jobaba Posted November 22, 2011 Posted November 22, 2011 I'm curious as to how other males fare in terms of approaching and getting rejected by women. Of course, you could be married with 4 children with a woman and she wants a divorce. Technically, that's a rejection. But that's not what I'm talking about. So, let's define rejection... Rejection is... -Asking for a girls phone number and her saying no. -Asking a stranger, acquaintance of friend out and her saying no. -Asking a girl to go on a trip with you and her saying no. -Getting rejected by a girl at a bar or club in any way. -Telling a friend you have feelings for her and getting rejected. -Sending someone an online note of interest and not getting a response. -Getting a first, second, or any number of dates but not getting a subsequent date or kiss. Basically, rejection is having a woman blow you off in any way or form without having kissed her before then. To me, success is... -A mutual kiss. It could be a drunken hookup, an end of the date kiss, or kissing your wife. It shows mutual attraction and that is what is necessary for any relationship by all/most accounts. So, what is your rejection numbers or success ratio? Roughly?
joystickd Posted November 22, 2011 Posted November 22, 2011 when I was younger every interaction was a rejection. Now my success rate is probably about 70% due to fact if i didnt include women that I had sex with that are already in relationship it would probably more like 30% or maybe less
dasein Posted November 22, 2011 Posted November 22, 2011 My rejection rate is lower than I deserve and higher than I would like.
MaxNoob Posted November 22, 2011 Posted November 22, 2011 I've only ever asked out 4 girls. My rejection rate is 50%. 12 girls have asked me out. I rejected 10 of them mostly because I had no libido for years.
Lonely Ronin Posted November 22, 2011 Posted November 22, 2011 My rejection rate is 0%, but I'm nothing special. I usually get to know a women before I ask her out. Basically I know the answer is yes, or has a high probability of being yes before I ever ask.
somedude81 Posted November 22, 2011 Posted November 22, 2011 I'm curious as to how other males fare in terms of approaching and getting rejected by women. Of course, you could be married with 4 children with a woman and she wants a divorce. Technically, that's a rejection. But that's not what I'm talking about. So, let's define rejection... Rejection is... -Asking for a girls phone number and her saying no. (or her asking for my number instead) -Asking a stranger, acquaintance of friend out and her saying no. -Asking a girl to go on a trip with you and her saying no. -Getting rejected by a girl at a bar or club in any way. -Telling a friend you have feelings for her and getting rejected. -Sending someone an online note of interest and not getting a response. -Getting a first, second, or any number of dates but not getting a subsequent date or kiss. Basically, rejection is having a woman blow you off in any way or form without having kissed her before then. To me, success is... -A mutual kiss. It could be a drunken hookup, an end of the date kiss, or kissing your wife. It shows mutual attraction and that is what is necessary for any relationship by all/most accounts. So, what is your rejection numbers or success ratio? Roughly? The ones in bold have happened to me. My rejection rate. 100%.
somedude81 Posted November 22, 2011 Posted November 22, 2011 (edited) My rejection rate is 0%, but I'm nothing special. I usually get to know a women before I ask her out. Basically I know the answer is yes, or has a high probability of being yes before I ever ask. WTF? From what I've been through and what I've seen on this board, that should fail every time. You really good looking or something? I've only ever asked out 4 girls. My rejection rate is 50%. 12 girls have asked me out. I rejected 10 of them mostly because I had no libido for years. Asked out by 12 girls?! Again, another really good looking guy? I've been "asked out" by three women in my entire life. All three were overweight and I still ended up dating one of them. Another changed her mind, and the third, I just couldn't let myself go that far. Edited November 22, 2011 by somedude81
Feelsgoodman Posted November 22, 2011 Posted November 22, 2011 WTF? From what I've been through and what I've seen on this board, that should fail every time. You really good looking or something? He said that he only asks out women who show signs of attraction. Why should he fail every time when asking out a woman who is sending buying signals?
somedude81 Posted November 22, 2011 Posted November 22, 2011 He said that he only asks out women who show signs of attraction. Why should he fail every time when asking out a woman who is sending buying signals? That's not what he said. He said get to know a girl first. From what I've experienced, taking time to get to know a girl before you ask her out, is a one way ticket to frriendzoneland.
Author jobaba Posted November 22, 2011 Author Posted November 22, 2011 He said that he only asks out women who show signs of attraction. Why should he fail every time when asking out a woman who is sending buying signals? I've professed feelings to women who have sent out 'buy and sell me' signals and they've rejected me. That's not what he said. He said get to know a girl first. From what I've experienced, taking time to get to know a girl before you ask her out, is a one way ticket to frriendzoneland. Well, you've heard some of that from me. I'm pretty sure if you and I were better looking guys, then a lot of those women who friendzoned us after knowing them for a long time would have turned into relationships or at least FWB type deal. Whattya gonna do?
somedude81 Posted November 22, 2011 Posted November 22, 2011 Well, you've heard some of that from me. I'm pretty sure if you and I were better looking guys, then a lot of those women who friendzoned us after knowing them for a long time would have turned into relationships or at least FWB type deal. Whattya gonna do? If we were more attractive, if I was 5'10 instead of 5'6, I'm pretty sure we simply would not have gotten friendzoned at all. Same here. I lay all the groundwork. I'll have talked casually with her. Know if she is in a relationship. Discovered some common interest. etc. Usually we've been together in some activity. Again, that's how you get friendzoned!!!
Wolf18 Posted November 22, 2011 Posted November 22, 2011 He said that he only asks out women who show signs of attraction. Why should he fail every time when asking out a woman who is sending buying signals? You've never been rejected by a woman whose given you buying signals? It's happens to me all the time.
Author jobaba Posted November 22, 2011 Author Posted November 22, 2011 My rejection rate is about 97-98% or so. Of course, I'm counting complete strangers that I approach at bars and clubs sometimes when I'm wasted. So those numbers add up. I think I hit on nearly 10 women in the course of one drunken night. I'm also not counting the women who have blown me off when trying to talk to them at parties ... that look like they'd rather be doing their taxes than talking to me. If I counted those, my rejection rate would be well over 99%. In terms of solid rejections from women whom I have met through my social network: work, school, friends or parties of friends, it's more like 90% to low 90s. Friends first (knowing her for at least half a year and seeing her often) has always resulted in 100% rejection. I know my success (or failure) is not typical of the typical male. I just wanted to know what a more average number is for a typical male. Seems people are reluctant to reveal.
ptp Posted November 22, 2011 Posted November 22, 2011 My rejection rate is 0%, but I'm nothing special. I usually get to know a women before I ask her out. Basically I know the answer is yes, or has a high probability of being yes before I ever ask. Yea I am kind of similar, the women I have dated made it fairly obvious they wanted me to ask them out. However, I don't spend too much time getting to know them. IMO if a woman is truly interested in me, this kind of thing usually happens very quickly. I have no time to dillydally so I make my move early.
Author jobaba Posted November 22, 2011 Author Posted November 22, 2011 Same here. I lay all the groundwork. I'll have talked casually with her. Know if she is in a relationship. Discovered some common interest. etc. Usually we've been together in some activity. I only ask a woman out if I find her special. If she's the potential mate for me then all my effort is going to go into making her feel special. Damn you! Stop making it seem like that approach works. You're gonna make me believe it. Friends first approach -> rejection is the most heart wrenching ordeal. I refuse to go through that again. In fairness, what you describe isn't really a friends first approach. It's more of getting to know her a little and then making a move. I think what Somedude and I are describing is REALLY being her friend for a long time, and then professing attraction.
Lonely Ronin Posted November 22, 2011 Posted November 22, 2011 WTF? From what I've been through and what I've seen on this board, that should fail every time. You really good looking or something? I'm in shape 6 foot 180lbs, early 30's I'd rate myself (5.5 or 6). I don't do the bar stuff, it's such a cliche. getting to know a girl is not the same as trying to be her freind. I'm feeling out a girl right now, the first time I meet her was at a happy hour with freinds like 2 months ago. That night we all sat around a table eating and drinking for like 4 hrs and i maybe talked for her 2 minutes total, and even then it was just a guestion or comment related to the conversation going on at the table. I spent a lot more time watching how she interacted with everyone else, and what her mannerisms are. what have I learned so far? beyond being somone I'm physically attracted to, she is smart, sytlish, freindly, really nice, really really shy, and we have several things in common (have several mutual interests). I learned all this by probably talking to her directly for less than a total of 30 minutes spread out over two months. After a recent soical gathering that fizzled out early, I saw a tweet from her about getting her second wind after she got home. so I texted her to see if she wanted to meet up some place. She declind saying she had already ordered a moive, gotten a drink and gotten ready for bed. I responded with O well maybe next time, and immedetly got back a Defintetly. I have interacted with her through twitter, an in person a few times since then, but nothing more than that. Maybe in a week or two I'll "really" ask her out, as in one on one in person.
Author jobaba Posted November 22, 2011 Author Posted November 22, 2011 I'm in shape 6 foot 180lbs, early 30's I'd rate myself (5.5 or 6). I don't do the bar stuff, it's such a cliche. getting to know a girl is not the same as trying to be her freind. I'm feeling out a girl right now, the first time I meet her was at a happy hour with freinds like 2 months ago. That night we all sat around a table eating and drinking for like 4 hrs and i maybe talked for her 2 minutes total, and even then it was just a guestion or comment related to the conversation going on at the table. I spent a lot more time watching how she interacted with everyone else, and what her mannerisms are. what have I learned so far? beyond being somone I'm physically attracted to, she is smart, sytlish, freindly, really nice, really really shy, and we have several things in common (have several mutual interests). I learned all this by probably talking to her directly for less than a total of 30 minutes spread out over two months. After a recent soical gathering that fizzled out early, I saw a tweet from her about getting her second wind after she got home. so I texted her to see if she wanted to meet up some place. She declind saying she had already ordered a moive, gotten a drink and gotten ready for bed. I responded with O well maybe next time, and immedetly got back a Defintetly. I have interacted with her through twitter, an in person a few times since then, but nothing more than that. Maybe in a week or two I'll "really" ask her out, as in one on one in person. Yea. That's not friends first at all, that's more feeling her out. Really, you don't know her that well. And it's still very hit or miss at that stage. You're saying you have NEVER been rejected when using that approach with a woman, as in never been shot down for a date, an additional date, or an eventual kiss? You've never heard the words "Let's just be friends" from a woman you had interest in? If that's true, then I just disowned every type of religion. Oh ... and I hate you.
Lonely Ronin Posted November 22, 2011 Posted November 22, 2011 I just wanted to know what a more average number is for a typical male. Seems people are reluctant to reveal. An average is meangless IMO. The rate depends on the individual, and his style. I don't care if your look like Ryan gosling (the current hot guy for a lot of my female freinds) , your going to get rejected a lot, if all you do is hit on women at bars & clubs.
betterdeal Posted November 22, 2011 Posted November 22, 2011 I turn down about 6 in every 7, so about an 86% rejection rate.
Lonely Ronin Posted November 22, 2011 Posted November 22, 2011 That's not friends first at all, that's more feeling her out. Really, you don't know her that well. And it's still very hit or miss at that stage. At this point I'd call her a casual friend. You're saying you have NEVER been rejected when using that approach with a woman, as in never been shot down for a date, an additional date, or an eventual kiss? You've never heard the words "Let's just be friends" from a woman you had interest in? I did when I was in like 3rd grade, but that doesn't count, I was a child. As a teenager/adult I have never been shot down for a date, an additional date, or an eventual kiss. Now I have been dumped, done the dumping, and mutually agreed to end relationships over the years. And to me a relationship is someone your romantically or physically involved with.
Author jobaba Posted November 22, 2011 Author Posted November 22, 2011 An average is meangless IMO. The rate depends on the individual, and his style. I don't care if your look like Ryan gosling (the current hot guy for a lot of my female freinds) , your going to get rejected a lot, if all you do is hit on women at bars & clubs. Oh. I use every approach except for online. No, I agree. Bars and clubs are horrible for meeting women. But I've been in them often enough that, "Why not?" Like I've mentioned before, those rejections don't bother me much. I was hoping to more get a response like, "Yea, we've all been rejected a bunch. It's just natural for guys to get rejected." Your response is not inspiring, to put it lightly...
dispatch3d Posted November 22, 2011 Posted November 22, 2011 humm I actually turned down a trip with some girl to ottawa due to nothing sexual happening (didn't want to go there as "just friends"). Didn't even realize this could be classified as "rejection"....
Author jobaba Posted November 22, 2011 Author Posted November 22, 2011 (edited) As a teenager/adult I have never been shot down for a date, an additional date, or an eventual kiss. That's pretty freakin' amazing dude. I have no doubt in my mind that you are a good looking dude and that is the largest factor between our Grand Canyon sized discrepancy, but even still I'd like to get some tips from you. Wow. The inequities of the dating world... Edited November 22, 2011 by jobaba
Lonely Ronin Posted November 22, 2011 Posted November 22, 2011 I have no doubt in my mind that you are a good looking dude and that is the largest factor between our Grand Canyon sized discrepancy, but even still I'd like to get some tips from you.: Dating/life training 101 by Lonely Ronin LOL And I mean dating, not trying to pick a women up for the night. 1. get to know her before you ask her out. Find out what you have in common, and if she is normal. If you have nothing in common, a relationship isn't going to work. If she is weired, why do you want that drama! 2. be yourself - If your faking it, your never going to make it past a few dates. If your a jock, date women that like jocks, if your a neard date women who like neards, etc etc. 3. have a life - if all you do is work and worry about meeting a women, then you probably come off as pretty pathetic. Have intrests, apetites, something that keeps you ocuppied. It's good for you when your single, and it also means you want suck the life out of somone your dating. 4. have freinds - both men and women. If you don't have freinds figure out why, as something is probably wrong with you that needs fixed. Freinds introduce you to people you might not otherwise meet. I have two female freinds right now that want to introduce me to single women they know. Freinds also help with #3 5. have confidence - even if she is attracted to you, if you come off as scrared, afraid, insecure, your going to get rejected. No one wants to date somone they have to coddle all the time. 6. read the signs - If she is showing signs of not liking you, then don't waste you time asking her out, the answer is going to be no. It's not a rejection, it's an incompadabillity for one reason or another. Women care a lot less about looks than most guys think the do. Sure, if they want a guy for the night, they want the hottest physically fit guy the can find. If they want a relationship a lot more factors come into play.
somedude81 Posted November 22, 2011 Posted November 22, 2011 (edited) Damn you! Stop making it seem like that approach works. You're gonna make me believe it. Friends first approach -> rejection is the most heart wrenching ordeal. I refuse to go through that again. In fairness, what you describe isn't really a friends first approach. It's more of getting to know her a little and then making a move. I think what Somedude and I are describing is REALLY being her friend for a long time, and then professing attraction. Not necessarily. The most recent girl was somebody I knew for about a month and a half before I asked her out. I got to know her very well and we had a lot of things in common. Still wasn't enough for her. There were other girls that I've known for longer, fell for and got rejected by as well. I'm in shape 6 foot 180lbs, early 30's I'd rate myself (5.5 or 6). I don't do the bar stuff, it's such a cliche. Heh, if you being 6' and in shape is a 6 then me at 5'6 in OK shape makes me a 3, maybe a 2. We live in completely different worlds. getting to know a girl is not the same as trying to be her freind. I'm feeling out a girl right now, the first time I meet her was at a happy hour with freinds like 2 months ago. That night we all sat around a table eating and drinking for like 4 hrs and i maybe talked for her 2 minutes total, and even then it was just a guestion or comment related to the conversation going on at the table. I spent a lot more time watching how she interacted with everyone else, and what her mannerisms are. what have I learned so far? beyond being somone I'm physically attracted to, she is smart, sytlish, freindly, really nice, really really shy, and we have several things in common (have several mutual interests). I learned all this by probably talking to her directly for less than a total of 30 minutes spread out over two months. Only 30 minutes of conversation over a two month time? That is taking things really slow. Edited November 22, 2011 by somedude81
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