Whokid7 Posted November 22, 2011 Posted November 22, 2011 Hello LoveShackers, Im new here and i want to say that this site has already been a wealth of knowledge and inspiration. Ok here is my dilema. I have been in a LDR for 9 months now. I met my GF when we both were working at the airport together. We both worked for different airlines but we would see each other often. I was instantly infatuated with her. But i was in a committed relationship and did not want to cheat on my woman just off being physically attracted to my current GF. We would never really talk becuz i knew that i would want to get close and possibly cheat on my ex so i kept my distance. But to the guys at work i didnt hide my infatuation. They knew that she drove me crazy. But i stayed with my ex for another year and a half. Not even giving any thought to my current gf bcuz i did love my ex very much. One of my coworkers who i am really cool with started to talk to my current gf, which i couldnt get mad at him for bcuz i was committed. But he was kinda shady about it but needless to say he was really clingy and they didnt last longer than a month. he was very distraught and confided in me about their relationship. He would even give me details about them sexually. She moved over seas to get away and pursue her career. Well me and my ex broke up at the beginning of this year and me and my current gf started to get to kno one another as friends, while she was over seas. We instantly clicked and became very close. We meshed on everything, and we began to see a future with each other. This was only a month after breaking up with my ex, i kno i fell extrememly hard. I told my coworker that we were talking and he said that ' he didnt care and that if he were me he wouldnt talk to her but or course he was being bitter. Well as we were gettin to kno each other i asked to stupid question. 'How many ppl have u slept with?' very stupid question that i now regret. But she told me 17. Now this is much less than my 24. But it still rubbed me the wrong way. But i thought nothing of it. Then she later told me that she lied and that it was really 20 guys. 3 of which i personally kno, including the coworker i jsut mentioned. She would often bring up guys she used to 'talk' to just in casual convo, nothing sexual. I told her that this make me feel uncomfortable bcuz i never bring up my past. She has done a great job at not bringing them up. But i cant seem to get the thought of her with 20 other guys out my head. I feel like all my respect for her is gone. She is a wonderful woman, giving, submissive, and really caters to me and want to spend her life with me. The only thing i can find wrong with her is her past. She has broken down to me and told me how much she hated herself and thought about suicide. All she ever wanted was to be loved. She was just looking for love in all the wrong places, thinking men would love her for her body alone. The biggest thing that bothers me is that she is soo trusting and niave. She always see the best in ppl, and she has been taken advantage of. How couldnt she have seen that they were no good for her? I kno we all have to walk our path but why did the woman i love have to go that route? I kno that i am everything she has ever wanted in a man but i cant get over her past. She is coming back to the states this weekend and she will be staying here until we leave in february to teach abroad. i really love this girl and i kno that she is good for my future. I kno that i would regret it if i threw it all away becuz of her past. But i just hate the thought of anyone else treating my woman this way. I need some advice. I never have these thought when we are together but that has only been a couple time out of this year. I think its a combination of me moving onto fast, committing to her too soon, and not talking to her sooner b4 she left overseas. Talk to me shackers!!! Help me b4 i make a HUGE mistake.
shayla Posted November 23, 2011 Posted November 23, 2011 The girl had a life before she met you. You asked her a question that you didn't really want an answer to. Then you try to shame her and treat her like she is s*(t because she answered your question. Perhaps you should not have a relationship at all because you expect unconditional love from others but have many conditions before giving your love. That girl never had a chance.
foralittlerespect Posted December 12, 2011 Posted December 12, 2011 Whokid, I understand your perspective: knowing her past and that she was with 20 other guys before you is hard, and also, she seems to be in emotional turmoil over some bad decisions she made in her past. I'll be frank with you, though, I think you have a bit of a double standard... I had to reply to this post because I've been through something similar (I am female). I made stupid decisions in my college years and dated some schmucks (thought not very many by today’s standards). My soon to be ex always made snide remarks about my past, ridiculing my poor decision-making, telling me that no man would want me after I’d been through that, how naïve I was, etc. It made me feel AWFUL! Not to mention the fact that he had had more sexual partners than me, but for some reason, my past was such a huge deal to him. Not to mention, whokid, you yourself have been with more sexual partners than she has…do you really think it makes sense to judge her for her past experiences when you likely have similar ones in tow? I guess my question to you is this…if 20 is so unacceptable of a number to you, how is 24 much better?? I’m not making a judgment about either of you, just pointing out the fact that logically, it doesn’t make much sense to me to be so completely floored by someone else’s number when yours is higher. Good luck to you, and if this is already over and done, I really hope it worked out for the best!
StarThrower Posted January 6, 2012 Posted January 6, 2012 So 20 is not acceptable and 24 is? I think it's unfair of you to judge her, she didn't know you back then. All the decisions she made have nothing to do with you. If you really think it's unacceptable and you can't get over it then just leave her in peace, it's not fair for her to be with someone who judges her and has no respect towards her. IMO when you're with someone you must accept the person for who he is, including his flaws, because all the mistakes she made are what made her who she is right now. You are also upset because you can't believe how naive she is, that's not her fault, sometimes when people are in a relationship they can't see heir partner as bad or trying to harm them.
road Posted January 8, 2012 Posted January 8, 2012 The important thing is she faithful. Did she ever cheat on any one. The next thing is did she cheat on you. Last, and most impotant is it ok for you to bang everything you could but not her.
Desensitized Posted January 8, 2012 Posted January 8, 2012 eh. really? I could understand you making a big deal if she slept with more guys than you did girls, but it's not that way. You can't judge her, you've slept with more people. Tell me this is a joke. You want a girl that hasn't messed around with people, while it's okay that you can sleep around? Give me a break, don't be a hypocrite. I was in your shoes before, but the difference was, I slept with 2 girls, and my ex slept with 30+.
Space Ritual Posted January 8, 2012 Posted January 8, 2012 Just another example of why Long Distance Relationships rarely, if ever work. Date someone in your local area...someone whom you can look in the eyes.
Darren Steez Posted January 8, 2012 Posted January 8, 2012 If you can't handle the answer don't ask the question, quite whining and enjoy life. You quivering gentle little man
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