Is it just a game??

[all3sides]

I just don't freaking get it! xMM texted me over 2 weeks ago asking me to meet him for a drink, which I ignored but as usual he didn't give up. So week before last I finally agreed to meet him just so he'd leave me alone. That week he canceled on me twice, the second time less than 30 minutes before we were supposed to meet. Last week he offered up Thursday or Friday and I told him I could meet Friday as I had plans already for Thursday.

 

Lo and behold haven't heard a peep from him since last Tuesday when I agreed to meet him on Friday.

 

So even after nearly 6 months of NC, which I struggled with because he repeatedly broke it, one meeting 2 months ago where I told him I was done and never going back, he finally gets me nailed down to meeting him again and he goes silent and hasn't even acknowledged me at work for the past two days. (I have used work reasons to put me in his department yesterday and today and nothing from him. Today he wouldn't even look me in the eye.)

 

What the f*ck is going on with him and was it just a game to see if I'd take the bait again? And if that's the case, he's way off base because I agreed to a drink, not a quickie in his backseat.

[Spark1111]

I just don't freaking get it! xMM texted me over 2 weeks ago asking me to meet him for a drink, which I ignored but as usual he didn't give up. So week before last I finally agreed to meet him just so he'd leave me alone. That week he canceled on me twice, the second time less than 30 minutes before we were supposed to meet. Last week he offered up Thursday or Friday and I told him I could meet Friday as I had plans already for Thursday.

 

Lo and behold haven't heard a peep from him since last Tuesday when I agreed to meet him on Friday.

 

So even after nearly 6 months of NC, which I struggled with because he repeatedly broke it, one meeting 2 months ago where I told him I was done and never going back, he finally gets me nailed down to meeting him again and he goes silent and hasn't even acknowledged me at work for the past two days. (I have used work reasons to put me in his department yesterday and today and nothing from him. Today he wouldn't even look me in the eye.)

 

What the f*ck is going on with him and was it just a game to see if I'd take the bait again? And if that's the case, he's way off base because I agreed to a drink, not a quickie in his backseat.

 

So, why did you agree to meet for a drink?

 

What were you hoping to gain from such a meeting?

 

Maybe his ego-boost was in discovering you'd be willing to meet him at ALL.

 

Don't do this again. I don't think you need to be anyone's ego-boost to just be rejected or played.

 

It's not good for you.

[freestyle]

The "delete" button can be your best friend sometimes........

[whichwayisup]

I just don't freaking get it! xMM texted me over 2 weeks ago asking me to meet him for a drink, which I ignored but as usual he didn't give up. So week before last I finally agreed to meet him just so he'd leave me alone. That week he canceled on me twice, the second time less than 30 minutes before we were supposed to meet. Last week he offered up Thursday or Friday and I told him I could meet Friday as I had plans already for Thursday.

Your first mistake. He's your XMM, therefore you shouldn't be speaking to him, let alone SEEING him, even for a coffee or a drink. He pestered you and pestered you because he knew eventually you'd cave. Which gave him a HUGE ego feed and also told him that now he can push you around.

 

Lo and behold haven't heard a peep from him since last Tuesday when I agreed to meet him on Friday.

 

It's a cat and mouse game. You played into it. He isn't doing this malciously, it's selfishly and he wanted to know if you were still into him. Now he knows.

 

So even after nearly 6 months of NC, which I struggled with because he repeatedly broke it, one meeting 2 months ago where I told him I was done and never going back, he finally gets me nailed down to meeting him again and he goes silent and hasn't even acknowledged me at work for the past two days. (I have used work reasons to put me in his department yesterday and today and nothing from him. Today he wouldn't even look me in the eye.)

 

All the more reason NEVER to speak to him again or have a drink with him, or take his calls. Only deal with him when it comes to work related issues. Other than that, IGNORE.

 

What the f*ck is going on with him and was it just a game to see if I'd take the bait again? And if that's the case, he's way off base because I agreed to a drink, not a quickie in his backseat.

 

Yes. Cancel this drink thing with him NOW. If you go, you're begging for more trouble and pain.

[all3sides]

I have to work with him and most of the time feel like I constantly have to be on guard and on the watch for him. And I only agreed to meet because he's been bugging me about it for months. He was good with NC at work for about 3 months (historically longer than I had ever lasted before going back to him with prior NC attempts). That's why I agreed to meet 2 months ago, after about a month of his trying, and just so I could tell him I was done with the hopes that he would leave me alone at work. It didn't happen, he still hasn't given up although now he claims it's all about "just being friends" (which is total BS because when we met last time all he talked about was our great physical connection then was pissed when I didn't fall for it). This time I thought if I changed tactics and was not an "Ice Queen" and was percieved as friendly by him it would make work a lot less stressful. Yes, I know I am party to this mess at work, but I have no problem ignoring him and working around him, both of our jobs can be done with 99% no contact with each other. The other 1% he can keep it to work only, but hasn't.

 

So two weeks ago I agreed to meet him and he's practically vanished and here I am actually freaking surprised that I'm so surprised he's done this and how hurt I feel. That is what gets me the most. That F*cktard was never going to hurt me again and here I am...

[bentnotbroken]

Yes, it is a game. And for the record, the MM isn't the only one playing it.

[TigerCub]

I have to work with him and most of the time feel like I constantly have to be on guard and on the watch for him. And I only agreed to meet because he's been bugging me about it for months. He was good with NC at work for about 3 months (historically longer than I had ever lasted before going back to him with prior NC attempts). That's why I agreed to meet 2 months ago, after about a month of his trying, and just so I could tell him I was done with the hopes that he would leave me alone at work. It didn't happen, he still hasn't given up

All3sides,

 

I don't know what's wrong with saying

"I'm done, I've moved on, if you try to get together with me again, if you contact me for anything other than work purposes, I'm going to your wife. Leave me alone!!"

 

If you really really want him to leave you alone, you'd go with that approach, not actually agreeing to meet him.

 

By agreeing to meet him after telling him that you're completely done with him - all that proves to him is that you don't stick to your word and that he can sway you.

 

although now he claims it's all about "just being friends" (which is total BS because when we met last time all he talked about was our great physical connection then was pissed when I didn't fall for it). This time I thought if I changed tactics and was not an "Ice Queen" and was percieved as friendly by him it would make work a lot less stressful. Yes, I know I am party to this mess at work, but I have no problem ignoring him and working around him, both of our jobs can be done with 99% no contact with each other. The other 1% he can keep it to work only, but hasn't.

 

So two weeks ago I agreed to meet him and he's practically vanished and here I am actually freaking surprised that I'm so surprised he's done this and how hurt I feel. That is what gets me the most. That F*cktard was never going to hurt me again and here I am...

 

I'm really sorry that you're hurting.

I think maybe what he did was his way of having that last "f you".

or just trying to make you feel the rejection he felt when you ignored him before.

 

Either way, he's immature, manipulative and needs to grow the **** up.

 

I hope you don't give him any more chances, no matter what the justification is.

 

Stay strong and keep moving along.

It will get better!

[all3sides]

All3sides,

 

I don't know what's wrong with saying

"I'm done, I've moved on, if you try to get together with me again, if you contact me for anything other than work purposes, I'm going to your wife. Leave me alone!!"

This is what I met him 2 months ago to do, and I did tell him that almost verbatim, only I didn't threaten to tell his wife. That will be done the next time he contacts me.

 

If you really really want him to leave you alone, you'd go with that approach, not actually agreeing to meet him.

I'm trying to find ways to make working with him tolerable. The B*tchy Ice Queen didn't work so I thought if I tried his "let's be friends" thing that might work. It obviously was just bait and I fell for it, hook, line, and sinker.

 

By agreeing to meet him after telling him that you're completely done with him - all that proves to him is that you don't stick to your word and that he can sway you.

But I truly thought I could meet him and have a friendly drink but given my reaction to him blowing me off the past two weeks I know there's no way we can be friends. Not now or ever.

 

 

 

I'm really sorry that you're hurting.

I think maybe what he did was his way of having that last "f you".

or just trying to make you feel the rejection he felt when you ignored him before.

Why the hell does HE feel rejected?!?! I never gave him an ultimatum but in his own way he made his choice and it wasn't me.

 

Either way, he's immature, manipulative and needs to grow the **** up.

 

AGREE 1000%!!! I've always thought he acts like a spoiled 4 year old who pouts and throws a tatrum when he doesn't get his way.

 

I hope you don't give him any more chances, no matter what the justification is.

That's my plan.

 

Stay strong and keep moving along.

It will get better!

 

My responses are bolded above....

 

Thanks for the advice! I know I should have never responded but I feel like I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't.

 

I have decided that when he comes back to toy with me again, his wife will be getting a letter from me. A nicely detailed letter. She knows me and has been suspicious for a long time, it would be my pleasure to confirm her suspicions if I'm pushed.

[TigerCub]

My responses are bolded above....

 

Thanks for the advice! I know I should have never responded but I feel like I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't.

 

I have decided that when he comes back to toy with me again, his wife will be getting a letter from me. A nicely detailed letter. She knows me and has been suspicious for a long time, it would be my pleasure to confirm her suspicions if I'm pushed.

 

I saw in your response that you were trying different approaches in hopes of reasoning with him like he's a normal, stable, mature human being - so much for that eh!!

 

but honestly, don't beat yourself up over this. Now you know. That's all, now you know you cant even try to reason with him or treat him with any kind of consideration or respect.

 

I am really sorry that his antics got to you, but you will be ok.

You sound very determined and that's really good in moving on.

 

Don't get hung up on it, and don't beat yourself up over this - it will all be ok

[all3sides]

Looks like you're a little more invested in this than you want to admit to yourself, and if you're not, you can bet he thinks you are. If I get that impression and don't have a personal interest in this, imagine how he's seeing it.

 

 

That's exactly what all this has made me realize. I was fine telling myself I was over him and stuff the feelings back down instead of dealing with them but I now know I can't do that. It didn't work and it's not helping me.

 

Thanks for all the advice and shaking some sense into me.

 

I'm going to take the long weekend to focus on me and my kids and come Monday morning, the B*tch Ice Queen is back.

 

Y'all have a wonderful Thanksgiving!

Edited November 23, 2011 by all3sides