she wanted to hang out sometime. Not a big deal. To be honest she sounds like a f*cking bitch. Very rude. I'd lose her number if I were you. A bit off the mark. OP, realize that a majority of women will behave in this manner and it's not because they are all "f-ing bitches" all of the time. This behavior is more likely because she has ceased to value you as a potential mate, or relegated you REALLY far down on the scale of potential mates. Would a woman act this pissy to a guy she was chasing after? On the contrary, she'd be going out of her way to say and do everything right, and would agonize over any such exchange with a guy she valued as a mate. She doesn't value you, and her words make that plainly obvious. It's not impossible that things could change in the future, if you really desire to pursue a relationship with a woman that has already removed you from active selection. But I'd just move on.
oaks Posted November 23, 2011 Posted November 23, 2011 Opinions? I'm annoyed with both of you and I don't care who 'started' it.
ShannonMI Posted November 23, 2011 Posted November 23, 2011 A bit off the mark. OP, realize that a majority of women will behave in this manner and it's not because they are all "f-ing bitches" all of the time. This behavior is more likely because she has ceased to value you as a potential mate, or relegated you REALLY far down on the scale of potential mates. Would a woman act this pissy to a guy she was chasing after? On the contrary, she'd be going out of her way to say and do everything right, and would agonize over any such exchange with a guy she valued as a mate. She doesn't value you, and her words make that plainly obvious. It's not impossible that things could change in the future, if you really desire to pursue a relationship with a woman that has already removed you from active selection. But I'd just move on. Well from what he said in his original post they had been talking back and forth through text message and everything seemed ok. Ok enough to ask her if she wanted to hang out. Then she was bitchy, so that's what I was referring to. Off base or not, that's my opinion, so whatever.
ShannonMI Posted November 23, 2011 Posted November 23, 2011 I think you can safely put this one under "bitches be crazy". Oh and it's ok for other posters to say she's a bitch, but you single me out? You're like that idiot that makes up all these different user names and follows me around talking sh*t. It's ****ing annoying. Find someone else to harass:rolleyes:
Calutaxi484 Posted November 23, 2011 Posted November 23, 2011 OP I think the whole breakup line she gave you was bull**** to begin with. If you have feelings for someone, how can you "not be ready for a relationship". Maybe it makes sense to other people, but seems like nonsense to me. From the dialogue you posted you kind of seem a bit needy to me. If she's been talking to you, and goes silent when you ask her out that's your answer. Although you might not have meant to come off that way; when you got on skype and tried to hound her about it, it probably pissed her off. Someone posted earlier that women are much more subtle then men, and I definitely agree with that. There's a huge difference between blowing someone off, and being genuinely busy. She was trying to blow you off. If she was busy but interested, she would have just said that without you having to pry it out of her.
ThsAmericanLife Posted November 24, 2011 Posted November 24, 2011 (edited) I see what you mean and I agree about the passive agressiveness. I think I didn't take the no response as a "no" - that much I agree with. But after having been talking friendly for weeks (And dating beforehand), what was so wrong about following up on an invite to go out and actually asking (and expecting) a civilized response? Perhaps as you say she just expected me to treat her silence as a hint. But why, really. I still think she completely overreacted. Her behavior seems confusing to me and not straightforward. Noone should be expected to be a mind reader. In this situation, she had been responding... and it seems... in a reciprocal way with the texting. It is not out of the ordinary at all to ask if she wants to hang out. The only bit of advice I'd offer is about the being busy part... I probably would have backed off at that point and not pushed.... just say, "hey, ok, well have a great Turkey day". That's what I'd do if a friend had to turn me down for a get together for whatever reason.... then wait for them to contact me back when things cleared up for them. oh, and in fairness to men.. I think some women could afford to be more straightforward. It isn't easy... but all of the responsibility shouldn't be on the man to 'figure us out'. That's just crazy making... Life is too short for that. Edited November 24, 2011 by ThsAmericanLife
jellybelly24 Posted November 24, 2011 Posted November 24, 2011 "ME: Hey, do you want to go out sometime? (Silence. Three hours later I see her on Skype, and send her an IM.)<---This is a mistake. If she really wanted to hang out, she would have gotten back to you eventually. ME: Hey, no hanging out? Her: Oh sorry I forgot to reply. (At the same moment she texts a reply) ME: Am I forcing you to hang out? It’s cool. <----This is where you really went wrong. To me, this immediately strikes me as needy and demanding. If someone said this to me, I think my immediate reaction would be to be defensive, which is what she does: HER: No, I am just super busy this week. ME: I am busy this wee too you know. I am going home for the holidays. I didn’t ask specifically this week[/FONT][/sIZE] <-----Here, you are openly criticizing her for not responding within your time frame (three hours...hardly reason to worry, by the way). Plus, you are responding with further defensiveness by adding that you "didn't mean this week" HER: Don’t give me attitude."<---Obviously, she is very irritated with you... Hope that helps. I'm not saying that you're not worth hanging out with. I'm sure you're a great person. But this woman is your ex, and she is making it clear through both her words and actions that she's not interested in hanging out. Perhaps your neediness is one of the reasons you broke up in the first place, which is what she implies later in the conversation. I have been in your shoes before, believe me. I used to be the needy one in the relationship. I would get angry if he did not call, text,etc. within what I thought was a reasonable amount of time (usually, actually pretty unreasonable). I felt threatened and insecure much of the time, and as a result I was very clingy. It took a lot of soul searching and maturity to stop this behavior and now I'm so happy that I did. Now, I am dealing with the reverse situation in which the person I am dating has become clingy and needy, and I see what it feels like to be on the receiving end of it. Not only am I turned off by it, but I am seriously concerned about getting involved with a person who, to me, does not seem very emotionally stable. You should be with somebody because you want to be with them, not because you need to be with them. Most women are very perceptive and if they perceive that you are needy, they are going to run the other direction.
curlygirl40 Posted November 24, 2011 Posted November 24, 2011 "ME: Hey, do you want to go out sometime? (Silence. Three hours later I see her on Skype, and send her an IM.)<---This is a mistake. If she really wanted to hang out, she would have gotten back to you eventually. ME: Hey, no hanging out? Her: Oh sorry I forgot to reply. (At the same moment she texts a reply) ME: Am I forcing you to hang out? It’s cool. <----This is where you really went wrong. To me, this immediately strikes me as needy and demanding. If someone said this to me, I think my immediate reaction would be to be defensive, which is what she does: HER: No, I am just super busy this week. ME: I am busy this wee too you know. I am going home for the holidays. I didn’t ask specifically this week[/FONT][/sIZE] <-----Here, you are openly criticizing her for not responding within your time frame (three hours...hardly reason to worry, by the way). Plus, you are responding with further defensiveness by adding that you "didn't mean this week" HER: Don’t give me attitude."<---Obviously, she is very irritated with you... QUOTE] This! One of the best pieces of advice I received from a friend when I entered the dating world again was this: Message sent. Message received. Ball is in their court. Period! It doesn't feel good to not know the answers, but to push for answers just makes you look needy and that behavior is unattractive in anybody. IMO you're better off licking your wounds in private and not pushing to find answers that you might not want to hear. Keep your dignity and you're more likely to salvage the relationship later. Now you've dug yourself into a hole, I think. Even though it wasn't the immediate answer you wanted, she did send you a signal by not answering. Then when you saw her on IM and asked the same question, it was pushy/needy I think. OR she might have answered eventually and said 'yes' to hanging out, instead you asked the same question again just hours later. It's too much. I do think her reaction is a little overboard. But you should have known when to drop it. You can't make someone want to hang with you. Best of luck!
irc333 Posted November 24, 2011 Posted November 24, 2011 ME: Hey, no hanging out? Her: Oh sorry I forgot to reply. That's funny, I bet she forgets to breathe, too.
D86 Posted November 24, 2011 Posted November 24, 2011 The real question is: why would you even want to take that bitch out?
Feelsgoodman Posted November 24, 2011 Posted November 24, 2011 Oh and it's ok for other posters to say she's a bitch, but you single me out? You're like that idiot that makes up all these different user names and follows me around talking sh*t. It's ****ing annoying. Find someone else to harass:rolleyes: What the hell are you talking about? My comment wasn't about you...
loversquarrel Posted November 24, 2011 Posted November 24, 2011 This is as far as I got in reading. No, you didn't. If she felt you did accept it, you would have gotten a much softer reaction. Women are a lot more subtle about turning a guy down. We often aren't as assertive as we could be because we're too busy trying not to hurt someone's feelings. We figure you'll get the hint when we stop responding. If a woman stops responding, stop contacting her. It's understood. And I really do think you were being passive aggressive. Perhaps you could google it to see what I mean by that. Such a crock of **** answer. That's called no fortitude. There are plenty of women who would have said no and then not responded afterward. If she's texting back and forth then chooses to ignore a question its creating drama. On the other hand, shame on the op for not taking the hint earlier and carrying on.
loversquarrel Posted November 24, 2011 Posted November 24, 2011 One more thing - How about next time you have a question you're in dire need to have answered....try picking up the phone and dialing.
Author mittk Posted November 24, 2011 Author Posted November 24, 2011 As some have said, I was also baffled by her friendliness when communicating via text (she always responded within 5 minutes), only to start generating drama when asked to hang out by evading an answer. About three weeks ago she explicitly agreed to hang out when she was back from out of town. At that time, she responded yes immediately. This is partly what prompted me to feel ok about asking her to go out. I don't think she ruled it out in her head entirely, but she was definitely not being sincere in her communication to me. Sure, I pushed and didn't take her silence or her "I'm busy, I forgot to reply" for a no, but that's because nothing made sense to me. Did she ever want to hang out? Was she just being polite? Does she want us to keep talking? None of that was clear to me. Now, I think I will stop contacting her, and I doubt she will ever get back in touch with me. It's not easy, but I need to move on. Having said that, now that I have learned how shady she can be about her feelings, I feel it a lot easier letting go of her.
mr.dream merchant Posted November 25, 2011 Posted November 25, 2011 I don't think you did anything wrong, you genuinely wanted to see her and she knew this. Instead of giving you a straight forward no, she left you in the dark. What else would a normal person do when they're confused? You get to see firsthand how women think. Look at all these women on this thread pinning you for fault based on you being "passive aggressive". What they see as passive aggressive I see as a guy who really wants to make things work. You weren't needy at all bro, you were just being calm and cool about her ****ty behavior. Chalk it up to her being a total cunt with a capital C. Let her go, move on. Don't take any of what these women are accusing you of to heart.
ShannonMI Posted November 25, 2011 Posted November 25, 2011 What the hell are you talking about? My comment wasn't about you... I know it wasn't about me and my post wasn't for you. It was to ChessPiece*******. I just wanted to point out that another poster said the girl was a bitch. I was singled out and it pissed me off. You called her a bitch so I wanted to highlight your post for the douchebag. Sorry about the confusion.
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