lolita jade Posted November 22, 2011 Posted November 22, 2011 I think I have got to the stage where I have moaned, groaned and cried about every conceivable aspect of ex, his woman, no contact, breaking contact to family, friends and everyone on here. I feel like I am boring myself The only thing I can do now is repeat the whole story. He doesn't want to know me. Says he is too busy to contact me and is arogant on the phone. Even though he lives 5 mins away with 20 year old son, my cat and he said he would stay friends with me. I feel like giving up. Is this what acceptance is all about, giving up? It isn't about learning to move on and love yourself. I feel like it is being exhausted and giving up. I have realised because I am getting nowhere. I also feel he is setting himself up for fall. But I give up.
M2155 Posted November 22, 2011 Posted November 22, 2011 You are wasting good energy worrying about him (which is what we all do until we bore ourselves to tears). Let him worry about what he is running from by leaving his marriage or if he has lost you forever. He can't live up to your expectations right now, take a load off and make it his problem. I think acceptance means accepting this isn't the right relationship for you at this time. He thinks something better is out there, then let him fail. You will exhaust yourself trying to get him to see otherwise. He has to learn/realize whatever the right move is for himself. My breakup was a slap in the face but it took a lot of help getting me to really believe that I deserve better ).
ChelseaLS Posted November 22, 2011 Posted November 22, 2011 I think I have got to the stage where I have moaned, groaned and cried about every conceivable aspect of ex, his woman, no contact, breaking contact to family, friends and everyone on here. I feel like I am boring myself The only thing I can do now is repeat the whole story. He doesn't want to know me. Says he is too busy to contact me and is arogant on the phone. Even though he lives 5 mins away with 20 year old son, my cat and he said he would stay friends with me. I feel like giving up. Is this what acceptance is all about, giving up? It isn't about learning to move on and love yourself. I feel like it is being exhausted and giving up. I have realised because I am getting nowhere. I also feel he is setting himself up for fall. But I give up. Even if he is setting up himself to fail, thats no longer your problem... which sounds harsh, but he doesn't want your help or to be your friend. Giving up... I don't know if that is accpetance. I guess maybe if you are happy and giving up?... lol
smudge21 Posted November 22, 2011 Posted November 22, 2011 Maybe instead of "giving up", look at it as "moving on"...
Author lolita jade Posted November 22, 2011 Author Posted November 22, 2011 I am being siily trying to point out to him all the pitfalls, He is too dumb to see, He has no friends of family he talks to. By outcasting me he will lose me as a lifelong friend and my family. She has the kids he doesnt do. etc etc. I have been NC too. That is the trouble I am advising him like a friend would and he aint listening. I am exhausted. M2155 is very accurate. If i give up it will take pressure off me. Because I am the only one hurting in all this. If he comes back in a few months time regretting it. well I will just have to see how I feel I have a limit of 6 months after that close off forever. I am exhausted with it all.
Author lolita jade Posted November 22, 2011 Author Posted November 22, 2011 yes smudge Moving on. But not moving on as in to another man just yet.
smudge21 Posted November 22, 2011 Posted November 22, 2011 yes smudge Moving on. But not moving on as in to another man just yet. I just meant moving on as in with your life in general. You're not giving up on anything, you're just letting go and doing what is right for you now. No one here will judge you for that.
Author lolita jade Posted November 22, 2011 Author Posted November 22, 2011 I guess that was the point of my post. To point out I have not yet learnt to love myself, made myself great, doing fantastic single things etc. I just feel exhausted with it all. By moving on though. I will do all those things. I have just realised that i am wasting my time spending energy/ worry/ down times on someone who doesnt care. Its like magnets polling in opposite directions.
smudge21 Posted November 22, 2011 Posted November 22, 2011 I have just realised that i am wasting my time spending energy/ worry/ down times on someone who doesn't care. I totally understand this. We all seem to spend so much time thinking about an ex after they've left us, yet they get on with their lives. Would be so nice to just flick a switch and suddenly all those feelings have gone...
Author lolita jade Posted November 22, 2011 Author Posted November 22, 2011 yes smudge, with mine it is worse cos my son there and my cat. I can see my son when he comes to mine. but miss my cat:( It is like I have died and cant communicate with the living lol.
chados Posted November 22, 2011 Posted November 22, 2011 Maybe instead of "giving up", look at it as "moving on"... i like your answer, i was just going to say, never give up on your love, just move on. because you dont know what will happen later on. maybe 10 years from now, maybe 1 week. just try to be the best you can be.
chados Posted November 22, 2011 Posted November 22, 2011 yes smudge, with mine it is worse cos my son there and my cat. I can see my son when he comes to mine. but miss my cat:( It is like I have died and cant communicate with the living lol. your'e just making yourself feel bad by contacting him, i know how you feel right now, and trust me on this. do not contact him. im 99% sure he cant ignore you forever. sometimes you have to loose something to want it back
ChelseaLS Posted November 22, 2011 Posted November 22, 2011 Like I said before, it's kind of a blessing in disguise him not contacting you and always being busy. If he was always avaliable but stays with the OW, then it would always be in your face and you would never heal.
Author lolita jade Posted November 22, 2011 Author Posted November 22, 2011 Thanks Chad, I know you are right. He is my husband with adult kids. He has to at some point. Plus I have some stuff there still too. If you love something set it free. If it comes back it is meant to be:) I will move on as I am exhausted. I will see my cat when he isnt there. I will ask my son and get him to check with husband it is ok. I changed his name on my phone to 'do not contact' but when I am low it doesnt work. But I am exhausted now. Time to move on and keep my pride.
chados Posted November 22, 2011 Posted November 22, 2011 Thanks Chad, I know you are right. He is my husband with adult kids. He has to at some point. Plus I have some stuff there still too. If you love something set it free. If it comes back it is meant to be:) I will move on as I am exhausted. I will see my cat when he isnt there. I will ask my son and get him to check with husband it is ok. I changed his name on my phone to 'do not contact' but when I am low it doesnt work. But I am exhausted now. Time to move on and keep my pride. exactly, but you know what. as i said, he will contact you. but he doesn't want to right now. you have to accept that. and i really mean ACCEPT!!!. you are pushing him further away and your hurting yourself. but you are not going to do it for him, you are going to do it for yourself. everytime you contact him he will be more exhausted. set it free , you can do this!! i dont mean to sound irritated, i just want you to know that this will only make things worse, and you know that:). and remember that for each day things will be a little easier.
Author lolita jade Posted November 22, 2011 Author Posted November 22, 2011 yes chad I do know that. And I am weary of it all. Wasting my time trying and when I contact him he get irratated with me like he hates me. That is what I meant on my first post I am exhausted. Havent learnt to love myself or any of that just feel peaceful with exhaustion and acceptance through exhaustion. I have accepted I need to get a life now I will keep you all posted
chados Posted November 22, 2011 Posted November 22, 2011 yes chad I do know that. And I am weary of it all. Wasting my time trying and when I contact him he get irratated with me like he hates me. That is what I meant on my first post I am exhausted. Havent learnt to love myself or any of that just feel peaceful with exhaustion and acceptance through exhaustion. I have accepted I need to get a life now I will keep you all posted you do have a life, its just a rough patch. just do what you know is right. i wish you the best, and will follow your story:)
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